TWO
Zeus
“I guess you can take the dining set,” Jodie says with a sigh as she links her hands atop her head.
I frown, frustrated how after everything we’ve been through I still get drawn to the way her tits push out when she stands like that. No matter how bad she burned me, I guess a part of me will never forget the way I loved her—once.
“I don’t have anywhere to store it.” Let alone any use for it when it’s just me. “You put it in your new place until you get your own furniture.”
“Are you sure?”
“Positive.”
She drops her arms, her lips turned down as she looks across to where I stand leaning against the kitchen counter. “You haven’t even told me where you’ll go. Where are you planning on staying? You can’t crash at a motel forever; you don’t earn enough.”
“With friends, I guess.” I didn’t tell her where I’d go because I don’t know. Fuck—until last week I thought we could work this shit out between us. But the more she pulled away as I reached for her at night, the more I knew there was nothing left in her heart for me.
I’m all out of chances with her. All out of fucks to give, too.
“As long as you have everything you need.” She glances at the meagre pile of boxes near the door. “I guess I better start getting ready to head out.” Her gaze snaps into focus as she lifts her head and starts for the bedroom.
“Where are you off to?” I’m a sucker for punishment.
“Oh, just a few drinks with the girls from work,” Jodie calls on her way down the hall. “We’re celebrating a birthday.”
“Sounds like fun.”
“Yeah.” she says as I track her through the house to what was once our room. “It should be.” Her hands still in her hair, the long blonde locks falling over her shoulder as she smiles softly at me. “You should get out more, too.”
Maybe when I can afford it. But unlike her, I don’t have years of savings from my work to fall back on. “Yeah. I should.” I thumb over my shoulder, doing everything I can to ignore the fact she openly undresses before me. “I’ll get this stuff in the car and head off. I’ve got something for you first, though.”
“Really? Okay.” She pauses before the wardrobe in her lingerie. “I’ll come out to grab it from you once I’m dressed.”
“Sure thing.”
I back away, the feel of her curves burned in my brain despite the fact I haven’t touched the woman in months. Jodie is an attractive woman, stunning, which is why it’s no surprise she wasn’t short of offers when I went inside. I naively assumed that she’d be strong enough to resist, though. Yeah. Stupid.
We fought about it, we made up—angry sex with hollow hearts—and we reached the point of no return. I had to get away. These fake niceties, this pretence of a mutual split… it’s killing me. She’s toxic, plain and simple.
I hate her. I hate that I still love her even more, even if it’s not as a lover.
The four boxes fit easily, side by side, on the back seat of the car while I mentally bitch slap myself for being such a walkover. My life has been reduced to a handful of possessions, all of which have no sentimental value whatsoever. I made sure anything that held any connection to Jodie stayed with her. Why would I want reminders of how badly I fucked up while I start again? What kind of masochistic arsehole would willingly do that?
I take the plain envelope off the front seat and head back toward the house, eager to wrap up the visit. My decision rests in the papers contained within, my standing on our relationship clear.
It’s over for good. I don’t see this getting any better no matter how many times she tells me it’s just a matter of time, that we need space. She can say anything she wants and it doesn’t change the one thing that cemented my decision: she doesn’t say what she should.
She never says “I love you” anymore.
She hasn’t for years. I was just too blind to see it.
“Oh, I was on my way out to find you,” she says as we meet at the corner of the hall.
I let my gaze fall over the tight blue dress she wears, noting the way it hugs her every curve. “Saved you the trip.”
“What’s that?” Her eyes drop to the envelope as her brow pinches.
“A little something to say goodbye.”
I hold steady as she reaches for the papers, and watch her slide a manicured nail under the lip. She billows the sides to slide the sheets of A4 out, her head tilting slightly to the side. The lawyer’s logo stands proud at the top of the page; the severity of my “gift” is undeniable.
Her eyes track the words, her breathing picking up pace as she reads the formal documents.
“You want a divorce,” she whispers with barely restrained anger. “Already?”
“You know as well as I do that it’s over, Jodie.”
“Fuck, Zeus.” She takes a step back, slumping against the wall as she reads the page again. “I mean….” She shakes her head, seemingly lost for words before she whispers with discontent, “Couldn’t you at least give the separation time? I thought it might have been a decision that was better to ease into, you know?”
“Why drag out the inevitable?” I counter, the timbre of my voice rebounding off the walls. “You were the one who made the decision for us when you fucked him, Jodie. You could have walked away. You could have told me at your next visit, but no, you took the offer and jumped on the first hard dick that was swung at you after I was safely behind bars.”
“Mince your words, why don’t you?” she seethes.
“Fuck what words I use to share how I feel.” This woman…. The audacity of her to make out I’m the one who ruined us. “The pain you feel right now is nothing compared to how I felt when he told me what you two had done.” I shake my head and laugh. “Jesus. You’re my wife and you didn’t even have the guts to tell me yourself.”
“I didn’t want to,” she admits, a hell of a lot more subdued.
“You didn’t want to, or you didn’t think you’d have to?” I ask. “Hoped you’d get away with it, perhaps?”
“Zeus,” she levels. “You’re not being fair.”
“Life isn’t fair, Jodie. You of all people should understand that.”
“You were in prison,” she whispers.
“Exactly. In prison, not dead. I was coming home. I was always coming home to you.” I huff a heavy breath out my nose, taking a step back toward the door. “Not that it fucking matters now. I’m tired, Jodie. I’m done. Let’s just get this final bit over and done with and move on.”
Tears wet her cheeks as I pause to really drill this moment into my memories. Every time a woman promises me her love, every time a woman tells me that I’m all there is for her, I want to remember this. I want a reason why I can never commit again.
Fuck going through this a second time. Fuck having to do it once.
“Enjoy your night out.” I open the door and make it as far as the front step before her deep sigh makes me hesitate.
I turn, surprised to find her clutching the divorce papers as though they’re a shield. From what? Her truth? Our truth? Her shoulders rise and fall, her chin to her chest. I don’t need to see her face to know it’s bad.
It’s always bad with my wife. Has been since I was released four months ago. One shit fucking revelation after another. Nothing surprises me anymore.
“There was never any girls’ night out, Zeus.”
Except maybe that. Proves there was never any love, either.
“I’m going to dinner at the sports club with him, and then he’s asked me to spend the night at his place.” She lifts her chin, challenge in her eyes as she adds, “He wants me to move in with him, really make a go of this.”
“And yet you had the fucking gall to stand there and have a go at me for bringing you the divorce papers?” I holler.
She cowers as I march back into the house, stopping nose to nose with the bitch.
“This has been coming for a long time.” Her words waver, her trepidation evident. “I didn’t want to turn down an opportunity at happiness if things with us didn’t work out.” She shakes the papers weakly between us. “And they haven’t, have they?”
Some kind of sick pride swells within me knowing she still feels enough to be intimidated by me. Good. She should hurt. It’s about time the scales of pain tipped her way.
“You might have known for a long time,” I say as I take a step back and look her over with disgust. “But for me, I loved you until the day you gave me reason not to.” More fool me. “I was loyal to you, Jodie. Always.”
“I know.” She hangs her head as I turn for the door. “But you can’t blame me for the fact you were either too ignorant, or too stubborn to see that we weren’t meant to be.”
“Can’t I?” If I remember right, it was her who first suggested marriage. “When did it stop?” I ask. “What was it that changed for you? When did you stop loving me, because you did love me once, right?” I turn at the door, one hand on the frame as I look to her, hopeful for just one small fucking olive branch.
She frowns, swallowing hard.
“When, Jodie?”
Her lips part as she sucks in a heavy breath. “When you couldn’t give me the one thing I wanted.”
Nothing I say right now could be good. Nothing I want to say is anything I will look back on without regret.
So I stay silent. I stay silent as my wife walks back to the bedroom to finish getting ready to go fuck another man, and I stay silent as the divorce papers hit the floor in her wake.
No wonder she didn’t want the dining table.