Chapter 17
Beau
When I opened the front door, and saw the look on Gordon's face, I immediately knew something was wrong. My smile instantly fell as the first thought I had was of his kids. While we didn’t speak much about his son, he had hinted enough that their relationship was rocky at best.
“Hey, what’s wrong?” I asked, stepping aside to allow him to enter my apartment. When he just stood there, worry lines knotting his forehead, I fisted his shirt and pulled him to me. I shoved the front door shut with a slam. He came to me willingly, and I wrapped my arms around his waist. He slipped his hands around me as well and sighed.
“It’s my sister-in-law from hell,” he replied. “She got me all wound up before she eventually left with the kids. She’s the reason I’m late.”
He clung to me as though he didn’t want to let go. I stroked the hair at his nape, hoping to comfort him. “She must be one scary lady if you come apart after she has been here for only a few hours.”
“I’m not as tough as I look,” he grunted.
I chuckled and squeezed him. “I know. In fact, you’re a softie.”
He snapped his head back and scowled at me. “Take that back.”
“Okay, you’re a big, manly guy and there’s absolutely nothing soft about you.” My gaze shifted to the front of his jeans then to his face. His lips twitched as he fought to control his smile. When he lost, I was relieved. I had high hopes for this afternoon and having a sister-in-law ruin that was not in my plans.
He leaned forward to kiss me, and I met him halfway. The sound of our wet lips smacking each other’s filled the room. I never knew another man whose kisses gave me an instant hard-on. He didn’t just kiss with his mouth but his very soul. Sometimes it scared me when at times like this, I got a glimpse of how close we had become. Of how much I was coming to be a part of his life. His hand crept down my belly, and I was almost distracted. Almost. I caught his hand in time before it reached my groin.
“That’s for later,” I told him, leading the way to the kitchen. “Let’s get a drink from the fridge to cool us off after that kiss. Anyone ever told you how great a kisser you are? I could kiss you for days.”
“Anyone ever told you that you can be quite bossy?”
“You should see me take charge in the bedroom.” I glanced over my shoulder and winked at him. He smirked in return.
“I can’t wait.”
My cock twitched in anticipation. Maybe this was the weekend when I would slap my claim on Gordon's ass. Although I wasn’t in a rush, I still anticipated being his first. And hopefully also his last. I wanted to be his last so badly, even more than his first.
While I took out two chilled beers for us, Gordon attempted to raid the cupboards. I allowed him to, knowing he would find them bare. I wasn’t keen on stocking up when it came to food. I hated eating alone and preferred to stop at restaurants to enjoy a meal. At least I could people-watch rather than think about being alone here in Louisiana. I smiled at Gordon’s back. I wasn’t alone now, though.
“Really?” he asked, turning to scowl at me. “You do know what cupboards are for, right? Why are they always empty?”
I shrugged. “I don’t like eating alone. Plus, I spend most of my time either at work or the community center.”
“This won’t do at all,” he remarked, closing the cupboard doors. He turned to face me. “You and I are going shopping.”
I made a face at him. “The food is just going to waste if I stock the cupboards, Gordon.”
“No, it won’t. I’ll eat it when I’m here, and I’m definitely going to need more than just beer for sustenance over the weekend. It's either that, or we go back to my place and spend the weekend there. That is about the only two choices you have.”
I narrowed my eyes at him. “And you're calling me bossy?”
I was ambivalent about going to his house. My apartment might be a nothing compared to his home, but this was my own space that I was responsible for. I liked knowing my name was on the rent. I liked knowing the cash that I paid the landlord every month came from my own pocket. It might be simple, but it was mine.
“We’ll go shopping then,” I agreed.
"Good. I'll pay for the groceries, of course."
"Of course?" I scowled at him. "I can get my own groceries, thank you very much."
"Don't be like that. I don't mind," he argued.
"Well, I kinda do. Unless they are going into your cupboards at home, I'll pay for the groceries that are placed in mine."
He shook his head at me. "Let me do this for you. I run a very successful company, you know?"
I raised my eyebrows at him. "And?"
He muttered something under his breath about my stubbornness. "Fine, but we'll revisit this conversation sometime in the near future."
Our first argument settled, we left the house, taking his truck. A part of me was delighted he wasn’t opposed to being seen with me, but I tried not to overthink it. Anyone who saw us would automatically think that we were just good buddies.
At the supermarket, I directed the shopping cart while he stopped to select the items he wanted. I wasn't big on cooking, so I allowed him free reign.
“Will the kids be okay with your wife’s family?” I asked him as I pushed the shopping cart down the frozen section. I slowed down for him to observe the content of a freezer.
“Yeah, their aunt and grandmother dote on them,” Gordon responded, placing a container of burger meat in the cart. “It’s just me they’ve a problem with.”
“Any idea why?”
“It might be because I got their daughter pregnant and married before they thought she was ready.”
I wanted to ask him about his marriage. Since knowing Gordon, I’d discovered his very heart and attraction was for the same sex. How had he ended up with a woman and two kids?
“I was trying to do the right thing,” he said, sounding sad. “She got pregnant the first time we had sex. I was nineteen, naive and terrified my parents would disown me for the feelings I had for Richard Perry.”
“Richard Perry?” The name stuck in my head fast.
“Just some guy back in high school on the football team.” His casual remark chased away the sleeping beast of jealousy that reared its head. Shocked at how strongly I felt at the idea of another man catching Gordon's attention, I stopped abruptly. He turned and smacked right into the cart.
“Sorry,” I apologized, abandoning the cart to rub his tummy. His hand came down on top of mine, and right there in the middle of the frozen section of the supermarket, I discovered I had fallen in love with this man. I stared at him in awe, unable to look away even when he frowned, and the expression on his face started to get a little bit weird. I felt out of breath, and my face turned red.
“It’s fine. I’m not hurt,” he said, squeezing my hand. He lowered his voice and continued, “though I find your concern to be quite a turn on.”
“Gordon!”
I didn’t get a chance to reply because Gordon dropped my hand at the sound of his name. He turned to greet a tall, handsome blond guy dressed in police attire. He was around the same age as Gordon and they had a slight resemblance. He couldn't have been a brother though because Gordon was an only child. I stood to the side and watched. I sized up the man. Was this Richard Perry? Both men thumped each other on the back good-naturedly.
“Eric, it’s been a while!” Gordon exclaimed, and I sighed. This wasn’t Perry then, but some other man in his life he hadn’t told me about. From the big grin on his face and his relaxed posture, it was obvious they were close.
“I’ve been out of town on a short course,” Eric replied. “It’s been hectic for the past couple of weeks. What have you been up to? Where are the kids?” He glanced around and saw me then. For Gordon’s sake, I wished I was anywhere else. “And who is this?”
“The kids are at Iris’s and her mother for the weekend,” Gordon responded. He turned to observe me, and God helped him if he didn’t blush. “Uh-this-um.” If he stuttered once more, he would give away what we had been up to.
“Hey, I’m Beau,” I answered and held out my hand to him for a handshake. “I’m from out of town, and Gordon is kind enough to show me around.”
“Is that so?” Eric responded, pumping my hand vigorously until I thought they would go numb. He released my hand, and I wiggled my fingers to ensure they still worked.
“Yeah.” Gordon found his voice. “I took Beau to the supermarket to get a few things. Beau.” He turned to me, and the strain on his face was evident. “This is my best friend, Eric. We’ve been friends since high school.”
“Damn right about that,” Eric said with a grin. “We go way back.”
“I see.” I glanced at Gordon. He never talked to me about this friend of his. This observation now made me wonder if he was limiting how much of himself he revealed to me.
“Say, you guys want to catch the basketball game this evening?” Eric asked.
Gordon glanced from me to Eric, and I shrugged. I didn’t offer any help in making his decision. I hoped he wouldn’t agree. This weekend was to be about us spending some time together.
“I wasn’t really thinking of getting out this weekend,” Gordon answered, sounding unsure of himself.
Eric slapped a hand to Gordon's shoulder. “Come on, man. I get off work in another hour. I’ll go home, flip some burgers and we watch the game.” He glanced at me. “You too, Beau, since you’re new in town. I’m guessing you don’t have a lot of friends yet.”
“Not really,” I replied.
Gordon looked just about ready to burst into a sweat. “I kinda already made plans this evening.”
“I know for sure you’re not seeing anyone,” Eric insisted. “Or even if you are, bring this chick along. The more, the merrier. Any other plans I’m sure can be broken for a little time with your best pal.”
I knew the instant Gordon caved in. It showed on his face. When he was under stress, these fine lines appeared on his forehead.
“Alright, fine,” he answered. “What time’s the game and should we-I bring anything?”
“Awesome!” Eric grinned. “Be at my pad at six. The pre-game is on at seven.” He gave me another look. “Have Gordon give you my address as I’ve to run. Nice meeting you, Beau.”
“Yeah, same here.”
His radio was squawking as he retreated, waving at us. Gordon expelled a loud breath. “Fuck, what did I just agree to?”
“Relax,” I told him. “He just thinks we’re friends.”
He scratched the back of his head, frowning. “You think so?”
“I’m pretty positive.” I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. He looked so damn relieved he hadn’t been outed. I tried not to be offended. I didn’t want to be offended, but my heart decided otherwise.
It fucking hurt to be dismissed by him as just friends.
I thought I hid my hurt from him pretty well until he drew closer to me. I wished he hadn’t. If we were in private, he would have touched me or hugged me. Kissed me even. But here, out in the open, he was resisting the urge.
“Beau,” he whispered. “I’m sorry. I don’t mean to hurt you like this. You know you mean more to me than a friend, right?”
“Am I?” Damn, my voice came out cracked. I smiled to offset the sound. “It’s fine. Let’s continue with this grocery shopping.”
I tried to push the trolley, but his hand came down on mine and stalled me. “You know you mean more to me than a friend, right?” he repeated.
“Yes, I do know,” I answered because people walking by us were getting mighty curious and checking us out.
His face relaxed in a smile but turned serious again. “Good. I know I don’t have this all figured out yet. It’s going to take me some time to adjust and be like you in not giving a fuck what people want to say, but I promise you, I’ll get there.”
Would he though? While I never experienced being in a relationship with a man who was still in the closet, I’d seen it happen to friends in college. The relationship rarely lasted, and that knowledge was enough to give me a second thought.
Gordon squeezed my hand and brought my wandering mind back to him. “You’re worth it. Right?”
His question was the worst he could have ever asked. Was I worth it? The truth was that I didn’t know. My relationship with Ian hadn’t contributed much to my self-esteem but had done the opposite. His cheating, his lies, all left me feeling like something was wrong with me. Most days I felt fine and others, like now, I wasn’t sure about anything. I wasn’t sure I was worth it, but the earnest look in his eyes demanded an answer to his question. He was looking to me, a broken man, with scars buried so deep he would probably run if he was exposed to them all. But, nobody liked insecurities, so I nodded.
“Yeah, I’m worth it.” The tremble in my voice didn’t sound convincing to my own ears. It was a wonder he nodded and accepted it.