I was struggling to keep my temper. The longer I thought about it, however, the more and more I was sure that Julie had something she was keeping from me. I was boiling over with rage. How could she have a child, my child, and not so much as tell me?

I may have gone to another country, but it wasn’t like I was on another planet. I mean, Julie saw my father as her doctor. She had ample opportunity to tell me she was pregnant and just chose not to.

I didn’t wait to be invited. Instead, I stormed right into the room.

“Come on in,” she said sarcastically as I paced back and forth like a caged animal.

“Is there something you want, Hawk, or are you just here to stomp around,” she said crossing her arms in front of her.

“You damn well know why I am here,” I stopped and pointed a finger at her.

I took a deep breath. I needed to cool down before I lost my temper.

“Just,” I said pinching the arch of my nose, “just tell me the truth. I saw your little girls paperwork, and I couldn’t help but notice…” I trailed off.

Hell, I may have seen more blood and gore then the average without even a flinch, but asking Julie if that was my daughter was more then I had courage for.

“I don’t know what you think you saw in her paperwork, but I don’t know what you are talking about,” she retorted folding her arms.

“Like hell, you don’t know!” I spat.

“Shhh!” She said quickly.

Looking behind her, I saw the little girl fast asleep on the couch. Seeing that sleeping child, I knew now more then ever she had to be my child. Maybe I just saw something I hoped was there.

“You know what I am asking Jules,” I said now just above a whisper. “Is she…is she mine?” I finally managed to get out.

She stood back a little shocked like she didn’t believe I would actually ask. She looked back at the little girl again as if weight her options. Finally, she grabbed my wrist and tugged at me.

“Come on,” she said pulling me towards the back of the apartment. “I don't need you waking her up.”

We walked silently down the hall and into a room. One quick look around told me it was hers. Not only did it have a queen bed with a simplistic white comforter, but it was also a disheveled mess.

I raised an eyebrow at her as I looked around. The dresser was covered entirely in trinkets, folded clothes not yet put away, and various papers. On the floor was a massive pile of laundry. The bed was unmade, and shoes laid scattered everywhere.

I may have changed in the last six years, but from the looks of Julie’s room, she was exactly the same. I coughed a little to hid a laugh.

“What? Something you want to say?” She said arching her own thin brow in my direction.

She shoved some shoes under her bed and pulled up the comforter over it.

“Nothing at all. It’s just good to see your still the same.”

“I’m not the same,” she said in a harsh tone. “You think I would just stay here frozen in time waiting for you to come back. Life moves on, and so did I.”

I couldn’t help but feel my heart sink a little. I really couldn’t blame her for moving passed me, but at the same time, I couldn’t honestly say the same.

“Look, Jules. What happened…”

“I don’t care. You up and left out of the blue. Two years and not even a goodbye. I don’t care, though. I am past it, and I appreciate it if you would just drop it too.”

“Okay, if that is what you want, fine,” I said trying to calm the anger I could see brewing in her.

She may have said she was past it, but it was easy to see still that it was raw.

“Just tell me. Is she mine?”

Julie sank down on the bed she had just quickly made. I was prepared to hear her say what I knew deep down.

“It was right after you left,” she said softly. “I was heartbroken. I went to a party with Savannah. She thought it would get me out of my funk. It was just a one-night thing that didn’t mean anything. But I found out a month later something more came of it.”

‘Bullshit,” I said not believing her.

I thought back to the girl laying on the couch. It wasn’t just her matching black hair that made me think she was mine. There was a connection I had with her. I felt it, I was sure of it.

“I’m serious Hawk. I’m sorry, but she isn’t yours.”

“Okay, then tell me who the guy was.”

“I don’t remember his name,” she said slightly hesitantly.

It was the chink in her armor I was looking for. It was easy to see she was making it all up. Julie was not the type of girl to have a one night stand, especially with a guy she didn’t know even his name.

I got down on my knees in front of her. I hesitated for a few seconds before taking her hands. It felt so good to touch her again. It was like electricity waking me up anew.

“I know you are lying,” I said softly. “She is mine. I know it.”

Though it looked that Julie had too soften at our touching, her honey eyes narrowed on me now.

“Even if she was yours, not that I am saying she is, what does that matter? You have no right to come here out of nowhere and ask me that.”

“Jules, if I had known…” I started.

“You would have what?” Julie stood up and put some space between us. “Turn around and come home?”

I took a deep breath and sat in her spot on the bed.

“Honestly, no. I wouldn’t have been able to.”

“You know I had to find out from Mrs. Jennings that you left. You never even told me that you were interested in the military. Then I go and find out you joined the SEALs? You threw us away like what we had was nothing. I don’t owe you anything.”

I waited for her to get it all out of her system. I knew I deserved it too.

“I didn’t tell you because I was too afraid I wouldn’t go if I did. You meant everything to me, Jules.”

“So totally disappearing without a trace to go to fight in a war seems like a logical way to show how you feel.”

“I needed to get out of here,” I said waving my arms around the room, but meaning the whole town. “I wanted to experience some life.”

“Why couldn’t we experience it together? I would have gone with you,” she finally said more hurt than anything else now.

“Where I went,” I said struggling to find the words. “I wouldn’t wish that on you.”

I did my best to hid the demons I held inside me, but I could tell she still saw them.

“Your dad would tell me stuff,” she said softly. “Just from time to time. He told me when you got in with the SEALs, when you to deployed to Syria, and that you got hurt," she finally ended softly.

I did my best to push down the memories her words were brewing. It was the same memories that caused most of my nightmares.

I shook my head as if that would force it back down. I got up and began pacing the room again. I didn’t like all the emotions this conversation brought back. I was acutely aware of the ringing in my ear and the sound of all the cars on the street below.

“She is mine, isn’t she,” I finally said in a statement, not a question.

“It doesn’t matter,” Julie said softly. “She is mine now. I knew the moment I found out that I would raise her on my own. Nothing that has happened today has changed that fact.”

“What if I do want to change that?” I asked walking up to her.

I couldn’t help but touch her. She was ambrosia for me. One small taste, and now all I wanted was more.

“No,” Julie whispered tears in her eyes. “I won't let you just walk back in here like nothing has changed. There is too much at stake now. I won’t put her through that.”

“I’m not going anywhere, Jules,” I said as I softly brushed a stray lock of auburn hair from her face.

I could look on her face for a million years, and it wouldn’t be enough. I couldn’t help but let my eyes linger on her lips.

“I can’t trust you anymore,” she said putting her hands on my chest and softly pushing me away.

It had almost no effort to it, but I wouldn’t crowd her. It didn’t miss my notice, however, that her hands lingered just a little longer than necessary.

“I won’t risk you hurting Emma,” she stated honestly crossing her arms again.

“I’m not asking you to trust me, I know that is too much. But, now that I know I have a daughter, I feel responsible for her. I want to help.”

“I don’t need your help,” Julie said jutting out her chin. “I’ve been on my own the last six years and have done just fine.”

“I didn’t say you need my help. I know you can handle things on your own. That doesn’t mean you should.”

“Hawk, I can't do this right now,” she said moving towards the door. “Em is going to wake up soon, and I need to start dinner. I think you should go.”

I understood this was a lot for her. Hell, it was all a lot for me too. I didn’t want to push my luck and have her cut me off for good. I would have to work slow if I wanted to get Julie’s trust back.

Maybe a part of me had hoped she would still be here waiting for me when I got back. Now that she was here, and with my daughter on top of that, it was my priority to get them both back in my life.

I didn’t care if it was just so that I could have a relationship with Emma. I would find a way to make up for the damage I did over the last six years.

I let her walk me back out to the main part of the apartment. I watched her check on Emma again. Now that I knew for sure she was my daughter; I was itching to check on her myself.

“Is she still warm?” I asked with my medical training kicking in.

I looked her over quickly. She seemed to be resting peacefully and was well colored. At least she wasn’t dehydrated, which was common for someone so young. At this age when it hurt to swallow kids could easily get dehydrated just from refusing to drink.

“Yeah,” I heard the worried tone in Julie’s voice.

I edged towards the door. I needed to leave her and let her process things. Hell, I needed to take my own time to figure out my next step.

“Do you think I could come by tomorrow? To check on Emma that is,” I said as I put my hand on the doorknob.

“I don’t think it's a good idea,” Julie said. “I don’t know if I am ready to tell her who you are.”

“I understand. You don’t have to tell her anything. Not right now, if you don’t want to. I just want to come by. You know, maybe get to know her a little.”

I could see her resolve faulted a little. I understood why she couldn’t trust me right now. That was something I would have to earn back. It was only logical she would be protective of Emma. I was okay if she didn’t want to tell my daughter who I was just yet.

I would find a way, though. I wasn’t sure how, but I was going to make it up to Julie for all the lost time and be the father that Emma deserved.