HAPPY DIDN’T EVEN touch how I was feeling today. Trev and I had been trying to get pregnant for about a year now, and month after month I was met with the same results. When that second little pink line showed up this morning, I thought I was seeing things. I didn’t tell Trevor this, but I took three tests just to make sure they were right. I mean, after all the letdowns I wanted to be sure.
I’ve got an appointment with my doctor on Monday to get the bloodwork done, and find out the due date. I think I’m fairly early because I took one of these same tests last month and it was negative. I lost count on how many negatives I’ve had, and all the things I’ve done to try and get pregnant.
When Trevor and I first started trying, it was more or less ‘it’ll happen’. After a few months of not using birth control and still not getting pregnant, I started counting the days in my cycle. I made sure Trevor and I were having sex on the days I was supposed to be the most fertile. I tried the whole pillow under my butt, eating certain foods; I made Trevor switch from boxer briefs to plain boxers. None of it worked. After nine months, I made appointments with fertility doctors. Trevor was not happy about that at all. He kept telling me to be patient and when we stopped trying so hard it would happen. According to the doctor, there was nothing wrong with either of us, and no reason that I shouldn’t be pregnant. He gave us some pamphlets on IVF, but with Trevor’s salary and me not working, that really wasn’t something we could handle financially. As time passed, sex became routine, and even boring. It had never been boring with Trevor in the past, but it seemed to be more of a job and less for pleasure. I still remember Trevor getting so mad one night that he couldn’t finish.
“Hey Babe?” Trev called as he closed the back door. I knew he’d had a long day, but we needed to have sex tonight to stay on schedule. Ken was studying at a friend’s house and Mikey was watching TV in the family room. They knew that we wanted more kids, and were old enough to know how it happened. Ken had learned my schedule, and made himself scarce on those nights.
“Up here!” I called as I stripped out of my clothes and yanked the covers to the bed back. As much as I wanted to be sexy at the moment, all the foreplay did was slow us down.
I could hear his footsteps as he climbed the stairs slowly. An audible sigh slipped from his lips when he opened the door and saw me sprawled out on the bed. “I’ve had a really long day, Shar. I just want to relax.”
“We need to do this tonight,” I pouted as I pulled the pillows out, prepared to slip them under my hips when he was done.
“Shar,” his shoulders rose and dropped before he shuffled over to the closet and began shrugging out of his uniform. “We did this last night, and we can do it tomorrow. Can’t we take a night off?” he turned to face me in only his boxers. He tugged at them as he grumbled under his breath. I knew he hated wearing them, but he was doing it for me.
“You know what the doctor said. Today’s the day I’m most fertile. We need to do it today,” I rolled from my side onto my back. Trevor turned to face the bed before he shook his head.
“I just…” he paused before his lips thinned and he shoved his boxers to his ankles. I watched as he slowly climbed onto the bed. His eyes were droopy, and he looked like he’d had a hell of a day, but we needed to do this now.
“Lie down on your back,” I smiled as he climbed over to me and flopped down. I tried to be as sexy as I could, but this wasn’t for pleasure anymore. It hadn’t been that way for months, and by the way Trevor was staring at me I knew he wasn’t into it. His not so hard cock was proof.
I skimmed my palm down his chest, reveling in the hard muscles of his abs before squeezing him and nuzzling my face into that dip below his ear. If anything was going to be accomplished tonight, I needed to get him turned on enough that he would take over. He groaned as I stroked him and slowly began to react. His muscles tensed as he began to harden in my hand, and I applied kisses to his neck and shoulders. “Just think how good it’ll feel inside me,” I whispered in his ear. One eye slowly opened as I climbed over him. I wasn’t ready enough for him to slip in easily, so I reached for the tube of lubricant we kept in his nightstand. I quickly applied some to his hard cock before rolling to my back. Missionary was the best position to conceive, and Trevor was going to have to take over.
“Babe,” I nudged him. “Your turn.” I spread my legs as he settled between and pushed forward. I could tell by the look on his face that he was fighting to stay in the moment, but the fact that I could feel him losing the erection I worked so hard to create was frustrating. “We can rest after. Come on. Concentrate on me!” I tugged him forward and shoved my tongue in his mouth.
He reared back and glared at me, his cock slipping out as he climbed off the bed. He stomped over to his dresser, grabbed a clean pair of boxers and a t-shirt, and yanked them on before turning to face me. “I feel like a fucking prostitute right now!” he pointed at the bed. “All you want anymore is my dick! I have feelings, you know.”
Sadness lanced through me before anger replaced it. “You said you’d try!” I cried.
“You think I’m not?” he scoffed. “You think I like watching you walk around like a zombie? All you do is count days and do research. We have no life outside of you trying to get pregnant. What happened to you?” he tossed his arms in the air as he moved to stand in front of the door.
My lip quivered as tears began to stream down my face. “This isn’t my fault,” I sat up and wrapped my arms around myself. I glanced around at the room and my tears came faster. What had happened to us? Gone were the candles and flowers and in their place, were calendars and lube. Sex was mechanical and nothing like the tangled sheets and knocked over furniture that we used to have.
“I can’t do this anymore,” he muttered as he turned and left the room with me sitting there staring at the wall as the tears came faster.
I sighed as I stared at the bed and remembered that night vividly. We had a few more just like it before things smoothed out. I felt horrible that I made him feel that way, but I couldn’t control when we needed to be together. I found out the next morning that he’d had to inform the Wilcox family that he’d found their missing dog. It had been hit by a car and was whimpering in the ditch. Trevor always loved animals, and it weighed on him when he had to do these sorts of visits.
Tonight would be different though. I’d helped decorate the tree this afternoon, Morgan was keeping my kids tonight, and Trevor and I were going to celebrate with an empty house.
I HADN’T REALLY seen Sharron at the tree lighting. It had been more crowded than usual, and I only had a staff of six to help me. If I’d known that as many people were going to show up that did, I could have asked for backup from one of the neighboring towns. In any case, I spent most of the night making sure everyone stayed out of trouble. When it was over, the crowd dispersed and most of the people I knew headed over to my brother’s house. Morgan had been carrying on her grandmother’s tradition of having a holiday party after the tree lighting, and this year was no different. Well, maybe a little different. I wasn’t going to be there.
When I pulled into the driveway of my house, Sharron’s car was parked near the front. All the lights were off, but the telltale ticking of the engine reaffirmed that she had driven the car recently. I climbed the front steps and slowly unlocked the door, completely baffled at the darkness. She knew I was coming home, and I was beginning to wonder if this was all a ruse of some kind.
“Honey?” I called out as I tossed my keys on the kitchen counter and shrugged out of my coat.
“In here,” her soft voice came from the family room. When I rounded the corner, there she was sitting on a blanket on the floor. A roaring fire was in the fireplace, and a small basket was set beside her. “I thought we could have a picnic to celebrate. It was too cold to be outside, so…” her voice trailed off as she glanced around the room.
“That sounds nice,” I smiled as I tried to read her. She seemed on edge for some reason and I had no idea why. “Is everything ok?”
“Mmm hmm,” she nodded as she smoothed the already straight blanket. “It’s just with Ken and Michael it was summer time and now it’s not, and,” she bit her lip as she looked it away. The pieces all started to click together as I watched her. We’d celebrated each of the previous pregnancies with picnics by the creek. We went skinny dipping after having a moonlit dinner, and then made love long into the night. It was warm then, but not this time. She was trying to carry on our tradition.
“This is great,” I shuffled closer. “I know it’s not the same, but we can make it work,” I cupped her cheek as I leaned in and pressed a kiss to her mouth. I could feel her relax against me, and when I pulled back I smiled softly. “Ok?” I lowered myself onto the blanket beside her. She nodded and shifted to make more room. “So, whatcha got in there?” I nodded toward the basket.
She laughed as she turned and began digging in the basket. Before I knew it, we had a spread of cheese, fruit, sparkling cider, and some chocolate dipped strawberries. We munched in peaceful quiet just staring at the fire the way we stared at the stars and the creek when we were outside. At first I thought we were finished when Sharron began putting things back in the basket, but then she turned to me with an odd smile on her face. “I have something special for us,” she giggled. It was a nervous giggle and had me intrigued.
“What’s that?” I leaned in and brushed my thumb over a small crumb that was perched on her lower lip. She blushed before leaning into my touch.
“S’mores,” she turned and held up some chocolate sauce and a bag of marshmallows.
“You forgot something,” I looked around before continuing “graham crackers.”
“Nu uh,” she slowly shook her head. I watched as she placed a mallow on the end of a metal skewer and held it over the fire. She toasted it to a golden brown before turning to me. “Take off your shirt,” she grinned as she blew on the mallow. Eager to see what exactly she had planned I quickly stripped out of my shirt, tossing it somewhere behind me.
I watched in silence as her eyes burned bright, appraising me as her lips puckered as she cooled her treat. “Lie back,” she commanded as she grabbed the chocolate sauce and opened in. “You’re gonna need a shower later,” she warned before slowly drizzling the chocolate across my chest. My pecs jumped with the coolness, but other muscles were taking notice at the way she was looking at me as she leaned closer. “Mmm,” she moaned as she took the toasted mallow between her fingers and ran in across my chest, soaking up the chocolate along the way. I watched as she placed it in her mouth and sighed. “So good,” she mumbled around it before leaning closer. “Want some?” Before I could answer, she pressed her lips to mine and her tongue dove in.
I groaned in surprise as our tongues dueled. Sharron had never been the aggressive one in our relationship except when she was pregnant. This was definitely the real deal. When she pulled away, she grabbed another mallow and repeated the process. “Pants now,” she grinned as she swiped her finger in the air. “Go ahead and take the boxers off too,” one brow rose as she watched me struggle to get my clothes off without getting chocolate everywhere.
“When do I get some?” I groaned.
“In a bit. I’m enjoying my dessert right now,” she mused as she drizzled chocolate on my abs this time. I should have known better, but I was so turned on that my brain wasn’t working at full speed tonight. As she licked at my abs, I closed my eyes and threw my arm over them. It was too much, and by the time I had my turn we might be on round two. “You are so hot,” she gasped before her tongue swiped across the tip of me. I’d missed the feeling of the chocolate, but she was unmistakable.
“Shit!” I hissed as my eyes flew open and I moved my arm. She grinned up at me from where she was kneeling between my legs, marshmallow ringed around her mouth and darkened eyes. One hand stroked me before she leaned in, engulfing me in her mouth. “Babe,” I begged as I reached at her shoulders. “You gotta,” I gasped as she hollowed her cheeks, “fuck. My turn,” I sprung to a sitting position, catching her off guard. I grabbed her shirt, yanking it over her head before deftly popping her bra loose. Her breasts sprang free and before she had time to protest, I leaned down and captured a nipple in my mouth. She grabbed my head, moaning my name at the same time as I swirled my tongue around the tip.. Knowing I needed to get inside her, I let it pop free and gently pushed her back to lie down.
“Is this what you want?” I growled as I gripped the waistband of the leggings she was wearing and worked them over her hips. She nodded as she bit down on her lip. “You wanted me so worked up that I wouldn’t be able to last?” I tossed the leggings to the side before climbing back over her. “I’m gonna keep you up all night making you pay for this. I hope you know that,” I growled as I leaned down.
She reached up with both hands and cupped my cheeks. “I need you, Trevor,” she panted as her hands slipped down to my shoulders and she tugged me closer. My knees slipped as my pelvis pressed down on her, and her legs fell open to welcome me.
As I pushed forward, we both sighed and I watched as her back arched and her eyes rolled. It didn’t matter how many times we’d been together. With Sharron, each time felt like the first. We were connected in a way that most people didn’t understand. It wasn’t just an act with us. When we made love, we were reaffirming our commitment to one another. We were proving why we were made for each other.