“Josh! Josh!” I heard Savannah shout. I rolled over and buried my head in my pillow, still half asleep. “Josh!” she shouted again.
Leaning over, I flicked the lamp on and rolled over to face her. “What’s wrong Sav?” I asked, rubbing my eyes.
“It’s time,” she said quietly.
“Time for what?” I asked, still not awake.
“Time to be a daddy.”
“The baby’s coming?” I asked in a panic. She nodded and moved to get out of bed. “But you’re not due yet!” I exclaimed.
“I’m due in just over a week Josh, and babies rarely come on their due date,” she told me, slowly putting her clothes on. She stopped and looked at me. “Are you going to get up?”
“Are you sure it’s time?” I asked, not feeling ready for this to be happening.
“I’m sure babe. I’ve been timing my contractions and they’re coming every seven minutes. It’s time to go.” My eyes widened in surprise. Suddenly realizing she wasn’t joking, I flew out of bed, pulling my jeans on. I watched her as I got dressed; she seemed so calm, so why did I feel like I was going to throw up? I knew I had to get my shit together—I was going to be useless to her in my current state. Walking over to her, I took her hands in mine and turned her to face me.
“I love you,” I told her as I pulled her into my arms and kissed her head.
“I’m scared,” she said, her voice breaking.
“I’m scared too baby, but I’m here and you can do this.”
She nodded and took a deep breath, pointing to her overnight bag in the corner of the room. “Don’t forget the bag.” I nodded and grabbed it, following her down the stairs. Halfway down, a contraction hit and she stopped, her hand pressed to the wall as she bent over slightly and started panting. I rubbed her back while she breathed through it. “Fuck that hurt!” she exclaimed after it passed, and I chuckled.
“You’re going to swear a lot today, aren’t you?”
“I think so,” she admitted.
“Come on, let’s go get you some drugs!” She laughed as I followed her out of the cottage and up toward the car. I saw her glancing over to where the stables had stood, the grass still scorched from the fire. What was left of the burnt-out stable had been pulled down, and preparations were being made to rebuild. All but two of the horses had escaped the fire, and they were currently being kept in the old stables at the back of the ranch.
Reaching the car, I held open the passenger door and helped Savannah in. Leaning over her, I fixed her seat belt and kissed her on the cheek. I raced around to the driver’s side of the new Volvo SUV I’d recently traded my Porsche in for and jumped in, throwing her overnight bag on the back seat. Glancing over at her, I watched as she sat with her eyes closed and her fists clenched in her lap. I’d never let myself believe a life with Savannah was possible, let alone a life where I got to have her and a child. I’d never loved her more than I did in that moment, knowing she was going to give me something I’d never thought I would have.
Her eyes opened and she looked over at me, a small smile pulling on her lips. “Let’s go have a baby,” she said as she reached over and took my hand. I nodded and started the engine.
Arriving at the hospital 10 minutes later, we made our way into the maternity department. Her contractions were coming every five minutes now, and she’d had two in the car on the way there. I felt completely useless rubbing her back, but I didn’t know what else to do. As we arrived at the reception desk, another contraction hit and she bent over, rocking on her heels as she panted. She took my hand and squeezed it tightly, her face a picture of pain.
“You’re doing great,” I told her, wishing I could take her pain away. A nurse appeared with a wheelchair and she sat Savannah in it, wheeling her to a room.
“Don’t leave me Josh,” she said frantically, tears running down her cheeks. “I can’t do this without you.”
“I’m not going anywhere sweetheart,” I promised, and I didn’t. I stayed by her side for the whole labor. Seven hours and a lot of cursing later, screams filled the room as our daughter was born. Savannah was incredible and as she cradled our newborn baby in her arms, I fell even more in love with her. Tears ran down my cheeks and I leaned over, kissing her softy. “You were amazing Savannah. She’s beautiful, just like her mama. I love you so much,” I told her, choking on the lump that had formed in my throat.
“I love you too Josh. Do you want to hold her?” Her face beamed with happiness as I nodded and held out my hands, nervous that I was going to drop her or hold her wrong. As Savannah placed her in my arms, the rush of love I felt was overwhelming. As the nurses took care of Savannah, I moved to the window with her in my arms.
“Hello beautiful girl,” I whispered, my hand reaching up to stroke her perfect face. “I’m your daddy and I love you so much.” I really did. It was hard to explain how someone you’ve only met moments before can suddenly become the center of your whole world, but both she and her mommy owned my heart.
Once Savannah was settled, I sat down in the chair next to her.
“What should we name her?” Sav asked as she gazed at me, her eyes full of love.
Looking down at her in my arms, I smiled. “What about Hope? I think that’s pretty fitting, what do you think?”
“Hope Miller,” Savannah said, testing it out. “Hope Miller…I like it. What about Elizabeth as a middle name, after my Grams? Hope Elizabeth Miller?” she asked with a smile.
I nodded. “I think it’s perfect. Hello Hope,” I said, gazing down at her in my arms.
It really was perfect. This little bundle had given us the hope that we could be happy and have a life together. I’d spent years fighting my feelings for Savannah, believing I couldn’t give her what she needed, when in reality all we had both needed was to love each other. Everything we’d been through, both apart and together, had been stepping stones to get us to that point, and I for one couldn’t wait to see what the future held for the three of us.