“Alannah?”
I looked up when Morgan called my name.
“Yeah?”
He smiled at me and shook his head. “I’ve called you four times.”
I blushed, embarrassed.
“Sorry, I was in a world of me own.”
That translated into I couldn’t stop thinking about Damien, but Morgan didn’t need to know that.
I hadn’t seen my boyfriend since yesterday, the morning after we had sex, and I couldn’t stop thinking about him. He phoned me during his lunch hour and said he was helping Kane out with a few things after work, and that I shouldn’t wait up for him. I did wait up for him, but he never came by my apartment. It was the first night since we became a couple that we hadn’t slept in the same bed together, and I found that I could no longer sleep without Damien being by my side or hearing his soft snores surrounding me.
I tossed and turned all night, and at four a.m., I gave up on trying to sleep. I changed into an oversized t-shirt and a pair of leggings, then went into my office and began to paint. I was an artist who expressed myself in many ways, but for some reason, I only gravitated towards painting when I was sad or stressed out about something. My portrait, of course, was a perfectly sketched image of Damien that I brought to life with colour.
I glanced at the painting that was still drying on my easel in the corner of the room. I sighed as I picked up my phone and checked for the millionth time to see if Damien had messaged me. He hadn’t, and that irritated me because I had messaged him, twice, asking if he was okay, and he never replied. I was worried, but if it turned out he was perfectly okay, then I was going to be pissed at him for ignoring me.
I clicked on my Facebook page, and the first post on my timeline was from Bronagh, who tagged Aideen, and checked them in at the hospital. I stared at my phone and made a noise of displeasure.
“Is everythin’ okay?”
“Yeah,” I said, scrolling through Bronagh’s pictures. “Me friend just had another pregnancy appointment today. She told me I could go to ’er next scan, but she went with our friend instead.”
“Is your friend a mother?”
“Uh-uh.”
“That’s probably why.”
I looked up at Morgan and raised my brows.
“What?”
“You’re the only one of your friends who either doesn’t have a kid or isn’t expectin’ one.” Morgan shrugged. “She probably felt like the other friend could relate to ’er more.”
Is that why she didn’t ask me to go with her?
“I mean, I guess that makes sense.”
Morgan turned back to the computer and began typing away again.
“Are you doin’ anythin’ fun today?”
“No,” I answered. “I’ll probably go around to my parents’ house or one of me friends.”
Morgan chuckled. “I don’t know how you do it.”
“Do what?”
“Stay on the move constantly,” he answered. “From what I’ve gathered from you, you’re always around your ’friends’ gafs. You should host for a change, let them come to you.”
I blinked. “I guess I’ve never thought about it.”
“Would they not come around?” Morgan questioned. “You sound doubtful.”
“No, I’m not. It’s just … I’ve just always gone to them. They don’t come to me.”
“Oh.”
Hearing that outlaid made my friendships sound one-sided, but I knew they weren’t.
“Don’t two of your friends live upstairs, though?”
I hesitated. “Yeah.”
“They come by, right?”
“No, not really.”
“Oh.”
That was twice he’d said “oh” in the space of thirty seconds, and I found that this conversation was beginning to hurt my head.
“It’s weird about your lad’s brothers, though. I thought they’d drop around to check on you every so often.”
My frowned deepened. “What d’ye mean?”
“Well,” he began, “from what you’ve told me about them … they’re great lads and always are very involved with family.”
“Yeah, they are.”
“Then why don’t they call you or drop by to see you?”
At the moment, my tongue felt like it tripled in size.
“They have jobs and babies and—”
“And no time for you?”
I stared at Morgan for a long moment before I looked down at my sketchpad that sat on my lap. I didn’t know what to say to him. A huge part of me wanted to enforce that it was no big deal, but another part of me felt saddened that my friends really seemed that they didn’t have time for me. Whenever I saw them, I was the one who had to go around and see them; they never came to see me. I wasn’t sure why I never saw this before, and I wasn’t sure why my mind suddenly stressed over it so much.
“All that happened to me,” Morgan continued with a shrug. “Me friend had a baby with his bird, and it took about a year, but eventually, I realised he had cut me out of his life slowly but surely.”
I shook my head instantly.
“You don’t know me friends,” I said with confidence. “They wouldn’t do that to me.”
“I thought that too,” he mumbled, clearly thinking of his friend and their once friendship.
“I’m sure they’ll phone me and drop by when they get the chance,” I pressed. “Me friends don’t really know boundaries. Bronagh can show up at any time, and it’d be normal.”
“I hope so,” Morgan said. “It’d suck for you to lose friends that seem like family.”
I wasn’t sure why, but Morgan’s words made me feel sick. Logically, I was confident that I didn’t have anything to worry about, but a nagging voice in the back of my mind agreed with Morgan. Any one of my friends could have called or sent me a text message to see how I was or if I was okay because it wasn’t normal for me to go a day without speaking to them, especially Bronagh.
With that on my mind, I dialled her number.
“Hey,” I said when she answered. “What’s up?”
“Nothin’,” she answered. “Just chillin’ with the girls. What’re you doin’?”
I glanced at Morgan who was working away.
“I’m just takin’ a break from workin’ and figured I’d call you.”
“Are you comin’ by later?”
I hesitated. “Why don’t you come ’round to my apartment, I’ll make dinner.”
“I’m too tired,” Bronagh answered. “I went to me appointment today and all the waitin’ around in the hospital drained me. Georgie is actin’ the maggot too. Can’t you just come ’round to mine? You can help me with ’er.”
I frowned.
“You want me to come ’round to help with Georgie?”
“Of course.” Bronagh chuckled. “You’re super auntie Alannah.”
My frown deepened.
“Yeah,” I said. “Super auntie Alannah.”
Bronagh yawned, loudly.
“So let me ask you somethin’,” I said, shifting in my seat. “Do ye’know what Damien is doin’ with Kane?”
Silence.
“Bronagh?”
She cleared her throat. “What d’ye mean?”
I could hear the doubt in her voice, and it made me feel ill.
“Damien was busy doin’ somethin’ with Kane last night, and he never came to stay over, but he won’t tell me what he was doin’. I thought maybe you’d know.”
“I don’t know,” she answered too quickly for it to be the truth. “I’ve no idea.”
I frowned. “Okay, Bee.”
“I’ve gotta go,” she said. It was the first time I’d ever felt brushed aside by her. “Talk to you later.”
“Okay, I’ll—”
I cut myself off when I realised the line went dead because Bronagh hung up on me. I pulled my phone away from my ear and stared at it like it was a foreign object. She had never hung up on me before, brushed me aside so easily, or blatantly lied to me as she had just done. My mind went into overdrive, and to stop myself from creating a problem, I phoned Aideen and Keela, but they didn’t answer me, and neither did Branna. All three of them hung up on me; I knew that because the call rang out, then suddenly cut off like they pressed the decline button. Bronagh said she was with them, so they obviously had heard her on the phone with me.
Doubt instilled itself in my mind as I thought of my friends. Instantly, my mind separated me from them and picked apart every little thing that was different about us until I felt like I couldn’t breathe.
Bronagh was the fire, Branna was the calm, Keela was the fun, Aideen was the wild, and me? I was nothing. I didn’t fit in with these women. They knew it, I knew it, even the brothers knew it, but none of them seemed to mind.
I did, though.
I minded that there was always a lingering feeling in my subconscious that I was the odd one out, like they all knew something I didn’t. All the hushed conversations I’ve had to endure, all the confusing answers I received when I asked a question about the brothers’ past, the abrupt end to a sentence whenever I entered the room to now being lied to when I asked a simple question.
My ‘friends’ and boyfriend were keeping something from me; the only question was ... what?