THIRTY-ONE
Belle
I can’t believe the bitch’s audacity to fucking stand there in front of everyone and throw my dirty secrets around for the group to see. Show me another mother who’d be so damn heartless, because I swear to God mine is the only one who could pull off that kind of stunt and still think she’s in the right.
“I suppose you’re feeling smug with yourself this morning?”
I catch Cerise’s eye as she shakes a cigarette out of her packet. “Had hoped you’d still be passed out in bed and I might be rewarded with a quiet breakfast alone, but”—I nod toward the coffee in her hand—“I guess I’m not that lucky.”
She rests a hand against the doorframe and huffs a small laugh. “He’s no good for you. You understand that, right?”
I match her critical eye. “Somehow I don’t think that’s what you’re concerned about, is it?” In fact, none of this makes sense. “What do you want to get out of it all, Mother?”
I’m met with silence as she regards me head to toe. “You’ve grown into quite the perfect little princess, haven’t you?”
“You almost sound jealous.”
“Since the minute you came home with me from the hospital, you were all your father could talk about. ‘My beautiful Belle’ this, and ‘my little girl’ that.” She makes a choking noise. “Ugh. It’s sickening.”
“It might come as a shock, Cerise, but that’s what a parent is supposed to do; love their child through rose-tinted glasses.”
I turn my back to her and pull a mug from the cupboard. The sooner she heads outside to have her lung dart, the sooner I get my coveted peace and quiet.
“You were a twin,” she drops so damn suddenly that I almost don’t catch it. “I never told you that, and I’m guessing your dad kept the secret all these years too.” My heart thunders as she makes a small “hmph” and then continues. “We didn’t tell you about her because your father thought you might get survivor’s guilt. I guess he didn’t say anything after I left because, well, how do you break the fact you’ve lied to your kid their entire life to them?”
Apparently without an ounce of care.
I turn, spoon in hand, and cock my head. “I was a twin?”
“She was stillborn.”
The stainless handle digs into my palm. I guess that explains some of why I’ve never felt complete, as though a part of me is missing. For the first time, I find what looks like genuine regret on my mother’s face, and I have no idea what to do about it. You can’t erase years of neglect with one heartfelt moment, especially when with my mother it has to be delivered with an ulterior motive.
“Why are you telling me this now?” I whisper.
“Because you need to know.”
“Why?” What does it have to do with me and Zeus? With Dad? Anyone?
“You asked me why I’m doing this,” she says coolly as she reaches for the door handle. “So I thought I’d tell you.”
I count my breaths, pacing the air reaching my lungs as I wait on her to continue. I had a twin.
Yet she doesn’t say another word, instead slipping quietly through the door to enjoy destroying the rest of the morning with her toxins.
My phone vibrates in my pocket as the kettle sings. I set the teaspoon down on the counter and retrieve the device, my jaw slack and my eyes still glazed.
Z: Morning, dove.
The message is laid over a selfie Zeus has taken lying in bed, shirtless. My favourite.
B: Hey, you. :*
He left last night while I was still talking with Dad, asking Jodie to let me know he’d be in touch. I guess he didn’t want it to look too suspicious if he hung about to talk with me alone. I get that. It still burned though.
Z: How’s the battlefield this morning?
I glance out the kitchen window as a wisp of smoke floats away on the breeze above Cerise’s head.
B: Full of surprises.
Z: How so?
B: Do you know I had a twin at birth?
The absence of a reply is duly noted as I finish making my Milo and lean a hip against the counter. I stare at my phone, mug cradled in my hands. The screen remains black for what seems like an age before it lights up with Zeus’s name.
“Hey.”
“Can you talk?”
“Sure.”
He sighs, making me long to reach down the line and touch him. “I knew.”
“Did everyone?”
“Yeah.” He hesitates, waiting for me to say more, but continues when I don’t. “Your dad made the call never to tell you. In hindsight, it might have helped you to understand why your mum is the way she is.”
Cerise stamps out her smoke. “She resents me, doesn’t she?”
“It seems that way. Yes.”
Knowing this explains so much, and yet, it justifies nothing. “I still hate her.”
“You don’t mean that.”
She enters the kitchen and sets her empty mug in the sink, eyeing me as she does. “I do.”
“We need to talk, dove.”
“What about?” His worried tone sets me on edge.
“Us. The future.”
Cerise leaves the kitchen, heading toward the bedroom. I wait a minute to ensure she’s far enough away before whispering, “Are you home today?”
“Plan to be.”
“I’ll see you soon, then.”
I don’t give Zeus the opportunity to talk me out of it before I hang up. Cerise’s car keys sit on the end of the counter, helping me form a plan in my head of how this could go. Snatching them up, I head down to my room and grab a sweater, toe my boots on, and visit the bathroom. No sound comes from Dad’s room; the bitch has probably crawled back into bed and fallen asleep again with him.
My heart drums in my ears as I step outside, hammering with my pulse as I start her car and let it idle out of the driveway. The fuel gauge shows half a tank, which is lucky, because I didn’t bring any money for petrol.
I drive the short trip across town with my heart in my throat, and regret deep in my veins. This is it: I’m choosing Zeus over my family, and I couldn’t care less about it. They fucking lied my entire life to me. And to top it all off, Dad took Cerise back after every goddamn thing she’s done. He made her a priority over me.
With Zeus is where I’m supposed to be. With Zeus is where my future lies. I’m ready to shake the covers off and let this love see the light of day.
I pull in his driveway and find him seated on the front step, waiting. Yet no smile greets me as I step out of the car. He doesn’t so much as stand to meet me when I approach.
“They rang.”
“What?”
“They rang,” he repeats. “Your dad, and Cerise. They heard you leave.”
Shit. “So?”
“So they know where you went.”
“I could have gone to Kate’s—”
“They rang there first.”
Double shit. “Or the shops.”
“Belle….”
No dove, no sweetness and care. Just Belle. Just the stupid little girl always making mistakes.
“I said you weren’t here,” Zeus explains, finally rising. “Which wasn’t a lie, because you weren’t then. But they’ll figure it out.”
“So then today is the day,” I say with raw determination.
His face tells me otherwise.
“It’s not?”
Zeus reaches out, pulling me to him with a hand on my shoulder. “That’s what I wanted to talk to you about.”
“Right.” My energy wanes as he leads me inside.
I step into his arms and inhale his familiar scent as he sighs. “I want to wait until you’ve moved out of your dad’s place before we tell them.”
“What?” He doesn’t try to stop me as I spin out of his hold. “That could be a year away.” There’s the bond on a rental to save, not to mention money for furniture….
And I don’t even have a job yet.
“It would be less of a blow if he thinks you made the decision while you weren’t under his roof, don’t you think?” He tucks his hands in the back pockets of his jeans.
I’ve never seen the man look so much like a nervous boy.
“He’s not stupid,” I say. “He’ll put two and two together and realise this has been going on since before last night’s near miss.”
“Still, it’ll be easier to deal with then. You’ll be almost, if not, twenty.”
I roll my eyes. “Because that’s so much better than eighteen.”
“Belle. Don’t be a smartarse.”
“I can’t help it.” I march into the living room and flop on the couch in true dramatic teenager style. “You’ve just told me you want to hide me away like a filthy little secret for years. It feels as though you’re looking for reasons to push me away.” He doesn’t say a thing, prompting me to spin on the seat and look back at him. “Zeus?”
“You haven’t had a chance to date other guys yet,” he says with a frown. “What if you think this is enough for you, but it’s not? You might be young and able to move on, but I’m not. This is it for me, and if that’s going to be thrown back in my face, then I want to know it now.”
I scowl at the big idiot, repositioning myself on my knees with my hands braced on the back of the sofa. “Don’t project your insecurities onto me, Zeus.”
“I’m not.”
“You are. You’re telling me your greatest fear is being rejected, and you’re laying out options for me on how to do it.”
He lifts his chin and pierces me with his intense stare. “And what are your insecurities?”
“That I’m not enough for the trouble I cause. That the next best thing will come along, and she’ll be a lot easier, a lot less drama, and you’ll jump ship.”
His shoulders heave with the deep breath he draws through his nose. “You think I’d step out on you?”
“Have you?”
A smile tilts one side of his lips. “Who’s projecting insecurities now?”
“I would have said I’m being possessive, jealous even. But okay.” I shrug.
He stalks toward me, stopping to cup my face in his hands. “Fuck, I missed you.”
“It’s been less than a day,” I tease.
“Since I saw you, maybe. But it’s been a hell of a lot longer than that since I could touch you without having to overthink everything first.”
“I love you,” I remind him. “Don’t push me away because you’re scared.”
Those three words feel so much more important in that moment. A deep unease takes root in my gut; something is off, and I can’t put my finger on what. Instinct tells me he brought up this crazy idea of waiting out of sheer panic, thanks to last night’s drama. But there’s more, a reason why one near miss would spook him so bad, and I can’t figure out what.
“What else is on your mind?” I ask as Zeus runs the pads of his thumbs adoringly over my cheekbones. “You’re withholding.”
“Did you ever wonder why Jodie and I never had kids?”
This big fool. That’s what he’s been worried about? “She told me,” I whisper.
His hands still, those crisp blue eyes focused on mine. “She did?” A frown pulls his brow together.
“Last night. Before my mother decided to sour the mood.”
“When she went inside,” he says quietly, as though piecing the timeline for himself. “I wondered what she was up to.”
His hands fall away, but not for long. Instead, he reaches over the back of the sofa and picks me up by my waist, lifting me high into the air to clear the furniture and hold me to him. I’m weightless in his embrace; he reminds me so often how much larger than me he is, how strong.
How safe.
I wrap my legs around his waist, linking my hands behind his head. “She’s accepting of us, you know. So maybe Dad would be too?”
Zeus shakes his head as I run my fingers through his lengthening hair. He says he’s growing it out a little bit longer, and I can’t help but wonder if that’s for me.
“It’s not the same, dove. Jodie isn’t your parent. She has that… disassociation from it all.”
“I can’t hide how I feel about you forever. Especially when Dad asks why I’ve chosen to hang around Longdale.”
“What do you mean?” He frowns, his uncertainty almost cute in that moment.
“How can I travel if it means leaving you behind?”
His arms relax as he makes a move to set me down. I tighten my legs around him, refusing to budge.
“Baby….”
“What? If you’re here, then so am I.”
“You can’t give up your dreams for me.”
“They weren’t set in stone, Zeus. I thought about travel back when there was nothing here for me. Now, there is.” I punctuate my words by leaning in and running my nose up the length of his.
He sighs, eyes closed, and kisses the point of my chin. “I feel as though I’m holding you back, dove. But no matter how many times I open the door to let you go, you keep getting back in that damn cage.”
“Because I like being yours,” I murmur against his lips.
He responds slow, and sweet at first, nipping my bottom lip between his. It doesn’t take long for desire to set in and his kiss to grow hungry.
“Zeus,” I say breathlessly as I kiss my way up his jaw to whisper in his ear, “take me to bed.”
He growls, his hands tightening on my butt. I hold on tight as he walks us down the hallway, nestling my head into my favourite space: the point where his huge shoulder meets his neck.
We cross the threshold of the room, and I take his earlobe between my teeth to give it a quick nip before he sets me down. His eyes rove hungrily over my body as I lie on the bed before him; his strong arms braced either side of me so he can lower himself to steal another kiss.
I lose myself to the moment, savouring his taste and letting the sting of his lips bruising mine make me forget what pushed me to come here. I don’t need anyone else: not a mother, a father who doesn’t know himself let alone his daughter, or a so-called best friend.
I only need the man who loves me, for me to be complete.
“Is it wrong that I want to lock you in here?” Zeus asks as he trails kisses down my neck to my chest. “Wrong that I want to come home to you every day?”
“Is it wrong that I want you to?” I stretch both arms over my head, lifting my hips as he slides his hands underneath and kisses my stomach.
“Let me taste you.”
I slide my hand between us and block his path to my pussy. “Not today.”
Zeus lifts his head, peering up at me across the length of my body. He cocks an eyebrow, unsure of what this means—I’ve never shut him down before.
I don’t plan to now.
“Fuck me like you want to, Zeus.” His eyes light up, the smile on his lips positively animal. “Strip me bare and make me completely yours.”
“Are you sure?” His hesitation is clear.
“Certain.” I coax him up me, pulling his face to mine. “I want this.”
He tangles his tongue with mine, hands roaming across my flesh as I press myself into him. I want to feel so connected, so close to him that I forget where I end and he begins. I want time to pass without consequence, for nothing to matter other than who we are and who we’re with.
“I’ll do my best to be gentle,” he whispers, kissing my shoulder. “Tell me if I’m not.”
“I don’t want you to be.” I hold his gaze as I lift my hips so he can strip my shorts and panties off. “I don’t want you to hold back.”
The smile I love so much graces his lips as he ducks his head. “Dove. If I did what I wanted to with you, you’d be feeling it for days.”
“So do it,” I urge. “Give me something to hold on to until I see you again.”
He hesitates, kneeling between my legs. “I don’t want to hurt you.”
I nudge the hem of his T-shirt with my toes. “Stop worrying so much. Off.”
He strips off his shirt, tossing it aside to reward me with the best view. I push up with my elbows into a seated position, my legs either side of his. Zeus watches in silence as I trace the lines of his body with my palms, tracking the detail of his tattoo with my fingertips.
“You always seem so amazed,” he whispers, watching my hands. “As though you’re seeing me for the first time.”
“Because I can never believe it,” I admit. “I never thought we’d have this, that you’d let me touch you like this.”
He responds by cupping my cheek in his hand, tipping my chin with his thumb so he can place a gentle kiss to my lips. “I love it.” Another kiss. “I love you.”
He braces my weight with an arm behind my back and lays me down, holding himself over me with the other. I close my eyes and draw my focus in, blocking out everything but the heat of his kiss, the tickle of his touch, as he makes his way down my body.
My shirt tugs at my waist, and I open my eyes to find him smiling as he tries to pull it off. I help, shedding the fabric, and my bra straight after, tossing them aside.
I cock an eyebrow at his jeans.
He chuckles, backing off the bed to shed them and his boxers in one fell swoop. “In there.” Zeus jerks his chin at the nightstand.
I roll to my side and pull the small drawer at the top open to find a brand new pack of condoms. Did he know I’d want this soon? Or was he simply hopeful? Either way, my hand shakes as I reach for it, the reality setting in.
“You okay?” His heat covers me as he prowls up the length of my body, his strong arms either side of me as I remain on my side.
I nod as he places a kiss to my shoulder. “Nervous.”
“Why?”
I roll beneath him, dropping the pack on the side of the bed. “I want to be perfect for you.”
“Nobody’s perfect, dove.” He captures my bottom lip between his. “Just do what feels right.”
Do what feels right. So I do.
I surrender.
I give in as Zeus masters my body, worshipping every inch of me until I can’t take another second without him as close to me as two people can be. He brings me to the brink with his fingers, the gentleness of his kiss in contrast to the strength of his hand as he leaves me writhing on the bed, searching for more.
But more what? That’s what frustrates me—I don’t know.
“You’re in control,” he murmurs as he pulls his fingers from my slick channel. “You’re my guide, dove.”
I lie breathless as he turns away to sheath himself, so much more considerate in that moment than Scott ever was. The swell of emotions overtake me, and to my horror I start to cry. Not now. Oh God, what the hell will he think if I’m a teary-eyed mess?
I swipe the traitorous escapees away before Zeus notices, so in love with him in that moment that I want to suspend time and trap the warmth in my soul forever. I reach out, brushing my fingers across his back as he finishes up and looks over his shoulder at me.
“Ready?”
Those eyes. They drew me in from the start, always so piercing, so intense. But in that moment they show something new.
They show insecurity.
He’s as worried as I am that he’ll screw this up. Does he really think he could put me off? That anything he does could turn me away?
“I’m ready.” I reach out for him, looping my arms over his shoulders as he lowers himself over me.
He hesitates, the tip of his cock brushing against my sensitive sex as he strokes the hair from my face. “I feel as though this is new for me too,” he whispers. “It’s never meant as much as this does right now.”
“Do what feels right,” I tell him with a soft smile.
He regards me with heavy-lidded eyes before leaning down and taking my mouth with his, the kiss hungry yet reverent all at once.
I moan, breaking away as he eases himself inside, careful and gentle. Zeus kisses my throat as I push my head back, lost to the giddy sensation of his length filling me, stretching me, owning me. Part of me revels in the moment, in the knowledge that we’ve passed this final milestone in our relationship, but a part of me also laments the loss of the anticipation, the climb to reach what we have.
All I hope is that once the appeal of the new wears off, he still loves what he has.
“Okay?” His whispered word tickles my ear as he nuzzles in to the side of my head, slowly pulling himself back out.
“Again.”
Zeus starts out slow, easing my body into the rhythm before he picks up pace. I tuck my feet behind his thighs, holding him to me as he moves. My hands roam the muscles in his back, the feel of them as they work a story in itself.
I imagined a lot of things when it came to what this moment would be like, but what I took for granted is how significant each and every little detail is. I absorb them all, stowing the memories away for later so I can replay this over and over as I lie awake at night.
The way his back tightens as he lifts up on the outward stroke.
The way his hips thrust as he pushes back in.
The feel of his breath as it washes a hot wave across my neck.
The contrast of his wet kiss as he devours the sweat on my skin.
The truth in his whispered words as he murmurs, “I love you, dove.”
I cry out as my climax takes me, ripping through my languid body with enough ferocity to make every muscle clench painfully tight. And yet I still want more. I want to scream out as the intensity of the moment tears me in two, and cry as the man above pieces me back together.
So I do.
Fuck the world around us, fuck the doubts hanging on the outskirts of my mind, the worries waiting for an opportunity to sneak back in.
I live in that moment and I own it as Zeus comes apart over me, the sound of his own release music to my ears.
I love this man, and nothing or no one can ever take that away from me.