Kane
Knowing that Fox was with Zandra did little to stop the anger and frustration that had built up inside of me over his little stunt.
Her apartment was a little over a mile away from our house. Busy streets with speeding cars weren’t the only thing I worried about. Fox was just a little kid, no matter what he thought. He’d had no business walking over there, and he damn well knew that.
I had no idea exactly how I would address this behavior, but I sure as hell was going to try my damnedest to get my son back to the good kid he’d been before his mother came along.
Aunt Nancy and Uncle James came over once I told them Fox was safe with his mother. Aunt Nancy made chamomile tea to help calm us all down. She handed me a warm cup. “Here, sip on this and let’s all just take some time to decompress. That boy sure did give us a scare, but at least we know he’s safe now.”
My hand shook as I took the cup she held out to me. “Well, for now he is. Once I get a hold of him, I’m not so sure about his safety.”
Uncle James stood behind my chair, and he clapped his hand on my shoulder. “Now, Kane, don’t be so hasty. Let’s think about the right way to handle this. The boy wanted to see his mother very badly. Frankly, I don’t understand why you haven’t let him. She’s all he’s been talking about, and he told us how he talks to her each night before bedtime. And he was looking forward to spending Sunday with her all week long. Were you not going to let him do that? Is that why he ran away?”
He’d hit the nail on the head. “Well, I didn’t say no. He just brought it up this morning and I told him to let me think about it. But he got all impatient and ran off on his own.” I put the cup down on the coffee table in front of me. “I still can’t believe he did that. I never would’ve expected something like this from him. Not my son.”
Aunt Nancy laughed. “Oh, Kane, he’ll do many things you’ll never see coming. It’s what kids do.” She sat down on the loveseat across the table from me. “Now, let’s talk logically here. What’s stopping you from letting Fox see his mother? What is it that you’ve been spending so much time thinking about?”
“She works in a bar,” I stated. “You guys know that already. But what I haven’t told you guys is what kind of bar it is, and how she acts while she’s there.”
Uncle James took a seat next to Aunt Nancy. “I’m sure it’s pretty crazy. Well, crazy to you, Kane. You grew up quickly. That’s not your scene anymore. Maybe you’re judging her a little harshly.”
Taking a second to think about it, I had to admit, “Yeah, maybe I am. Maybe I’m expecting her to hurry up and grow up the way I did.”
“But she didn’t have the responsibility you had, dear,” Aunt Nancy reminded me. “She had no reason at all to grow up. You can’t very well expect her to do that overnight, especially if you won’t let the two of them spend time together. How will she ever know what goes along with having a child if you never give her the opportunity to experience what it takes to look after one?”
She was right. I could admit that I’d been wrong. “But what if she does something to hurt him? I don’t want him to be scarred, emotionally speaking, because I allowed her into his life too soon. What then?” I picked up the tea to take another sip. It did seem to be helping with my nerves.
“Don’t you think we worried about the very same thing when we started letting Fox stay with you when you were just eighteen?” Aunt Nancy asked. “He was a baby back then. He couldn’t tell you what he wanted or needed. But we took that chance. We let you keep him all by yourself sometimes, so you could bond with him and learn how to become the boy’s father.”
Uncle James added, “When we decided to give him to you, do you think we didn’t have fears that we were putting too much on you? All the responsibility that came along with Fox rested squarely on your shoulders for the first time then. But you did it.”
“But I came from a good home. And I had you guys and Mom and Dad to show me the way. Zandra had horrible parents. Even before they made her give Fox up, living with them had made her into a shy girl who hardly knew how to make friends. They turned her into someone who didn’t have the wherewithal to get away from them when she was pregnant to let anyone know what they were doing to her and the baby she carried.” I thought about how terrible that must’ve been for her. My heart ached with the thought. “I don’t want her to instill that same thing into my son.”
“He’s hers too, Kane,” my aunt reminded me.
“I know. I’m having a hard time adjusting my thoughts about that, though,” I admitted. “For so long he’s been mine and mine alone. I’m having a hard time adjusting to him having a mother.”
“That’s understandable,” Uncle James said. “But you have to adjust, for Fox’s sake, if not Zandra’s.”
I knew I would have to speed up my adjustment process. “So, the punishment. What should I do about that?”
Aunt Nancy came up with an idea, “How about you make him do the yardwork for a week?”
“Or you could take away his game system for a week,” Uncle James said.
“Or both,” I decided. “A little physical work along with the denial of his favorite thing sounds good. I just want my good kid back. I don’t want to worry about him flying off the handle and doing things that might get him hurt, or worse.”
“And you need to come up with a visitation plan for him and his mother, Kane,” Aunt Nancy said. “Something he can count on. And you can’t deny their visits as a form of punishment either.”
“But—” I didn’t know what else to say.
Aunt Nancy shook her head. “But nothing, Kane. It was your indecisiveness that caused Fox to run away. You have to make a decision and stick to it.”
“I don’t really want her alone with him at her apartment. She lives with another cocktail waitress with highly questionable morals.” I thought about it some more. “And Zandra doesn’t know any of my rules either.”
Uncle James gave me a stern look. “Only because you haven’t brought her around or spoken to her about how you want your son to be raised. Do yourself a favor—invite the girl over the way your son has asked you to a thousand times this last week. Then she can learn the ropes, and I’m sure she’ll want to keep doing what’s best for Fox.”
“You’re right,” I had to admit that to them and myself. “I’ll head that way and see if I can clean up some of the mess I’ve made.”
On my way over to Zandra’s apartment, I found myself calming down a lot. I would take her and Fox back home with me, and we would have the evening our son had wanted.
As I pulled up in front of her apartment, I noticed her red Mustang wasn’t there. Little spines of worry began to pop up. Getting out of the car, I went to the door and rang the bell.
A few moments later the door opened and a bikini-clad Taylor opened the door. “Well, if it isn’t Dr. Dad. I thought you told Zandy you would give her a few hours alone with the kid.”
“Yeah, well, I’ve changed my mind.” Looking behind her, I asked, “So, where are they?”
“She took him to buy him a bathing suit. He wants to take a swim in the pool. He saw it out the glass doors, just in back of our apartment.” She opened the door wider, backing up. “Come in. You can wait for them.”
“No, thank you.” I was hot as hell over Zandra taking my son anywhere without asking me first. If she’d asked, I would’ve told her no, as I still had no confidence in her driving ability. “I’ll be waiting in the car for them to get back, and then I’m taking my son home.”
“Your son?” she asked with a hint of sarcasm. “Isn’t he Zandy’s too?”
I wasn’t about to get into it with her. “I’ll be in the car.”
Sitting in my car, I gripped the steering wheel in my hands and tried not to bang my head against it. I couldn’t remember a time I’d been so mad. And when the little red Mustang pulled up next to me, I nearly flew out of my car.
Fox looked at me with his mouth hanging open when he got out of the car. “Dad, I thought you said I could stay for a few hours.”
Zandra got out too, looking at me with a stunned expression. “Kane, what’s wrong? Your face is as red as a beet.”
“Get in the car, Fox,” I said with a low, threatening tone. “Now.”
“But, Dad—” he whined.
“Do as I say. And do it right now.” My hands fisted at my sides as the anger rose up in me. I was about to let her have it, and I didn’t want my son to hear me berating his mother.
“Kane, stop it,” Zandra said. “We can talk about this. I have no idea why you’re so mad.”
“You didn’t ask my permission to take him anywhere.” I tried to keep my voice below a roar. “You’ve got no idea what it takes to be a parent, Zandra. I always make sure I know and trust a person before I allow my son to ride with them.” I looked at Fox again. “Get in the car. I’m not going to say it again.”
Zandra turned to look at him. “Go on inside and put on your swimming trunks. We’re going to swim just like I promised you.”
The air went out of me as my son walked away from me and went into the apartment. “No.”
Zandra came up to me, looking me in the eyes with a determination I’d yet to see in her. “You and I need to talk, Kane. Would you like to do it inside where my neighbors won’t be listening, or out here?”
“You can’t …”
“I can,” she said. “And I will.”
“I’m not going in there. So say your piece out here and then I’ll happily call the police if you won’t let me son come with me,” I let her know.
“Have it your way.” She stepped back, crossing her arms over her chest. “This is your fault. You’ve kept stringing him along. He’s only human, Kane Price. And I know I had to give that boy up, and I’m damn glad it was you who got him, but he’s mine, too. He wants to have a relationship with me, and by God, he will.”
“That’s not up to you two,” I reminded her.
“The hell it’s not!” She leaned her ass against the hood of my car. “If you didn’t want me in his life, then you never should’ve told him I was his mother! Do you think you can control that boy for the rest of his life?”
Do I?
“I’m not trying to control him.” I held my hands up in the air, having no idea what I was supposed to do in this situation.
Have I lost control of everything?
“Kane, I know that you don’t know me well. But the fact is that eating one meal together or coming into my work for one night isn’t going to be enough to know me, either. If you think I’m not fit to be a mother to Fox because of the way I acted that night at work, then you need to know that that’s not even who I am. When I’m at work, it’s all an act, and that’s all it is.”
My heart began to ache as my mind filled with the sight of those men’s lips touching her stomach. “You sure are a great actress, Zandra.”
“I’ve had to be.” Pulling her sunglasses off, she wiped a tear from her eye. “I had to get away from my parents. And I couldn’t do that without making enough money to provide for myself. So, I became a waitress at a nightclub where an older woman taught me how to flirt and how to tease, how to be comfortable doing what was needed in order to make big tips. You know how shy I was. You have to know that when I’m at work, that’s all an act.”
I had to be honest with her. “I don’t like it. I don’t like you working there. I don’t like it for a lot of reasons, Zandra.”
“I’m looking for another job, Kane. I know it doesn’t seem like it, but I am. As a matter of fact, that was how I’d been planning on spending my day today if you never called me. But now that I’ve got Fox around, I want to spend time with him. Tomorrow I’ll start looking a lot harder than I have been.” She stood up and looked at the door to her apartment. “It’s hot as hell out here.”
“Yeah, it is.” I walked up to her, taking her by the hands as I looked into her eyes. “I don’t want to tell you how you should be, Zandra. I want you to just know how to be. Does that make sense to you?”
She nodded. “It does. And I know you’ve got high expectations, Kane. But things take time. I’ve only got a high school education, and waitressing is the only job I’ve ever had. I can’t make something out of myself overnight.”
“You’re right. You can’t.” My heart had started beating faster as soon as I felt her hands in mine. It was distracting me from all other topics of conversation. “I kind of hate what you do to me, Zandra.”
Her pink lips barely parted as she whispered, “What do I do to you, Kane?”
“You take me back to who I was a long, long time ago. The man I’ve become disappears, and the kid comes out in me again. That’s not what I want at all.” Even as I said those words, my body leaned in.
“You can’t always be in control of everything.” She licked her plump lips. “Why are you always trying so hard to keep things just the way they are, the way they’ve always been? What’s so bad about change?”
“Because I don’t know any other way.” It felt good to finally get the truth out, and I knew without a doubt that there were other things that would feel even better when they came out of me and went into her.
“I think you should let things play out however they’re going to.” She leaned in, getting her sweet lips closer to mine.
“I think you’re going to ruin me.” It was the truth, and I was sure we both knew that.
Her mouth came so close her lips grazed mine as she whispered, “Ruin? No. Change? Yes.”
Oh, Lord, have mercy!