Kane
Stunned, I watched her leave, thinking the whole time that she would see reason and turn around. That she’d come back to me and even say sorry. But I’d been wrong. Zandra got into her red Mustang and peeled out of the parking lot like a bat out of hell.
“Now, how the hell did she get her panties in such a twist over me asking her to move in with me while I paid for her to go to college?” I asked myself
A woman’s voice answered the question I’d thrown out to the universe. “She don’t want no one to take care of her.”
Turning around, I found the waitress had come up behind me. Her gray-streaked dark hair told me she was an older woman, probably early sixties. I guessed she was probably a smoker, which made her look much older around the mouth and eyes. I’d learned long ago not to judge a book by its cover. The difference was in the wrinkles and lines and where they were on a person’s face.
“And you know that because?” I asked the waitress, who was also looking out the plate glass window through which I’d watched Zandra’s grand exit.
“I know that because I know a thing or two about damaged women,” she informed me. Her dark eyes moved to mine then quickly away again. “I don’t suppose you still want to order anything.”
“No, I don’t.” Pulling out my wallet, I asked, “What’s the bill?”
“She only had a coffee.” She pulled out the ticket. “Guess I get screwed on this one.” She put the bill on the table, and I could see that the total was only a dollar and fifty cents.
I gathered that life must’ve dealt her a very poor hand and I decided to make her day just a bit brighter. I pulled two crisp hundreds out of my wallet, laying them underneath the bill. “Sorry about that. I hope you have a nice day, ma’am.” I didn’t bother to look back to see her reaction to the money. I didn’t need to see it.
All I needed was to find Zandra and straighten things out. It was hard for me to wrap my mind around her actions though. She needed some type of help, after all.
After getting into my car, I called the clinic to let them know I was taking the rest of the day off. Either I would spend it with Zandra, or, if she still didn’t want to see reason, I would stay home. I wouldn’t be any help to any patients with my mind elsewhere.
Figuring she’d gone to her apartment, I tried there first. I knew I could’ve just called her, but I thought she might not answer me. I had never seen her so angry. And over such a crazy thing, too.
When I turned the corner onto her street, I found Zandra talking to a man who was leaning up against a black Dodge Charger. By the way her hands were flying through the air and the way she paced back and forth, I thought the two of them were likely arguing.
Parking where she wouldn’t notice me, I opened my passenger side window to see if I could hear anything. I could hear her yelling, but had no idea what she was saying.
The guy, who wore sunglasses, didn’t seem to give a flying fuck if she was mad or not. He nodded, then walked around to get into his car. He left her standing there, glaring after him as he left the parking lot.
I pulled in, knowing something was wrong. She took one look at my car and turned to go into her apartment. But I parked and got out so fast that she wasn’t able to make it before I caught up to her.
Taking her by the arm, I stopped her hasty retreat. “Zandra, what the hell is going on?”
Her arm shook in my hand, letting me know she was very upset. “Just leave me alone,” came her teary reply.
I wasn’t about to just leave her alone like this. “I can’t do that, baby. I love you, you know that.” I pulled her quivering body around to face me then hugged her tightly. “Please let me in. Tell me what’s wrong?”
“I don’t have a job anymore,” she whimpered. “That was the manager, Rob. He told me that he heard I was looking for another job and that he didn’t much like that. So he decided to let me go, to give me more time to find something else, he said. The asshole.” She sniffled.
Kissing the top of her head, I rocked back and forth with her still in my arms. “Baby, that’s actually great news. Now you have absolutely no reason not to take me up on my offer. Come live with me, let me take care of you just for a little bit. Let me pay for you to go to college. Please.” I couldn’t believe I was begging her to let me do so much for her, when so many people would jump at the opportunity. It felt crazy.
Her body went rigid, her hands fisted against my chest. “Let me go, Kane!”
“Baby.” Nothing else could be said, as she hit me hard, square in the chest. I had to let her go, or she might hurt herself.
Glaring at me, she kept her fists balled at her sides as she took three steps back. “Kane, I don’t want your pity. How come you can’t see that?”
“It’s love, not pity, Zandra. How come you can’t see that?” I pulled my sunglasses off so she could see the concern in my eyes. “I love you. People who love each other do things for them. Do you see it as pity when I do things for Fox?”
“That’s different.” She put her face in her hands as she growled with frustration. “I’m nothing to you. He’s your son.”
“And you’re his mother,” I reminded her. “How can you think that you’re nothing to me? You’re just as important to me as he is. You gave him to me. Well, not that you wanted to, but you did. Even if I didn’t love you and want to do this for you, I owe you everything for bringing that boy into this world. He made my life so much better than I knew it could be, and you I owe that to you.”
Shaking her head, she pulled her tearstained face out of her hands, looking at me with such a sorrowful gaze. “I’m pathetic. There. I’ve been so afraid that you would find that out one day, and then this would all be over. But I want it out there for you now. I. Am. Pathetic. That’s why I can’t get a job. I couldn’t even keep the one I had. I don’t deserve you. I don’t deserve Fox. I never fought to keep him the way I should have. Why should I get to have him in my life now?”
“You can’t blame yourself for that, Zandra.” I hated seeing her like this. She’d crumbled right in front of me, and I didn’t know if I could help her feel better. “And don’t ever call yourself pathetic again. You’re anything but pathetic. Look at all that you’ve done for yourself.”
“Yeah, I became a cocktail waitress. Woohoo!” She spun around in a circle as she pointed one finger in the air. “And now, I’m not even that.”
“It’s time for a change, baby. That’s all. We all have to make changes. They’re inevitable. You’re hanging onto something when everything else is pulling you away from it, and it’s hurting you right now.” I took a step toward her, but she stepped right back, holding her hand up.
“Don’t, Kane. Don’t come and wrap your arms around me and try to make me change my mind.” Her chest rose then fell as she sighed deeply. “I should’ve known this would never work. I should’ve never tried to be a part of your life, or Fox’s. I’m no good for anyone. I never have been. I don’t know what I was thinking.” She looked up at me then back down at the ground. “You’re so damn gorgeous. The way you touch me sends lightning through my veins. It’s like a dream, but dreams don’t last. Nothing like that can ever last.”
“It can.” I took a step closer. “And I feel the same way when you touch me, and you’re gorgeous too, baby. And we created this fantastic little boy together. I want you and I to raise him together. From now on, baby. Don’t say these things you’re saying. I don’t think you realize how much they hurt me.”
Her lips trembled as she looked up at me. “I don’t mean to hurt you. But I know I’ll just end up disappointing you so badly if I stay around here. I know I’ll disappoint Fox, too.” Turning away from me, she walked to the door to her apartment. “I think it’s best if I leave, Kane. I won’t come back and bother you guys again. I love you and Fox too much to inflict myself on the two of you. I always just end up causing problems for people, and I’m not worth the trouble. Just let me leave. Let me just go back to what I’ve always done, taking care of myself the only way I know how.” She looked so sad, and everything that she was saying was breaking my heart. But what she said next really shattered me. “I’m incapable of taking care of anyone else. My parents knew that, and that’s why they made me give up Fox. I’m not meant to be loved—I don’t deserve it.”
I had never seen anyone look so broken. My heart felt like it had splintered, like it had burst apart into an abyss filled with sorrow. “Please don’t go, baby,” my words were little more than a whisper. “I love you. Please.”
She didn’t say a single word as she went into her apartment, closing the door behind her.
Shutting me out of her life.