Chapter 10
Gordon
“Charlie, let’s go!” I called from the foot of the stairs. With a frown, I checked my watch. “If we’re not out of the house in five, we’re going to be late!”
“I just need a sec.”
“Okay. I’ll be in the car. Lock the front door on your way out.”
Before I could walk away, she was already at the top of the stairs and descending. I stared at her in surprise, temporarily knocked off the pity stool I had been sitting on for the past couple of days since Beau’s phone call. Charlie was wearing a cute yellow dress and had curled her hair which now rippled down her back. She looked older, and nothing like the girl who had been crying her eyes out for almost a year. The sadness still lingered in her eyes, and she would always be shy rather than forward, but she had the hint of a smile on her face. Her shoulders weren’t still slumped though, but her gaze wasn’t permanently fixed to the floor.
“Is something wrong?” she asked, stopping at the last stair. “You don’t like the dress?” Her face paled and took on a stricken look. “I should go change if you think I look ridiculous.”
“You look great,” I told her. “I’m glad to see you like this.”
“Thanks. Let’s go. I don’t want to be late.”
I wanted to ask her what the reason for the change was but didn’t want to put her on the spot. The last thing I needed was her going back to her shell. While what I had with Beau hadn’t improved, the kids were a little better. Even Ollie hadn’t been in trouble since he returned home drunk. While I wasn’t sure how much of what had happened he remembered, we hadn’t spoken of it, and it seemed to have sobered him up.
Ollie was already sitting in the car and texting when we joined him. He had crashed his first car which I bought him when he got his license at sixteen. I’d held off getting him another because I needed to know he was responsible first. I had been on the brink of buying him one around the time his mother died. Maybe I would get him one for his birthday though. He would need a car when he was off to college. As I adjusted the rearview mirror, I glanced at him in the backseat. He was frowning furiously while texting on his phone. I could hardly believe one of my kids would be going to college in a few months. Soon Charlie would be gone too and then I would be left alone. The thought wasn’t at all appealing. Having been married young, I never thought about living my life alone, but now as the future loomed before me in 3D, the likelihood of it happening was frightening.
“How’re rehearsals going, Charlie?” I asked her instead of succumbing to my desire to ask about Beau. I couldn’t solicit information about a lover from my child especially given my secret. She could never find out Beau meant more to me than she thought.
“It’s okay, dad,” came the short response.
“Just okay?” I frowned.
“I admit I’m not too good an actress,” she answered. “Some of the other kids make it difficult, but Mr. Moreau is great. I know he kicked some kids from the play because they were mean to me.”
“Kids are mean to you?” I never thought she would be made fun of at school, especially since she had just lost a mother. “Which kids? Do you want me to talk to the principal about it?”
“As if that’s going to help,” Charlie grumbled. “The man hates our family. Didn’t you go to school with him, dad?”
“Yes, I did.” I grimaced. Even back then, Jackson had been a prick. He was always more aligned with teachers than students which had caused him to be poorly treated by his peers. He was perfect for the position of principal and the school had benefited under his leadership, but he didn’t give an inch and sometimes kids needed that inch to straighten out.
“He must be treating us based on what you did to him back then,” Ollie commented. “And that’s not fair. Somebody should be calling him out on it.”
“I’ve never had a problem with Mr. McLean,” Charlie pointed out.
“You don’t have a problem with that faggot French teacher of yours either,” he snapped back. “In fact, I’m probably sure you’ve got a crush on him. Well, guess what? He’s queer and he shouldn’t be working around us kids in the first place.”
“Oliver!” I had never heard him speak like that before and I was stunned at the vehemence in his tone. The fact that it hit home only made it worse. “That’s not the way you speak about an adult,” I choked out, trying to formulate sentences through my shocked state. “And it’s highly offensive to label someone like that.”
“Even if it’s true?” he asked. “Everyone knows he’s a fag.”
“So help me, Oliver, if I hear that word from your lips another time!” I snapped, losing it then. The blood rushed to my ears, and my heart thudded heavy and painful in my chest.
“Well, he is gay!”
“It doesn’t matter. Speaking like that makes you very homophobic, and I taught you better than that.”
“And anyway, he really isn’t gay,” Charlie stated. She was glaring at her older brother. “I spend a lot of time with him at the community center, and I would know!”
“Keep telling yourself that.”
“You’re just mad because you got dumped by Heather!”
“At least I’ve been dumped once. You haven’t even come close.”
“Alright, that’s enough!” I snapped at them both. “Quit it. Now. You’re acting like a bunch of six-year-olds.”
They shuffled as far apart from each other as they could in the back seat. Tears were in Charlie’s eyes again, and she now looked miserable. The little happiness she had found had disappeared and all because Ollie had been thoughtless. Who knew my son had become someone so insensitive? And that he was homophobic.
I gripped the steering wheel tighter than I needed to, Ollie’s words tumbling about in my head. Over and over his words repeated, taunting me. I felt sick to my stomach and even angry at him for not making my decisions any easier for me. What if he found out the man he had spoken about so distastefully was no different than his father? Where the hell had I gone wrong for my son to openly bash gay people? I had run an inclusive family where I had taught them to love people regardless of the labels society put on us.
I couldn’t get them to the school fast enough. Everyone was in a sullen mood as I parked for them to get out. Nobody said anything. The doors flew open. Ollie went one way and Charlie went the other. I observed them and how different they were. Charlie headed straight for the front doors, presumably to get prepared for her first class. Ollie made a beeline for a group of guys who were standing on the school grounds chatting and laughing. One held a basketball under his arm and upon seeing Ollie threw it at him. Ollie caught the ball and high fives went around. They guffawed, in a world of their own.
I knew very well how being a jock could skewer one’s perspectives. Although Ollie didn’t play, his friends were all on the basketball varsity team. Sports had also influenced me as a teenager to remain in the closet. I had been on the football varsity team which was an even tougher crowd to hang with. Remembering some of the conversations that had circulated me when I was on the team, my blood ran cold. No wonder he was expressing these sentiments. Teen boys, especially those who were jocks tended to sexualize girls and trash talk gay kids.
Ollie and I needed to have a long talk. I hadn’t taught them to follow the crowd but to maintain their individuality.
Still perturbed by the events that unfolded this morning, I backed out of the school’s driveway. I had just cleared the exit and turning left when out of nowhere came a silver Chevy. I jammed the brake hard, but it was too late. I winced at the crunch of metal against metal.
“Fucking great!” I exploded. This accident was what I needed this morning because apparently, my plate wasn’t already full dealing with my grieving, delusional, and homophobic kids.
I pushed my car door open to light into the asshole who had encroached on my right of way.
“What the hell, man! Were you sleeping at the wheel?” I demanded at the man who was emptying himself from his car.
“I’m sorry, sir.”
“Beau?”
“Gordon.”
We stared at each other in surprise. I’d never seen him drive before so I wouldn’t have known the car was his. I was also driving Barb’s car instead of the truck so he wouldn’t have recognized me. Although he was a teacher here, I’d never run into him either on the school premises except for that one conference. He looked as good as ever. Even damn better. As always, he was dressed smartly in a pair of gray pants, a light blue long-sleeved shirt, and a sleeveless checkered sweater vest.
If I had been hoping for the chemistry between us to have worn off with time, I was mistaken. The opposite had happened. I still wanted him. His eyes were full of desire as well. I could not mistake it for anything else because I had seen this same longing on his face all through the first night we had met. Still, there was something more behind those eyes. I took in the set of his jaw. Was he clenching his teeth?
Fuck, he was pissed off at me.
“Hey, can you guys move this to the side so the rest of us can go about our business?” a driver turning into the school’s driveway asked, honking his car and breaking up our ‘I can eye-fuck you better’ contest.
I jumped back into my car, and so did Beau. I was glad for the minute I had to get over the shock of seeing him unexpectedly. Nerves twisted in my gut, but it was the good type. I was excited to see him again, and I didn’t plan to make a mess of talking to him this time. Even if at the back of my mind, the question lingered about what Ollie would think.
We did just as the other driver had suggested and cleared the driveway. I didn’t think the damage to the cars was that bad, but it still had to be assessed. I didn’t intend to make him pay for damages even though he had been in the wrong. The little he made as a teacher was better put to use elsewhere, and his insurance was probably crappy anyway. Sending his premium up when I was trying to get him back into bed with me, was hardly the right courting method.
After parking my car, I got out again. Beau exited his at a slower pace, almost reluctant as though he wasn’t looking forward to the conversation.
“What’s the damage?” he asked, shutting his door. “Whatever it is, just take some pictures and send to me. I’ll have my insurance take care of it.”
“I don’t want you to fix my car,” I answered, staring at him, willing him to look me in the eyes. “I’ll take care of it.”
He glanced at me then, making eye contact. “It was my fault.”
“Maybe. I wasn’t paying much attention to the road either. So, maybe we’re both to be blamed.”
He frowned at me, and I hoped he got my message loud and clear. I wasn’t just talking about fixing our vehicles here.
“Sometimes it’s more one person’s fault than the other,” he added, turning away. “But, if you insist, I’ll say thanks and be on my way.” He glanced at the watch on his wrist. “Class begins in the next seven minutes.”
“Beau, don’t go.”
He paused with his car door open and glanced back at me. “Aren’t we done here?”
“No, not by a long shot.” I lowered my voice. “I know I fucked up, okay? I just want us to talk a little. Can you meet me tonight?”
“I don’t know,” he answered with a shrug. “I may have some other plans.”
“Please,” I added, wanting to reach out to touch him. “I need to talk to you. There’s so much that’s unsaid between us.”
“You had the opportunity to say what’s unsaid,” he remarked.
I ran my fingers through my hair in frustration. “I can’t force you to show up, Beau. As much as I’d like to, I can’t. In case you’re still interested, I’ll be at the pub waiting for you at nine.”
“I’ll see what I can do about making it,” he answered but too casually for me to take him seriously. “See you around.”
I hated watching him getting a definite answer, but I could hardly hold him against his will and force him to agree to meet me later. I had no choice but to believe he would show up. I grimaced when I saw the scratch on the side of his car. I hoped mine wasn’t worse.