Twenty Three
Center was bustling when we returned. The rest of our crew was somewhat grumpy at us for not including them in our explorations.
We ate dinner together. Zara fluttered around the group flirting shamelessly with all the men. She appeared to meet with some success with Baren, leaving to take him on a “mini tour” and both of them returned in different clothes. I hoped fervently this meant Baren would lighten up a little and stop with the sullen glares, but I wasn’t holding my breath.
After dinner, Yann took Finn and me on the tour of the town we had missed in our explorations. We ambled down the single street, which was bathed in a faint blue light. Night was fast approaching soaking the area in gloom.
“I know it is not much, but this area has sustained us for over a hundred moons. There is a spring fed pond to the north for fresh water and forests of food.” Yann said, pointing at the houses. “We have shelter here and the lamps are made with ungest. It is a rock. Here.” Yann picked up an opalescent rock and handed it to me.
The surface was smooth and contained a hint of warmth. My hand tingled where it touched the stone. Yann continued, “When heated, with fire or with body warmth, this stone glows slightly, enough to give us some light. The light is minor and since it is native to this cavern and the weather is good, the E’mani suspect nothing. We, the rest of the Naen clan and a smattering of others, we hide here in plain sight. Most of the hunting had to be done in animal form because the E’mani were still around. It was a hard life with little hope until recently.”
“What happened recently?” Finn took the rock out of my hand and palmed it.
“The E’mani left. People have been able to get out more and explore.”
“Did the Naen lose their powers like my clan did in the mountains?” Finn asked.
“Most of us lost some, if not all of our abilities. The shifters, those strong in water magic, they stayed most connected to the land. They had to. Some think the reason we lost the powers was how we used them. The shifters did not fight in animal form during the war. They grew too unstable. The blood called to them. They were relegated to support and I believe that is what saved them. Most others used their magic in some way during the war and when they deserted the land, thehe land deserted them.”
“Are you aware when you are in your animal form?” I asked.
Yann nodded. “We are and we are not. The animal is always there when we are like this.” he gestured to his body. “It is this little voice at the back of our heads guiding our instincts. Fights are natural to us, a way of showing dominance. When we are in animal form, it is almost like sleeping. We are there, but it seems distant, yet we can affect it. It is disorienting at first but exciting at the same time.”
Yann confronted Finn. “Your friend here, he has the potential to be like us.”
Finn took my hand and squeezed it hard. “Thorn implied something similar. How do I change?”
A grin split Yann’s face. “Now that the powers are returning, you will know. The animal will come one day. The hard part will be putting him back.”
“Is there a trick? Anything I should know to do?”
“Find something you want to come back to.”
My cheeks heated when Finn peeked in my direction. “I have that.”
Yann thumped his hand on Finn’s shoulder. “Then you should be good, little brother.”
We ended the tour on those words. I ached to see the forest again, but it would be better to go in the light of day. The journey here left me tired and I wanted food and sleep in that order. They had constructed a few more houses while we explored. We each had a roommate, but they were able to accommodate all of us. I bunked with Hana of course, though she spent her nights with Jace and Edd.
In the dark, I kept flashing to my first day with the Fost. Ute’s cabin. Finn. He watched me at dinner and shunned advances from others, while deftly helping me get more information today. Something to think about.
I curled onto my side beating my pillow into my preferred shape. Marin made an excellent headrest. My eyes squeezed shut and I ran my hand down my mating band.
“Marin.” I sounded sad even in my mind.
No answer.
My heart twisted in my chest. I didn’t expect one anymore. It was a bad sign that he didn’t speak to me. Of the two of us, I was definitely the more inclined to silence. Marin was resolute. Once he decided on a course, little swayed him. I feared the course we were on now. It felt like he had given up on me, too much work. Maybe he had. Maybe it was for the best, but it didn’t feel like the best. It felt like ashes in my mouth. Tears dripped down my face onto the pillow. I sniffled and gradually fell asleep.
Sweat dripped down my face. Everything hurt. A light breeze blew all around my naked body, hot along my skin. Bright light filled my vision only slightly blocked by the goggles I wore. My hair was damp and hung below me.
Was I in a tanning bed?
My hand twitched and stabbing pain skyrocketed through me. I couldn’t prevent a shudder, which led to another wave of pain. It felt like needles underneath my skin, ripping and tearing as my muscles came alive. My arm jerked starting the process all over again. My voice was hoarse from my screams. It took hours until my skin and bones righted themselves and the agony receded enough to focus. I lifted my hand up to touch my face.
It hit against glass. I brought my other hand up along my body to my face and ripped off the goggles. Bright light glowed from the walls all around me. I turned my head. I could just barely see forms moving outside the yellow glass. My hand slid along the surface, leaving smeared fingerprints.
At least it was warm. The urge to rest threatened to overwhelm me but I had to fight it. Where was I? I bashed my hand against the glass. A body moved closer.
White eyes stared at me through amber glass, E’mani eyes.
The man studied me without expression. He peered down at something in his hands and grimaced. “You failed your testing, Elizabeth. What do you think we should do with you? You are not progressing as fast as we would like. We do not have time to coddle you. You must improve.”
I nodded, mystified. That seemed to please him, and that pleased me. And why was that?
I didn’t move. I didn’t blink, while he looked me up and down. It was safer that way. Xade was scary. He was the only E’mani I had ever seen who appeared old. Not in body, in mind. And his eyes, those eyes, he enjoyed the pain he inflicted, even more than the results.
My gut churned at the sight of him. I flashed to cold hands slapping me. I sobbed. My eyes begged. He nodded, pleased, and hit a button. The tube retracted and I fell to the floor.
I watched him walk out the room.
He tossed back “Get up, time for your next lesson.”
Another sob wracked me. I vomited on the floor. My eyes were swollen and my nose stuffed in the morning. Xade, always my nightmares featured him, all my memories were of him. The nausea he engendered in me still twisted in my belly. A draft buffeted my body. I saw eddies of air swirling around me. I was the center of the storm. When I took a deep breath in and relaxed, the wind died down.
With a resigned sigh, I got up and dressed. I was going to have to find out where they bathed and washed their clothes. Ours were rank from the journey. My skin crawled when I put them back on. The door swished as I exited my room. Finn slept sitting up, next to my doorway. I toed him and he fell over with a crash. He glared at me. There was grumpy gills. I raised my brow.
“You were yelling in your sleep,” he said. “I rested outside in case you needed something.”
I offered him a hand up. He took it and leaned into me. His fighter’s body pressed against me, hip to hip. My eyes remained glued to his chest, smooth, hairless, rippling. I’d always loved his chest. I waited for heat to fill me and felt nothing. Huh.
His arms bracketed me. “Did you sleep well?”
My breath shuddered out as his head dipped toward mine. For a second, I considered letting him kiss me. Marin’s eyes flashed in my mind, golden and smiling, trusting. Finn’s lips were a millimeter away when I turned my head.
Finn whispered in my ear. “You are wavering.”
“Not in this lifetime, buddy.” And I meant it.
Zanth exited his own rooms nearby and glanced over at us cuddling.
I stepped out of Finn’s arms and walked toward Zanth. “Sleep well?”
“Yes,” Zanth answered curtly.
“I want to explore later today, you up for it?” I brushed the back of Zanth’s hand.
‘Yes,” Zanth said, as loquacious as ever.
We followed the smell of food.
Zanth’s next words stopped me. “Are you done with my brother then?”
I didn’t glance at him, my cheek twitching. “Your brother is done with me. His silence proves it.”
“Does it? He follows us even now.” I whirled but Zanth had darted into the dining room.
Finn walked up from where he’d been blatantly eavesdropping. “If Marin gives you up, then he is a fool.”
“Just like you then?” I remarked.
He grinned. “Yes, I hope to fix that mistake one day.” He ran his finger down my cheek.
I slapped his hand away. “Breakfast.”
He followed me to grub, fruit and nuts today along with the porridge, a veritable feast for the new arrivals. Hana sat on my right, Finn on my left. Thorn walked over to join us while we scarfed down our meal.
I spooned up some fruit. “Thorn, is there anywhere to bath?”
“There is a lake nearby. You can go there. A group of women are going soon. Want me to have them wait?” Thorn said.
“Yes, Hana, come with?” I nudged her.
“Yes.” She smiled over at Jace who tugged her close for a quick kiss. That seemed to be going well.
We grabbed our clothes and hiked to this pond with Kyna, who outright ignored us. And I didn’t care because for the first time in weeks, I would be clean. The water was warm and reminded me of home. Marin. I needed to stop thinking about him. He would be here soon enough. Then we would see where we stand.
A moan escaped me when I relaxed in the water.
“That reminds me of last night.” Hana giggled.
“I know, I heard, and all the past nights,” I teased.
She slapped me upside the head and I grinned at her. I bounced and tried to dunk her. She twisted and threw me off then stopped. “It has been going so well. I am afraid.”
I took some of the soap Thorn had provided and lathered up. “Afraid? Why?”
Hana did the same nearby. “Because it is going too well. Edd and Jace get along well, they are both fine with being together. They even—”
I held my hand up;. “TMI.”
Laughter filled her eyes. “You prude. It is wonderful.” She held her hand to her belly.
I dropped my soap and stared at her poleaxed. “Oh, my God. You’re pregnant?”
“What? No. Why would you…” She moved her hand. “No. It just makes me feel warm inside.”
Aww. I hugged her. “That is good. I am glad someone’s relationship is going well.”
Her head rested on my shoulder. “Yours will work out. I know it.”
“Yeah, yeah. We should head back.” I waded out of the water and shrugged on a T-shirt and my leathers. “Go exploring with me today?”
“Of course, I will not let you leave me this time.” Hana followed, water sluicing off her form.
The town was bustling when we returned. A guard directed us to the meeting area. As soon as we entered the room, my heart stopped for a beat, then resumed at a gallop. Hana grabbed my hand. Speak of the devil.
Marin stood in the center of the marketplace, Ute right behind him, as well as Borik and several others I didn’t know. The sight of him took my breath away. My gaze ate him up. He’d cut his hair. Uneven brown edges brushed his ears and lines bracketed his mouth. Dark brown leather clung to his legs, his vest half unlaced revealing his flat abs. A pack leaned at his feet. He appeared worse for wear, but intact, blessedly intact. My eyes burned.
My chest heaved and this little voice inside me kept saying I knew Marin would come. I knew he would follow me. I didn’t think it would be so soon. Hell, he must have left Groos the very next day to make it here this quick.
My lips curved in a smile. I moved closer. My breath stuttered when Marin turned and looked over at me. Zanth came up behind me and placed his hand on my shoulders. Marin’s head tilted as he regarded me and Zanth, before he turned his back and gave instructions to Ute, then sat down to take off his shoes.
Huh.
So that was our great reunion. How nice. The smile slid off my face. What did I expect? That he missed me as much as I missed him? Yeah, right. My stomach rolled. Land knows I’d experienced his stubbornness first hand. He wouldn’t forgive me anytime soon, if at all. It still stung. I’d ached for him and he’d turned his back without acknowledging me. My hand grazed the band on my forearm.
Ute rushed over and hugged me hard. “Are you all right?”
My eyes closed and I pressed my head into his neck. “Yes, you?”
Ute nodded. “Yes, Marin was beside himself. He rounded everybody up, tossed the supplies together and here we are. Stein stayed behind as acting Clan Chief so that Marin could lead the party.”
“I’m glad you guys are here.” I leaned back and smiled at him, patting his cheek, basking in his twinkle. His hands tightened on my shoulder.
Finn’s hand settled on Ute’s back. “Old man.”
The love between them was obvious. I wanted that. My gaze was drawn to Marin again. But this time, he didn’t look back.
I waited, but he pointedly ignored me for the next fifteen minutes while I stood there gazing at him like a love-struck idiot. And he cut his hair. He’d been growing it out for me because I liked it.
Forget this, I left the room. I made it to my cabin before I started to cry. I curled on the cot with my back to the wall, my head in the pillow.
What had I expected? Did I expect him to be happy to see me? I left him to come here with someone he hated. I knew he would be mad, just not this mad. It never even occurred to me he might not love me as much as I thought. How arrogant of me. A tear dripped off my nose. I put my hand on the floor and let the land’s anguish roll into my own.
Then I let it all go. I knew this might happen. I knew I might lose him. I sat up and resolutely wiped away the moisture beneath my eyes. I couldn’t sit here and cry about it. If there was one thing my daddy taught me it was that crying about something didn’t make it better. My daddy who left my mother and me, moved on, like Marin appeared to have done. And I had thought they were so different.
A tear leaked down my cheek.
Damn it. My jaw gritted. Control.
My hand spread across my Marin-shaped pillow.
Control.