TWENTY-NINE
Belle
“Can I give you a hand?” Jodie steps into the kitchen where I clean up after dinner.
Dad sits outside with Cerise and Zeus, the three of them talking around the fire pit. Zeus kept his distance throughout the meal, barely including me in conversation. If he hadn’t stolen those earlier minutes with me in the kitchen, I’d almost think it’s over in his mind.
But it’s not. He seems determined not to let me go, even if his common sense is screaming at him to do so. And that’s what’s so hard to process when he says he’s not ready to tell Dad yet.
“Help would be appreciated. Thanks.” I smile at Jodie as I continue to scrub.
She lifts the dishtowel from the handle of the oven and picks up one of the pots I’ve just washed. “How have you been?”
I catch her eye as I start on the barbecue tools, wary. She’s never liked me all that much; I don’t think Jodie is the maternal kind, to be honest. Still, her concern seems genuine as she swirls the checked towel around the base of the pot.
“Okay.”
“Your dad said you’re trying to find work.”
“Yeah.” I focus on a stubborn grease stain. “I’m not having much luck though.”
“Don’t give up.” She offers a smile as she sets the dry pot aside. “It’ll come.” Jodie appears to be thinking over her next question as she lifts the next pot. “Are you saving for anything in particular?”
“Yeah. Either an overseas trip, or equipment to set myself up as a self-employed tattoo artist once I’ve done an apprenticeship.”
“That sounds interesting.” She lifts both brows. “And how does that fit in with Zeus?”
Ice washes through my veins, head to toe, as my heart catapults into overdrive. “Excuse me?”
“I asked how your plans fit in with Zeus’s,” she repeats carefully. “I’m not blind, Belle. There’s something going on between you two, isn’t there?”
Have we been that obvious? “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
She sighs, setting the pot aside to wring the towel around her hand. Jodie’s gaze drifts to the darkened yard, only the flicker of the fire visible. “Cerise has figured it out too. Been asking me all sorts of questions to try and trip me up. I think she figures if I’m on side, if I disapprove too then she can stir up some shit with your father.” Jodie chuckles as my stomach ties itself in irreversible knots. “She forgets we’ve been friends for over twenty years; I know how she operates.”
“She doesn’t like me,” I admit for fuck knows what reason. “Which is so weird because she’s my mother, you know?”
Jodie nods. “She had a rough time when you were young, and to be honest, I don’t think she ever made that bond with you.”
“I feel as though it’s all my fault.” I set the tools on the counter to be dried. “I’ve always wondered what I did wrong for her to leave me.”
“You didn’t do anything,” Jodie says on a sigh. “And Zeus saw that too.” She turns face-on to the window, staring off into the black as she absently dries the barbecue tool. “It made me mad, how much time he’d spend with you. I resented you for a long time.”
Her admission shocks me. What the hell do I say to that?
“I was jealous,” she continues. “Jealous that he found the love with you that I never had.”
My hands tingle, my legs growing weaker with every reference she makes to the current relationship Zeus and I have. “I never knew.”
“He had with you what he missed out on,” she muses, focus on the tool in her hand. “And what I missed out on.” She looks up, hurt in her eyes as she locks gazes with me. “You know we tried for ten years to have kids, right?”
I shake my head. “I never knew you tried for so long.”
“We couldn’t do it. Gave up. And I got angry with you, because he had a surrogate and I couldn’t look at you without resenting what I didn’t have.” Jodie sets the towel and tool down, turning to face me.
I freeze as she takes my wet hands in hers.
“I’m sorry, Belle.” She shakes my hands once, as though to drive her conviction home. “I’m sorry I took that out on you.”
“Why are you telling me this now?” I whisper.
Don’t get me wrong, it’s amazing to hear and I respect the hell out of her for having the guts to admit she was wrong. But why now? What inspired her to confess after eighteen years?
“I’m telling you,” she says, squeezing my hands. “Because I’ve seen the look in Zeus’s eye when he glances your way. You guys might think you’re sneaking time when nobody else is around, but it’s a little suspicious that he seeks out time to talk with you alone so often.” She smiles. “I’ve seen the change in him since he’s been here. And although I don’t necessarily agree with it, I can’t deny you’ve done good things for him.”
“I have?” It always feels as though he’s doing everything for me, as though I lean on him far too heavily. To hear I give back without knowing it….
“He loves you, and he’s fiercely protective of you.” She chuckles. “I learnt that when I said a few harsh things about you that were out of line.”
Her hold on my hands slowly morphs from awkward to something a lot more comfortable. I respect Jodie, for telling me this, and for seeing the truth of what Zeus and I are, for setting her preconceptions aside to recognise two people who are good for each other.
Who truly love each other.
“You,” she says firmly, shaking my hands once more, “need to watch out for your mother. She will tear you to shreds the first chance she can get to drive a wedge between you and your father.” Her lips tilt in a sad smile. “I’ll keep your secret, but you need to talk to Zeus and figure out where you’re going from here. John needs to know.”
“I’ve said that to him already.”
She smiles again, and then wraps her arms around my shoulders to pull me in for a hug. It’s unexpected, yet warm all at the same time.
“You’ve got a good head on your shoulders, Belle. Ride this out, and you and Zeus will do just fine.”