A week had passed since I’d told my dad about the baby, and things were strained, to say the least. I’d barely seen him around the house. He would make a point to be out before I woke up, and although he would be home for dinner, he struggled to look me in the eye, and our conversations were minimal. I was devastated; I had always been close to my dad and knowing I didn’t have his support made me question if I was doing the right thing in deciding to keep the baby.
Both my mom and Brody had tried to reason with him, but he’d brushed them off, refusing to talk about it. I’d wanted to speak to him too, but I hadn’t been alone with him long enough to try. The atmosphere in the house when we were all there was horrible, and I hated that I was causing problems in the family.
I was sitting at the kitchen table, waiting for my mom to come home. I needed to talk to her. I’d been thinking over the past few days about how I could make things easier for everyone. I couldn’t bear to be in the house knowing I was making everyone miserable; I knew my parents were arguing because of me, and I hated it. Despite my dad’s reaction, I’d decided I couldn’t terminate the pregnancy, and I also couldn’t go down the adoption route. As scary as it was, this baby was coming.
When Grandpa had died a couple of years before, he’d left me and Brody a fair amount of money each. I’d used some of mine when I bought my car, and the rest had gone into a savings account, which I hadn’t touched since. The plan had been to save it and use it as a deposit on a house when the time was right. I’d been thinking lately that I would need to dip into it until I was able to get a job.
Grandpa had lived on the ranch in a small cottage behind the main house. It had been empty since he’d died, and I wondered if my parents would mind me moving in there. It was small, but it had two bedrooms and would be an ideal space for me and the baby. It even had its own small garden. I’d met Libby earlier for lunch and told her about my plan to move in there, and she’d thought it was a great idea.
I heard the front door open and my mom poked her head into the kitchen. “Hi sweetheart. How are you feeling?” she asked, coming in and dropping her bag on the table.
“I’m good, thanks. The nausea is beginning to wear off, thankfully.” I watched her as she put the coffee pot on. “Mom, I’ve been thinking…how would you feel if I moved into Grandpa’s cottage?”
“Grandpa’s cottage?” she asked, turning around to face me. “Why would you want to move in there?” The surprise was evident in her voice.
“I need to stand on my own two feet, even if I do need your help to do it. I can’t stay here and have the baby crying all night. It’s going to keep everyone awake. I can’t afford to rent anywhere at the moment, and I thought with Grandpa’s cottage being empty, I could put it to good use.”
“Sweetheart, we don’t want you to move out. You’re welcome to stay here as long as you want—this is your home.”
“I know Mom, but I need to do this.”
“This is because of your dad, isn’t it?” She closed her eyes and shook her head. “Stubborn, pig-headed man, he’s going to lose his daughter and grandchild if he’s not careful,” she mumbled, although I heard every word.
“That won’t happen Mom, I won’t let it. This baby won’t have a father, but I won’t let it not know its Pops. He might hate me, but I know Dad—he’ll love my child.”
“He doesn’t hate you Savannah.” She walked across the kitchen and pulled me into a hug.
“I’m not so sure Mom.” I sighed as I hugged her back. “So,” I said, stepping out of the hug. “What do you think about me living in the cottage?” I asked again.
“Well, I’m not happy about it, but I can see why you want to do it. If you’re really sure about it then the cottage is yours.”
“And Dad won’t mind?”
“He won’t have a choice. This is my ranch as well as his, and you’re my daughter. Your grandpa loved that cottage, and he loved you. He would have loved the idea of you living there, I’m sure of it,” she told me with a reassuring smile. “We’ll go have a look after dinner—it’s going to need some tidying up.”
“Have a look at what?” I heard Brody say as he came into the kitchen, flopping down in the seat next to me.
“Hi Brode, I’m just talking to Mom about me moving into Grandpa’s cottage.”
“Why would you want to do that?” he asked, frowning at me.
“Brody, I’m having a baby. It’s going to cry all night and keep everyone awake, and I know how much you need your beauty sleep,” I joked, nudging my shoulder against his. “Plus, things with Dad aren’t good,” I said quietly with a loose shrug of my shoulders. “Maybe if I move out, things will get better.”
He put his arm around me and pulled me into his side. “Dad won’t want you to move out Sav, he’s just having a hard time accepting what’s happening. He’ll come around soon.”
“I hope you’re right, I really do, but I need to do this for me. I can’t rely on Mom and Dad forever. I’m going to be a mom myself soon, as scary as that might be.”
He pulled me tighter into his side. “You’re going to be a great mom.”
“Thank you,” I sighed, wondering how on earth I was going to cope alone with a baby.
“We’re going to have a look around the cottage after dinner. I think it’s going to need some work before I’m happy for my daughter and grandchild to live there,” my mom announced as she began preparing dinner.
“Count me in, I’m happy to help. I’m going to jump in the shower.” He stood up and headed to the door. “Dad won’t be back until later, he’s working out some problem in the guest house,” he said before making his way upstairs.
I sighed. Dad always made it back for dinner, so I knew he was staying away because of me. My mom gave me a small smile.
“I know what you’re thinking honey, but I’m sure he really is working out a problem.” I nodded, not wanting to upset her. The sooner I had my own place, the better—at least then my dad wouldn’t avoid coming home.
An hour later, Mom, Brody, and I were standing inside the empty cottage. It had been over two years since I’d been there, and it was more rundown than I remembered. I felt my shoulders drop as I realized just how much work would need to be done before I could move in.
Grandpa’s things had been cleared out after he died so the cottage was empty. There was a fine layer of dust on the floor and window ledges, and the wallpaper was peeling from the walls. Everywhere needed a good clean and a fresh lick of paint. Wandering into the kitchen, I looked around; it was small, but big enough for me. The cabinets were old and needed repairing, and some of the doors were loose. The whole thing could do with a coat of paint. I felt my mom come up behind me.
“Are you sure you want to live here Savannah?” she asked, squeezing my shoulder. “Your home is still your home. No one is asking you to move out.”
I nodded. “It’s not that bad. It just needs a clean and a freshen up,” I told her, trying to convince myself it wasn’t as bad as it looked.
“Just head around the back of the house and keep walking. You’ll see the cottage, we’re right inside. Great, see you in five,” I heard Brody say, obviously on the phone with someone. I made my way back into the sitting room, my mom following me.
“Who was that Brode?” I asked him as I watched him slip his phone into his pocket.
“Josh. I called him after I showered earlier. I asked him to come see what needs looking at, although I’ve got to say Sav, it’s worse than I remember. Did Gramps really live in it in this state?” My eyes widened in horror. “What’s wrong? You don’t mind me asking him, do you?”
I could feel my heart pounding and the nervous butterflies taking flight in my stomach. Josh was the last person I wanted working on the cottage, though logically it made sense—he worked for his dad’s construction company and while his main job was as a carpenter, he was handy when it came to most things. I had planned to be helping out around the cottage as much as I could, and having Josh do the work would mean being in this tiny space alone with him. I wasn’t sure my battered heart was ready for that.
“Does he know about the baby?” I asked Brody. I felt my mom reach down and hold my hand, and I watched as Brody’s eyes fell to our joined hands.
“No, I haven’t really seen him since you told us last week. What’s going on?” He crossed his arms, a frown forming on his face.
“Nothing,” I said quickly. “Nothing’s going on, I just wasn’t ready to tell him about the baby yet, that’s all.”
“What baby?” I heard a voice say from the doorway of the cottage, a voice I recognized as Josh’s. My heart dropped and I squeezed my eyes closed. Taking a deep breath, I turned around. Opening my eyes to look at him, my breath caught in my throat—he looked incredible. He’d obviously come straight from work and was dressed in his black work pants with his work belt slung around his hips and a tight grey t-shirt stretched across his chest. As my eyes met his, he raised them in question.
“Brody, come look at these kitchen cabinets—I think we can get away with painting them,” I heard my mom say to Brody as she released my hand and guided him out of the lounge, leaving Josh and me alone.
“What’s going on Sav? Brody said you’re moving in here…why?” he asked quietly.
Dropping my eyes from his, I fixed them on the floor; I hadn’t wanted him to find out like this, but I couldn’t see a way of not telling him now.
“I’m pregnant,” I said slowly, not knowing how he would react. It shouldn’t have bothered him whether I was pregnant or not, but even so, I was nervous about telling him. The last time I’d seen him was in my bedroom the night I’d told my parents, and we hadn’t exactly parted on great terms.
“You’re pregnant?” he exclaimed. I looked up to see him shaking his head and running his hand through his hair. I swore his eyes flashed with hurt, but I had no idea why. “Did you know last week when I came for dinner?” I nodded. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
“I hadn’t told anyone other than my mom and Lib.”
“Where’s your boyfriend?” he asked. “Shouldn’t he be here helping get this place ready?”
“There is no boyfriend.” I shook my head. “There never was.”
“But you said you were dating someone?”
“I never actually said that…” I trailed off.
“Why would you want me to think you were dating someone Savannah?” he asked, shaking his head again. I shrugged my shoulders. “Well if you’re not dating anyone, whose baby is it?”
I turned away from him, not wanting to see his face when he realized what a terrible person I was. “Just someone I met in a bar,” I mumbled. “I don’t know his name.” I waited a few moments for him to say something, but when I was met with silence, I slowly turned back around to face him. He was staring intently at me.
“I need to go,” he said, sounding angry as he walked backward toward the door, his eyes dropping to my tiny bump.
“What? Why?” Panic swirled in my stomach; he looked so hurt and angry. I knew he didn’t feel for me what I felt for him, but he had been a part of my life for as long as I could remember, and before things had gotten awkward between us, we were friends. I couldn’t bear the thought that this one mistake could lead to our friendship being over for good. He took one last look at me before turning and walking out of the cottage, the door slamming behind him. I was left standing alone in the room, tears running down my cheeks.
Brody came rushing in from the kitchen. “Does someone want to tell me what the hell is going on?” he asked, looking between me and Mom, who’d followed him out of the kitchen. “Why did Josh just storm out?”
I dropped my head into my hands, letting the tears flow. I felt my mom wrap her arms around me as she pulled me into a hug. “I think Savannah’s just a little overwhelmed by everything Brody. Maybe we should head home and come back in the morning to have a better look around.”
He eyed me suspiciously. “If you aren’t going to tell me what’s going on, I’ll just ask Josh,” Brody replied, reaching in his pocket for his phone.
“No!” I shouted, pulling away from my mom. “Brody, please just leave it.” I watched him as he looked down at my stomach.
Lifting his hand, he pointed at me. “Is the baby Josh’s?” he asked, his eyes wide.
“What! No. I told you I don’t know who the father is.”
“What was all that then?” he shouted, gesturing to the door Josh had just left through.
“Leave it Brody,” my mom said sternly.
I sighed. “It’s okay Mom, it’s time he knew.” I turned to face him, dragging in a deep breath in an attempt to calm myself down. “Brody, I’ve been in love with Josh since before I really knew what love was.” I watched as his face clouded with confusion. “He doesn’t feel the same and things have been strained between us for the past few months. When I told him about the baby, he stormed out.” I shrugged my shoulders. “Just one more person who hates me.”
“In love with Josh?” he repeated in disbelief. “And he knows how you feel?”
“Well I’ve never actually told him in so many words, but yes, he knows.”
“Why didn’t you ever tell me?”
“You always warned me about going after your friends, and I thought maybe you wouldn’t bring Josh home if you knew how I felt. Are you angry with me?”
“I’m not angry Sav. You can’t help who you fall in love with, I just wish you’d told me.”
“I thought you’d be mad.”
He walked over to me, wrapping his arms around me, and I heard him sigh. “I told all the guys to stay away from you. I remember how we only thought with our dicks back when we were kids. I didn’t want any of them treating you like that, but we’re all grown up now, and even though you’ll always be my baby sister, if you wanted to be with Josh and he wanted the same, I wouldn’t stand in your way. I just want you to be happy.” I felt his arms tighten around me and he kissed me gently on the head.
“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you, but it doesn’t matter now,” I said into his chest. “He’s not interested, and after finding out about the baby, I doubt he’ll even speak to me again.”
“It doesn’t sound like he’s not interested—why storm out if he wasn’t bothered?”
“He sees me as his little sister. Maybe he’s disappointed in me—Dad certainly is.”
He squeezed me tightly again before releasing me and turning to Mom. “Did you know about this?” he asked her.
She nodded. “Since she was about 15, I’ve seen the way she looks at him, although she only talked to me about it recently.” She gave me a sad smile.
“Is that why you stopped coming out with us?” he asked.
I nodded. “You know Josh, there was always a different girl hanging off him,” I said sadly. “I’d have to watch him all over some skank, but on the odd occasion a guy would ask me to dance, he’d go psycho on me and pull me off the dance floor. I couldn’t stand it in the end, and it was easier not to come out.”
“I can’t believe I missed it—I didn’t have a clue!” Brody exclaimed. “And Josh has never said anything.”
“Please don’t say anything to him,” I begged, watching as he nodded his head at me. “I didn’t want you to know. I thought I’d hidden my feelings well, but obviously not that well,” I said with a small smile as I looked over at my mom.
“Moms know everything,” she said, giving me a wink. “Come on, let’s head home. We can come back tomorrow after work and have another look at what needs to be done.”
I nodded, linking arms with my mom, suddenly feeling exhausted after the emotional run-in with Josh. We made the short walk back to the ranch house in silence; I was lost in thought, replaying the conversation with Josh. Dad was home when we got back and I didn’t have the energy for any sort of confrontation with him, so I headed straight up to my room, leaving my mom to tell him about the cottage.
After a quick shower, I crawled into bed. I was exhausted, but I couldn’t seem to switch my mind off enough to fall asleep, and thoughts of Josh swirled in my head. I couldn’t be with him the way I wanted to, especially now, but my childhood memories were full of him. I couldn’t imagine him hating me; avoiding him for the past few months had been hard enough.
I rolled over, burying my face in my pillow. I was terrified that I had lost two of the most important people in my life because of one mistake. After my visit to the obstetrician and hearing my baby’s heartbeat, I wouldn’t change what was happening; I just wished the circumstances were different. I could only hope my dad and Josh would come around to the idea, and I prayed it would be soon.