I let out the breath I didn’t know I was holding as the door shut on Hawk. I also had the realization that my insides were coming down too from a heightened awareness. Even after all these years just a simple touch and closeness from Hawk and my body still reacted like we were college sweethearts.

Four hours later, dinner had been made and eaten, well by me. I couldn’t even tempt Emma to eat more than a few bits of spaghetti, her favorite meal. I gave her a nice cooling bath to help keep the fever down and then she went promptly to bed.

I knew she still wasn’t over the worst of it when she went to her bed without so much as a peep. Being sick was really taking a toll on her little body.

Once the house was cleaned up, the papers were all finally corrected, and I was in my comfy PJ’s, I settled on the couch with a glass of wine. I was in desperate need of a little come down after the day I had today.

I flipped through the channels for a bit but not really finding anything of interest. I usually enjoyed my nights after Em went to bed. It was quiet and peaceful unlike the constant racket in the high school gym.

I was too restless to relax, and even the wine wasn’t seeming to help much. I resolved the only way I was going to get some sleep tonight was if I bounced my thoughts off of someone else.

It was easy to decide who that someone was going to be. Savannah and I became quick friends since we both were on the swim team. I couldn’t imagine anyone any more opposite from me.

I may have fought my roots, but I was still a southern girl through and through. Give me a gallon of sweet tea, and some cornbread with honey and I was in heaven. Savannah had conformed some to our southern traditions, but she still held on to the California girl she had grown up as most her life.

That usually meant her sweet tea was organic and she had her own raw honey from the beehive in her backyard.

She had rubbed off some on me too. I had my own little apartment compost and a small herb garden in my window.

In fact, I swear every time I went shopping I had her voice in my head asking if the honey buns I put in my cart were free of preservatives and artificial colors.

I smiled to myself as I dialed Savannah’s number. She was no doubt in the middle of canning something or making her own bread.

Savannah only lived thirty minutes away from me but in the opposite direction of civilization. She had a big plot of land surrounded by forest that she used as her own U-Pick farm and little eclectic shop of everything homemade from jams to soap.

After two rings she picked up the phone.

“Hey honey,” she said already knowing it was me.

“Hey,” I said with a heavy sigh.

“That doesn’t sound good. If you tell me you have a half drunk bottle of wine in front of you, I might just have to drop what I'm doing right now and head your way.”

I inspected the bottle sitting on the coffee table in front of me. I was only on my second glass, that couldn’t count as half drunk, could it?

“Noooo,” I said pretending offense.

“Mmhmm,” she said back into the phone.

“What are you doing anyway? I would hate to pry you away from your jams, or bees, or whatever.”

“Too early for jams or honey. If you must know, I just put some soap in the mold. Lemon Lavender.”

“My favorite,” I replied.

In fact, I would say half my apartment was outfitted from her little shop. From our lotions and shampoos to half my pantry of jams and jellies and the like, it all came from her small farm.

“You wanna tell me what’s on your mind?” She prodded.

"Ugh, I don’t even know where I should begin,” I said taking a swig of wine.

“How bout you tell me how little Em is doing? Didn’t you text that you were taking her to the doctor this morning?”

"I did,” I said wondering how even to form the words. “She is good. Just a bad cold I guess.”

“And how is the good old doctor, Papa Smith?”

Savannah was the only one I told the identity of Emma’s father too. So naturally, she had taken a liking to calling Dr. Smith, Papa. Of course, this was only between her and me.

“He didn’t see us today. It was actually a different Dr. Smith.”

“I don’t follow? I get that Smith is a common name but how many could there possibly be in Sweet Haven, Georgia?”

"Just two. The one we normally see, and his son.”

“Hawk? Are you saying it was Hawk?”

“Yep. I guess Hawk is back in town.”

“Did he tell you? Did he say anything to you?”

“The man didn’t say two words to me before he up and left why would it be any different when he came home.”

“Well, what did you do. Did you tell him?”

“No!” I said filling with indignation again. “I tried to get in and out of there as quick as I could.”

“So do you think he figured it out?”

“I was really hoping he wouldn’t, but apparently he did because I barely walked through the door before he showed up demanding the truth.”

“And you told him, right?”

“I tried not to. If you ask me, Hawk doesn’t deserve to know the truth. It’s what he gets for leaving.”

“I know, Julie. But that is his daughter.”

“You know, he said the same thing,” I said setting down my wine glass.

“But really he isn’t. He wasn’t there when she was born. He didn’t wipe any butts. What right does he have to call Em his daughter when up until this morning he didn’t even care to know she existed?”

“Hey, I hear you. I think Hawk is just as much of an ass for up and leaving. That being said, you can’t really fault him for not knowing about Emma since you never tried to tell him.”

“Kinda feel’s like your on his side,” I scolded.

I was regretting this conversation. Not the fact that I was telling Savannah, there was nothing we kept from each other. Just the fact that it wasn’t going the way I had hoped.

“I'm not on either of your’s side. I’m on Em’s side. What’s gonna happen when that little girl asks you who her father is one day?”

“I’ll make sure he or I am out of this town by then,” I stated.

“Okay, but then when she goes and hunts Hawk down and finds out that you didn’t let him be apart of her life, how is that going to make her feel?”

“Thankful, I should hope. I can save her from the same heartbreak that I got. Sure Hawk wants to be all Dad hero back from the war now. What happens two years from now when he gets sick of this small town existence again?”

“I won’t put her through that.”

"Your right,” Savannah said after a pause. “It might not be worth the risk. He could up and leave the day after tomorrow without a word. So don’t tell Em who he is. Let him hang around a bit. If he leaves, then he leaves, and Em is none the wiser.”

“I mean, that’s assuming she doesn’t know already,” Savannah added after a beat.

“Oh hell no! I didn’t let him say anything to her,” I said still angry at his intrusion this afternoon. “Plus she was asleep the whole time he was here.”

“Asleep, huh? Anything rekindle while it was just the two of you?” Savannah asked with an alluring tone to her voice.

“Nooo,” I lied through my teeth.

“Mmhm, I bet.”

The phone went silent for a minute.

“Okay, I can’t bear it any longer. How did Dr. Hawk Smith look at least? I bet he was hot as fuck coming back all ripped and tan.”

“He looked the same,” I said as casually as I could.

“Well, he was already hot as fuck. You can’t tell me he wasn’t rock hard and dead sexy though after being in the SEALs.”

“He was a bit more muscular then I remembered,” I said hesitantly.

“Mmmhmmm, what else?”

“Well, I mean he was more tan, too. He grew a beard out, and his hair was way longer than it ever was before.”

“I bet you creamed yourself from just one look of those green beauties.”

“I couldn’t really say,” I replied blushing profusely.

“I bet you couldn’t.”

“It doesn’t matter how hot he is though, or how much he makes me wet my panties,” I said waving the air like Hawk was an irritating fly.

“So he did get you all hot and bothered.”

“Who cares,” I reiterated. “He is an unreliable tool that threw us away like yesterday’s trash.”

“I know,” she said as if she regretted that such a sexy body encased such an ass-hole.

“I say just sleep on things though. For Emma's sake. She deserves to have a dad if he wants to be there.”

My heart did sink a little. I did everything in my power to raise Emma as best as I could. That being said, there were still things I know she missed only having a single parent. If she had the chance to have both her parents in her life, shouldn’t I give that to her?

I would do anything for Emma. I hated that right now that meant swallowing my pride and possibly letting Hawk come around.

I finished my glass and put the rest of the bottle back in the fridge. I gave myself a smug grin that I had successfully not dunk the whole bottle.

I still had so much on my mind and wondered if talking things over with Savannah had only increased my agitation instead of calm it.

Either way, I would have a full day of taking care of a sick baby in the morning. I needed to get some sleep. I crawled into my bed and turned out the side light.

I laid there a few minutes just letting my mind wander. Hoping that it might lead me to drift off to sleep. Instead, it took me down memory lane. It was not wanted, but I let my mind go there anyway.

“I win again,” I said as I came up for air and touched the side of the pool.

"Not fair,” Hawk called from behind me.

He slowed his rapid strokes to a leisurely pull as he came up next to me. He wrapped me in his arms, and I relished the feel of his warm body in the cold pool.

“All you do is practice laps all day long. I'm not used to it.”

“I know,” I said with a wicked grin as I let my body easily fold into his. “If we did it your polo way I would just stand in the water and wait. That’s no fun.”

“You just jealous because I go for strength. It takes a lot of muscle to knock another guy down in the water,” he said with his cocky charm.

Hawk tightened his grip on me, and I felt him fiddle with the back of my swimsuit. He kissed me then, and I let him.

It was such a common assurance for me. To feel the water encompass my body and Hawk's lips on mine was like second nature. Even still, it would send fantastical sensations up and down my body.

I felt his hard erection pushing against the thin fabric between us.

“You know this is a public pool,” I said between kisses.

He stopped then and looked around the indoor pool on the college campus like he just realized for the first time where we were.

“We’re all alone,” he said as he took his kisses down my neck.

I heard myself giggling as if it was some far off echo. Like traveling down a tunnel, the memory started to fade from view.

Soon the giggles were replaced with soft crying. I came to my senses. I was back in my darkened room. Huddled in my bed hugging my pillow. I was the one crying.