NINE
Belle
The ride into town takes nineteen minutes. Nineteen tense, awkward, agonising minutes where all I can do is sit as rigid as rock in the passenger seat of the GTO as it flies along the straight roads. I stare out my window at the passing scenery as it morphs from dark shadowy shapes into buildings with lights on, and then into the lit suburban streets of Longdale. Zeus sighs beside me, but I don’t have the guts to face him. I stare instead at the darkened houses we pass while I sober up, creating profiles for the people inside based on how tidy their garden is and how many vehicles they have parked in the yard—all the small things that can tell you so much about a person. The houses eventually spread out, becoming semi-residential before we hit the agricultural hub of the town. Instead of muted lights through curtains, I’m staring at tractors that sit idle in sales yards, and large signage that announces this week’s special on stock feed. All staples of a mostly farming orientated community.
Zeus slows the car to take a left, the revs high as he uses the natural braking of the engine to bring the beast to a crawl around the intersection. I focus on the inside of the McDonalds building situated on the corner as we enter the driveway, casing out how many other partygoers have decided on a feed to soak up the alcohol in their gut. As harmless as his seemingly impromptu idea is, the gossipmongers would have a field day if they spotted me here with him, more than likely sprouting rumours that I’m sleeping with Zeus. As if that would happen. My lurid thoughts drift to what sex with him might be like… a man that muscular, the way he’d move…. Damn it. I slam my eyes closed and frown at the wash of shame that envelops me. I’ve just fantasised about a man twenty-odd years my senior. What the fuck is wrong with me? How can I even think like that after what happened with Scott tonight?
Because it’s easier than worrying about the fact the insensitive jerk came in you without protection.
“You okay?” Zeus asks as the GTO rolls to a stop in the parking lot. The vehicle gives one last shudder as he kills the engine.
“No, but I will be.”
“Did he hurt you?” Zeus’s eyes roam my body, but with none of the unwanted lust I got from Scott. He looks over me with care, as though I’m a fragile keepsake that’s fallen from the shelf.
“Not physically.”
He reaches out and straightens my oversized T-shirt so it sits on both my shoulders. “Sorry I lost my temper, dove.” I flinch at his pet name for me, and he sighs out his nose. “Habit.”
A beat passes where neither of us appears to know what to say. The engine ticks as it cools, the gentle rush of his breath as Zeus sits beside me almost calming.
“Belle,” Zeus offers, low and quiet. “Are you sure you’re okay? We don’t have to get a sundae. I just thought it might cheer you up and give you something in your stomach other than alcohol.”
The first tears fall and run a path over my flaming cheeks. I’m too embarrassed to admit to him the truth of it, that what burns more than what Scott did is the fact that my agreeing to it, the fact that I went along with it, only cements how immature I am.
I’ve got so much to learn. So far to go before Zeus could ever look at me as an equal. Why do I keep on with the fantasy? He’s never going to want me, especially now.
“Don’t cry,” he pleads. “I don’t know what to do when you cry.”
“Neither do I.” A jaded laugh falls from my lips as I wipe the depth of my pain from my cheeks.
I’m a complete idiot for making it through five years of high school without a single legitimate boyfriend. Sure, it’s not the be-all and end-all of life, but fuck, I’m a teenage girl and hormones are doing a number on me. Probably why I went through with it. I’m only human; I lust after people, too. But when the biggest object of my affection doesn’t return the feeling, it’s only natural that I seek out the affirmation I miss from somebody else.
I need to know I’m enough. I need to know I can be who somebody wants.
As much as I make out I’m happy hanging out on my own, I’d do anything for a boy who gives enough of a shit about me to hold my hand in front of my peers, a boy who is proud to call me his despite the lies that follow everywhere behind me like a burnt black veil.
A boy who treats me like more than an item on his high school bucket list.
“Belle?”
“I’m okay. Are we doing drive-through, or what?” I wipe my eyes once more and give him my full attention—a decision that turns out to be detrimental to my mental health.
He talks, but my focus is on the sharp line of his jaw as it moves, contrasting with the soft pout of his lips slightly hidden by his goatee. His cheekbones are high, leading to eyes that are dark and framed with the blackest of lashes, adding another touch of softness to an otherwise harsh face. He’s so confident in himself, so sure, and I find myself wanting that. I want a bit of him to rub off on me.
I want him, full stop.
“...and you can kick back for a while before we get you home.” I come around to his words, realising how much I’ve missed while in my daze.
“Sorry, I... I drifted for a bit there. What did you say?”
His eyebrows pinch together for a beat. “I said we’d go inside so you can chill out for a bit. If your dad sees you like this you can kiss goodbye to being let out again while you’re under his roof.”
Just another reason why I love Zeus: he gives a shit about the people in his life. He could take me home, throw me under the bus, and leave me to explain to Dad what happened. But he doesn’t. Instead, he brings us here and spends time he doesn’t have to waste on me making sure I’m okay before I walk through the door.
“You’re too good to me.” I avert my gaze.
“Hardly. This kind of shit is what you do for the ones you love,” he remarks casually as he stares out the windscreen.
Heat rushes to my cheeks and I fidget with my hands. Zeus has known me since I was born, in the background when Mum and Dad were still together as a familiar face but nothing more than the guy who’d drop Dad off after a “boys’ night out.” After Mum left, he came around more; he was there for Dad while I was too young to help, too young to understand what it was that my father needed to process his heartache because I was only just coming to terms with my own. This whole situation here, now, sitting in his car while I wonder if he could ever love me in a non-platonic way—it’s insane.
“Let’s go inside, then,” I cede. “Some time to wind down would be the sensible thing to do.”
He shakes his head slowly. “Sensible would be taking you home to your father and having him lock you away so horny fuckers like that can’t take advantage of you again.”
I chuckle at his amused smirk. “Why aren’t you then?”
“Because I was young once too, Belle. I know what it’s like to need independence.”
I reach for the handle, the air in the car suddenly too thick around us.
He huffs a heavy breath and reaches for his door as well. We rise from the car as one and I make my way towards the brightly lit building before he’s had time to lock the vehicle. He still manages to catch up without breaking stride. Stupid height difference. Zeus holds the first door open for me, and I pass by, doing the same for him on the second. We line up together behind a sleep-deprived-looking mother with a toddler in pyjamas. Zeus turns his head to look down at me and gives an amused smile.
“What?” I lift a hand to my hair. “Do I need to go freshen up?”
He chuckles. “Depends who you’re trying to impress.”
“God, is it that bad?” I wipe under my eyes again for added measure.
Gentle fingers turn my face to his. “You look fine.” He drops his hand and nods toward the restaurant that hosts no one other than a pair of young farmers still in their dirty work clothes. “Go save us a table.”
Not like there’s a rush on. I do what I’m told anyway and pick a booth seat beside the wall that backs on to the kitchen area. Sauce is still splattered over the table. Great. I mean, honestly, is this how people leave their dining table at home? I rise again, passing the farmers to get a few serviettes, and note that their previous rowdy banter has stopped. They watch me as I return, wipe the table, and bin the dirty paper napkins. I catch the eye of one of them and he smiles before his lips fall sharply south. The heat at my back tells me exactly what the problem is.
“Where are we sitting?” Zeus’s deep voice rumbles in his chest, directly behind my head.
“Over here.” I break away and scoot onto the bench seat, expecting he’ll take the other side.
Zeus slips in beside me, effectively blocking me from the farmers’ view. “Caramel,” he announces, presenting me with a gooey sundae. “Your favourite.”
The table before him sits empty. “What are you having?” I ask.
Amusement flickers in his eyes. “Nothing.”
“I thought we were having something to eat.”
His lips curl up at the corner. “Does it look like my diet has space for a sundae?”
I roam my gaze over the bulk of him squeezed in between the seat and table. “I’m sure one wouldn’t hurt.”
He shakes his head and reaches for the hem of his T-shirt. My hand falters on the plastic spoon as he tugs the shirt up to his breastbone and reveals perfectly sculpted abs. The damn things bulge out at the top—the separation between each one evident, even whilst crunched over. “I start eating shit, and these puppies disappear.” He slaps his palm against them twice before dropping his shirt back down.
The man has a point. I can also see why he’d want to keep them. “Fair play.”
Zeus’s chest rises and falls slowly. He brings his arms onto the table and clasps his hands before him while I eat my sugary sin. I steal a look at him every so often as he stares into the distance, evidently lost in his thoughts. I don’t know his exact age; I’m not sure Dad’s ever mentioned it. But the rigidity to his structure, devoid of any youth, confirms he’s every part the man I appreciate he is.
And I’m eighteen.
Don’t do it, Belle. Don’t go there. I need to get my thoughts squared away, make myself think of him like an uncle, remove any attraction from the equation. I’m a schoolgirl—although not for much longer—and nothing he’d be remotely interested in. But with every sneaky glance his way, my heart falls a little more hopelessly in lust with this man. He’s exactly that—a man. He’s confident and sure in himself without the teenage hang-ups boys my age bring. Boys.
Fuck—why did Dad tell him he could move in?
I swirl the spoon around the remaining caramel sauce at the bottom of the plastic cup, utterly disgusted with how hormonal I am. “Are you sure I can’t tempt you?” I hold out a walnut-sized dollop on my spoon, wiggling it a little in Zeus’s direction.
He breaks his concentration and looks down at me. “I’m sure.” That devastating smile returns.
“Go on....” I arch an eyebrow, wiggling the spoon some more, desperate to return our relationship to the teasing, fun way it used to be before I realised what love truly is.
He chuckles and turns in his seat to face me. “You trying to ruin me, Belle?”
I tip my head to the side. “Ruin you how?” Is he prepping for a bodybuilding contest or something?
“Making me less desirable to other women.” Zeus’s eyes widen after the words leave his lips, the realisation of what he’s alluded to clearly hitting home. “I... I didn’t mean it like that.”
Swallowing thickly, I choose to be the adult in the situation and ignore his faux pas. “I doubt that would happen after one mouthful.” I thrust the spoon his way. “Entertain me, Zeus. Show me you’re human.”
He smiles and leans forward, those full lips parting to envelop the white spoon. I’m transfixed to the way the plump flesh pulls over the plastic surface, a drop of caramel stuck to his bottom lip. He leans back, gaze holding mine as he slips his tongue out and catches the drop of gooey sauce.
“Good?” My word is a breathless whisper.
“Too tempting. I could have more.”
I slam the spoon into the plastic cup, eager to repeat the intensity of the moment, but his hand falls over mine and stills it.
“Time to get you home, Belle.”
I can’t break my gaze from his flesh on mine, his fingers wrapped around my shaky grip on the spoon. His thumb twitches and strokes mine in a single, slow sweep… and then he’s gone. He pulls away and slips out of the booth seat with a stealth that betrays his size. I pass him by, eyes to the floor, and bin my rubbish. He’s already at the exit holding the door open when it dawns on me that we’re the only ones remaining in the place. I’ve been so caught up in him, in his proximity, that I never noticed the other customers leave.
We walk in silence to his car and I stand awkwardly by the passenger door while he unlocks his and gets inside, leaning over the centre to unlatch mine. I pull the heavy door open and drop into the seat, closing it securely behind me with a thud as I count out the seconds between my inhale, exhale, doing everything I can to act cool, calm, and collected. Zeus watches me the entire time I straighten out the twisted seat belt and click it into place, jamming my hands between my knees when I’m finished. Start the damn car already.
“Things got a bit confusing for you just now, huh?” he asks.
For you. The arsehole. I huff out a sharp breath and cross my arms over my chest. “That would be right—blame whatever is going on between us solely on me, why don’t you?”
“I never said that.”
“It was implied.” I stare petulantly out the window and refuse to acknowledge the fact he hasn’t even put the keys in the ignition yet. “Can you please take us home before I tell you something else I shouldn’t?”
He slots the key in, twists it, and brings the car to life. We reverse sharply out of the parking spot, and leave a strip of rubber as he rockets us with more force than necessary through the empty lot towards the driveway. His hands flex on the steering wheel in my periphery as we idle at the roadside, waiting for a lone car to pass.
“If it’s any consolation,” he bites out, “it was confusing for me too.” My heart swells, and then deflates with what should be an audible pop on his next words. “Whatever you think you feel about me, whatever you think I feel about you—none of it matters.”
“Why?” I bite my lip to save from crying again. Destroyed by two guys in one night—lucky me.
“Because something like that,” he says, damn near growling the word, “could never happen. Understand?”
Great. Just fucking great. “Loud and clear.”