THIRTY
Zeus
“Must feel strange being on your own now,” Cerise says. “Big old empty house, all to yourself.”
I glance at John, who watches the two of us with interest as he takes a sip of his beer.
“I kind of got used to being alone, what with having a prison cell to myself for so long and all.”
She smirks. “Of course. I forgot you were inside Her Majesty’s establishment.” Her gaze flicks to the back of the house as Belle and Jodie step outside. “What was it for this time?”
Tension coils in my gut as the two women walk toward the fire. Who’d know what the fuck Jodie said to her while they were alone? Jesus. I can’t protect Belle from everything, but lately it seems as though I haven’t protected her from anything.
“Assault,” I absently answer Cerise as she shifts on her seat.
Bitch thinks she’s digging a nice grave for me, I can tell. She wastes her time though; John’s voiced enough times that he understands what I did. She won’t turn him against me for this.
I catch Belle’s eye.
Maybe she’ll turn him against me for her, though?
“Another bar brawl, I’m guessing,” Cerise continues, unaware she’s not the centre of attention anymore. “Remember those days, Jodie?”
My ex-wife looks across the flames at me as the two women get settled, and smiles. “I do.”
I know that look; that tilt of her lips. It’s the same one she’d give me in the old days when some arsehole started an argument he couldn’t finish down at the local; the one that says, “I have your back.”
“You were such a brute,” Cerise remarks with a forced laugh. “Poor John would try to keep up, but he was no match for an Islander such as yourself.”
Back the fuck up. “What did you say?” I narrow my eyes on her.
She tilts her head, eyes as dead as the night as she simply states, “Everybody knows you island folk are a bunch of savages when it comes down to it.”
“Cerise…,” John warns.
“What?” She acts surprised. “Everyone knows I’m right.”
Belle picks up a stick and pokes it in the flames, her jaw hard. Jodie sighs beside her. Classic Cerise. She’s always been like this, with a mouth bigger than her common decency.
“It wasn’t a bar fight,” I state flatly.
“Oh, really?”
“He beat the hell out of his sister’s husband,” John fills in as he stares into the fire.
We’re all over the conversation; it’s nothing new for any of us. Only for Cerise, but I guess that’s what she gets for deciding to spend the last ten years elsewhere. Walk away, and you miss a few things.
“Huh. I’m guessing that made things awkward between you and your sister.”
“I wouldn’t know,” I bite.
“Is she not talking to you anymore?” Cerise uncorks her third bottle of wine for the night.
“She’s can’t. She’s dead.”
Her hands still, neck of the bottle to the lip of her glass. “That’s a shame.”
Damn right it is. The only thing I regret about the whole incident is that Sefina never knew what I did for her. What tears me up the most though, is that it was too little, too late. I should have done it to the arsehole the first time he laid a hand on her, not when he struck her for the final time.
“Oh well. Let’s not ruin the night, huh?” Cerise sets her bottle down, immediately guzzling half the glass she’s just poured.
“I thought you were managing that just fine on your own,” Belle pipes up from the far side of the fire.
She continues to prod her stick into the flames, letting it set alight and then smothering it out on the lawn before repeating the action.
“Belle,” John warns. “Let it be.”
“No.” Her brow furrows despite the fact she refuses to look at anyone. “Ever since Cerise got here, all she’s done is stir shit.”
Jodie reaches across and rests a hand on Belle’s knee. “When do you get your exam results, Belle?”
“January.” She finally looks up, choosing to stare at her father.
John matches her gaze, a silent conversation going down between the two while Jodie does her best to defuse the situation further.
“What subjects did you have?”
Belle rattles off the list, slowly succumbing to the question and dropping her frustration. I relax also, teetering on a knife’s edge when it comes to how defensive I can get before we look too obvious.
“What’s the attraction then?” Cerise leans in close, her wine precariously close to ending up on the ground as it skims the rim of her glass. “Have you always favoured them young, or is this some new fetish you picked up from your friends in prison?”
“Get out of my face, Cerise.”
John’s gaze flickers across from where he’d been involved in conversation with Jodie and Belle.
“Can’t just be the tight pussy,” she says with a slight giggle. “Then again, I suppose Jodie’s is ruined after whoring herself around while you were incarcerated.”
She’s drunk. That’s all it is. Drunk, and unable to filter her goddamn mouth.
“You should tell John,” she instructs, stabbing her glass toward him. “While we’re all here.”
“Are you finished?” I turn to face her, and she reels back.
“Only looking out for my daughter’s best interests.” One perfectly sculpted eyebrow lifts.
“Did it take you ten years to figure out how to do it?” I snap. “Because you haven’t quite got the knack yet, love.”
“You couldn’t let him go, could you?” Cerise’s top lip curls, her disgust for me clear as the conversation across the fire stalls. “Always fucking there. Always wanting his time.” She jabs her glass toward me again, before thinking better of spilling all her wine and downing it in one go.
“Is the truth finally coming out?” I bait.
She smirks. “At least one of us has the balls to be honest.”
I could leave. I could get up right now and walk away. But where would that leave Belle? What would happen then? Who could say what this bitch would do, what she’d say, if I wasn’t around to defend myself?
Not that I have a lot to defend against when it’s most likely all the truth. I find Belle seated with her arms across herself, eyes wide as Cerise continues.
“What do you think John would say when he finds out what was going down under his roof? Or should I say who was going down?” The bitch laughs at her joke, while John shifts closer to the two of us.
“What are you two talking about?”
“Nothing,” I say at the same time as Cerise chirps, “Zeus has a confession.”
“Z?”
I shrink under the intensity of John’s watchful eye. He appears apprehensive, wary, and what hurts most is he has every right to be.
“I think perhaps, Cerise, you’ve had enough for one night.” Jodie rises from her seat beside Belle and circumvents the fire. “Let’s head indoors, huh?”
“No.” Cerise yanks her arm away from Jodie’s outstretched hand. “We’re getting to the best part of a bonfire: truth or dare.”
“Jesus, Cerise. What are we? Ten?” I make a move to stand, but John’s question stills me.
“Is there something I should know?” He glances between the three of us. “How about we skip the schoolyard games and just cut to the heart of it like adults?”
Fuck. I chance a look at Belle. She’s frozen, her face pale even in the light of the fire, as she watches the shit hit the fan.
“Maybe there’d be a better time,” Jodie suggests.
I shift my gaze to her and frown. Why is my ex-wife trying to protect me? Exactly how much does she know?
“When would that be?” John asks. “When people have had time to fabricate excuses and lies?” He shakes his head. “Out with it. Let’s get this shit on the table so we can move on.”
Only I don’t think there is any moving on.
Cerise twists her head from side to side as she looks between Jodie and me. An exasperated sigh leaves her lips. “Hell. If you two won’t, then I’ll up and say it.” Jodie and I scramble to distract and disarm, yet our feeble protests are drowned out by one simple statement from John’s bitch of an ex. “Zeus is fucking Belle.”
Jesus. “Are you crazy?” I snap.
“Pardon?” John’s grip on his bottle tightens.
“She’s drunk,” Jodie excuses with a nervous giggle. “Come on, Cerise. Up we go.”
Cerise shakes off Jodie’s touch and dives straight for the jugular. “Did it not seem strange to you that a grown man wasn’t the slightest bit put out by having to babysit while you were at work, John?”
“We’re not fucking,” I state as John looks my way. The words sound disgusting to my own ears, so God only knows how this sounds to him.
“Belle?” His gaze stays locked on me as he summons his daughter into the fray. “What do you have to say about this?”
Shit. Hopefully it’s too dark for those damn ears of her to be noticeable. Then again, she’s not exactly lying if she says no; we haven’t had sex yet. Yet. Fuck me. There’s the problem right there—I can’t stop wanting her, even as it all blows up right before our faces.
“Are you seriously asking me if her bullshit is true?” Belle snaps.
“Neither of you reacted as though it was some joke,” John points out. “If the idea was that far-fetched I would have expected us all to laugh it off. But both of you sat there like stunned mullets, waiting to see what would happen next.”
Shit, shit, fuck. “Maybe we were simply all as shocked as you that Cerise would come up with such a vile thing to accuse me of.”
“Hardly an accusation if it’s true, is it?” She tips her glass back, sucking the dregs dry.
John turns to her, hand flexing on his bottle. “What evidence do you have?”
“I can’t believe you’re entertaining—”
“Let her speak, will you?” John holds a hand up toward me.
I catch Jodie’s eye as she chews on her bottom lip. She and I are having words after this.
Cerise grins, locking gazes with Belle before she wobbles to her feet and stumbles toward the house. “Everybody sit tight,” she booms with a giggle. “This night is about to get real interesting.”
What the fuck could she have that proves Belle and I have been intimate? We were always so careful… weren’t we?
“Belle. Get over here.” John jerks his head to Cerise’s vacated seat. “Come sit where I can see you both.”
“John—”
“Let it lie, Jodie.” He narrows his gaze on her as she flexes her grip on the back of the seat. “This has nothing to do with you.”
Belle drops into the chair, and my curiosity piques when Jodie rests her hands on Belle’s shoulders in a comforting gesture.
“We went through this years ago,” John says to his daughter. “We discussed this, and I thought we buried the ridiculous idea then and there.”
What the hell?
“We did,” Belle murmurs, chancing a look my way.
My chest tightens at the regret in her eyes; she hid something from me, something that’s proving to be pretty fucking important.
Her fucking dad already knew how she feels about me.
“So?” John asks, setting his beer down. “What do you have to say? What’s your mother going to bring out here?”
“She’s not my mother.”
“Unfortunately, the fact she gave birth to you means that she is, no matter how much you two don’t get along.” John sighs, dragging a hand over his face. “If you want the upper hand on her, now’s the time to tell me what the fuck is going on.”
Belle looks down in contemplation, which gives John ample time to glare in my direction. I could shrug, but that would seem as though I’m trying too hard to play it cool. I could also open my mouth to protest again, but if there’s one thing I learnt in the slammer, it’s that guilty birds sing the loudest.
So I do nothing, instead staring into my best friend’s eyes and hoping that he remembers I’ve always had his back, ever since we were kids. I’d never do something to knowingly hurt him, and if I did, he’d better bet it was because I thought it was worth the pain.
“Nothing to say?” John asks Belle when she remains silent.
“I get the feeling you wouldn’t listen to me, anyway.”
“The floor is yours,” John says with a sweep of his hand. “I’m listening.”
“But are you hearing me?” Belle asks as her mother drops off the back porch a little too sharply and reaches for the rail to steady herself.
“Everybody comfortable?” she asks as she returns to the circle.
Mother and daughter spare no love as they stare each other down, the hate almost palpable.
“I thought I’d tidy up after Zeus moved his things out,” Cerise says. “Naturally, since I had the vacuum out I did the whole house… including Belle’s room.”
Belle’s eyes narrow, her lips pressed tight as she watches her mother’s performance. Jodie tightens her hold, sensing the knife’s edge we’re on same as I do. If looks could kill, Belle would have her mother dead and buried by now. But I get the feeling in this moment she wants to do a hell of a lot more damage than just a scathing glare.
My girl looks ready to kill.
“I picked up your school bag to move it aside, Belle, and this fell out.” Even in her inebriated state, Cerise manages to toss the pieces of the empty morning-after pill packet into Belle’s lap with true dramatic flair. “Care to explain?”
“What is it?” John asks.
Belle leans forward to toss the pieces in the fire. “Nothing.”
Yet her father halts her with a hand to her wrist. John peels the largest pieces out of her grasp and examines them while the rest of us wait with bated breath.
“Is this…?”
“Emergency contraceptive,” Cerise announces smugly.
I groan and bury my face in my hands. This woman…. She has no idea how close she was to pulling her “great reveal” off, and instead she’s unearthed a painful experience her daughter would rather forget.
“Belle?” John asks, lifting the scraps between them. “Explain.”
She looks my way, her brow pinched. I give a small nod, letting her know it’s time to tell the truth. Even if that does still get me in the shit for keeping secrets.
“You remember when I had food poisoning?” Belle asks, returning her gaze to John.
“Yeah.”
“It wasn’t an upset stomach from food. It was a side effect of that.” She points to the remnant of the box. “I made a mistake at Scott’s party.”
John’s nostrils flare, his jaw hard as he looks off into the darkened backyard. Cerise frowns, her master plan unravelling before her eyes.
“Zeus picked you up that night, didn’t he?” John asks.
Great. He’s resorted to acting as though I’m not here. I frown at Cerise as she smirks, clearly thinking she’s still on a winning streak. All fool her.
“Yes. He did.”
“You fucking dog,” John spits as he launches out of his seat.
“It wasn’t him,” Belle yells, halting her father before I’m forced to fight back. “It wasn’t Zeus, for fuck’s sake.”
I lift my hands and tip my head to the side. “Easy now, brother.”
“It was Scott.” Belle’s voice cracks.
Jodie massages Belle’s shoulders, hands where I wish mine were. “It’s okay, honey. You don’t have to justify this witch hunt.” My ex-wife reminds me what it was that drew me to her all those years ago as she turns her attention to Cerise. “Satisfied?” Her face is a storm as she lets go of Belle and rounds the seat to advance on her former friend. “Is this what you came back for? To accuse people of wild lies and tear your flesh and blood apart? Do you feel vindicated, you callous cow? Do you? Are your daughter’s tears worth it?”
“Oh, lay off, you cunt,” Cerise bites back. “You know as well as I do that there’s something going on between these two.” She points wildly between Belle and me while John stands in the midst looking like a lost sheep. “It’s disgusting, and it needs to stop.”
“What the fuck is going on here?” John bellows. “Will one of you fucking tell me the truth?”
“Yeah, Belle,” Cerise sneers, leaning around Jodie. “Where’s the rest of the story?”
“What part?” my girl asks. “The part where the jerk told me he had a condom on, but lied? The part where I was too drunk to know the difference? Where I thought for once somebody actually wanted me, because you know, after my mother walked out on me I kind of figured there must have been something about me that pushed people away.” Belle rises, moving to stand behind Jodie, my ex-wife the only thing stopping these two from ripping each other apart. “Or do you want to hear about how Zeus wanted to turn the car around and deal to the arsehole once he figured out something wasn’t right? Or where I told him to leave it? Or the best part of all: the next day when my best friend told me I was asking for it if I was too stupid to believe that a guy would have the decency to use protection?” The raw depth of her emotion shines its truth on her face, the firelight catching the moisture as Belle’s tears track a path down her cheeks.
Yet she cries out of anger, her fists curled in frustration. And I can’t do a fucking thing to make her feel better. I have to sit here like a grade-A arsehole while she hurts, because I’m too afraid of the consequences.
Talk about a moral dilemma.
“Why didn’t you say anything?” John asks, pulling Belle toward him.
She wraps her arms around her father, and sobs. “I didn’t want you to hate me.”
“Ssh, baby. I could never hate you.”
The look on Cerise’s face would be satisfying if the woman wasn’t an unpredictable livewire. She may have lost the battle, but this woman never gives up on the war. Jodie lets out a sigh as Cerise turns for the house and leaves the fireside while John consoles his distraught daughter.
I rise to follow her, yet Jodie’s hand against my chest grounds my irrational thoughts. There’s nothing to be gained by poking the bear. Not when I’ve so narrowly missed being flayed alive.
“Not now, Z.”
I sigh, grateful for what she did to try and help. “Thank you.”
Her eyes crinkle at the corners as she searches mine, a small shake to her head. “No. Don’t thank me.” Her lips press together as she huffs out her nose. “Just you promise that you’ll set things right and let John know the truth. Soon.”
“How did you…?”
“I was married to you for sixteen years, Zeus. I know a thing or two about what you do, how you look when you’re in love.”
I can’t look her in the eye. We wasted so many years pretending what we had could be salvaged. Years she could have spent finding the right man for her. Maybe she went about it the wrong way, but I guess my prison term gave her the permission she needed to move on. How else could she have made me face the truth when I was so used to living a lie that I thought what we had was what a partnership is supposed to be?
It wasn’t until Belle that I’ve learnt what it’s like to really love somebody. I loved Jodie, but I never needed her. And that right there is the difference.
When I thought of life without Jodie, I got angry. When I imagine life without Belle, I can’t see there being any point to mine.
“I don’t know how to do it,” I admit as I look across to where John and Belle talk.
“Like a Band-Aid,” Jodie muses. “Quick, so it hurts less.” She sighs, knocking her elbow into me to grab my attention. “The longer you leave it, the harder it’s going to be for him to take.”
“I know.” That thought runs through my mind every damn day. And yet….
“Do it tonight, while the topic is fresh.” Jodie glances toward the house. “I’ll get Cerise into bed; she’ll pass out soon if past performance is anything to go by, and then you and John have a quiet word alone while I keep Belle busy.”
“No. Not tonight.” I need time to think about how to tell him. Time to figure out what the best words to use are.
Time to warn Belle.
“Don’t delay the inevitable, Zeus. If you mean well by this girl, then you’ll do the right thing.”
If my heart constricts any tighter, I don’t know if it’ll still be able to beat. “I’m going to ruin everything.”
“Not as much as you will if he finds out about it from someone other than you two.”