It was pitch black. I couldn’t even see my nose in front of me. It made my heavy breathing all the louder. In the distance, I could hear the gunfire. It was much closer then it should have been.

I was still covered in blood. It wasn’t my blood, though. I was in the middle of surgery. It was just a clamping of an artery to stabilize the patient for airlift. One minute I was under the bright lights of our makeshift surgical tent and then next everything was black.

I had enough sense to realize it was some kind of bomb. It was close enough to knock me back and cover me in debris.

Now that my senses were slowly coming back, I realized that I was covered in various trays of clamps, lights, as well as the whole operating table. I felt around looking for the private.

I finally reached far enough that I touched flesh that wasn’t mine. The stretching sent a horrible burn up one leg. I had no care for the pain. The patient would bleed out if I didn’t see to his wounds. That didn’t even take into account any new wounds he might have received in the blast.

Scrambling around, I found one lamp still working face down in the dirt. Flipping it over, I illuminated the entire room, or what was left of it.

My vision was going in and out and now being more able to see around me I realized the shooting was much closer then I realized. Half the tent had collapsed on top of us the other half was open and ripped to shreds. I could see men all around shooting.

It made me pause for a minute. They were close enough that if I took just a few steps, I would touch one. Yet, the sounds of their guns were like a distant echo.

I felt up to my own ears and found more blood on my fingers. A part of my mind said ruptured eardrums, nothing to worry about now.

I saw the streak in the night sky. I heart the men shouting next to me but in the distance. Focusing on a face, I realized it was LT Franklin yelling at me. The streak was another incoming missile.

It all happened in an instant but seemed like slow motion. I lunged forward not caring for the ripping pain in my leg and covered as much as I could of the Army private.

The sound of the second blast woke me. I sat bolt upright in my bed. I was drenched in sweat, and the ringing in my ear was so loud I wanted to scream.

I sat their gripping the sheets hard as I struggled to regain my breath and calm my heart. Finally, it started to pass, and I wiped the drenched hair off my forehead. I peeled the blankets from off of me and crawled out of bed.

It didn’t matter that it was the middle of the night, there was no going back to sleep after that. Instead, I headed to the bathroom, slipped into some workout clothes, and headed to the 24-hour gym down the street from my small townhouse.

I wasn’t exactly sure that a hard workout at three in the morning till the sun came up was the right choice. It was what we did, however. One thing you could count on every Military base across the world was a fully equipped gym. It was the best way to forget nightmares, to exhaust yourself so much you didn’t even have the energy to think.

By the time it was six in the morning I was completely and utterly spent, and finally able to unclench the fear that had shot up during the night. I got home and showered.

I knew Julie wasn’t to keen on me coming by and defiantly didn’t trust me. I didn’t see any other way of gaining that trust back if I didn’t stop by. After a lot of back and forth in my mind, I finally resolved I would go back to her place.

Worse case she kicked me out, and I spent the rest of the day at the gym burning off that frustrating. I was hoping for the best scenario, however, that I got to get to know Emma a little more.

By eight o’ clock I decided I waited long enough. Julie had been a morning person before. I figured having a kid wouldn’t result in sleeping in, so it was a good chance she was already up and ready for the day.

I stopped at my favorite mom and pop bakery and picked up some beagles and a doughnut with pink sprinkles for Emma. I was not above bribing her to like me.

I hesitated for just a second outside Julie’s apartment door. I listened in. I could hear the TV going, so I was relieved I at least wasn’t waking them up. I knocked softly.

I could hear Emma's soft voice call out, “Mommy, there is someone at the door.”

I waited quite a while and wondered if one look through the peephole and Julie had decided to keep it closed.

“Jules, I know you're in there. Come on, open up,” I called through the door.

I heard the lock slowly turn and the door opened. Instead of Julie, however, it was little Emma at the door.

“My mommy’s in the shower,” she said peaking through the door.

I bent down to her level.

“Do you remember me? I’m Dr. Smith. I came to see if you are okay,” I said as soothingly as possible.

That being said, in the back of my mind I was also taking a mental note to scold Jules for not teaching our daughter proper safety.

“I brought you a doughnut too,” I said pulling the sprinkle treat out of the bag.

Her two brown eyes lite up to the size of dinner plates at the treat.

“Emma, what are you doing? You know better than to open the door,” Julie called as she rushed to her daughter's side in nothing more than a towel.

She opened it more full and stood in front of Emma. I let my gaze linger on her dripping wet body, her breast bursting to come out from the towel wrapped around her.

She looked back down at me with first shock and then malice.

“Don’t you have something better to do other than luring little girls with sweets.”

“If you would prefer,” I said tucking the doughnut back in the bag, “I would be more then happy to set my aim on you.”

Her eyes narrowed to a slit.

“You have nothing to lure me with,” she said as she tucked the towel tighter into place.

“I think you remember what I have. You use to rather enjoy it.”

“That was a long time ago.”

I shrugged like her turning me down didn’t bother me.

“Well there is always beagles and doughnuts if all else fails,” I said holding up the bag. “Can I come in? Breakfast is my treat.”

I saw her determination waver.

“Mommy,” Emma said from behind her mother. “He has pink doughnuts. Please.”

“Fine,” Julie conceded stepping to the side for the benefit of her daughter finally eating something.

“Just so you know,” she added as I walked into the room, “We don’t normally eat things that are ridiculously sweet or with artificially food coloring. It's not good for her.”

“Savannah,” I said simply.

Julie shrugged.

“She is Em’s Godmother.”

“Yes well, I hope you are sticking to actual medicine for her cold and not that voodoo witchcraft she is no doubt concocting at her farm.”

“What’s voodoo?” Emma asked her mom.

“You can explain that,” Julie said to me, “While I go put something on.”

I watched her figure as she walked away. Her hair was much longer now and left little drips in her wake. It was like breadcrumbs begging me to follow.

Instead, I met the eyes of the little girl still waiting for her answer.

I walked with her over to the table, and she sat down. Taking out the doughnut, I put it on a napkin in front of her.

“You ever saw the Princess and the Frog?” I asked.

Emma nodded her head between enormous bites of doughnut. It must have been true that Julie didn’t give this kid much sugar the way she was wolfing it down.

“Only one time,” she said with a stuffed mouth. “Mommy said it was too scary.”

I rolled my eyes.

“Well, you know that bad guy?”

She nodded again.

“There you go. That’s voodoo.”

“Auntie Savannah does that?” She asked truly terrified.

“No,’ Julie said firmly coming back down the hall.

If she had no interest in me, she sure as hell was going to make a point to flaunt what I couldn’t have.

Julie was wearing the shortest shorts I had ever seen paired with a floral tank top. She was still drying her hair with the towel as she walked our way.

Julie didn’t even give me so much as a glance as she leaned over me and reached into my bag for a bagel. I took the moment to inhale her sweet scent. Every muscle in my body was itching to take her in my arms and sit her on my lap.

Julie didn’t seem as affected by our closeness, and instead sat in an empty chair nibbling on her dry bagel.

“I was just joking,” I finally said to Emma. “I use to know your Auntie before you were born. I like to make fun of her.”

“Did you know Mommy too?” Emma asked looking between the two of us.

It was the first time our eyes really met since I walked through the door. In that look more was spoken then could ever be put into words.

“Yeah, we use to be good friends too.”

“So what happened?” Emma asked.

“Man, you like to ask a lot of questions,” I said with a soft laugh as I rubbed my beard.

“That’s my Em. Never satisfied with just one answer,” Julie said looking lovingly at her little girl.

“Well, I joined the Navy. It’s part of the military. I was a doctor for a group of guys that traveled all over and had special missions to capture the very worst bad guys. We were called Navy SEALs.”

I pulled out the dog tags I still had around my neck. I probably shouldn’t have worn them anymore, but it was still second nature to me. Emma got up and came over to inspect them. I took them off so she could hold them in her hand.

“Are you still a SEAL?” Emma asked trying the word out for the first time.

“No. I got hurt pretty bad. When you get hurt bad enough it's not safe for you to still be apart of the team.”

“Do you have a bionic leg?” Emma asked suddenly excited.

I looked at Julie surprised at this five-year old’s vocabulary. Instead, I saw pure shock staring back at me. I guess Julie didn’t know what had brought me to retire.

“No,” I said looking back at the little girl. “I still have all my arms and legs.”

“Oh,” she said sitting back down to her doughnut. Apparently not losing a leg was a big let down.

“Mr. Henderson has a bionic leg.”

“He is the third-grade teacher at her school,” Julie explained to me. “Sometimes he comes over for dinner.”

I looked over at Julie with a raised brow. She gave me her own penetrating look back, daring me to ask.

I struggled to hide the crazy amount of jealousy that was boiling between my skin. Of course, I shouldn’t have expected Julie never to have another relationship. At the same time, I wasn’t ready to hear about it either.

“He is in his late sixties and lost it to diabetes,” Julie finally said by way of explanation. “He lives all alone and in our complex.”

I smiled at the wave of relief that washed over me. I couldn’t help but notice the satisfying blush my smile brought to Julie’s cheeks. She may have been pissed as hell with me, may have hated my guts, but she was still just as attracted to me as I was to her.

“How bout you go brush your teeth real quick and then time for medicine,” Julie said to Emma as she licked the last sugary crumbs from her fingers.

The little girl obediently got up and walked down the hall.

“Still got a fever?” I asked as I watched her walk down.

“It’s a little better, but not much.”

“Has she been keeping hydrated?” I asked.

“Yes, Dr. Smith, she has been drinking Gatorade to keep hydrated.”

“I didn’t mean it like that. I can see you know what you are doing.”

She softened her hard exterior at my words.

“I’m actually a little glad that she finally ate something, even if it was a doughnut.”

“Not eating? Is it because her throat is too sore. I could give another exam real quick if it would make you feel better.”

Julie gave me a soft smile before shaking her head no. Emma came back into the room, and we dropped the conversation.

I spent the next hour on Emma’s bedroom floor playing dolls and having princess berets styled in my hair.

I could hear Julie around the apartment cleaning this or that poking her head in from time to time. I ached to get to know every inch of this little girl in front of me. I couldn’t believe I had gone the last six years without knowing she existed.

Finally, I could tell she was getting pretty tuckered out. The fever still kept her skin pretty warm, even with the reducers, and it was a lot for such a little thing. Without so much as a word, she grabbed a little pink bear lovey and, with thumb in mouth, crawled into bed.

“Are you getting tired?” I asked.

She nodded her head.

I grabbed the cup of Gatorade that Julie left in the room.

“How about you finish drinking this, and then I can pick a book to read to you?”

She nodded again and took the cup from me. I scanned her little shelves of books before coming on one I liked. I sat down next to her on the bed and took the now empty cup from her.

In my head, I was doing my calculations. Probably wasn’t more than four ounces in there. Not nearly enough for half of a day. At least it was better than nothing.

I leaned against her headboard as I read Emma the story of Corduroy Bear. She happily rested against my chest to look at the pictures. I couldn’t help but wish to have this moment not just now but for forever.

Soon I felt the heavy weight that told me she had fallen asleep. I set the book aside but wasn’t ready to move. I softly stroked the length of her black hair. Softly I ran one finger down her cheek. It was still that soft, cherubic chub of a young child.

She stirred a little, so I pulled my hand away. I moved to get up and realized that Julie was standing in the doorframe.

She was staring at me with an unreadable expression. Maybe I had crossed a line for her.

“Sorry, she just fell asleep,” I said trying to move as stealthily as possible as I got out of her bed.

“No, its fine,” she said turning away.

I could swear she wiped away a tear in the process before walking down the hall and to the living room.

I followed after her and found her folding laundry on the couch.

“It never ends,” she said without looking at me. I could tell her voice was a little husky from emotion.

“I guess I should go,” I said rubbing the back of my neck.

“Yeah, sure,” she said looking my way for just a split second. I could tell by the red rim of her eyes she had been crying.

“Jules, what is it?” I urged as I instinctually pulled her into my arms.

She didn’t fight me. Instead, she crumbled against my chest. I held her and soothed as best as I could as she cried against me.

I was waiting for her to yell at me. Tell me these tears were my fault. That I had left her, hurt her, and cause her so much more difficulty then she should have had to face over the last six years. I deserved it. That and so much more.

“What if you died,” she finally whispered against my chest. “What if you never came home and Em never got to meet you.”

I was shocked. She was upset because I got hurt? The only thing worse then her hating my guts was the fact that after all I did to her, she still cared for me.

I walked her over to the couch and pulled her onto my lap as we sat.

“I’m fine. It wasn’t that bad, Jules. I’m the last person you need to cry over.”

“Not that bad. If it wasn’t that bad, then you wouldn’t have come home. Hawk what if you died,” she pleaded again.

“I’m here now. That’s all that matters. I won't leave again. Not you, not Em. I swear. I’m here for both of you.”

She lifted her head and looked into my eyes. Searching for truth in my words. What I wouldn’t give to make her see how much I felt for her, how much I wished I had never left her.

I brushed a thumb across her cheek to remove a tear. When she did push away from my touch, I continued to trail it along her neck. Bringing my thumb back up, I brushed it on her lips.

She parted them ever so slightly, inviting me in. It was all I needed. I took her mouth with mine. At first our lips just touched softly. I let my hand tangle into the thick brown locks that still splayed damp around her.

Her arms encircled over my shoulders and around my neck. She opened her mouth to me, and I dove in greedy.

“Hawk,” she moaned no more than a whisper against our lips.

I gripped her ass and pulled her down on the couch under me. She arched her hips up to meet the hard pressure I was giving her.

“I’ve missed this,” I said as I nibbled a trail down her neck and onto her shoulder.

I pulled her tank top and bra strap aside giving me better access to her shoulder and down on to her breast.

“Wait!” Julie suddenly said. “I can’t do this.”

She pushed against my shoulders, and I instantly stopped.

“I’m sorry,” I said cursing myself. I knew I needed to move slow to gain her trust back and I had just blundered it. “I should go.”