Chapter 15
Beau
“Gordon, I’ve something to tell you.”
Behind me, I felt the shift in Gordon. I never planned to talk about this with anyone. I had hoped I could forget about it and move on in any relationship I found myself in. Nobody needed to know. But after the way I had broken down while we were making love, I believed I owed Gordon some sort of explanation. I didn't want him to think I had a breakdown for little reason. More so, I wanted him to know about me, and I hoped he would share his own secrets.
“Beau, you don’t have to tell me a damn thing you’re not ready to,” he said. “God knows we all have some ugly secrets that we’re ashamed of.”
“But I want to tell you. I want you to know why I cried while we were having sex.”
“Were they happy tears?”
I heard the hope in his voice and wished I could lie to him. I wouldn’t build our relationship on a lie. “No, they weren’t.”
“Okay. Tell me when you’re ready.”
It took me another five minutes to be able to formulate the right words and even then, I didn’t know there was a right way. “You know I’m from France. Right?”
“Yes?”
“Has it never occurred to you why my English is so good?”
He shrugged. “English is becoming a global language.”
“True,” I answered. “I was living in England for a number of years though. That’s where I went to college.”
“Ah, now that explains it better.”
I placed my hand on his thighs to hold on because I needed to feel grounded. It was good knowing he was close. “I told you that before college I only fooled around with some boys at my high school,” I expounded. “And that was true. I’d never really taken a lover until Ian.”
He stiffened again. “It’s not necessary to tell me about a past lover, Beau.”
I continued as though he hadn’t spoken. “I was young and foolish. Ian was an older English man who ran the coffee shop where I worked part-time to cover expenses on campus. When he started hitting on me, I was flattered, and it wasn’t too long before we were sleeping together. I won’t bore you with the details but basically what happened, I moved out of the dorm and in with him. Everything was great for a while. He had homes in France and Thailand as well so we would vacation there often. I brought him to meet my parents on one of our trips to France, and they were livid.”
“They didn’t know you were gay?”
I nodded. “I told them when I was fifteen. They were very supportive.”
“They didn’t like this Ian guy then?”
“No, they did not. We had a big argument, and I felt they embarrassed me in front of Ian and treated me like I was still a little kid. I left that day, vowing never to return unless they accepted Ian. Of course by the time I returned to England, I realized I had spoken too soon. But, with Ian in my ear, sometimes it was hard to decide what was best for me.”
“Sounds like he was a manipulator.”
“Of the worst kind. My parents weren’t forgiving people and they made it very evident if I were still with Ian, I wasn’t to return home.”
“That’s pretty harsh.”
“It didn't matter to me because I was in love.” I shuddered against him as the memories loomed. “After a few years, things got ugly. I discovered Ian was cheating. He liked young boys, fresh out of high school like when he met me. At first, he denied it, and for a long time, I didn’t know if I was right or wrong. When I finally confirmed it, he begged me not to leave and that he would change.”
His hand tightened around me. He stroked my arm, and it gave me the courage to finish. “While I didn’t know if he was cheating after that, he turned abusive. We would get into fights for very little cause. At first, I would let him get away with it, but then I started fighting back. Only he loved when I fought back. He was much bigger and could easily overpower me."
“Go on.”
“I started teaching in England after college, and things got a little better. I suppose it was because I was busy and hardly had the time to notice when he was fucking around with other boys. A year and a half ago, I gave him an ultimatum. Either he treated me better, or I was going back to France. That was the last time we fought.”
He kissed my back, feathering his lips down my back. “You got out. That’s the good thing. The son-of-a-bitch deserves a Louisiana beat down, but I’m just glad you escaped him.”
“But not without the scars to go with it,” I said bitterly.
“I’m sorry that happened to you.” I heard his heavy sigh behind me. “You know I wouldn’t intentionally hurt you, right?”
I nodded. “I think so. You’re different, Gordon. I like that about you.”
I turned which was hard to do in the narrow tub. A huge splash of water upended to the floor. I glanced at Gordon, horrified. “Shit. We will have a lot of cleaning up to do, won’t we?”
“We?” He cocked an eyebrow. He ran his hands over my sides and cupped my ass. “That’s all on you.”
We kissed then, a long sweet kiss that made me want to curse the need to come up for oxygen. I grinned against his lips at the silly thought. He rolled his eyes. “Here I am trying to start a little fire, and you’re laughing.”
We lingered in the bathtub before Gordon decided if we didn’t get out we would become shriveled up men. We drained the tub, and while we helped each other wash up, I stole glances at what hung between his legs. There was nothing shriveled about his cock. No wonder my ass was still sore although having the warm bath had helped some. Gordon sent me to bed while he cleaned up the mess we had made in the bathroom. I couldn’t resist kissing him again before I entered the bedroom and changed the bedsheets. I felt happier than I had in a long time.
I had just made the bed, keeping the covers turned down when Gordon’s phone vibrated next to me. I startled and glanced at the phone. A picture of his daughter flashed across the screen.
“Gordon!” I called him.
“Huh?” He poked his head through the bathroom door, still gloriously naked.
“Your phone,” I told him.
“Pass it here, will you?”
I would have never touched it if he hadn’t asked. Ian had been paranoid about his phone but having learned what I did about his affairs, I now knew why. To think I’d even thought about marrying him. He was nothing at all like Gordon.
“Shit, I missed the call,” Gordon said, then returned to the bathroom with the phone tucked between his ear and shoulder.
I sat at the edge of the bed and frowned, feeling nervous. Would Gordon tell his kids about us and how would they think of it? I had no idea what the answer to those question were. I couldn’t ask him now either because it was way too soon. Our situation was also different than many. I was his daughter’s teacher. Maybe we could keep our relationship a secret until the new school term began and I would no longer be Charlotte’s teacher. That would subtract from some of the awkwardness.
The bathroom door pushed open, and Gordon walked into the bedroom, looking unsure of himself.
“What’s wrong?” I asked, getting to my feet. “Is something wrong with Charlotte?”
He looked weird. “Technically no.”
“Then why do you look like you’re going to keel over?”
“I need to go to the store,” he said with a groan and rubbed his hand over his face. “She needs some things from the store.”
“Things?” I asked, confused. “Can’t it wait till tomorrow?”
I shook my head. “Female things, Beau and no, she can’t wait till tomorrow. I need to get to the store.” Despite him saying it was urgent, he plunked his ass on the bed looking dazed.
“You want me to go with you?” I asked to make it easier for him. He didn’t look like he knew where to begin.
“Would you?” He looked relieved at my offer. “That’d be great.”
I grimaced. “Okay, I’ll go with you, but I’m letting you know from now. I know nothing about getting feminine care products, so we’ll ask questions or I’ll text my best friend Élodie and ask while we are on the way.”
We dressed and left the apartment, hand in hand. In his car, he drove with my head on his shoulder, and it was the most relaxed I felt in a while.
“It’s weird getting used to all this,” he remarked, while we were on the way to the closest department store.
“What? Being a single dad?”
“Yeah. You know I always thought I was good at this dad stuff until Barbara died and then I realized how much I didn’t know.”
I raised my head and regarded him in surprise. “Hold up. Your wife died? I thought you just got a divorce.”
He grimaced then turned serious. “If it were just a divorce my kids wouldn’t be as messed up as they are right now.” He glanced at me. “She didn’t just die of natural causes, Beau. She took her own life.”
I was shocked into silence by the revelation. I couldn’t speak but so much made sense now. Poor Charlotte. No wonder the girl looked like she was about to wilt. It couldn’t be easy for her to live with the knowledge that her mother had taken her life.
“Jesus!” I finally exploded. “Why?”
He sighed. “Isn't that the million-dollar question? I wish to God I knew. I blame myself, and the kids blame themselves. The truth is that she didn’t leave any note when she did it.”
“Your poor kids. Now I understand why Charlotte is so quiet."
“She found Barbara.”
“Oh God! How could a mother do that to her children? Didn’t she think of them?”
“I try not to blame her for the way they are now. I mean, it’s done already. All we have to do is try to move on. The kids, I’m not sure they are handling it well. My son is even worse than Charlie.”
“Is he older?”
“Yeah, it’s his senior year in high school. He was never the perfect kid, you know. He got into his fair share of trouble, but of late, he’s been worse. Shoplifting, breaking curfews, drinking. I’ve enrolled them in grief counseling, and they have their first session coming up.”
I nodded in understanding. “I hope it helps.”
“Me too.”
I placed my hand on his thigh. I kneaded the muscles, and slowly he relaxed. He didn’t say anything but smiled at me. I smiled back and fell silent as we continued the drive to the store. I couldn’t imagine what it was like to lose a parent. My parents were still alive in France, and although our relationship likely would never be the same again, it was comforting knowing they were around. When I’d fled back to France after my encounter with Ian the last time, they’d welcomed me home without a word. They’d also not stopped me nor protested when I decided to sign up for the teach-away program.
Gordon drove up to the department store and found a parking spot. He cut the engine and sighed. “I guess I better get used to this.”
I squeezed his shoulder and leaned forward to kiss him. “It won’t be so bad, and I’m here to help with whatever you need.”
Instead of letting me go, he pulled me into a hug then released me. “Thanks for the offer. I’m looking forward to this. Us.”
He deserved a kiss for that, so I kissed him again, taking his face into my hands and slanting my lips over his. He returned the kiss with enthusiasm, moaning into my mouth and the crotch of my pants tightened.
“Come, let’s get what your daughter needs,” I told him. We didn’t walk hand in hand as we approached the department store, but he was close enough to me that I didn’t mind. It would take him a while to get used to being openly affectionate. He was thoughtful though, and I observed the little things he did without even noticing. Like the way he held the door open for me and the way he placed an arm at the small of my back, guiding me around a woman who was riding one of the shopping carts.
All I needed was a little patience for him to come into his own.