Kane
Never in my life had I dealt with anyone like Zandra Larkin. A woman who’d gone through so much had many layers, and I hadn’t even begun to peel them away.
That just meant I didn’t know how to handle all the layers yet, but I was determined to stick it out and learn. Even if she didn’t feel like listening just yet.
Being a doctor, I thought I should’ve been more informed about what possible effects could arise when a woman has to give up her child. I knew there had to be some pretty bad ones but hadn’t taken the time to do any research.
Now that some of the effects were showing, I knew the time had come to do some research, before Fox and I lost her again.
What I found surprised me. It seemed PTSD was the best diagnosis for what Zandra was going through. My heart ached for her, and it just made me more determined that Fox and I would be the ones to help her through this.
He and I were the best medicine for her. She’d been through a tragedy eleven years ago, and that would never leave her, from what the research showed. But getting to live with her child, raise him, love him, and be loved by him would help make the future look brighter for her.
The fact she didn’t want any help from me stemmed from the fact that she didn’t easily trust people. Just one more thing to thank her parents for. If you couldn’t trust your parents to do what’s best for you, then who could you trust?
I understood that. And I knew it would take time for her to realize that she could trust Fox and me as well. Our love for her would never end, no matter what she thought about herself.
The lack of self-worth was also a common effect of having to give up a baby. Even women and men who were able to make the decision themselves suffered with those emotions. Giving up a baby, even if it was for the good of a child, deeply and profoundly affected the parents, my research showed me.
I hadn’t been through that. I’d gotten to have my son. And I’d failed to think too much about Zandra during those years. I’d never thought about how much she must’ve been suffering. I’d never seriously thought to try to find her and let her know I had our boy.
But I had her now, and she knew our son, and she knew she had a part in his life forever now.
Or did she?
Did she worry that, just like with the baby, one day I too would be taken away from her? Maybe she feared that another woman would come along and that I would forget about her and move on to the next girl.
Maybe she was afraid that she would do something that would make me stop loving her, and that I’d start pulling away from her
She might even think that I would try to take Fox away from her again. That I’d make her give him up all over again.
There were so many things that could’ve been plaguing her. And I hadn’t thought about any of them.
All I had thought about was how great she was, and how wonderful it was to have her in my life. I thought about how fantastic it was that Fox had his mother, his real mother, in his life. I’d told her that I loved her and that I thought she was incredible, but those words were only the tip of the iceberg if I wanted to help soothe her worst fears and insecurities.
She needs help.
At least now I realized what she needed, and I knew where to start looking for help for her. Many psychiatrists and therapists specialized in treating PTSD. There were plenty of places we could go to for help out there. And I would see that she got as much as she needed.
But first I had to get her to let me in, at least a little bit.
She’d shut me out. But I wasn’t going to let that get me down. I loved the woman, and I would fight for her.
And I had to take responsibility for getting her pregnant, too. She’d been carrying that burden alone on her conscience for much too long, it seemed. And I had to be there for her now the way I hadn’t been back then.
There had been times when I’d thought about asking my parents for help in getting to Zandra, to let her know what my family and I were doing to get our son. But I never asked.
And now I was thinking that that had been a giant mistake. I had blame to take, and it was time to take it. It was time to own up to my part in the tragedy that Zandra had suffered.
She thought of herself as damaged goods. Well, if that was true, then I was the one who’d damaged her first. Her parents, who I was coming to despise more and more every day, had finished the act.
It was up to me to do what I could to mend her broken soul. And I knew I could do it. I could do everything I could to help her myself, and I could make sure she got the professional help she needed, too.
She needed me more than she let herself believe. I held the key to helping her live a better life. And I couldn’t let her walk away or run away. I had to grab her and make her stay. I had to make her understand that I wouldn’t take no for an answer.
Once I set my mind on something, I always got it. I was a determined man, and I rarely, if ever, failed. And I wanted Zandra Larkin to get better. I wanted that woman to know love and accept it as her due. I wanted her to have the family we had created when we’d been foolish teens with no idea what life was all about.
And I would give her what she deserved. Even if I had to force-feed it to her in the beginning, then that would just be the way it went.
Zandra had everything she needed to make her happy right in front of her. She thought she was unlovable, but we already loved her. She thought no one would want her as their family, but we already wanted her.
By God, how I wanted her. And I wanted her forever. I would never let her go.
Now, how to make it all happen.