When I awoke, it wasn’t because my body decided it was ready to, it was because something was digging into my behind that made me uncomfortable. When I opened my eyes, I intended to feel for the object I’d accidentally left on my bed, but the second a soft snore echoed in my ear and someone’s hot breath blew over my neck, I knew it wasn’t an object that dug into me. It was a body part.
The night before came rushing back to me in seconds.
I smiled ridiculously wide as I shifted ever so slightly, and the arm hooked around me tightened. I bit down on my lower lip when a hand flexed around my left breast. I looked down and saw that Damien had put his hand up my pyjama top and grabbed himself a handful of my breast. I resisted the urge to laugh because it felt like such a male thing for him to do, even in his sleep.
He continued to snore, and I was so pleased to find that it wasn’t loud or distracting, but oddly relaxing to hear. I slowly turned to face him, his hand fell away from my breast, but remained around my waist. I swallowed when I realised I was naked from the waist down, and the reason made my stomach tighten. I recalled what Damien did to me the night before, and heat ran through me.
I had only ever had Damien’s mouth on me once before, but last night was the best of the two because I still felt satisfied from the release he quite literally sucked from me. I gnawed on my lower lip as I rested my head on my pillow and stared at his sleeping face. He was stunning, and I couldn’t believe we had spoken and come to the decision that we would date one another. I was still terrified things would end badly between us, but like I had said to Damien the night before, I was so fed up with letting my fear of getting hurt keep me from doing the things I wanted.
I wanted to be brave, just like Damien said I was … and I wanted that braveness to start with giving him a good morning wake-up call.
He was right when he said that small moment of intimacy between us last night would help bring my guard down because I no longer felt entirely apprehensive of Damien touching me in such a way. My body issues still lingered, but I believed Damien when he said he loved my body. I just had to get my mind on the same wavelength as him, so I could love it, too.
With my eyes on his face, I told myself I could do what I was about to do and that Damien would love it. That courage pushed me to lick my palm, then press the back of my hand against his solid chest and run it down his torso. I licked my lips as my knuckles slid over his abs and came to the band of his boxer briefs. I snaked my fingers under the band, and the second I felt his cock, I wrapped my hand around the hardened member and gently squeezed. Damien’s lips parted in his sleep, and he almost whined.
The thrill that shot through me was almost toe curling.
The lubrication of my saliva on my palm allowed my hand to slide up and down easier, and from the rise and fall of Damien’s chest, I knew his body was enjoying my touch. I almost wished he’d open his eyes and come awake because of the pleasure I was giving him, but watching his features contort with bliss in his sleep turned me on.
I wanted to do more to him.
Carefully, I pushed the blanket that covered us off our bodies. I had to lift his arm from around my waist and nudge him onto his back. Once or twice, I thought he would wake up, but he didn’t, and when I wiggled my way down his body and parted his thighs, I stared at the outline of his thick, erect cock. Tugging it free of his boxers, I fisted it in my hand and looked up at Damien’s face just as I bent down and closed my mouth around the head.
I had never given a blow job before, so I was going off what I had seen in pornos and hoped to God that I was doing it right and that it felt good for Damien. His mouth opened, his hands balled into fists, and a loud, primal groan filled the room. I bobbed my head four times, and on the fifth, when I took him to the back of my throat and swallowed, his eyes shot open.
“Fu…ck!” He hissed, pushed himself onto his elbows, and stared down at me, his lips parted and his eyes wide. “Oh, fuck. Alannah. Baby, yes.”
I smiled around his cock, and I swear his eyes rolled back a little at the sight.
I sucked him, squeezed him with my hand, and fell into a rhythm of fucking him with my mouth. A few times, his hips bucked upwards, pushing his cock to the back of my throat. I gagged twice, and saliva got everywhere, but it didn’t slow me down. Things got messy as I used the saliva that dribbled down my chin and slid it over Damien’s cock. He was praying out loud to God, asking him to make him last longer, but I wasn’t having any of that. I wanted him to come, and come now.
I worked my mouth and hand faster, sucking harder, and swallowing right when the head of Damien’s cock bumped the back of my throat. He came with a roar, and his hot cum coated my tongue. I swallowed every drop, continuing to work him as I did. Damien’s hips bucked a few times, and his body was so tense, he looked to be a stiff as a board, but when I released his cock from my mouth with a pop, he sagged back onto the mattress.
His eyes were closed, and his chest was rising and falling so fast, you would think he just ran a marathon. I wiped my mouth and hand with my pyjama t-shirt, then I smiled at his limp form.
“Good mornin’, Damien.”
“Come,” he panted, “here.”
I crawled up to his side and snuggled against him, pulling the blanket back over our bodies. I leaned my head on his shoulder as his arm wrapped around me. Slinging my arm over his waist, I sighed in contentment. I was a shy person when it came to sex; I could listen to my friends talk about it, but if it was my sex life under the microscope, I became uncomfortable. I didn’t like to talk about it at all … but in bed with Damien? It seemed I had no filter.
“I didn’t know if I’d like that or not, but I love givin’ you head.”
“Please,” he almost whimpered, “you’ll make me cry.”
“Cry?” I raised a brow. “Why?”
“Because I’ve jerked off to a fantasy of waking up to you sucking me off, and my God, it was better than anything my mind could conjure up.”
I hummed. “Glad to hear it.”
“I feel like my soul has left my body,” he said, his eyes still closed. “You sucked it out of me.”
I vibrated with laughter. “Did you like it?”
“Is water wet?” he countered.
I smiled and kissed his chest in response.
“You didn’t have to do it though, you that know that, right?” Damien asked, squeezing me gently. “I don’t want you to feel like you owed me something because I ate your pussy last night.”
My cheeks burned. “I know, but I wanted to do it. You were right when you said last night would help bring me guard down a little. I can scarely believe how comfortable I am lyin’ ’ere with you.”
“It feels right, doesn’t it?”
“Yeah,” I said, nodding. “It does.”
“I’m so happy, Alannah,” Damien exhaled a deep breath. “For the first time in years, I’m genuinely happy, and it’s because of you.”
My heart warmed.
“I feel the same way,” I answered. “I’m still scared shitless, but I’m happy we’re doin’ this.”
“Me too.”
“This is random, but you came a lot,” I said as I brushed my fingers over Damien’s chest. “Was that a build-up of six years?”
“I’ve jerked off a lot in the past six years, but today? Jesus Christ, my cock didn’t understand what was happening and didn’t know when to stop. Sorry about the amount, I didn’t realise.”
“Why are you apologisin’?” I asked, bemused. “It was sexy. Besides … I swallowed it all.”
Damien groaned. “Stop. I want to fuck you, and I know I can’t, so stop.”
I heeded the warning instantly and was not about to tease him when I knew it would be cruel to do so.
“I’m goin’ to go check on Barbara.”
He lifted an eyelid. “I can’t believe you named the cat Barbara.”
“Don’t hate on ’er name,” I warned. “It’s adorable.”
Damien opened his eyes fully. “You’re perfect.”
I ducked my head, embarrassed, and he laughed, squeezing me against him.
“Are you going to see your mom today?”
I nodded, inhaling his scent. “I want to know what’s the plan of action for ’er to get better.”
“What about taking Barbara to the vet?”
“I’ll do that too,” I said. “I don’t have to work until later. Though, I need to get a move on and convert the spare room into an office for Morgan.”
“Morgan?”
“Me employee,” I reminded. “You helped me prep to interview ’im, remember?”
“Yeah,” Damien said slowly. “But didn’t you say it was an online thing?”
“Originally, yeah, but I was makin’ that room an office either way, and havin’ ’im ’ere every so often will make talkin’ about things easier. He only works five days a week for a handful of hours each day, three of those days he will be ’ere.”
Damien was silent, so I sat up and looked down at him.
“What’s wrong?”
He shrugged.
“That’s not an answer, Dame.”
He locked eyes with me.
“We just started dating. I can’t say what I want to say without coming across as a protective boyfriend.”
I reached up and brushed my thumb over his lips.
“Talk to me,” I encouraged. “Keepin’ things bottled up never worked for us, so I want us to be honest. Communication, ’member?”
Damien sighed but nodded.
“I don’t feel comfortable with a strange man being here with you.”
A smile stretched across my face. “Dame.”
“I’m jealous,” he continued. “This guy could be gay, have no dick, and think a pussy is revolting, and I’d still be jealous.”
My smile only grew. “Dame.”
“I hate when my brothers flirt with you, and they only do it to tease, so if this guy smiles at you wrong, I’m going to lose it. I know I will.”
“Dame.”
He sighed. “What?”
“You’re so sexy when you’re jealous.”
Damien’s eyes sparked with desire. “Don’t,” he warned.
I chuckled. “Morgan is me employee, and that is it. He has no romantic interest in me, and I’ve none in ’im. He has a girlfriend, too. The only lad who gets me attention and me blood pumpin’ is lookin’ at me right now.”
Damien relaxed. “I trust you, but I’m still going to be jealous.”
“Oh, I’m countin’ on it.”
He hissed. “You get off on my turmoil?”
“What can I say? The caveman act gets me clit’s attention.”
Damien snapped and tried to reach his hand down to find said clit, but I clamped my thighs together and laughed so hard I got a stitch.
“No,” I pleaded. “We can’t. You have work soon, and I’ve to feed Barbara.”
“You should have thought of that before you ran that sexy mouth of yours,” he said, pulling me against him. “You’re so brazen in bed but as timid as Barbara outside of it.”
“Because it’s just you and me between these sheets,” I answered. “I just get a little shy around everyone else, that’s all.”
“I know, and I like it.”
“You do?”
“Hell yeah,” Damien answered. “This is a side to you only I know.”
The second the words left his mouth, Damien’s entire demeanour changed, and I knew why. He realised that Dante shared this bed with me, and not too long ago at that.
“Look at me,” I said, and when he did I leaned in and kissed his cheek. “I was never with Dante in the way I am with you. I swear on me life. I hardly spoke, we didn’t kiss, we didn’t do oral either. It was just sex. You have me now, all of me, and that’s what matters, right?”
He nodded and closed his eyes. “I want to hurt him for touching what’s mine.”
Hearing him claim me as his was so hot.
“He only had a tiny piece of me for a short time. You have all of me, and you have since I first met you.”
When Damien’s eyes opened, he reached up and pulled me against him, his lips finding mine. I hummed into his mouth, and his tongue curled around mine, but when he sucked on my tongue, I moaned out loud because it felt so good.
“Stop,” I rasped. “Oh, stop.”
Damien released me, swung his feet over the side of the bed, and stood. I fell back onto my back and glared at his back.
“Don’t do that to me,” I said to him. “God, it’s sexy.”
“Shut. Up.” Damien growled. “Don’t speak; don’t make a sound. I’m talking myself down.”
“Yourself or your cock?”
“A…lannah.”
“Sorry.” I giggled. “Think of Alec naked, Ryder naked, or Kane naked.”
“Why not Dominic?”
I snorted. “Because he’s practically you so that’d be like sayin’ don’t think of yourself naked.”
“We aren’t practically the same.” Damien turned to face me, a grin in place. “My cock is bigger.”
“I’ll get the measurin’ tape out just so we can be sure.”
“Smartass.”
I smiled and snuggled into the blanket with Damien’s eyes on me.
“I could get used to this,” he said. “Waking up next to you.”
My heart thrummed inside my chest. “Me too.”
I closed my eyes then, feeling exhausted, and Damien said, “Are you going back asleep?”
“No,” I answered but kept my eyes closed and didn’t move.
I felt the bed dip, and a kiss brushed over my lips.
“I’ll go feed the cat and clean out her litter tray.”
I think I grunted. I felt Damien move away from me, then felt a blanket being thrown back over me. Damien yawned, pattered about the room for a minute or two, then ventured out. I wasn’t planning on going back to sleep, but when I felt the bed suddenly dip, I jolted out of my daze. I opened my eyes as Damien was climbing back into bed.
“I thought you were goin’ to feed Barbara.”
He grinned. “You fell asleep.”
“Did not.”
“Did too because I fed her, and cleaned out her litter tray an hour and a thirty minutes ago,” he said with a chuckle. “I got caught up watching the game I missed last night.”
“What time is it?” I quizzed.
“Just after eight.”
I stretched before moving over and snuggling against Damien’s side. “When do you have to leave?”
“About eight forty-five. My shift is at nine thirty, but I have to go home to shower and get clean clothes.”
I frowned when I realised that I didn’t want him to leave, and I let him know about it.
“I don’t want you to go.”
His arm came around me. “I’ll come back after work.”
“Promise?”
He kissed the crown of my head. “Promise.”
“Bring clothes with you this time, and your toothbrush, so that way you won’t have to go back home before work. You can just shower ’ere and then leave.”
Damien asked, “Is that your way of saying you want me to stay overnight with you?”
I stilled as doubt flooded me.
“Do you not want to?”
“Hey,” Damien said and didn’t speak further until I looked at him. “Don’t do that.”
“Do what?”
“Don’t retreat into yourself when you’re unsure of something; you overthink things when you do that.”
I frowned. “I do?”
“Yeah,” Damien replied. “You do.”
I nodded.
“And to answer your question, I do want to stay the night with you. I want to stay every night if you’ll let me. I wasn’t going to ask because this is all new … I didn’t want to push my luck.”
“You said we aren’t playing a game, you said we’re the other’s partner, and partners sleep in the same bed together.”
Damien’s lips twitched. “That they do.”
“I’m not askin’ you to move in,” I said, feeling my cheeks heat. “I just … I’ve spent a long time in limbo over you, and if I’m honest … I’m lonely.”
“Lonely?” Damien repeated.
“Yeah,” I mumbled. “Not friendship wise just …”
“Boyfriend wise?”
“I guess.”
“Is that why you spent time with Dante?”
I swallowed. “Yes and no.”
Damien inhaled and exhaled a breath and said, “Tell me. I want to know.”
“It’s embarrassin’.”
“It’s me you’re talking to, sweetheart.”
Sweetheart.
“Okay,” I said softly. “When … when things started out with Dante, it was just to prove somethin’ to meself.”
Damien was silent, so I continued.
“I wanted to prove that I was so hung up on you because I was young and dumb … and since Dante is so much like how you were at eighteen, I figured that if I slept with ’im and didn’t get bent out of shape, then it’d prove that me age was a factor in how broke up over you I was.”
“And was it?” Damien asked quietly.
“No, because I still feel the same way about you just as I did when I was eighteen.” I sighed. “I had no romantic interest in Dante, but I’ve always had that interest in you, even when I’d deny it to meself. When you kissed me the other day, I felt it in me soul … I know that sounds stupid, but I’ve never felt like that with anyone but you. Granted you’re the only lad I’ve ever kissed, but still, everythin’ is about you in me mind. It always has been. Whether it was good or bad, it was constantly you.”
Damien reached his hand over and cupped my cheek.
“I’m the only man you’ve ever kissed?”
I bobbed my head. “Only you.”
“I feel the same way,” he said. “I tried to move on when I returned to New York. During a low point, I went to a few bars and told myself I was going to pick the first hot chick I saw and fuck her … but I never did. You were on my mind constantly, and not just because I felt like shit over how things ended between us … but because I cared about you. You’re such a sweetheart, Alannah, and I’ve always carried you in my heart even when I was thousands of miles away.”
I covered my face with my hands when tears stung my eyes.
“Stop,” I pleaded. “I don’t want to cry all over you again.”
Damien pulled me against him. “You know we aren’t like a regular boyfriend and girlfriend who’re just starting out, right?”
I lowered my hands and nodded.
“We have history,” Damien continued. “So, don’t worry about what’s right and wrong when it comes to how we should behave. If it feels right to have me next to you at night in your bed, then I’ll be here … okay?”
“Okay,” I replied. “I want you ’ere with me. I’ve never felt so content fallin’ asleep as I did last night with you beside me.”
I was mortified admitting that, but Damien’s smile told me I had no reason to feel that way.
“Me too,” he said. “I lay awake for a while just listening to you breathe and enjoying having you in my arms.”
“Dame,” I murmured.
He leaned in and pressed his lips against mine, giving me a short and sweet kiss.
“You make me very happy,” Damien whispered. “Remember that whenever you start to doubt yourself or feel scared.”
“You make me happy too,” I said, “and like I said, I’m still scared shitless, but I don’t regret tryin’ with you.”
Bronagh was right; if I didn’t try with Damien, my mind would be plagued with what-ifs for the rest of my life. As hard as it was for me to do, I had to think positive; otherwise, I would be sabotaging my relationship with Damien before it even started. This was truly out of my comfort zone; by being with him, I was going against everything I had forced myself to believe for six years. My mind set wouldn’t change overnight, but I was willing to try, and right now, that was the best I could do.
I prayed it would be enough.