After getting home from the appointment, I spent the rest of the day in my room. Libby went to meet Mason for lunch; she invited me to join them, but I didn’t want to intrude. I told her I was tired and was going to lie down, and it wasn’t a lie. I was exhausted after the late night the night before and I lay on my bed, texting my mom to let her know Lib and Mason were coming over later before falling asleep.
I woke up to my stomach rumbling, realizing I’d slept through lunch. Checking my phone, I saw that it was almost 4 in the afternoon. My mom would be home soon to start dinner so I went downstairs to grab a snack to keep me going. When I got into the kitchen, I saw her at the stove, and she turned around as she heard me come in. “Hi honey, I didn’t realize you were home.”
“Hey Mom,” I replied, grabbing a banana from the fruit bowl on the counter and sitting down at the table. “I was in my room. You’re home early.”
She nodded. “I wanted to get dinner started. You look pale Sav, are you feeling okay?” she asked, concern lacing her voice.
“I’m okay, just tired,” I replied, dropping my eyes, not able to look at her knowing I was lying.
She gave me a funny look. “Don’t think I haven’t noticed that you’ve been acting different these past few months. I know you’re a grown woman, but I’m still your mom, and I worry about you. I hope you know you can always talk to me, about anything.”
I burst into tears and dropped my head into my hands. I couldn’t sit there and lie to her face. I’d planned to tell my parents and Brody together that night so I’d only have to say it once, but I needed my mom.
“Savannah, what’s wrong?” She came over to where I was sitting and pulled me up and into a hug.
“Oh Mom,” I said between sobs. “I’ve been so stupid.”
“You’re scaring me.” She took a step back from me so she could see my face, her hands holding mine. “What have you done?” she asked, her voice pleading with me to tell her.
I looked down at the floor, unable to look her in the eye. “I’m pregnant,” I whispered, tears rolling down my face. I waited for her to go crazy and shout, but there was nothing but silence. I slowly raised my head to look at her, seeing silent tears falling down her face. “I’m so sorry,” I said. She dropped my hands and sat down heavily in the chair. “Please say something,” I begged, the silence seeming far worse than her screaming at me.
“Who’s the father?” she asked quietly, looking up at me for the first time since I told her. I slowly shook my head and she gasped. “You don’t know?” she exclaimed in disbelief. I shook my head again, not knowing what to say. “Oh Savannah.” The disappointment in her voice broke me and I started crying again. I saw something in her change and she quickly stood up, pulling me into her arms. “Shhh, it’s okay sweetheart, it’ll be okay.”
“I’m so scared Mom,” I mumbled through my sobs.
“I’m here for you Savannah. I can’t pretend I’m happy about this—it’s not something I wanted for you at 21—but I love you and we’ll get through this.”
Relief flooded my body, making me cry even harder. I knew I still had my dad and Brody to tell, but knowing I had the support of my mom made telling them seem a little bit easier. “I love you too,” I choked out.
“Have you seen a doctor?”
I nodded, pulling myself together. “I went today with Libby. I’m seventeen weeks and three days.”
“Seventeen weeks! How long have you known?”
“About a month,” I told her quietly, seeing the hurt in her eyes. “I didn’t realize I was so far along until the sonogram today. I was still having my period until recently.”
“Why didn’t you tell me earlier? I would have come with you.”
“It’s taken me a while to get my head around it. I’ve been dreading telling everyone.”
“What happened Sav? I’ve seen a change in you recently. You’ve been going out a lot more, and not coming home some nights. It’s so unlike you.”
I flopped down in my chair, knowing I had to tell her about my feelings for Josh. Fiddling with the tissue I’d grabbed to wipe my eyes, I took a deep breath. “I’m in love with Josh,” I said quietly. I looked up as I heard her laugh.
“Sweetheart, that’s not news to me. You’ve been in love with him for years.”
My eyes widened in surprise. “You know?” I asked, my voice not hiding my shock.
I watched as she nodded her head. “I’ve seen the way you look at him, it’s clear for anyone to see. I also see how he looks at you,” she said, raising her eyebrows.
“He doesn’t look at me any way, Mom. He’s not interested—he’s made that pretty clear on more than one occasion, and even if he was interested”—I put my hand on my stomach—“he won’t be now.” Standing up, I walked over to the fridge, reaching inside for a bottle of water. “I couldn’t stand to watch him with other girls so I stopped going out with Lib, Mason, and Brody in case he showed up. I started hanging around with some girls from school.” I paused, taking a swig of water. “I just wanted to forget him.”
“I wish you’d talked to me honey.”
“Me too Mom…” I trailed off. “Do you think Brody knows how I feel about Josh?”
She smiled. “I don’t think so—men don’t seem to notice these things.”
“Dad’s going to be mad, isn’t he?” I asked, nervous for her reply.
“He’s not going to be happy. You might be 21, but you’re still his little girl. He’ll come around though—he loves you. When are you going to tell him?”
“Tonight. No more secrets.”
“Was everything okay at the doctor? I’m glad Libby was with you.”
“Everything was fine. We heard the heartbeat and I got some pictures, would you like to see?” I asked cautiously. I knew she’d said she would support me, but I was still apprehensive to see her reaction.
“Yes, I’d love to.” She gave me an encouraging smile and I ran upstairs, digging in my purse for the pictures. Coming back into the kitchen, I laid them on the table for her to see. I watched her as she reached her hand up to cover her mouth. “My baby’s having a baby,” she muttered behind her hand, looking down in awe.
“I can find out the sex at the next appointment.”
“Will you let me come with you?”
I nodded, tears filling my eyes again. I didn’t know if it was all the hormones racing around my body or what, but I’d never cried as much as I had the past month. “Thank you,” I told her, grateful she was being so supportive. It wasn’t the reaction I had expected. “I thought you were going to hate me.”
“Savannah, I could never hate you—you’re my daughter. I won’t say I’m not a little disappointed. I would have liked to see you finish university and settle before you had a baby, but it’s happening and there isn’t much we can do to change that. Have you thought about what you’ll do about school?”
I shook my head. “Not really. I can’t see how I can have a baby and continue with my degree, but maybe I can pick it back up in a few years. I’ll need to get a job though.” I desperately wanted to finish school and graduate, but it was an hour-long drive to Austin each day and I didn’t see how I could commute once the baby came.
“There will always be a job for you on the ranch Sav, you know that.” I gave her a small smile, overwhelmed by her support. “Right, let’s get dinner cooked. Your dad and brother will be home soon.”
I watched as she busied herself in the kitchen. I offered to help but was told to stay put at the table and rest. My mind swirled with thoughts of how I was going to break the news to my dad and Brody. Glancing at the clock, I realized I wouldn’t have long to figure it out as they were due back any minute. I quickly gathered the sonogram pictures and slipped them into my pocket.
Ten minutes later, I heard the front door open. Nerves fluttered in my stomach and I tapped my fingers on the table. “Hey baby,” I heard my dad call out to my mom from the kitchen door. “Hey Sav.” I raised my hand in a wave, my back to the door.
“Hi honey. Jump in the shower, dinner won’t be long.”
“Will do, hope there’s enough for one more. Josh is tagging along, he’s just helping Brody put the last of the horses away.” I felt the color drain from my face. Thankfully, since my back was to my dad, he couldn’t see my reaction. My mom caught my eye and gave me a small smile.
“I always make more than I need, you know that,” she told him.
“Great, back in 10,” my dad called out as he headed upstairs to shower.
“Are you okay sweetheart?” she asked me quietly.
I shook my head. “I can’t tell Dad yet, not with Josh here. I’ll tell him later when he’s gone.”
“Okay honey.”
I stood up. “I’m going to my room. I’ll have dinner up there—I can’t sit and make small talk with him, it’s too hard.”
“Oh Sav, don’t. You can’t avoid him forever—he’s Brody’s best friend.”
“I can’t face him, not today. I’m sorry.”
She sighed. “Okay, I’ll bring you a plate up when it’s ready. I’ll tell everyone you aren’t feeling well.”
“Thank you,” I said quietly as I left the kitchen, wanting to get upstairs before Brody and Josh came in from the stables.
I spent the evening in my room. Mom brought me up a plate of food, which I barely touched. I just didn’t have an appetite. Libby texted me after she arrived, realizing I wouldn’t be joining them. My mom had obviously taken her to the side and talked to her, telling her she knew about the baby. She’d understood why I wasn’t at dinner and said she would come up and see me before they left.
I’d been in my room about an hour when I heard a knock on my door. Thinking it was Libby, I called out, “Come in.” I was lying on my bed reading a book Libby had been gushing about and I looked up as my door opened, only to see Josh walk in. “Josh!” I exclaimed. “What are you doing here?” I quickly sat up, tugging my t-shirt down over my stomach. I was only wearing my pajama shorts and a top, and I felt self-conscious because they weren’t covering much. I watched as his eyes tracked over my body.
“Ermm…” he mumbled as he shook his head. “Your mom said you weren’t feeling well, so I just came to see if you were okay.”
My eyes widened in surprise. “You came to see if I was okay?” I asked in disbelief.
I heard him sigh. “Sav, I know things have been a bit weird between us since…” He trailed off.
“Since I threw myself at you and you rejected me?” I filled in as I looked him in the eye. He held my gaze before turning to close the bedroom door. He crossed the room and sat down on the edge of my bed.
“Yes.” He paused. “Since then. I’m sorry if I hurt you Savannah. I never intended to.” He reached for my hand, holding it tightly in his.
I looked down at our joined hands, goose bumps erupting up my arm from his touch. “I couldn’t figure you out Josh. One minute we’d be having a great time, dancing and flirting, then the next time we’d all go out, you’d flaunt some girl in my face. In the end, it was easier not to be around you.”
“I’m sorry Sav. I’m an idiot.”
I shrugged my shoulders. “It doesn’t matter now. You’ve moved on, I’ve moved on…it’s just the way it is.”
“You’ve moved on? Are you dating someone?” he asked, sounding surprised. “Brody never mentioned it.”
“Brody doesn’t know everything,” I replied. I felt bad that I was lying to him, but there was no way I was telling him the truth. I knew he’d find out sooner or later, but I didn’t want to be the one to tell him.
“I’ve tried to talk to you so many times, but you’re always avoiding me. Are you up here because you didn’t want to see me?” he asked quietly.
“You think a lot of yourself, don’t you? I’m here because I have a headache. It’s been a long day.” I closed my eyes, sighing deeply. “It’s been a long few weeks,” I mumbled.
“Sorry, I just thought…”
“You thought I was sitting up here pining for you? Well I’m not—I’ve got bigger things to worry about.” I knew I was being a bitch, but I couldn’t help myself.
“What do you mean? What are you worrying about?” His voice was laced with concern. “You can talk to me.”
I pulled my hand from his. “Nothing Josh, and you’re the last person I can talk to. I think it’s best that you leave.”
I watched as his face fell and I felt awful, but I couldn’t be pulled back into whatever game he was playing. I couldn’t be that girl again, the one who was desperately waiting to be noticed. I had somebody else to think about now and I had to put the baby first. I subconsciously touched my hand to my stomach. Fortunately, Josh didn’t seem to notice as he stood up to leave.
“I’m sorry Sav,” he said again.
“Me too Josh.” A single tear slipped down my cheek and he dropped his eyes from mine, shaking his head as he saw it. I closed my eyes and when I opened them a few seconds later, he was gone. I lay down on my bed, curled up, and cried.
A few minutes later, there was a second knock on my door. I groaned, hoping it wasn’t Josh coming back. “Who is it?” I called out.
“It’s Mom, can I come in?”
“Yes,” I replied, watching as the door opened.
“Josh just left. I’m sorry, but I couldn’t stop him from coming up here without making a scene. He looked upset when he came back down.” As she got closer to my bed, she frowned as she looked at me. “Have you been crying? What happened?”
I quickly filled her in on my conversation with Josh and she pulled me into a hug. “He sounds confused honey.”
“I don’t have time for confused. I have bigger things to focus on.”
“Yes, you do. Are you going to come down and talk to your dad?” she asked, giving me a small smile.
I took a deep breath. “Yeah, let’s get this over with.”
I followed her downstairs and into the sitting room where Dad and Brody were discussing something they needed to fix the next day. Libby and Mason were cuddled up on the loveseat. “Hey Sav, are you feeling better?” Lib asked as she saw me walk in.
“Hi Lib, hi Mason. I’m feeling much better. Sorry I couldn’t make dinner.”
“Ryan, Brody, can you listen for a minute? Savannah needs to talk to us,” I heard my mom say from behind me. I looked over at Libby and she nodded, smiling encouragingly.
“What’s up sweetheart?” my dad asked, turning to face me. I sat down on the sofa next to him, my hands fiddling with the hem of my t-shirt.
“There’s no easy way to say this, so I’m just going to say it.” I closed my eyes, not wanting to see how disappointed my dad was going to be. “I’m pregnant.”
“You’re what!” he shouted, jumping up off the sofa. “Who’s the bastard I have to kill? Who’s the father Savannah?” I’d opened my eyes by then, but I wished I hadn’t. Looking up at my dad, I saw his face was like thunder, and what I had to tell him next was only going to make him even angrier.
“I don’t know.”
“You don’t know?! How can you not know?” he bellowed in disbelief.
“Ryan, calm down, please,” my mom begged, walking over to him and putting her hand on his arm.
“Calm down? She’s pregnant Claire! Pregnant, and she doesn’t know who the father is! Did you know about this?”
“Yes, she told me earlier today. She wanted to tell us together, but she got upset and confided in me. I know it’s not ideal, but it’s happening and we need to face it as a family. She’s scared, Ryan, and she needs us,” my mom pleaded with him. Libby had left Mason’s side and was now sitting next to me on the sofa, holding me as I sobbed against her shoulder.
“Not ideal? She’s ruined her life!” he exclaimed, storming out of the lounge.
“Ryan, where are you going?” my mom shouted after him, following him out of the room.
“Sav,” I heard Brody say. I looked up to see him kneeling in front of me. “He’ll come around, he’s just in shock.”
“Do you hate me too?” I asked him quietly.
“No, of course not, and Dad doesn’t hate you either. You’re his little girl, and I think the idea that you’re having sex is enough to tip him over the edge, let alone you having a baby.” He smiled at me reassuringly. “It will be okay, I promise.”
“Thank you,” I said through my tears, throwing my arms around him.
“I’ll do whatever I can to help you Sav. You won’t be on your own. I’m going to be an uncle,” he said with a grin.
My mom came bustling back into the room. “Are you okay Savannah?” she asked, sitting down next to me.
I nodded. “Is Dad okay? I’ve never seen him like that before.”
She sighed. “He’s upset honey, but he’ll get used to the idea. It’s just going to take some time.”
“Where is he? Should I go talk to him?” I asked, desperate for him not to hate me.
“He’s in the stables, but I think it’s best you leave it until he’s calmed down, maybe tomorrow. I think we should all get some sleep. It’s been a long day, and everything will look better in the morning.” I nodded, hoping she was right.
We said goodbye to Libby and Mason, Libby hugging me tightly as she left. My mom walked me to my room. “Try to get some sleep sweetheart, this can’t be good for the baby. Everything will be okay, try not to worry.”
“Thank you.” I kissed her goodnight and climbed into bed. My hand cradled my tiny bump as the tears fell. I had known my dad was going to be disappointed, but I’d never expected him to react like that, and I prayed this wouldn’t ruin my relationship with him. My baby wasn’t going to know its father, but I wanted it to have a relationship with its Pops. I could only hope my mom and Brody were right, and he would eventually come around to the idea.