Even after sitting in the shower until it ran cold against my skin I still didn’t know what to think, what to say or how to feel. I wanted to hate Zerro, I wanted to see him drown in his own blood, but there was something more. It was as if he anchored me to the ground. Kept me sane enough to push through this mess, even if it was half his fault.

Whoever John truly was, it was a mystery. I knew John had killed Zerro’s mom the moment I walked into the house. I had every intention of confronting him, but never was given the chance.

A knock on the door pulled me from my thoughts. He was probably coming to make sure I hadn’t offed myself. I wasn’t that dumb, I didn’t want to die. I had come this far, and to throw it all away with a bullet to the head would be pointless.

“Jared wants to talk to you,” Zerro said gruffly, his voice like warm honey to my body. My body responded to him even when I didn’t want it to.

“Okay,” I simply said pulling the bathroom door open so I could get some clothes. A shirt and pair of sweat pants sat on the bed. No panties and no bra? Hmm… Just the way Zerro liked his women, I’m sure. Not that it really mattered. I was betting they weren’t expecting me.

As I slipped the towel from my body, I watched Zerro. I was done letting him be the one in control. I was done being afraid. I was tired of feeling caged, and if I couldn’t get someone to give me the answers I wanted, then I would get them myself.

“What happened in there doesn’t make us okay,” I said sternly. I had given into my biggest weakness. Him. His eyes twinkled with amusement and a pantie-dropping smirk formed on his face as I pulled on the sweatpants.

“Right… So fucking you senseless won’t make things better, but it’ll get you to forget for a short time.” My eyes narrowed at him. He knew I had used him as a way to let the pain go. He wasn’t dumb and I didn’t expect him to be. I just didn’t think he had me figured out yet.

“Don’t think you have me figured out because you don’t,” I growled, looking him straight in the eyes. He fed off breaking the weak, off making them feel as useless as he felt they were. When I looked at him, I saw a man I loved... and a man who was capable of killing me.

Taking a step forward into my space, his finger traced my bottom lip as if he were memorizing it.

“I don’t think I have you figured out… I always have. There was no thinking needed. Now go,” he ordered. I didn’t want him to think I was listening to him, but I was eager to hear what Jared had to say and if any of it was true.

Balling my hands into fists, I pulled my shirt on ignoring him. Once fully dressed, I walked out of the room slamming the door behind me. That’ll fucking teach him. As childish as it all was, I had been through so much shit. I understood his pain, the feelings he felt about losing his mom. My question was why would you want to inflict the same pain on someone you loved? Someone who had already lost so much.

“Come sit down,” Jared commanded, smiling at me softly. It was impossibly hard to look at him as a half-brother or a relative at all. Passing around the leather couch, I took a chair in the corner. The cushion was soft and I sank right into it.

Training my eyes on his, I spoke softly. “I want to know everything. I want to know what happened and how we got where we are. So much shit has happened in the last month, and I don’t know who to believe and who not to believe. As of right now, I have nothing to lose but my own life.”

He smiled casually taking a seat on the leather couch. I wondered what our father looked like. If he looked like Jared. Hell, I wondered where he had been all these years. What he was doing when my mom was dying of cancer?

“First, as weird as this is… it’s pretty cool to have a sibling. Granted, the death of John is hard on you right now. You have to know he wasn’t your father, though. I know Zerro killing him made it harder than ever to deal with it, but there is more to it than what he just did to Zerro. Though he was my uncle, I still think he deserved to die.”

“Uncle?” I questioned. What the hell was he talking about? John was an only child. I never met my grandparents because they were dead. When mom died, it was simply Dad… I mean John, and a few friends who came to visit.

Scratching at the back of his head as if worried, he looked at the ceiling. “Yes Uncle. As in my dad, I mean our dad and John were brothers. It explains why it was possible for him to push off you being his daughter. Now see... I know your mind is spiraling out of control, but just breathe….”

I couldn’t wipe the shocked expression from my face. My jaw was practically hanging open, and an outpour of anger radiated from somewhere inside me. My whole fucking life had been a lie. A big huge fucking lie.

“My whole life was a lie…” I murmured as if in a trance. This had to be a dream, a sick and twisted dream. I was just waiting for someone to come and wake me up.

“Don’t look at it like that,” Jared pleaded. Lifting my gaze, I stared off into the distance. John wasn’t my father, but my uncle and Jared. Alzerro’s right-hand man or driver or whatever the fuck he was, was my brother.

“Did Zerro know?” I questioned. It wouldn’t surprise me if he did. He knew everything. Secrets were kept deep in his mind, behind tightly closed lips.

Shaking his head, he said, “No. He didn’t. There’s more though. Just know none of us knew anything about this. I mean, hell, I didn’t even know, Bree. Believe me when I say I’m truly sorry. I never meant for any of this to take place, and I know you have already had so much heartache this year, but know you’re not alone.”

“Alone,” I huffed out, almost wanting to laugh a hysterical laugh—not out of laughter but craziness, because honestly, I felt like I was losing my mind.

“I mean, I know you lost John and your mother, but you have me now and our dad.” The way he said all of this made it seem like I should be happy. I should have understood and to be grateful to have lost so much just to gain two people I hadn’t known at all and who I knew nothing about.

“How? How did this happen? What the fuck took place for this lie to spiral years and years out of control?” I was on the verge of losing it—hell, I already had. I just wasn’t sure I could come back from all of this if I did.

Smiling, Jared stood. Where the fuck was he going? “Tell me everything,” I cried out as he walked into the open kitchen and grabbed a bottle of something with brown contents. My guess was whiskey, but who was I kidding—I didn’t drink. Until now.

“I think we need this right now,” he said walking back into the room to hand me the bottle. He had no fucking clue. Unscrewing the bottle cap, I tipped the bottle back and took a huge swig.

The sweet whiskey hit my senses and instead of a burn, I felt a deep warmth radiate through my insides settling deep into my belly. The drink had calmed me slightly, so I decided to take another swig.

“Let me start at the beginning…” Jared said watching me as I wiped away any excess whiskey. I sat the bottle on the table as Zerro emerged from the bedroom coming to a stand behind Jared.

I narrowed my eyes at him for a moment, and then allowed my anger to go as I waited for Jared to start talking.

“Your mother married John. John was, well, strange. He was a cop, and his job was to protect and serve, obviously. He took his job a little too close to the heart. He ended up in a case involving the King Family.” Jared paused looking between Zerro and me. Had we been connected to one another far before our own births?

“Many of his own men, people he considered to be his best friends, were dying left and right. Killed mostly in the line of duty, but because there were many problems in the family back then, most died trying to take down The King Empire. John and your mother’s marriage started out great, but then turned dark. As he became more and more consumed with finding out what he could with the King Family, he left your mom alone. Verbal abuse turned into physical abuse, and eventually, your mom was running. Running from a life she felt she had caused.”

“Wait…? My mom felt she caused all these problems.” I couldn’t even wrap my head around this. My mother couldn’t be to blame. Then again, I thought John was a perfect angel. It was all a lie.

“Just listen,” Jared continued. “In the summer of 1994, your mom fell pregnant with you. Now, I say fell because it wasn’t a planned pregnancy. Your mother had been seeing James, my father—our father, I mean,” he corrected himself.

“She was seeing our father behind John’s back. Most of the time, it was just out of comfort and eventually, it morphed into so much more. Anyway, John came home and found out about your mother’s affair. She had to tell him she was pregnant. He would find out anyway. And thus, this started the long war of hate between the two brothers.

“Now, I’m not sure if the abuse stopped, but your mother was never allowed to tell my father. Never. John simply made her keep it secret. He threatened to take you away if she ever told. John later discovered our father was working for the King family. This only fueled his rage more. He hated Alzerro’s family, so he used you. Your mother died, and he used you. He made an agreement with Alzerro putting you in the line of fire. He knew what he was doing. He just wasn’t seeing it for all it was… His need for vengeance and revenge was more important than his love for a child who was never his,” Jared finished, and I couldn’t help but grab the bottle of whiskey again. This was too much.

Were there even words to describe how I was feeling? Zerro had killed John—someone I considered to be my father, but had he deserved it all along? Had he truthfully beat my mother, had he hurt the person I loved most and then used me for revenge?

The whiskey warmed me all over again, as my insides burned like fire. “This is so fucked up,” I whispered into the air. Sitting the whiskey back down on the table, I looked over at both of them.

“How did you find this all out?” I questioned.

Jared smirked, and I knew it was going to be an interesting conversation. “Well, asshole over here couldn’t handle losing you. He needed something to hold onto. I went to my father to do a little digging and he told me. Turns out, on your mother’s dead bed, she let our father know. She told him everything.”

I stared deeply into Zerro’s eyes. In them, I could see the flames of fire flicking back and forth. He had come for me. He had wanted to save me. He may have been a man of death who held pain and heartache, but he knew love. After all, his vengeance was fueled by his love for his mother.

I took a deep breath trying to digest all of it. It felt like one of those huge pills you had to take when you were sick. The bigger the pill the harder it was to swallow.

“Let me get this straight, John and James are brothers. My mom married John, cheated on him with James because John was abusive. She then ended up pregnant with me, but only managed to stay with John because he said he would take me away. John’s anger stemmed from his brother working for Zerro’s family who had killed numerous colleagues of his who had tried to bring them down. My mom never told James until she was dying. John took my mom’s death as a perfect chance to get revenge and made a deal with the new King of the family knowing if his life were on the line, I would step in?” My mind was reeling. I was angry, mad, sad, abused, and used. I felt not only my life had been a complete lie, but everyone I had known along the way was a lie, too.

All of this explained a lot but not soon enough. I should’ve known these things all along. I should’ve been told these things from the start. Times like now made me wish my mother was still here. Tears threatened to escape from my eyes, but I forced them back. I had been strong this far, I could go the extra mile, right?

“It’s okay to be frustrated and angry about it. I know I was, our father was, Zerro was.” Was he trying to justify the lies?

“It’s not okay. It’s not okay I was fed lies from the start and it’s not okay I missed out on nearly twenty years of my life.” My words twisted the knife that had been put in my chest. Saying the words made it true.

“Stop, Bree,” Zerro commanded. He knew I was right there, right on the edge of a cliff ready to jump. I was feral with rage.

“No. You know nothing. You don’t know what it’s like. You don’t know how much it hurts,” I cried out as my hands gripped my hair. It was all a lie. A big huge fucking lie. It felt like everyone I had known was laughing in my face.

“Shhh,” Zerro whispered in my ear as I lifted my head taking notice he had crossed the room to sit next to me. I had no words. Nothing could fix this mess, a mess that had been started far before my time.

“I can’t believe….” I said in disbelief repeating the same sentence over and over again in my mind.

“You can believe it. You will believe it. You will acknowledge it and move on because you’re stronger than this. You have lost so much, but you have gained so much, too.” My tears secretly escaped my eyes as they slid down my cheeks like the truths that slipped from Jared’s mouth.

“I’m not strong enough to do this, Zerro,” I cried into his chest, allowing him to cradle me. I didn’t care I was breaking down in front of Jared. I couldn’t cope with this anymore. I couldn’t handle the pain that shook my body.

“You’re strong enough, Piccolo… You’re stronger than anyone I know…” His voice was so gentle and made me want to beg him for forgiveness even though I knew I didn’t have to. He had killed John because he deserved it.

“I hurt you… The things I said…” I cried harder and tears saturated his shirt. I couldn’t handle the betrayal I was feeling. John may have planned to sell me out, but Zerro had been there. I may never have been a part of his plan, but I was now… He had saved me.

“Shhhhh…. We all say things out of rage and anger. When I told you I was indebted to you, I meant it. Our fates were sealed before we were even thought of…”

“But….” I tried to say…

“No, but, Bree. Neither of us knew what was happening. I hurt you after you saved my life, and even if John wasn’t your father, I know there is a part of you who loves him regardless, and I ripped that part of you to shreds. I let my anger and my need for blood to get in the way of it all. Even if he deserved to die, I shouldn’t have done it that way.” Regret was rooted deeply in his voice. He was never sorry. He was never caring if he ripped people from their loved ones.

“How can we move on…? So much chaos, lies, and betrayal have taken place.” I was mumbling my words as I spoke into his chest. His body was warm encasing me in a protective shell. In his arms, I felt right at home as if this is where I had always belonged.

“I’m going to go call my dad,” Jared said dismissing himself. I didn’t look up to say anything, not even a thank you. I wasn’t sure if I could ever thank him for freeing the secrets that would tear me apart only to build me back up.

“None of this is your fault, Bree. No one blames you. We had no choice in any of this. Life has a way of making choices for us.” His words were making my heart pound. I gripped his shirt tighter, wondering what to do next. I had no home, nowhere to go and no family—none that I knew at least. I was supposed to be hiding, and I knew Zerro killing John put the FBI on our backs, and with Mack still looming out there somewhere, I knew our deaths would be inevitable.

“What do we do? This clusterfuck we call life is falling to pieces before our eyes. You have lost your whole family to death, as have I. Are we next? Is this all we live for? Revenge? Hate? Anger?” I was on the verge of a panic attack. Zerro adjusted his hold on me, pushing me at arm’s length so one of his hands could cup the side of my face.

“If anyone has taught me life is more than just death—it’s you. Life is so much more than what I thought it was. I was simply going through the motions, breathing the air, and waiting until the last moment when my heart would stop beating. We can overcome all of this.” He was convincing. He was more than convincing, but I had just been ripped apart.

“I need time. I need sleep. I need to be alone.” I could barely believe myself as I said the words. I had never wanted to be alone in my life, but now more than ever I needed to be. I wanted Zerro, but I needed to piece this puzzle together. I needed to know where he and I fit in it—if we fit in it together at all.

“Okay, that’s fine. Just tell me you’re okay. Tell me no one hurt you while you were being hidden. Tell me everything inside of here is okay,” he said pointing to my heart. Was everything okay in it? Placing his lips against my forehead, he whispered, “I know I’ve hurt you. I put your life in danger. I could’ve had us both killed numerous times. I threatened your life back at your childhood home, and I want you to know it killed me to hurt you. It ripped me apart inside. Your heartbeat is my own. Your voice my own. Your fears my own. You’re mine, and I will never do anything to jeopardize that again.”

His words were beautiful and heartfelt, and the tears burned down my cheeks as I pulled from his touch. I needed to get my bearings on everything, and no matter how much I wanted to believe his words right this second, I couldn’t. Getting up, I turned around and walked down the hall to the room I was brought to when I first arrived. The moment I closed the door, the tears, the pain, and the earth shattering realization’s hit me. This was my life now.