“GO AWAY!” I shout, digging into my ice cream bucket with the spoon and then shoving it into my mouth. Swallowing at once, I feel the cold spreading from my throat to my brain, and then I just reach for the bottle of vodka sitting on my side and take it to my lips. Throwing my head back, I chug heartily and then wipe my hand with the back of my hand.

“Cara, c’mon! Open up!” Renee shouts from outside my apartment, knocking against the door, this time harder than before. Judging by the sound of it, she has already resorted to using her fists against my door. Well, tough luck - I don’t care what she does, but I’m not opening that door.

Yeah, I’m drunk right now. So what? I think I’ve earned the right to be just a little drunk, haven’t I? After all, I got into a huge fight with the only man that I’ve ever loved, and I found out that my best friend has lied to me.

“Please, Cara!” Renee insists, “I’m your friend, let me in!”

“My friend?” I jump up to my feet and walk toward the door in a hurried step. Without opening it, I raise my voice so that Renee can hear me. “I don’t remember having a backstabbing friend!”

“I didn’t -- ah, come on, Cara! Let me in or I’ll have to kick the door down.”

“Pfft. As if you could,” I scoff, turning my back to the door.

“No, but I’ll keep kicking until everyone in this building comes to help me out!” She raises her voice now, and I sigh - okay, she wins this round. Walking back to the door, I turn the handle and step back to allow Renee in.

“Someone’s having a party,” she tells me with one raised eyebrow, her eyes jumping from the ice cream bucket to the bottle of vodka.

“Yes, that’s right. I’m having a party and you’re not invited,” I tell her, that pissed off tone still coating my words, and then sink down on my couch. I reach for the vodka and take another swig in two long gulps. “And I’m not sharing any of this,” I continue, clutching the bottle against my chest, the room slowly starting to spin.

“Look, Cara… I’m sorry,” Renee says, sitting down by my side and looking me in the eyes. “I just thought… I don’t know Cara, I just don’t think that living as an hermit slash workaholic is doing you any good.”

“I’m not a --” I stop, an hiccup jumping between my words. “I’m not an hermiwhatever, I’m a very successful businesswoman!” I manage to continue, waving the bottle around as I gesticulate. “I break men’s hearts and grind them into flour!”

“Ah, Cara… I’m sorry, I really am. I was just trying to help.”

“I know,” I whisper, my rational side sobering up for a moment. Looking at Renee, I offer her the bottle; she looks at it apprehensively, but then takes it from my hands and brings it up to her lips.

“You would have never accepted to go out with Liam… This was the only way,” she continues, but the way her tone of voice changes tells me that if she could go back in time she’d do things differently. “I never wanted anyone to get hurt… But I screwed up,” she says, taking the bottle to her lips again and chugging the vodka happily.

“Hey, leave some for me,” I say, stealing the bottle from her and pressing it against my chest. “You’re right, though… I would have never accepted to go out with Liam. I don’t do dates, I don’t do love, I don’t do anything. You must think I’m pathetic.”

“Of course not, Cara. You’re the smartest woman I’ve ever met, and you’re also the bravest… You’re everything but pathetic. But when it comes to men, you --”

“Yeah, I know… I just don’t trust them. I just can’t. They only want one thing and one thing only - and when they don’t get it, they kick your ass to the curb. Sayonara!”

“Not all men are like that…”

“No. Liam isn’t like that,” I tell her, and it hurts to feel his name on my lips. Opening my mouth, I finish the vodka and let the empty bottle slip from my fingers and onto the couch.

“See?” Renee starts, holding both my hands now. “I know that you’ve seen a lot of shit ever since you opened Lust Muscle, but you can’t give up on trust and love.”

“I’m not sure if I can do that…”

“Of course you can! You did it with Liam. You can do it again!” She insists, holding my hands so tight that I feel my fingers growing numb.

“You’re right. But… But… He probably hates me right now. I was such a bitch. And I probably screwed everything up. I need to call him right now and tell him I love him!” I cry out loud, jumping up to my feet and grabbing my phone from the coffee table.

“Cara, I don’t think that’s such a good idea,” Renee says, looking up at me hesitantly, but I barely process what she's trying to tell me. Right now, vodka is fueling my meltdown - as such, instead of acting rationally and putting my phone down, I start scrolling down my contacts list, looking for Liam’s number.

“Alright, this is for the greater good,” Renee says suddenly, going up to her feet as well. Moving as fast as lightning (or maybe I’m just too drunk), she snags the phone out of my hands.

“Give it to me!” I demand, trying to reach for the phone, but she just places her free hand over my face and keeps me at bay.

“You’re too drunk, Cara. You’ll just screw it up even more!” She cries out as I try to wrestle the phone out of her hands. “Call him in the morning!”

“In the morning,” I repeat, submitting to her. Who would’ve said that Renee would end up being the only reasonable person in such a situation? “I’ll call him in the morning.”

“Good girl,” she whispers with a smile, but she tucks my phone inside her purse all the same. Good thinking.

Ah, shit, no wonder I’ve been avoiding love all my life.

Love is hard.