Kane
I couldn’t do it. I could not sit there and watch Zandra let those men treat her like—touch her like that. It made me sick. Literally.
That night, I barely got any sleep. The next day, I had trouble concentrating on anything. Playing some mindless video games with Fox was about all I could muster. Then Sunday came around, and my son decided to nag me until I was ready to scream and leave the house just to get away from him.
“Dad, please! I just want Mom to come over and eat dinner with us. Please!” he said the last word louder than the rest.
Cocking one brow as I looked at him, I cautioned him, “Do not start yelling, Fox. That will only get you into trouble. And I’ve already told you that I don’t think it’s a good time to start that yet. She’s got some growing up to do before she’s ready to become a mother.”
No one was more disappointed by that fact than I was. I had an itch that I knew only she could scratch. But my son came first, and that was that.
Putting down the controller, he got up off the sofa to look me in the eyes as he stood right in front of me. He took my controller right out of my hands. “Dad, we need to talk.”
The way he was acting almost made me want to laugh. Almost. “Son, there’s nothing to talk about. I’ve already told you that I’ll be making the decisions where she’s concerned. And you’ll just have to accept that fact. I’m not doing it to hurt anyone. I’m only doing it for your wellbeing.”
He put his hands on my legs as he leaned forward, as if it would help if he got closer to my face. “Dad, what if being around me helps her grow up? What if being around me will help her become a better mom? How can she learn to be one if she doesn’t have no kid to be one to?”
Valid point.
I sat there, with my son in my face, thinking about what he’d said. “But what if she and you get close and she runs off or something?”
“I don’t think she will,” came his childish answer.
Of course, I hadn’t told Fox what Zandra had done at the club that night. He didn’t need to know that about his mother. But I thought about how much easier things would be if he was older, more mature, and could understand things like that.
“Well, I don’t share your optimism.” Taking him by the shoulders, I moved him away from me then got up to go see about making something for lunch. “I’m going to make lunch. You want a ham and cheese sandwich?”
“No. I want my mom to come over, and I want us to cook outside and have a nice family day together. That’s what I want.” He crossed his arms over his chest. “I’m not gonna give up, Dad.”
“Your mother probably isn’t even up yet, Fox. So let’s eat some lunch, and maybe you’ll feel better once you get some food in you.” I almost wanted to give the kid a sedative, he was getting on my nerves so much. Not that I would ever do that, but damn!
“How do you know she’s not up?” he asked as he trailed along behind me as I went to the kitchen.
“Because she works late.” I thought about what she’d told me before. “She goes to sleep around five in the morning.”
“Isn’t that the time you usually get up to go to work, Dad?” he asked, seeming a little bit interested in what I had to say for once.
“Yes, it is.” I pushed one hand through my hair, shoving it back before washing my hands in the kitchen sink. “And she told me she usually gets up around two. So, what you want couldn’t even happen for about three more hours. Maybe more. She would have to get up, have a shower, and put on some makeup and clothes. That all takes time, Fox. Then she would have to come over here, and it would most likely be around five or so before she got here.”
“Okay, I can deal with that.” He took a seat at the table. “Can I have some chips instead of vegetables with the sandwich this time?”
“I don’t even buy chips.” I looked at him and wondered what the hell was going on inside of his brain. “You know that.”
“I do.” He nodded with a frown. “And you don’t buy snack cakes, candy, soda pops, or ice cream. You don’t buy cow’s milk, American cheese, or cake. You don’t let me stay up late, not even one night. You don’t let me …”
I stopped him, as I could see he was having himself a pity party. “Fox, just stop. I’m a doctor. I know what that crap does to a person. None of those things are good for grown people, much less children who need nutrients to grow big and strong. One day you’ll thank me, I promise.”
“Well, it won’t be today. Today I want potato chips with my sandwich. And I’d like the ham and cheese on white bread, instead of wheat bread for once too.” He seemed to be on a roll. “And I would like an ice-cold soda with that, instead of unsweetened almond milk. Things need to change, Dad.”
“Well, they’re not going to.” I set to work on making the sandwiches, cutting up the carrots and broccoli for the sides and then pouring us a couple of glasses of almond milk. “I’ll have you know that most children would love to have a father who made sure they ate healthy, son. And after lunch, you and I will take a walk to the park and back.”
With a huff, he picked up his sandwich and took a bite, looking at his plate as if it had dog crap on it, instead of homemade food. “Fine.”
Lately, ever since his mother had come into the picture, my son didn’t seem much like my son anymore. He’d never questioned the way we lived or the food we ate or drank, before meeting her.
As we ate in silence, sitting across the small table from each other, I began to think that Zandra coming into his life had been a very bad thing. A chain reaction had begun, and I didn’t like it at all.
And even as I thought that, my cock thumped in my shorts. Yes, that thing still wanted her. But my brain was thinking better of it.
Zandra had a ways to go before I would be giving into my body. And it had to start with her getting a new job. But the woman had to make more changes than that.
Zandra’s lifestyle might have been working just fine for her before Fox and I came back into her life, but it didn’t work for a woman with responsibilities, a woman who needed to be a role model. But things had changed now, and Zandra needed to act in a way that Fox could look up to.
A whole week had passed and so far she’d done nothing to change how she lived now that she had the chance to be a mother to the son she’d been forced to give away.
I found that to be a bad sign. A sign of things to come.
Part of me wondered if having sex with her would help her see fit to make those changes. Maybe it would give her an added incentive to start sorting things out, so we could all move forward. But then I thought that would just be manipulating her. I didn’t want to make her do what I wanted. I just wanted her to do what was right, and I wanted her to do that all on her own. But then I began to wonder if she could.
At first, when her boss had told her to dance on the bar and do the body shots, she’d stood her ground. I’d admired her in that moment, watching her stand up for herself. And then she’d gone and let those guys touch her in ways I couldn’t even think about, and a bit of that respect had vanished in a flash.
Plus, it had made me jealous as hell. It had taken everything in me not to go throw those assholes as far away from her as I could. But I didn’t want to be a Neanderthal, and I didn’t want to be with a woman who would bring that out in me.
In short, my body wanted one thing, and my brain wanted another.
And I couldn’t understand why Zandra wouldn’t step up to the plate and be the woman I expected her to be. She was the mother of my child. I guess a part of me had just assumed that she would instinctively know what I expected of her. Yet, she didn’t seem to know at all. And I didn’t want to explain it to her.
What I did want was to take her like I owned her. Keep her tucked away in my bedroom like my favorite toy. And I knew that was wrong of me, especially with everything else so up in the air.
With so many complex, mixed emotions where that woman was concerned, I had no idea where things would lead. All I knew was that she had some changes to make, and until she made them, things wouldn’t be moving forward with Fox or me.
“Done,” Fox announced when his plate and glass were empty. “Can we take that walk now?”
I downed the last of my almond milk then nodded. “Yep. Let’s go, sport.”
The food did seem to calm him down, and that made me a hell of a lot happier. We set off for our walk, which turned into a run before we got to the park. “Can I play on the swings for a few minutes, Dad?” he asked once we’d gotten to the park.
“Sure. I’ll just be here, sitting under this tree while you do that.” I watched him take off to play with the other kids and took a seat under the shade of an old oak tree.
Pulling out my phone, I went to check my social media apps to see what was up in the world. I saw that Zandra had made friend requests on all of them, so I quickly added and checked out her profiles, looking to see who her other friends were.
All I found was picture after picture of her partying and hanging out in bars. None of it made me feel better about our future. It seemed Zandra still lived her life like a girl in her early twenties, instead of a woman approaching the later years of her twenties. She was only one year younger than me, but looking at her pictures made me feel ancient in comparison.
The one thing that did stand out to me was the fact that I saw guys commenting on her pictures, flirting with her, with no flirty responses back from her. But then again, that was probably because of her loner mentality.
Zandra didn’t let people in. She never had. Who was I to think she would do that for me?
I supposed I was hoping for something she wasn’t capable of. How could she be someone she’d never been? And how could I expect so much from a person who’d grown up the way she had? Her parents had done a number on her, and I knew that. But knowing who to blame didn’t help me much.
Fox was the center of my world. He deserved more from his mother. But could I get her to understand that all on her own, without me telling her what I wanted?
Was it even fair of me?
Staring up at the many branches of the old tree, I wondered what the hell I should be doing.
Should I ask her to come over? Should I ask her to stay the night? Should I take her under my wing and show her how I want her to be? How I dreamed our family should be?
Shaking my head, I tried to rid myself of those thoughts. It wasn’t up to me to mold her into the person I thought she should be in order to be a mother to my son.
And then it hit me that I kept on calling him my son, thinking about him as my son only. He was hers too, and I kept putting that in the back, rather than in the front.
Should I let Fox and his mother make their own relationship? Should I stay the hell out of it and let them find their own thing? Can I even make myself do that?
I’d never considered myself to be controlling before. I thought of myself as a responsible man who put his child first in every situation. But could I have been hiding some things from myself?
Fox ran up, bringing me out of my thoughts. “Hey, Dad. Can you call her now and see if she’s up? I bet if you call her and tell her that she can come over, she’ll hurry up. I bet she’ll be so excited, and then she’ll get up right away.”
And there he was, bugging me about the very same topic that had taken up my whole morning. “No. I might call her later. I’ve got to think about it, buddy.”
His green eyes narrowed at me. “Fine!” he shouted, then took off running toward home.
I had no choice but to get up and go home with him, knowing he was mad at me and knowing the tension between us would once again fill our home when we got there.
Not wanting to catch up to him, I let him run as fast as he could while I stayed back a few feet. He beat me home and ran straight into the house, then into his bedroom.
I felt I should give him his space, so I went to take a shower and change clothes. My temper wasn’t any better than his at the moment. If I tried to talk to him, I knew I would just make things worse.
After a nice shower, I felt refreshed and went out to the kitchen to get some juice. Passing by his bedroom, I knocked on the closed door. “Hey, buddy, do you want some juice?”
When no answer came, I opened the door. He wasn’t in there. I went to look around the house, calling out his name as I went into each room. And I found each room empty.
Heading outside, I figured he was out in the back, maybe throwing the ball or something. But he wasn’t out there either. “Fox!”
No reply came. I didn’t want to panic, but it was beginning to bubble up inside me. I went back inside to check one more time, and then I called my aunt to see if he’d gone over there. “Hey, Aunt Nancy, is Fox over there by any chance?”
“No. Why do you ask? Is everything all right?”
Shit!