Ten days later …
Ten days had passed since I found out my ma had cancer, nine days had passed since Damien and I officially started dating, and eight days had passed since I found out the treatment plan my ma was signed up for to kick cancer’s arse as well as Branna and Ryder’s twins being born. It was Thursday, the day of her surgery to remove the peanut-size tumour from her breast, and I had never felt as sick in my entire life. I had terrible anxiety and chewed on my nails until I had none left and each of my fingers stung, while others bled.
“Alannah.” Bronagh clicked her tongue, gaining my attention. “You’re hurtin’ yourself.”
I looked at my fingers before wiping them on my leggings.
“I can’t help it.” I cleared my throat. “I feel so nervous I could be sick.”
I looked to my right when the arm around my waist squeezed me.
“She’ll be fine.”
I stared up at my boyfriend and frowned. He had taken the day off work, which worried me because Mr Collins had told him his schedule for the next few weeks was on lock, but Mr Collins allowed him to take the day to be with me. I would forever be grateful to him for that, because I needed Damien by my side.
“You don’t know that, Damien.”
He didn’t reply to that; he leaned in and kissed my cheek instead.
“When she comes out of surgery, she’s going to whoop your butt for worrying so much.”
I tried and failed to smile, so he squeezed me again. The gesture was comforting, but it was his and Bronagh’s presence that really kept my fried nerves in check. When I woke up that morning and got ready to head to the hospital to meet my parents, Damien surprised me by telling me he got the day off work to come with me, and that we had to pick Bronagh up along the way because she was coming too. I didn’t want to cry, so I hugged him with my face pressed against his chest until we had to leave.
That was three hours ago, and my ma was one hour into her surgery. The nurse I had spoken to about my ma’s lumpectomy procedure said there was no time limit because it was a very careful operation. The doctor wanted to remove as little breast tissue as possible while removing the tumour, so he had to take his time. I understood that, I encouraged that, but God above knew that the longer she was in surgery, the worse I felt.
My da seemed to share my anxiety.
He hadn’t sat down once since the doors to the operating theatre closed. All of us had the option to sit in a waiting room, but we chose to sit on the row of chairs lined up outside of the entrance to the operating theatre. My da had been pacing back and forth in front of the double doors from the moment my ma went through them. Every single time they opened, he jerked to attention, but each time, his shoulders sagged when he realised it wasn’t my ma.
He was sick with worry too, and it was the first time since I found out that he had cheated on her that I realised he still cared for her. Still loved her. The longer I stared at him, the possibility of what he had done, of it just being one huge mistake, became clear, and I didn’t know how to feel about that. I wanted to stay angry with him, it made pushing him to one side so much easier, but seeing him vulnerable as he waited on news of my ma tugged at my heartstrings.
He loved her, and I think after what he had done, he loved her even more than ever before.
“I’m makin’ some tea,” I said, standing up, causing Bronagh and Damien’s arms to fall away from me. “Do either of you want anythin’?”
“No,” they replied in unison.
I walked across the hall to the tea and coffeemaker machine, and I had just begun to make my tea when I felt a presence to my right. I flicked my eyes towards my da, not surprised to find him standing there, staring down at me. I glanced over my shoulder at Bronagh and Damien, who were watching us like hawks. I could have sworn neither of them blinked.
“What d’ye want?” I asked as I turned back to the machine.
From the corner of my eye, I noticed my da shoved his hands into the front pockets of his jeans.
“We need to talk, Alannah.”
I swallowed down bile.
“I’ve nothin’ to say to you.”
“Well, I’ve plenty to say to you.”
I couldn’t bring myself to look at him, but I remained quiet, giving him the opportunity to talk if he wanted to. I stirred my teabag around my styrofoam cup with a little wooden stick painstakingly slow.
“Until the day I die,” he began, “I will be sorry for cheatin’ on your ma, and breakin’ both her and your trust in me.”
Tears stung the back of my eyes.
“I don’t expect forgiveness,” he continued, “I don’t expect anythin’ less than anger because it’s what I deserve, but I just want you to know that I am truly sorry, and I have never regretted somethin’ more in me entire life.”
My lower lip wobbled upon hearing the emotion in his voice.
“You’re me baby,” he said, his voice cracking slightly. “I’m so sorry I ruined our relationship.”
My tears fell.
“Why?” I demanded, angrily wiping away my tears with the back of my hand. “Why did you do it?”
“I’ve been thinkin’ of the answer to that question since it all started,” he answered, clearing his throat. “Nothin’ I’ve come up with is good enough a reason. No reason is good enough for what I’ve done.”
On that, I agreed with him.
“I’m goin’ to tell your mother.”
I jerked my gaze to his so quickly, my neck hurt.
“What?”
“After she completes ’er radiation,” Da continued. “I’m goin’ to come clean and own up to what I did.”
I was at a loss for words.
“Will you leave ’er?”
“Christ,” Da blanched. “Never. I can only pray she won’t leave me, though I deserve nothin’ less.”
I considered his words.
“She won’t leave you,” I concluded. “She loves you too much.”
Da’s eyes glazed over with tears.
“I hate meself,” he rasped, exhaling a deep breath. “I love your ma; she is me heart. I’m sick with meself that I’ve done this to ’er.”
“Me too.”
My da locked his eyes on me.
“I will never,” he said, firmly, “ever break either of your trust again. I would rather die.”
My heart pounded.
“I can’t forgive you,” I said, my voice thick with emotion. “Not until she does, at least.”
“I’ll take it,” Da practically pleaded. “I’ll take any chance, no matter how small, to mend what I’ve done. I miss you so much, Alannah. Not talkin’ to you and seein’ the hurt in your eyes when you look at me breaks my heart. You’re me baby girl, and what I’ve done has hurt you. I swore when you were just born that I would protect you from everythin’ in this world, I … I just didn’t realise I had to protect you from me too.”
Before I realised what I was doing, I abandoned my cup of tea and stepped forward. Wrapping my arms around my da, I burst into tears when his arms came around me. He held onto me so tight, it almost crushed the air from my lungs.
“I love you,” Da cried as he leaned down and pressed his face into my hair. “I’m so sorry.”
“I love you too.” I sobbed, squeezing him.
God knew that I hated what he had done, but I still loved him with every bone in my body, and it was the most conflicted my emotions had ever been. I wasn’t sure what was going to happen with us. I wasn’t sure if I would forgive him, if I could ever fully trust him again, but one thing I was certain of was that he was sorry, and that he would never do anything to hurt my ma or me again. I was also sure that I missed him just as much as I loved him, but my anger over what he had done had blocked out those emotions as I focused on the deed he committed.
Hearing him admit his faults, owning up to them and willing to accept whatever my ma or me gave him in return really made it hit home that what he had done was just a mistake. A massive one, a life changing one, but still a mistake. I believed that everyone deserved a second chance, and as I hugged my da, I knew I would give him that chance. Just like I knew my ma would when he and she spoke about his infidelity. That conversation would be the most important one we would have as a family, after learning about my ma’s cancer, of course, but I knew, deep down, that we’d get through it.
My ma was right when she said there was nothing the three of us couldn’t get through together.
“I’m cryin’ all over you,” Da said with a little laugh as we broke apart. “Bronagh and that lad you came with are smilin’ at us, too.”
I could imagine.
“That lad is me boyfriend,” I said, lifting my hands to my face so I could wipe away my tears. “His name is Damien Slater.”
My da quickly rid his face of tears, stood up straight, and said, “Your ma told me about ’im. I’d like to meet ’im, if that’s okay?”
My ma had met Damien a few days ago, and it went off without a hitch. Damien even took it on the chin when she started teasing him over his fight with Dante, assuring him she found it all rather romantic. I was mortified, of course, but Damien thought it was hilarious. By the time we left my parents’ house, he and my ma were practically best friends.
“Of course, you can meet ’im.”
As we walked, I looked down at my da’s hand then without a word, I took his hand in mine, and gave a squeeze as I led him over to the observant duo.
“Da,” I began went we stopped in front of them, “this is Damien Slater, me boyfriend.”
Damien was already on his feet with his hand extended in my da’s direction.
“It’s great to finally meet you, sir.”
Da shook Damien’s hand firmly. “And you, son.”
Son. That one word made my heart melt.
“Bronagh, love.” Da smiled at my friend. “You’re lookin’ as lovely as ever.”
She snorted as she gave him a hug in greeting since she hadn’t done so when she entered the hospital because he was pacing back and forth the entire time. Coming over to talk to me was the first time he took a break from his routine.
“Where were you to tell me that this mornin’ when I was stuck with me head in the toilet vomitin’?”
Da grinned. “I’m sure that lad of yours had it covered.”
Bronagh snorted.
“Congratulations on your pregnancy,” Da continued. “I still can’t believe you have Georgie, and now you’ll have another little one.”
“I’ll have a tribe by the time I’m thirty if Dominic gets his way.”
“He will,” Damien and I said in chorus.
“Well—” Bronagh’s lips twitched “—maybe.”
I moved to Damien’s side, and I watched as my da’s eyes fell to my side. When I felt Damien’s fingers thread through mine, my heart leaped when a smile tugged at the corner of my da’s mouth. I had never thought of what my parents would think of Damien, but knowing that my ma practically loved him and my da’s first encounter with him went well really relaxed me. I couldn’t imagine staying with someone long term if he and my parents didn’t get along, not with how family orientated I was.
“Alannah,” Bronagh suddenly said. “That’s your ma.”
My attention was pulled to the doors of the operating theatre, and when I recognised the nurse who brought my ma in for her operation that walking by a bed that a man pushed, I knew Bronagh was right. It was my ma. My da and I quickly moved over to the bed, and we relaxed when we saw that my ma was sleeping, but she looked perfectly fine.
“She’s okay,” the nurse said, gaining our attention as we mutely walked. “You can come up to ’er room with us, but she may remain sleepin’ for a few hours.”
I didn’t want to mention that we were going up to her room with her no matter what, so with a bob of our heads, we all followed the nurse and the man who pushed my ma on her hospital bed. I grabbed Damien’s hand when he came to my side, and I squeezed it. My heart was pounding against my chest, and I was sweating.
“Hey,” Damien said, gaining my attention. “She’s okay.”
I repeated that over and over in my mind until we were in my ma’s private room, and we were sat around her bed, just staring at her. I kept looking at her chest, watching it rise and fall, before I’d switch my eyes to the heart monitor that she was hooked up to, keeping an eye on her heartbeat. I wanted her to wake up, just so I could ask for myself if she was okay, but I knew I had to be patient even though it was hard.
“She looks like she could be your older sister, Alannah,” Bronagh said as she stared at my ma with her head tilted. “I hope I look half as good as ’er when I’m fifty.”
“It’s all the laughin’ she does.” Da smiled, rubbing his thumb over the back of her hand that he had held from the moment we entered the room. “It keeps ’er young, bein’ happy.”
“If that’s the case, Alec Slater will never die,” I commented. “He’s always happy.”
Bronagh and my da chuckled, but Damien remained quiet, and that drew my attention.
“Are you okay?”
He nodded. “Just thinking.”
“About?”
“Where I’m goin’ to take you on our first date.”
I paused. “Can it be somethin’ simple?”
“Simple?”
“Yeah, like goin’ to the cinema, to dinner, a trail hike when it’s pretty outside. Ye’know, simple.”
Damien considered this. “That seems a little too simple.”
“I’m a simple girl.” I shrugged. “I don’t like things that are over the top.”
“I’d listen to ’er if I were you,” Da chimed in. “When me and ’er mother threw ’er a twenty-first birthday party, she was so mad that we spent money on ’er that we had to listen to ’er lecturin’ us about it for weeks.”
“That’s true.” I nodded. “I did do that.”
Damien’s lips twitched. “A dinner and movie date it is.”
“Oh, can we go and see The Greatest Showman?”
I had looked it up when Morgan mentioned bringing his girlfriend to see a Hugh Jackman and Zac Efron musical and had been itching to go see it ever since.
“And that would be?”
“A musical with Hugh Jackman and Zac Efron.”
Damien rolled his eyes; Bronagh gasped.
“Shut up,” she said. “I love Hugh Jackman and Zac Efron.”
I snorted. “Who doesn’t?”
“I’m sitting right here, woman.”
I looked at Damien and grinned.
“It’s Hugh Jackman and Zac Efron. Like I have a chance.”
“If they saw you, you would.”
I laughed. “I wish.”
Bronagh snickered over Damien’s scowl, but all our attention was turned to the door when a light knock sounded and in stepped the head doctor on my ma’s team, the one who had just performed surgery on her.
“We’ll go and get some tea,” Bronagh said, getting to her feet at the same time as Damien. “Excuse us.”
When they left the room, myself and my da got to our feet, and after we greeted the doctor with a handshake and nod of our heads, we waited.
“The surgery went beautifully,” the doctor said in a thick accent that I couldn’t detect, folding his arms across his chest. “I removed the tumour and very little breast tissue. Once she is all healed up, a small scar is all that will be left behind.”
I deflated with relief. “Thank you so much.”
“My pleasure.” The doctor bowed his head a little. “Now, she will be a little sore when she wakes up, and her breast, as well as some of the surrounding area, will be swollen, but that is all perfectly normal.”
“When can she come home?”
“Tomorrow morning,” the doctor answered. “She’ll be kept overnight just for observation.”
I frowned. “That soon?”
“While your mother’s surgery was important for her treatment plan, it was minor. Tomorrow, she will only feel discomfort and tenderness, and in a few days, she will be feeling much better.”
I nodded in understanding.
“So.” Da cleared his throat. “What now?”
“She is booked in to start her first radiation treatment four weeks from tomorrow, and she’ll have that for five to six weeks starting at five times a week.”
Again, I nodded.
“Don’t look so worried.” The doctor smiled at me and my da. “This is a good day; the tumour was removed with no complications. Your mother and wife’s future is much brighter than it was this morning.”
Until I heard the words “no evidence of disease”, I didn’t think I’d stop worrying about my ma. Hell, I think I’d still worry about her even after I heard those all-important words. That was what you did when it came to people you loved. You worried about them just as hard as you loved them. That’s how you knew how important they were to you. If you couldn’t imagine your life without them, they were part of the pieces that made up your heart, and I was confident that my ma made up a whole half of mine.