I paced back and forth in my hotel room so much I was starting to worry I might wear a line into the carpet. It was eleven o’clock at night. How the hell was I going to convince Jeff not to freak the fuck out when he found out about Bruin and me?

At first, for a brief moment, I had toyed with the idea of just waiting until Bruin and I were more serious, more committed to each other. After all, what was the point of bringing it up and scaring the hell out of my big brother if there was still a chance my relationship with Bruin could just be a passing fling? But the more I thought about it, the more I realized that this wasn’t a fling. It never had been.

Even from the start, when we were just two horny people fucking each other on that yacht out on the ocean away from prying eyes, it wasn’t just a fling. I should have seen it coming from miles away. Bruin had been the literal man of my dreams since I was an infatuated, idiot teenager. And it was never just an animalistic, sex-fueled thing. No. Even when I was fantasizing about him all those years in between, the fantasies were more than sexual. I imagined the two of us going on dates. Traveling the world together. I imagined us having long discussions about politics, philosophy. Books. And after seeing the state of that gorgeous library onboard Mirabella, I had a pretty strong inkling that Bruin was more of an avid reader than he let on.

I was obsessed with him. Every thought in my head and every urge of my body longed for him, returned to him over and over again like a favorite, safe place to rest. He was my comfort, my home. And that was a lot coming from a woman who traveled so constantly that home was more of an abstract idea than a concrete location.

“Ugh,” I groaned, stopping and placing a hand over my stomach.

I felt like shit. I wasn’t sure what was going on with my gut, but I had been extremely nauseous all day. I assumed it probably had something to do with the constant airplane travel I had been through lately. I was a seasoned traveler. I had so many frequent flier miles I hardly knew what to do with them all. Airports no longer made me anxious like they did when I was younger. I could zone out of any annoying airplane environment. Crying baby, drunken seatmate, extreme turbulence. None of it bothered me much anymore. But still, it had to be a little unsettling for my body to change altitudes so often and rapidly.

“Okay. How do I tell Jeff I’m fucking his old college roommate?” I asked myself aloud, sitting down on the edge of my bed. My stomach churned and I felt a wave of intense dizziness. I had to close my eyes and cradle my face in my hands, waiting for the feeling to pass.

“This is not a good time for me to suddenly get sick,” I muttered. Just then, my stomach lurched again and I jumped to my feet, bolting to the bathroom. I collapsed to the floor and threw up, barely able to scrape my hair back out of my face in time. I coughed, feeling totally awful. “What the living hell is this? Did I eat something bad? Oh God, is this food poisoning?”

I flushed and stood up to brush my teeth and wash my face with cold water. I had hardly been eating much lately. What could have possibly made me sick?

Probably from flying, sitting in a cabin of compressed, stale air surrounded by a bunch of potentially gross strangers who could very well be carrying viruses and contaminations. On the flight to Florida, I had flown business class, but there was still a man sitting near me who kept coughing and sneezing. It was pretty nasty.

“Oh, I bet that gross guy got me sick,” I said, rolling my eyes. “I hope I didn’t get Bruin sick.” God knew we had exchanged enough bodily fluids during our rabid fuck-fest on the yacht. If I was sick with something, surely Bruin would be sick, too.

Wait.

I sat down again, my legs suddenly feeling weak.

We had been awfully close. Really close. Close enough that I had him inside me for a big portion of the time we were together. And not just this most recent rendezvous either. Over the past few weeks we had been very intimate with each other. And I had been so busy, so overwhelmed with my usual hectic schedule on top of all the time spent with Bruin that I was losing track of the days.

I picked up my phone with a shaking hand and opened my calendar app. I used an application that helped me track my menstrual cycle. It reminded me when to expect the cramps and emotional turmoil to begin. I had been blessed, or maybe cursed, with an extremely punctual, regular cycle. Ever since I was thirteen years old, it had come every month like clockwork. And this time well, it did seem like it had been an awfully long time since I last dealt with it.

“Oh God,” I mumbled.

Sure enough, there was a day marked in red on my calendar. A day five days ago. My period was five days late. That had never, ever happened.

“No. It can’t be. There’s no fucking way,” I breathed, starting to tremble. I stood up and grabbed my purse, hurrying out the door to go pick up a pregnancy test from the drug store across the street. I bought it and nearly ran back to the hotel, chugging a bottle of water on the way.

Four minutes later, I had my answer.

In the form of a little pink cross on a baby-blue background. I nearly burst into tears at the sight of it, I was so overwhelmed. What the hell? What was I supposed to do now? I sat down on the floor of my hotel room, staring at the pink cross. This could not be happening. Not with my lifestyle. I flew all over the world. I drank wine with wealthy people. I was a jetsetter, an extremely busy workaholic who hardly had time to take care of herself, much less anyone else. And I wasn’t even technically with the father of the child.

I got a flash of Bruin with his daughter. The way he smiled, the corners of his blue eyes crinkling just a little bit as he looked at her with such adoration on his face. The way he scooped her up and kissed her all over her little pudgy face, making her scream with laughter and joy. The way he treated her with such unending patience. He was softer around her. It was blaringly apparent to everyone who saw them together that she was the center of his world. She was the most important thing to him. And after him well, I had a feeling it was me.

I looked down at my stomach. It still looked pretty flat to me. It was hard to imagine that there could be something growing inside of me there. It seemed impossible, really. And yet, I just knew it was true. It was real. My heart surged with affection. Yep. I was pregnant. With the child of the man I had loved since I was a teenage girl, infatuated at the dinner table over Thanksgiving. I had loved Bruin for so long, and now we were going to be tied together forever. And I know that no matter how frightening it seemed, it was for the best. It would be okay.

“More than okay,” I mumbled, smiling through the thin sheen of tears in my eyes. “It would be magical.”

I stood up and grabbed my purse. It was nearly midnight now, but I knew what had to be done. I needed to finally face my fears and confront Jeff about my relationship with Bruin. If there had ever been a perfect time to abandon all worry and jump feet-first into this, it was now. Because it was no longer just Bruin and me. It was three of us. Four counting Emma.

I rushed out the door and downstairs, hailing a cab. The driver took me across town to the luxury hotel where my brother was staying. It was his favorite, the one he always chose. I remembered his room number and told the receptionist I needed to see the occupant urgently. She called his room and let him know I was coming, and I tore away up the stairs, ignoring the elevator and the pounding of my heart. I burst into the room, and I must have looked totally crazy, because Jeff jumped back from me.

“Jilly? What’s the matter? What happened? You look like a wreck.”

“Jeff, I need to talk to you.” I burst out, breathless from my run upstairs.

“Okay, okay. Calm down. What is it?” he asked, walking up and putting his hands on my shoulders. I blinked up at him and took a deep breath.

“I’m going to get right to the point.” I took a heavy breath “I’ve been seeing Bruin behind your back. I’m sorry.”

“Bruin? My college friend?” he clarified, his face going pale.

“Yes. That’s the one. He and I—we’ve been together. At first it was nothing serious. But then it became serious. Fast. Jeff, I know you’re going to be pissed off about this, but you have to understand that I love him,” I rambled.

Jeff stepped away, shaking his head. “I can’t believe you did this to me,” he groaned, rubbing his temples. “Haven’t I always done everything in my power to protect you? Defend you? Keep you safe?”

“Yes. And believe me, I appreciate it. Everything you’ve done me for our entire lives, but this has nothing to do with that.”

“Clearly you don’t,” he interrupted, throwing his hands in the air. “That guy is a reckless womanizing asshole. He has a daughter from a failed relationship. The mother of that child? She was a one-night stand. He left her just like he leaves all of them. He sleeps around. He treats women like they’re disposable. Last I checked, you aren’t disposable, are you?”

Tears burned in my eyes but I stood defiantly. “The mother of his child passed away, Jeff.”

“What?” My brother gasped.

“Yeah. That’s why he’s raising Emma alone. Besides, he’s not that guy anymore. His daughter, the one you just mentioned so cruelly, she is an angel. She’s adorable and smart and she’s just like him. And she likes me.”

“You met his daughter?” he asked, confused.

“Yes. I met her in California. He’s an amazing dad.”

“Sure he is.”

“And that’s a good thing,” I cut him off, taking another deep breath. “Because I’m pregnant, and Bruin is the father.”

Jeff stared at me, his mouth falling open. “What?” he asked quietly.

“So, you can call me a slut or an idiot or whatever you want, but the truth is, I’m happy. Bruin is the one for me, Jeff. I love him,” I announced.

He looked as if he was mulling the news over in his mind. I worried what conclusion he would reach. Finally, he walked up to me and hugged me tightly.

“Jillian, after Mom and Dad died, you were my responsibility. Mine to protect,” he said softly. “It was just the two of us against the world.”

“I know. I remember,” I answered.

“But you’re twenty-five now. Not a kid.”

“Yes.”

“So you can make your own choices. You’ve always been a good judge of character. It’s part of why you’re so good at your job. You can read people. And if you think Bruin is worthy of your love, then I have to believe you,” he concluded, kissing the top of my head.

I pushed back and grinned. “Really? You’re not mad?” I couldn’t believe it.

He rolled his eyes and smiled. “I mean, it’s not exactly the kind of news I expected to receive at nearly one in the morning, but it’s your life, Jilly. If you love him, that’s enough. Does he love you, too?”

I nodded and blushed. “He does.”

He patted me on the shoulder. “Well then, that’s that. And you’re sure you’re pregnant?”

“I can show you the test,” I said, raising an eyebrow. “I brought it with me.”

He blanched. “No. No, thank you. I believe you on that,” he laughed. “So, I’m going to be an uncle? Uncle Jeff?”

I beamed happily. “Yep. Looks like it.”

“Does Bruin know yet?” Jeff asked.

“Oh shit. No. I haven’t told him yet.”

“Well, he definitely needs to know. Go to him. Tell him about the baby and tell him you both have my blessing. Not that you need it. But you have it, either way.”