Twenty-Three
Leo
Every time the bell rings above the door, I look to see if it’s her. It never is. She won’t pick up my calls and I haven’t seen her since that night. Well…I saw her once. Two weeks after she left dinner with my family, I drove to her apartment. I was too much of a coward to knock on her door, but I sat in my car and stared up at her window. I scolded myself not only for my cowardice but also for my disturbing behavior. I’d never likened myself a voyeur, but Sloane turned me into one.
Sloane turned me into a lot of things I’d never imagined I could be.
I watched her pass by the window and the quick glimpse of the curve of her face caused my heart to stammer beneath my sternum. Her hair, the color of red wine, cupped her cheek and led me to the sight of her lips. I called her and watched as she ignored me, cutting me deeper than I expected.
Explaining what happened that night at Oliver’s house to my family was difficult to say the least. No one grilled me about it quite like Barry though. Watching confusion storm his sweet face as I told him Sloane had to leave and that she wouldn’t be coming back pierced my heart.
It’d been over two months and I tried desperately to return to a daily routine and gain some sense of normalcy without her. The door to Ben’s apartment cracked just as I closed Rosie in her crate. She’d tripled in size since the day Sloane met her—because that was how I gauged everything…in relation to Sloane.
Ben’s face appeared wearing a crooked smile as he glanced at me then down at his dog. “Hey, man,” he said. “I didn’t know you were coming by.”
I cleared my throat and shrugged. “Well, I was off today so I just figured…”
Ben eyed me as he approached with two bags of groceries in his hands and I remembered how much of a giant he was. Towering over me, his face wore a grimace. “Leo, it’s Sunday.”
A deep sigh overwhelmed me and my hand rose to my brow as I shut my eyes. I heard the sound of Ben setting the plastic bags on the counter top nearby then felt his palm land on my shoulder. “It’s okay, man. You wanna sit?”
I nodded and followed him into the small living room to sit down. He hurried to the kitchen, rustling with the plastic bags again, putting away his groceries. When he returned, he held a green bottle of beer out to me, which I accepted. Ben sat beside me and didn’t say a word. For a moment, we drank in silence, but eventually my thoughts needed expelling.
“Have you ever…had a drop?”
His eyes grew wide and one hand skimmed the top of his crew cut. “No. Thankfully, not.”
“Sloane and me…our last…I dropped. And the next day she left me.” I sighed. “I don’t know if I’m depressed because I fucked up and lost her or if I’m still sunk. Or both.”
“Jesus.”
“The scene wasn’t that intense, but I was exceptionally cruel with my words that night. I went dark. I’d been keeping a secret from her for days and my guilt turned me into someone I didn’t recognize. I failed her.”
Ben drew in a heavy breath. “I don’t even know what you’re supposed to do after a drop. I mean, Jade’s had one or two and we just lay off for a couple days…reconnect on a different level until she balances out. But—”
“I can’t do that because I lost her, Ben! She’s gone. She won’t talk to me. I haven’t even seen her face in weeks and it’s killing me. What? So if I never reconnect with Sloane I never recover from this?” I shook my head and stood from the couch. “Well, I fucking deserve it, don’t I?”
Ben followed me as I headed toward the door. “Don’t leave, man.”
Glaring at him, my jaw stiffened. “I should be alone. To think.”
“No. You shouldn’t.”
“I’ll be fine,” I said, ignoring the protesting noise he made as I slipped out of his apartment.
I thought about going home, but she haunted me there just as much as she did anywhere else. Each night I stood at the foot of my bed and remembered the way it felt when I heard her tell me what I already knew—that Warren had a child with someone other than her. Only we knew of different children and I had no idea that was the reason she’d left him. As soon as the twisted vines of his betrayal lined up in my mind, I realized there was no way the revelation of Barry’s parentage wouldn’t break her.
I turned into the bookstore and figured if thoughts of Sloane continued plaguing me I could at least work while she continued to whisk through my mind. I climbed out of my car and clutched my coat closed at my neck as a whipping wind of snowflakes blew down Main Street. My gaze flicked across the road and my heart plummeted at the sight of deep burgundy hair. Feet cemented to the snowy pavement, I watched her begin to turn at the door of the coffee shop as though she was waiting for someone. My eyes burned as I torturously drank in the blurred vision of her beautiful face framed by her hair and a white scarf tucked around her neck. I wouldn’t be so lucky as to see the part of her body I adored the most. I squinted and saw the door open and her face light up all at once. Balling my hands into fists, I couldn’t look away as Ethan grinned at Sloane. I’d met him twice and both times, I’d wanted to knock the beard off his face for the way he looked at her. Mine, my brain growled even now. Waving her inside, Ethan held the door open for her. She smiled at him and ducked under his arm and into the shop and as I watched his stare drift over her body when she passed him, rage swarmed my senses.
I swallowed an acidic lump in my throat and attempted to breathe, but the truth held my lungs hostage. I couldn’t allow this distance between us to continue, not because she was mine—but because I was hers. Pulling my lighter and a black cigarette from my coat pocket, I slipped the flavorful bad habit between my lips and lit it. Inhaling, I let it sink in—what it felt like to belong to someone else.