Harper

 

I'd downed three whiskeys, neat, before they arrived, but didn't feel a thing. Now, with my hands on each of them, I felt drunker then I ever thought possible.

I took a deep breath. "Guys," I breathed, closing my eyes. "I've had a little too much to drink. Can we go out onto the deck?"

I thought it would be easier once we were all on our feet and our bodies were no longer touching, but they stayed pressed against me — Grayson with his hand on the small of my back, Callum with his arm linked with mine — as we made our way to the vast back deck that overlooked the snow-covered lawn. My dizziness only increased having them so close to my body.

Cal pushed the French doors open, but the blast of chilly air did nothing to cool the heat in my body. All at once I was back on my parents' guest bed, screaming out another frustrated orgasm with my head buried in the pillow. They needed to stop touching me. I didn't want them to stop touching me.

I stalked out onto the deck and leaned against the railing, and for a moment, I just looked out into the black. There were a few faint lights twinkling like far-off stars through the trees. The inky black of the woods surrounding my parents' new place formed a humped, black silhouette against the indigo of the sky. A close to full moon was as white as the snow on the ground and gave everything around us an ethereal blue glow.

I took a deep breath of the cold, silent air, hoping it would quiet the storm inside of me, but it only raged harder as Cal and Gray moved to either side of me.

"Well look at that," Cal murmured. "Good timing, Harper."

I looked in the direction he was looking. Off in the distance, in the bowl of the valley, right where the dark reflection of the water met the lighter gray of the shoreline, a single firework rose upward.

It burst into an explosion of color. Red flowers bloomed in the night sky, quickly followed by a jagged green streak, and then a yellow flash just as bright as the sunflowers in the farm below us.

I gasped. "Oh my God, of course! I had no idea that you'd be able to see the town fireworks from up here, but you totally can!"

Just then we all ducked as an explosion lit up right over our heads.

"Oh shit!" Cal laughed. "The neighbors are joining in!"

"That's awesome," Gray said, leaning forward and resting his elbows on the railing.

Without realizing it, I shifted my toes, moving slightly closer to him. His body was so warm, so incredibly warm, that the heat seemed to melt right through me, suffusing me right down to my very core. Then Cal leaned forward, and his forearm brushed up against mine. I felt a brush of something electric, and looked down to see that the fine, crisp hairs of his forearm were tickling me, sending goose bumps in a parade right up to the nape of my neck.

I looked out, trying like hell to concentrate on the magical sparkles in the sky all around us, but when the last color drained from the sky, Cal leaned into my sight. "Happy New Year, Harp," he murmured.

I kissed him.

I expected it to be a light kiss, playful, a kiss that just defused the tension, something joking and happy, and fuck it, friendly.

But it was nothing like that.

As soon as my lips touched his, he made a sound and suddenly I knew this wasn't a game anymore. Cal's lips were rough against mine, insistent, and demanding. He kissed me like he wanted to take control, sweeping his tongue into my mouth and prodding away my inhibitions. I felt my breath catch in my throat as a swirling tornado of confusion whirled around me, I pulled back, startled, then looked over to Gray who was staring at both of us, stricken.

Then I kissed him.

Who was I? What kind of girl did this? Kissing one man, and then another as the echo of fireworks rolled around the Valley. I had no idea. I had no idea who I was or what I was doing. As the neighbors let off another volley of thunder, I paid no mind. All I knew was that Grayson's lips were soft against mine, his kiss much more gentle and sweet than Cal's. He cupped my chin in his hand, tilting my head to the side so that he could deepen the kiss, and as I melted against him, I didn't want there to be anything wrong with this because it felt so, so right.

He took a deep breath. "Okay," Gray said, pulling back.

"Okay," Cal said behind me, echoing Gray's tone.

I looked over at Cal. His hands were shoved in his pockets, his shoulders hunched. I could almost see the steam rising from his head as he rolled what had just happened over and over in his brain. "I'm going to go get us all drinks," he said, carefully, tightly.

"Okay," I echoed.

No sooner had he disappeared and I turned to look at Gray, partly opening my mouth to explain, to try to put into words what the hell it was that I was feeling, but he gave me no chance. He moved to me, his hands at the nape of my neck, brushing upward to twine into my hair as he moved to cover my mouth was his and I almost yielded. I almost tilted my lips up to his, but something made me stop.

I froze in his hands and he looked at me, confused.

I heard the door open and I stepped back, feeling like I'd been caught cheating.

There was no sharp breath, no stunned silence. Cal came right up, shoving his way between us and getting right in Gray's space. Gray stood his ground, nose to nose with his best friend.

"Back off," Cal rumbled.

Gray shook his head slowly. "You back off."

"Are you two actually fighting over me?" I half laughed, half gasped.

Neither one of them acknowledged what I just said. "She's not going to want you," Cal told him.

Gray grinned. "Well she clearly doesn't want you!"

A firework exploded in the sky above us, dangerously close to the house, and I found myself looking up at it instead of paying attention to what Cal was doing, because the sight of him shoving Gray backwards was too hard to process.

Gray made a sound like a wounded animal and came charging back, ready to swing. Another firework exploded overhead and seemed to knock some sense back into me, because it threw myself between them.

"Stop it!" I shouted.

Gray drew up short and let his fist fall to his side. I turned to look at both of them. "You are best friends," I said, and there was tremor in my voice I didn't expect. "Stop it, I don't want to come between you."

There was a moment of silence, punctuated by another deafening firework just above us. All three of us looked at each other. And I couldn't hold it back any longer. "I want you, both of you," I sighed, burying my face in my hands. "I have, since forever okay? But please, please don't make me choose. Okay? I can't possibly choose."

The ringing in my ears from the explosion above us was the only sound for several moments. I hid my face in my hands, unable and unwilling to look at either one of them, feeling like my heart was breaking in two. I could leave, right now. I could pack my bags and head straight back to New York. I wouldn't even need to fly, just borrow my parents' car. I'd get it back to them, somehow, it didn't matter. All that mattered was getting the hell out of here, right now before the world exploded even further.

I heard a sound. Like feet, shifting position. I could tell without looking that one, or both, of them was changing positions, and I felt for all the world like something was passing between them. Like they were having a conversation without ever opening their mouths.

Slowly I let my hands fall away from my face and looked up at them.

"You don't want to choose," Cal echoed.

Gray stepped forward. "What if you didn't have to?" he said, cupping his hand against my face.