Twenty Nine
The colors blended before my eyes as I watched more of Xade’s documentary on Earth. It was hypnotizing and revolting at the same time. His finger had been in all of Earth’s pies. Why was he so interested in us? I’d always felt like Earth’s history paralleled the E’mani’s. Now I knew the reason. They’d put Earth on a course to mimic their own for a purpose, why?
Damn it.
My head drooped and hit the table. The cold helped to clear my thoughts. Everyone had gone to bed ages ago. The remains insisted on sleeping outside. No more tubes for them.
Xade’s voice flowed over me.
“This cell, Elizabeth, do you see it? This one started it all. But how? The genome is perfect, absolutely perfect. There are no imbalances. I replicated the DNA myself. How did this happen?”Xade’s knuckles whitened on the edge of the operating table.
We stared down at the body before us. The subject’s mouth was curled, hands held in front of it. A faint odor drifted from its skin. I knew it well from my time with Xade. Death, urine, tears. The smell didn’t change. The white hair falling out in clumps threw me, so vibrant a platinum it glowed under the lights. This guy was E’mani. His white eyes open, their milky depths almost matched the pale color of his skin. He’d died with a scream on his face, reaching for Xade.
“I will figure this out, Elizabeth. One day, I vow it.”
Xade shoulders bent. He looked so defeated, I could almost pity him, but I knew what Xade had done in the name of his research. I’d lived it. He didn’t deserve tender feelings.
Xade walked to his desk. Bigger than most I’d seen, it dominated the room. Countless monitors displayed various landscapes.
One always made my heart stop. The Eiffel Tower. I watched people scurrying around the base. Beaten but not whipped by whatever madness Xade fed us. Roger said it was some prion disease like Mad Cow contaminating all our food and water supplies. More people survived than I’d thought. Some weren’t human.
Did this mean my mom was still alive? Hope stirred and sent my pulse racing. I would be free one day. I would go back and find my mother.
A hand fell on my shoulder. I turned with a snarl.
Marin had gripped my hand holding the dagger before it cut him. “You have been at this long enough, time for sleep.”
“I don’t want to go to bed. I remember more every day. This information will help me figure out what is going on.” I whirled back to the hologram wavering before me.
Marin settled next to me, his butt on the desk. “Not when you are exhausted. In the morning, I will come watch everything with you.”
I snorted. “Why?”
“What do you mean, why?”
“Why would you come help me? I’m sure you have better things to do, maybe better people to do.” My lips twisted and I stared resolutely at the images.
“Would that bother you?” Marin asked.
“Of course it would. You’re my mate.”
He reached out and ran his fingers down my cheek. Helpless, my eyes drifted shut. “Come to bed, Elizabeth.”
Marin grabbed my hand and led me to the door.
“But…” I said.
His fingers squeezed mine. “No buts. Bed.”
Once outside, he sped us to our rooms. As soon as we stopped, I stepped away from his side. Again I lay on the bed fully clothed, my eyes squeezed shut.
The mattress sank under Marin’s weight. He stroked my hair. “I was so mad when you left.”
I burrowed my face in the pillow. “I had to go.”
“Seeing this now, maybe I believe you. I cannot forget though, how easy was it for you to leave me behind.” He tucked a lock of hair behind my ear.
I sat up and shoved him away. “It wasn’t easy at all. It was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. You’re my rock. From the moment we met, it was you.” I threw up my hands. Why couldn’t he understand? This wasn’t supposed to be so hard. “But you are also the Fost leader. You couldn’t go and I couldn’t stay.” I placed my hand against his chest. “It broke what was left of my heart after Hope died to have to leave you.”
“Why could you not tell me?” His fingers laced with mine.
“You know why.”
“No, I do not.”
“You would never have let me leave. And I am not strong enough to fight you. It just never occurred to me that my leaving would mean the end of us.” I fluffed the pillow under my head and rested back. With conscious effort, I blinked back the burning behind my eyes. No crying now. Control.
Marin held my face, turning me to face him. “We are not over.” He sounded like he meant that.
“Why the games?”
Marin glanced away. “I hurt inside when you left. I do not know how to resolve that feeling. I am fine and then I get so angry that I want to hurt you for hurting me. The emotion is not rational, nor is it my way. I am sorry. But it is there.”
“What does that mean?”
“It means I want time to be angry and understand why you did this, why this was important enough to risk us. And to be very clear, you are still mine and only mine. No others.”
“If that is so, then the opposite is true. You are mine and no others.” Cough, Zara, cough.
“Agreed, until we figure where we stand, we change nothing. But know this. We are not over.”
“I want to believe that.” More than anything, I wanted to believe.
“Then do,” he whispered. My gaze met his. Marin’s lips crushed mine, his mouth angled to reach deep. He nudged my lips apart with his tongue to suck at the nectar of my mouth.
I let him crush me onto the bed, his tasted flooding my starved senses. God, I needed this. My hands curled around his shoulders.
He stopped, turning his head, his chest heaving.
My hair covered the pillow. Marin’s hand shook as his fingers brushed through my tresses, looking so tender, almost as tender as he’d looked earlier when talking to Zara. And like that my mood soured.
With a start, I realized he wasn’t the only one angry. “I’m mad at you too.”
Marin blinked and withdrew his hand. “What?”
“I’m mad that you didn’t talk to me. That you froze me out—”
“Just like you did me after the baby died—”
I poked his sternum. “I was grieving and healing. And I couldn’t talk. You just wouldn’t. You were willing to throw us away over ego.”
“You think that is what this is about that? You left me. You did not care what that would do to me. All the times my mother went running after her husband leaving her children behind. We were unimportant, forgotten, ignored. I…I had had enough of that growing up.” He stood over me, his breath coming out in pants.
My heart twisted. “Never forgotten, never ignored.” I kneeled and held out my hand.
Marin took it and pulled me up so I was kneeling in the circle of his arms. “That is how I felt though. And I...” He shrugged and buried his nose in my neck.
“Now you are teasing me with Zara—”
“I am not teasing.”
He might as well have slapped me. “Let me go.”
“No. Never.”
I struggled to get out of his embrace. “Go to Zara, if that is who you want.”
“No. That was not what I—” Marin tightened his arms around my waist.
“Go. Get out of here right now.”
“Beta.” Oh look, he could say my name now. Fuck him. “Listen to me, I did not—”
“Get out!”
“You know what,” he said throwing up his hands. “This is ridiculous. When you want to talk, we talk. But when I want to, it does not matter. Call me when you grow up and want to converse like adults.” Marin stalked out of the room, slamming the door behind him.
I ran my hand through my hair, shaking.
The dreams that night were vicious.
Xade sat by his monitor. He held a picture, always that same picture. Why was one face so important to him? He’d spend hours staring at it. The only time I’d ever seen true emotion from him was while he was gazing at that image.
I tiptoed into the room.
He glanced up at me coldly and dropped the frame. “Time to do more tests. Are you ready?” His lips curved into a rictus of a smile. A knife glinted in his hand when he stood. The clones grabbed my arms and tied me to the table.
Another flash, another scene.
Xade’s blade flashed and I watched the knife sink deep into the chest of the E’mani before me. Again and again, he ripped the scalpel through the dead flesh. His words poured out. “This does not make sense. The DNA is perfect. Why? Why did he die?”
A spray of clotted blood dripped down my face. I closed my mouth and breathed through my nose. My eyes closed tight.
“Elizabeth.” I blinked to see Xade glaring at me. “More tests.” He shoved the body off the slab and waved me to its surface.
Oh god. Not more. Please no, not again.
Blood, blood, and more blood. I sang a song to distract myself from the upcoming horror as Xade tightened the straps on my head. The drugs should kick in soon. At least they gave us something to forget.
One strong tug made me gasp. I knew what was coming. My fingers clenched. My father’s favorite song ran through my head. Godsmack, Keep Away. If only they would. The sickness in their eyes, indeed. Then the world went blessedly dark.
I woke with a start and glanced around.
No Marin. My hands fisted in the empty pillow next to my head.
Xade stared at the picture and nearly cried. God, I wish I’d been the one to make him blubber. My lips curved into a grin. My eyes shut, hoping for more sleep, more memories, more ammunition. I got hours of talking.
“Do you know why I like you, Elizabeth?”
“I don’t care.”
“Exactly, you do not care. Most of the subjects, they beg and cry. You, though, you are stoic. I appreciate that. It makes it easier and ever so much more interesting when I break you.”
Another day.
“Elizabeth?”
I hesitated. To talk without permission wasn’t allowed. But Xade waited for a response. “Yes?” My voice cracked.
“Do you like me?” Oh, god. I hope he doesn’t mean sexually.
“Uh, yes?”
He chuckled. “You do not sound like you mean it.”
Any reply wouldn’t be taken right. I’d learned to hold my tongue or have it cut out.
“Why would you?” He laughed. “You are just meat.”
Another conversation.
“Elizabeth. Why do people seek death so wantonly?”
“Excuse me?”
“Why do people do unhealthy things? Your world, mine, we had people with vices, smoking, drinking, drugs, violence. Why? What was the draw? It does not make sense to me.”
I opened my mouth.
Xade waved me off. “No, no. Do not answer that. I know why. Because people are weak, they seek to escape reality, do something naughty, try to change the course of their life with the wrong means. So stupid.” Xade slammed his hand onto the desk. “You want to know something, Elizabeth? I am not weak. I refuse to acknowledge failure.”
“Failure is not an option.”
“Exactly. Good girl.” Xade drifted toward me.
That happy tone meant pain. Fear quickened my heart. I shot straight up in bed. The room was still dark. Light didn’t leak under the doors. Why couldn’t I sleep? My tears scorched the covers. This sucked. All these memories. My head buzzed. I covered my face with my hands.
Xade caressed the picture before him, his thumb slowly drawn down her visage. I swore he had tears in his eyes, but crocodiles didn’t cry, right? He was a predator. Not prey. I would not feel sorry for his ass. Yet, this could be a weakness.
“Who is she?” I asked, then cringed expecting pain.
Surprisingly, Xade answered. “My wife.”
“You had a Fost mate?”
“Yes, but she died long ago.” Another finger slid down the frame.
“How?” No pity. Information.
“The more important question is why? Why did she have to die in such a senseless way? We know so much, but not enough.” He threw the image onto the desk.
“How?” I repeated.
“Cancer,” he said. “She is the only person I ever cared for. It was perfect, but then she got sick. Where was the Fost’s precious land then? Such worthless faith. I will solve this with science and maybe one day, I can bring her back.”
Oh great. Now he wanted to make zombies. I shifted on my feet.
Xade’s attention turned to me, a cruel gleam in his eyes. There was the Xade I knew, nothing pitiful about him. “Why so many questions, Elizabeth? Are you so eager to have my attention?”
Oh shit. From the smile, the white-knuckled grip of his hand around the knife that he tapped against his thigh, I’d made myself a target. I ran toward the door. Not quite quick enough.
His hand laced through my hair, jerking me back. “Why run? Do you have any more questions? We can find our answers out together, shall we?”
Xade threw me against the table. Its cold surface glimmered in the lights of the sterile room. Two of his copies entered and grabbed my arms, attaching me to the surface yet again.
“Prepare her for the brain samples. Those are the fun ones. It will be ever so interesting to see how long it takes you to come up with any questions at all.”
I regretted opening my mouth.