Harper

 

As the party kicked into high gear, I swayed in place to the sounds of Bing Crosby and tried not to fiddle with the pompom at the end of my elf hat.

"I have to tell you something," Brynn Reese said, grinning like a jack o' lantern. "And you have to promise not to laugh about it, because it's really important."

Her sleek cap of blonde hair was so shiny it reflected the twinkling Christmas lights. It was a few shades darker than Cal's short, sun-streaked waves, more honey colored than her brother's burnished gold. And I really needed to stop thinking about her brother instead of paying attention to what she was saying to me..."Okay?" I chirped in my bubbly, obnoxious way, then bit my tongue before I asked her what the hell hair conditioner she used to get her hair to do that. I felt like a donkey standing next to a thoroughbred.

She smiled widely again and lifted her drink to her perfectly scarlet lips, then grabbed my arm and forced me into the corner. "It's just that, I was thinking, I know her, right?  For real, not in a 'she went to my school,' sense. We go way back, you and me, don't we?"

"Uh," I babbled.

I'm not exactly sure why Cal's sister always intimidated the fuck out of me. Maybe it was because, with her sleek blonde bob and take no shit attitude, she seems like the epitome of big city sophistication, even though I knew for a fact she'd rarely ever left Reckless Falls. How could she? Just like Cal, she was stuck at the mercy of her father's bar, wiping down glasses from an early age. That's probably why she seemed so worldly, because at thirteen years old she knew more about cocktails than most of my New York friends.

"—But I was re-reading that book and realized just how perfect it was," she was saying. "You laid it all out..."

I was trying to wrap my head around what she was telling me when suddenly I put two and two together and remembered that Brynn taught kindergarten and she was telling me about using one of my books.

Brynn was still holding on to my arms, talking without breaking eye contact. "—A whole curriculum around Gilly's Garden," she was saying, naming my most successful picture book, but once again I was stuck wondering why I had ever found her stand-offish. Because right now, with her flushed, half drunken cheeks and wild, honking laugh, she was just as down-to-earth and warm as anybody in Reckless Falls. I felt a pang, wishing that she and I had been better friends, but as I took another drink, I got the feeling we were making up for lost time.

"Yes," she said, grasping my upper arm emphatically. "The whole curriculum."

"I mean, I guess I see it," I said haltingly.

"You got letters, numbers, phonics sounds, it's perfect. I always said that if I saw you again I would kiss you right on the mouth for writing that book, but I don't think either one of us are drunk enough for that."

I laughed hysterically.

"I'm serious, it's a godsend."

"I'm just...I dunno, I guess I never thought you'd be teaching kindergarten," I said hesitantly.

"Oh what, because I'm the..."

"Queen of Kegstands?" I ventured.

She wrinkled her nose at the nickname. "Yeah well, those days are over." Then she leaned in. "But I could still totally do one, you guys got a keg at this party?"

I laughed again, feeling delirious. Last I knew, Brynn Reese was doing keg stands with Derek Granger, and Gabe Foster, partying in the woods, with all the bad kids while the rest of us goody-two-shoes were left out of the fun. And now she was here talking to me like we were old friends and for some reason that meant more to me than all the celebrities I'd hung out with in New York. Brynn Reese, my bad-girl idol was talking to me.

And she was teaching kindergarten.

It would never fail to amaze me how much time just marches on.

"Actually," Brynn went on. "I'm kind of surprised that you never became a teacher, you know." She took another sip of her drink, her face flushing beet red. "Although, I'm sure it's a bit more lucrative being a big time children's author," she said, rolling her eyes. "But still, you always were so good with kids."

"I love kids," I told her firmly.

Brynn nodded. "I remember you trying to set up your own babysitting service when you were eleven years old. Nobody wanted to hire you, and you were so hurt, Cal said."

I straightened my shoulders a little bit and laughed. "Oh probably because they didn't want a kid younger than their own kids watching them," I pointed out. "I finally did get a couple clients, and I worked way too hard to prove that I was old and mature. Stuck in the trap of being a perennial kid sister I guess.

Brynn nodded emphatically. "Don't I hear that," she said.

"Yeah, but there's not so many years between you and Cal." My tongue almost tripped over his name. Why was I talking about her brother all of a sudden? Danger. This was the last thing I wanted to be doing.

But luckily my flush was hidden under the alcoholic redness, because Brynn didn't seem to notice my sudden onset of stuttering. She just shook her head. "I kind of wish you could have been my babysitter, even though you are two years younger," she said, her mouth twisting oddly.

With a pang, I remembered how it was for Brynn and Cal growing up. Their mother flickered in and out of their lives like a TV with bad reception, and though I never knew why exactly she'd left, from the whispers and innuendo around town, I'd figured out it was for reasons that were both embarrassing and sad.

Their father tried very hard to be both parents at once for his kids, but his work schedule made it so that they had to suffer through an endless parade of babysitters, for better or worse. That was probably why Cal started spending most of his time at our place.

And I felt bad about the selfish pang of gratitude that that gave me.

"But anyway, I'm super glad you didn't end up being a teacher, I guess, because this means that I get to use your books for my classroom. But why didn't you think about going into education instead?"

I pressed my lips together, trying and failing to look natural.

Clearly I failed. Brynn's eyes widened. "What is it? Spill it!"

“I don't know what you're talking about," I said.

Brynn waved her hand. "Every single emotion you ever have is written across your face, Harper. You'd be a really shit poker player, what's going on?"

I opened my mouth, closed it, then opened it again. "You have to promise you won't tell anyone," I slurred. This wine was going right to my head.

Brynn danced a happy little shimmy and leaned forward. "I am a locked vault for secrets. Do you know how much I know about Autumn Melton?"

"I think the point of you keeping secrets is to not tell people that you have secrets," I pointed out.

She clapped her hands over her mouth and laughed. "But seriously, you can tell me. What's going on, why do you look like the cat who swallowed the canary?"

"When I get back from here?" I said eagerly, leaning forward. The words had been tripping over my tongue the whole time at the party and I could no longer resist the urge to tell people. "I'm going to be negotiating with The Children's Network. They want to create an animated show and a lineup of plush characters for Uggo the Puggo."

Brynn squealed and wrapped her arms around me. From across the room I spotted Cal, stretching his neck over to see what the hell his sister was doing. His eyes met mine, and for one second I felt a pang of something, something I wasn't quite sure what it was. Because even as Brynn and I were celebrating my triumphant return to New York City, the thought of leaving again had me strangely melancholy.

But Brynn was anything but. "Oh my God, okay, so I'm going to keep your secret," she said, bubbling over in drunken sincerity. "

Her eyes flashed and suddenly she whooped out loud, grabbing my arm and shaking me so hard my teeth clacked, which made me giggle.

Tell me again why I was scared of her?

"But I will make a bargain with you," Brynn warned.

I didn't like the sound of that. "A bargain?"

"I won't tell anyone you're going to have a TV show. If!" She raised a finger for punctuation. "If you come and do a talk to my classroom.

I heaved a sigh of relief. "Oh, that's it?" I was happy to help, happy to be lining up a classroom visit. Those were always my favorite part of the job, sitting and reading to kids and watching their mouths move as they spoke my words along with me. I fucking loved kids. "Of course! I'd love to."

I'd been in a warm half-buzz most of the day and was well on my way to getting hammered. I should drink some water, I thought to myself, then took another sip of the wine. Then I trailed off, remembering my last meeting with Cecily, my publishing agent. She'd been scaling back my visits, calling them a waste of time when we should be focusing on the "bigger picture."

"But my agent doesn't want me doing them anymore," I said.

Brynn sniffed. "Fuck your agent," she said dismissively. "You're a grown woman, you can do what you want."

I nodded firmly, knocking back the rest of my wine. "Damn straight I am," I announced, a little more loudly than I intended.

Just then, the text message alert went off from my phone.

"Excuse me," I said sneaking a peek. "Speak of the fucking devil," I laughed. "It's my agent."

"Tell her you're a grown woman who can do what she wants!" Brynn urged, peering over my shoulder.  "Do it! Do it! Do it!" she chanted, pumping her fist.  I had a momentary vision of her cheering Derek Granger on as he did a keg stand.

"No," I sighed. "That's not what she's texting about." I quickly scanned the screen. "She's reminding me to post something on social media about my trip."

Brynn rolled her eyes. "How annoying," she observed.

"No, it's easy." I turned in a quick circle and caught sight of the giant Christmas tree that Cal, Gray, and my brother had wrestled into the living room. "Perfect." I quickly snapped a shot of the Christmas tree, and posted it on Instagram with the caption, "What did Santa bring you?"

I leaned over and showed it to Brynn. "There. Does this look properly wholesome enough for a children's book author?"

She leaned in. "So wholesome I want to barf," she said, nodding sagely.

I nodded back. "Good, let's go get more wine."