The morning after Libby and Mason’s engagement, I woke up with my hand resting on my tiny bump. After Mason proposed at the lake, he’d brought her back to the ranch house where we were all waiting for them. I was sure if Mason had had his own way, he would have taken her straight to his bed, but he was aware of how much Libby missed her parents and how much she would want to tell us all about the engagement.
I’d loved hearing every detail of the proposal, but it had been a long night and I had struggled to keep my eyes open. Lately, I couldn’t seem to stay up past 8pm without falling asleep.
It was still only Libby who knew about the pregnancy. I was slowly coming around to the idea that I was having a baby, but I wouldn’t say I was exactly excited about it. It still didn’t seem real. I had put off seeing a doctor until now, not wanting to face the truth. I had an appointment at the obstetrician later in the morning, and Libby was coming with me. I was planning on telling my parents that night, and my stomach rolled at the thought. I ran from my bed to the bathroom, throwing up yet again. I had been suffering from morning sickness—although I wasn’t sure why it was called morning sickness since it seemed to happen at any time during the day. Random smells would cause me to run for the nearest bathroom; I tried to avoid the smells I knew about, but each passing day there seemed to be something new that would set me off.
Somehow, I’d managed to keep my sickness hidden from my parents. It helped that I had a bathroom off my bedroom, and I guessed I’d just been lucky that they weren’t around the other times. Picking myself up off the bathroom floor, I jumped in the shower, quickly washing my hair and body. Libby was due at 10, and it was already past 9am.
30 minutes later I was downstairs, nibbling on a piece of toast while I waited for Lib. I couldn’t handle much to eat first thing, but I always felt worse if I didn’t eat at all. I heard the front door open and a second later, Libby walked into the kitchen.
“Hey Sav, how are you feeling?” she asked as she helped herself to a cup of coffee.
“Hey Lib, I’m good, nauseous, but that’s nothing new. What about you? How does it feel to wake up an engaged woman? Bet you didn’t get much sleep,” I teased, wriggling my eyebrows at her. I watched as her face flushed red and I laughed. “I’ll take that as a no then.”
“No comment,” she replied with a smirk. Sipping on her coffee, she asked, “You ready for this morning?”
“I’m nervous as hell. I know I’m pregnant, but other than the sickness and looking a bit fat, it’s hard to believe it’s really happening. I guess after today, it will be.”
“Everything will be fine Sav. Once we go to the appointment and you tell your parents, you’ll feel a whole lot better, and as for looking fat, you look incredible. Even with a huge bump, you’ll look incredible.”
I closed my eyes and shook my head. “Thank you Lib. I couldn’t do this without you.”
“You could—you’re one of the strongest people I know.” She smiled at me. “Come on, let’s go see your baby.”
30 minutes later, we were sitting in the obstetrician’s waiting room. I glanced around nervously. There were women there at all stages of pregnancy. Some were like me and didn’t look pregnant at all, and others looked like they were about to pop. I couldn’t imagine my tiny bump getting that big, but I supposed it would. I couldn’t help but notice that the majority of the women were there with their husbands or partners, and it made me feel sad that I was doing it alone. I hoped my parents—after their initial shock and disappointment—would support me, and of course I had Lib, but I wasn’t naive enough to think that could replace the support of a partner, let alone the fact that I wanted to be loved. I was pulled out of my thoughts by Libby squeezing my hand.
“I see you looking around. I know what you’re thinking, but just because you’re having this baby alone, that doesn’t mean you’ll always be alone. There is someone out there who will love you and your baby, I’m convinced of it.”
I gave her a small smile. “I wish I had your confidence.”
Our conversation was interrupted by the nurse calling me back. “Savannah Parker.” I took a deep breath and stood up. “Hi Savannah.” She smiled at me. “I’m Aubrey, and I’m the nurse assisting Dr. Johnson today. Come with me please.” She walked off down the hallway and Libby and I followed. She opened a door off to the left and motioned for us to enter. “Please change into the gown on the bed and Dr. Johnson will be in shortly.”
“Okay. Thank you,” I said as she closed the door. I went behind the curtain that was pulled around the bed and took my clothes off, slipping on the gown. I pulled it tight around my body so my ass wasn’t hanging out and drew the curtain back. Lib was perched on one of the chairs. As I sat on the bed, I glanced around the room. There was a large monitor on the wall directly opposite me, and next to the bed was what I guessed was an ultrasound machine. There were medical posters on the wall detailing the different stages of childbirth, and I swallowed nervously, not wanting to think too much about the baby having to come out.
“You okay Sav? You’re a little pale,” Lib asked, concern lacing her voice. As I nodded, there was a knock on the door. A woman entered, followed by Aubrey, who gave me a reassuring smile.
“Hello Savannah, I’m Dr. Johnson, and I believe you already met Aubrey.” I nodded as she put her hand out for me to shake.
“Hello Dr. Johnson,” I said as I shook her hand and looked over my shoulder. “This is my cousin Libby.”
“Hello Libby, very nice to meet you.”
“You too Dr. Johnson,” Libby replied.
“So, Savannah, you’ve had a positive pregnancy test at home?” Dr. Johnson asked. I nodded. “And what was the date of your last period?” I told her what I thought was the date and she nodded, looking at her calendar. “That would put you at around eight weeks. Aubrey will take your blood pressure while I set up the ultrasound machine. You’re a little early for an abdominal ultrasound, so we’ll have to do an internal one today.”
“An internal one?” I gulped, my eyes widening.
She smiled. “It’s not as bad as it sounds, and it doesn’t hurt. It may just be a little uncomfortable, but most women find it to be fine. When the fetus is this small, an internal ultrasound gives us better images.” I nodded as I felt Libby take my hand and squeeze it encouragingly. “Have you been suffering with any morning sickness?”
“Yes, but not just in the morning. It’s certain smells that set me off, and I have to run for the nearest bathroom.”
She nodded. “That’s perfectly normal, and it should ease up. If it does start to get any worse, let us know and we can give you something for it.”
After Aubrey took my blood pressure, I lay down and she positioned my legs into the stirrups at the end of the bed. As she draped a sheet over me I watched Dr. Johnson setting up the ultrasound machine. She put what looked like a large condom over a penis-shaped ultrasound probe, squeezing a blob of lubricant onto the end. I looked over at Libby with wide eyes and felt her squeeze my hand again.
“Okay Savannah, we’re ready to start.” I nodded and closed my eyes as she lifted the sheet up and I felt her insert the probe. “Just relax.” Taking a deep breath, I tried my best to relax. The doctor was right—it wasn’t painful, just a little uncomfortable. I felt her remove the probe after a minute or two and my eyes flew open.
“Is everything okay?” I asked her.
“We just need to try an abdominal ultrasound instead. Savannah, I think you may be further along than we first thought.”
“But I had a period,” I said, confused.
“Were you taking the contraceptive pill when you found out you were pregnant?” she asked as she fiddled with the machine.
“Yes.”
“Well sometimes if the pregnancy isn’t planned and you continue to take the pill, you can still have a bleed. It’s not uncommon.” She removed my legs from the stirrups and covered my lower half with the sheet. Pulling up my gown, she exposed my stomach. “Let’s have a little look with this.” She squirted some gel on my tummy and moved the probe over my lower stomach. “If you look over on that screen you should be able to see your baby any minute…now.” She pressed a few buttons and suddenly a clear outline of a baby appeared. I gasped. “And there’s your baby. You’re definitely further along than eight weeks. I’ll just take some measurements.”
I barely heard what she was saying as I was transfixed by the image on the screen. I couldn’t stop staring at my baby. He or she was moving around all over the place. I quickly glanced at the probe on my stomach and then back up at the screen, not believing that what I was seeing was actually inside me.
“Savannah,” I heard Libby say, her voice choked with emotion. I looked over and she was smiling at me. “That’s your baby. It’s incredible.”
Suddenly the room filled with a fast whooshing sound and I turned my head to Dr. Johnson. “Is that the heartbeat?” I asked in amazement.
“It is. 158 beats per minute—very strong and healthy. Congratulations Savannah, everything looks great. You’re seventeen weeks and three days. Your due date is March 7th.”
“Seventeen weeks!” I exclaimed. “How did I not know? I’ve been out drinking—will the baby be okay?” I asked in a panic.
“Try not to worry. Lots of women don’t realize they’re pregnant right away, and everything on the sonogram looks fine. If you were still having a bleed each month and generally feeling well, other than weight gain, you wouldn’t necessarily know. You’re far enough along to find out the sex. Would you like to know?” Dr. Johnson asked me with a smile.
“I don’t know, I haven’t really thought about it,” I answered, preoccupied by the fact that I was so far along with the pregnancy.
“We don’t need to look today. Think about it, and you can decide at your next appointment.”
“Okay,” I said quietly.
As she removed the probe, the whooshing stopped and the screen returned to black. She pressed a few more buttons on the screen and handed me a roll of several pictures. “I just need to take some blood and give you a prescription for some prenatal vitamins, then you can be on your way.”
I nodded, still in awe of what I’d seen. “Thank you.”
“You’re welcome. Can I ask if the father is around?”
I shook my head. “No. I’m doing this on my own.” Dr. Johnson nodded.
“She’s not on her own—she has a lot of people around her who love her and support her,” Libby rushed out.
Dr. Johnson smiled at both of us. “Good.”
She took some blood and while I was getting dressed, Aubrey set up my next appointment. She came back in clutching some leaflets along with an appointment card and my prescription. “Here you go.” She handed me everything. “There are a few leaflets for you to look through, things you shouldn’t eat and some other information. Any problems before your next appointment, feel free to give us a call. The number is on the card.” She led us back into the waiting room. “See you next time Savannah.”
“Thank you, Aubrey,” I said, giving her a smile.
As we made our way outside, Libby linked her arm with mine. “Wow, that was amazing,” she gushed. “How do you feel?”
“Overwhelmed,” I replied quietly. I reached into my bag and pulled out the strip of pictures Dr. Johnson had given me. “I can’t quite believe that’s growing inside me,” I said in awe as I looked down at them. “I’m having a baby Lib, and sooner than I thought.” Panic swirled in my stomach.
She laughed. “I know Sav. I would have thought you’d realize sooner with the amount of throwing up you’ve been doing.” She paused and reached for my hand. “You look terrified. Everything is going to be fine.”
I gave her a small smile. “It just makes everything more real.” I placed my hand on my stomach and shook my head. “Let’s go home. I need to wrap my head around it all before I tell everyone. They’re going to be so disappointed in me.”
“Maybe at first. It will be a shock, but they are your family and they love you,” Libby said, trying to reassure me. I nodded. I hoped she was right; I was dreading seeing the disappointment in my mom’s eyes.
“Will you and Mason come over for dinner? I’d like you to be there when I tell them.”
“Of course.” She paused and I looked over at her. “Are you going to tell Josh?” she asked quietly.
I sighed and looked back down at the pictures in my hands. “I’m sure Brody will tell him. He won’t care anyway—he’s got a new girlfriend, according to Brody.” I hadn’t really seen Josh in a while. I would bump into him occasionally at the house when he came to see Brody, but for the most part, I’d managed to avoid him. We’d all been out as a group a few times in the months after Lib moved to the ranch to be with Mason, and sometimes Josh and I would get along really well, spending the whole night talking and flirting. On those nights, I’d go home with a smile on my face, thinking he might actually like me. Then the next time we’d go out he would either bring a girl with him and I’d have to spend the whole night watching him with someone else, or he’d leave with a girl from the bar. It was exhausting trying to figure out where I stood with him, and after a couple of months, I decided it was easier if I didn’t go out with them anymore.
I made excuses that I was busy with school, and I started going out with a couple of girls from my program who also lived in Marble Falls. They were wild and I became as wild as them, almost transforming into a completely different person when I was with them. Josh had seen me out with them a few times, and he always tried to get me away from whichever guy I was dancing with, seeming pissed that I was having a good time. I was always quick to remind him that it was none of his business, and he’d storm off and leave me alone.
I hated the nights I’d go out and bump into him. It was usually a night when Brody was on a date and Josh was out with the guys he worked with. Seeing him would make me feel like crap, and they were normally the nights I’d go home with someone, desperate to feel something, anything, for someone other than him. The distraction never worked though, and I always ended up wishing it was Josh I was with rather than someone whose name I didn’t even know.
I was pretty sure Josh thought I was a slut, and judging by my current condition—single, pregnant, and not a clue who the father was—I would probably have to agree with him.