Jesus Christ, what a fucking week.

Actually, what a fucking month.

If I could go back in time and try to redo anything in my life, it would have to be this month. There's not much else in my life I want a do-over on, but this has got to be one of the major periods.

Although, I mean, what the fuck would I do differently?

If given the chance, I sure as hell would get naked and engage in whatever it was that Julianna, Ethan, and I did. I'd fuck her again for sure. Ethan and me? I have no fucking regrets.

Seriously. Despite the constant fucking media chatter, I wouldn't undo any of those actions.

What would I undo?

I look out the window of my condo on the Upper East Side.

I know what you're going to fucking say, okay. Mr. Bad Boy of the NFL lives in the buttoned down Park Avenue condo on 70th Street. What the fuck, right? Why aren't I living like Julianna, at the Time Warner Center in Columbus Circle, where Beyoncé and Jay-Z live. Why am I living amongst old heiresses and widows?

I'd tell you to shut the fuck up if you asked me that two months ago.

But not anymore.

And now you're asking why I'm not going to ask you to shut the fuck up?

Fucking Christ. I gotta spell everything out for you don't I?

Because I'm getting the horrible feeling that I've been doing the wrong fucking thing for too fucking long.

I mean, I hated Ethan. Hell, he probably hates me. But why do I feel so fucking turned on when I'm around him? Why was my cock so hard as I jerked him off? Why do I still jerk off to thinking about that? Right about the same time I'm jerking it to Julianna. And then when I think about both, Lord help me.

I mean, I used to hate Ethan. I know I was wrong about that.

What else was I wrong about?

The way I treated women?

The way I thought the world was against me?

Did my family really never care about me or was I just so under pressure to win that I began to think these things?

Let's be real though. My thinking and even changing my fucking demeanor isn't going to do a whole lot.

Our games fucking suck. Our morale is shot to hell.

Between the video of the hand job surfacing and then the skybox, the team’s lost all confidence in me.

They don’t understand that not seeing Julianna or Ethan in so fucking long has made me realize something.

I fucking love them both.

Julianna can talk back to me and owns herself and her sexuality. Ethan is my counterweight.

Without them, I’m fucking nothing.

And neither are the Nailers. Seriously.

After the bye, we lost the next game against the Los Angeles Lickers. Only this last Monday did we squeak out a 17-16 win against the Pittsburgh Pimps.

Ethan still fucking hates me. Actually, I take it back. At least before he would talk to me. Now he doesn’t even acknowledge me. At least before he would take the time to tell me to shut the fuck up or try to put me in my place when I was being an ass. Now, it's like he's shut me out of his world completely.

I don't know how to reach Julianna. It's not like there has been much fraternizing between team owners and players in the past. And I don’t how to reach her if she’s not responding to my texts. I can't really go ask Coach Karl to set me up on a date with the owner. He'd smack me up side the fucking head with his clipboard.

The team was willing to forgive my locker room incident with Ethan. But this has them completely stunned. Because I apologized to them and then another tape showed up. Everyone on the team is walking on fucking eggshells.

Add to all this, the media has really been crushing our nuts lately. They've been hitting the Nailers hard. And they've gotten a special boner for screwing Ethan, me, and Julianna up the ass.

It's not a day that goes by without some girl from Ole Miss coming out and talking about how I fucked her at a Delta Sigma Rho party.

If I were an outsider, I'd actually be pretty entertained.

I mean, who knew Ethan fucked his math professor his junior year. Well, she just sold her fucking story to the News of the Times. Claims he banged the living shit out of her at least three or four times. Not for any grades or anything, mind you - just because.

Julianna - man, she's in a world of hurt herself. One of the dudes that used to drive her limo just did a tell all for the Enquirer. Talks about how she would come out of the club, pick up a guy, fuck him, and drop him off on the next street.

Wait a second.

Does that fucking remind you of someone?

No. I'm serious. I never really thought much about it before.

I sure as hell never made the connection either.

Fucking hell.

I don't know how long I've been standing on my balcony, looking down 22 stories at Park Avenue thinking this shit, when my doorbell rings and jars me out of whatever trance I was in.

I don't remember anyone asking to be buzzed up and I'm curious so I walk over and open the door.

Fuck.

It's Julianna.

I back away from the door to let her in, but other than that, am pretty fucking silent.

She's wearing black yoga pants and a tight, white t-shirt.

"I was just running," she says, looking at me. "I thought I'd stop by."

Right. I've never once told her where I live. Never once have I even had her over.

I walk into the living room, motioning for her to do the same. She follows me and I go over to the bar.

"Want a drink?" I ask.

She nods her head. She's quiet. Too quiet. I don't like it when she's fucking quiet. She's not normally like this.

"I haven't gotten a chance to talk to you in a while," she says as I pour the drinks but the moment I turn around she averts her eyes.

Well, it's too late for that right now. She's in my fucking apartment. I walk over to her and hand her drink.

"I've always been here," I tell her in response to her statement.

"I've just been told to keep some distance," she says, taking a sip.

You know how I know I'm really feeling this woman?

She takes a sip of the scotch I poured, and doesn't wince.

She doesn't make a face. She takes it down, and lets it burn.

She's more of a fucking player than most men I know.

Maybe even more than me. She's a fucking bad girl. Doesn't take any shit from anyone. Probably one of the strongest people I've ever fucking met.

But even the strongest person withers when the whole world turns against you. I know because I am.

I fucking love her.

Jesus Christ. I can't believe it, but that's exactly what I'm thinking in the moment. Since the moment I fucking laid eyes on her. Since the moment I started checking out her ass. She had a vibe that was attractive to me. More than attractive. Like a fucking siren call out in the ocean.

They say there's plenty of fish in the sea? Well I'm a shark. And this woman has just ensnared me.

"Why'd you come over, Julianna?" I say, looking directly at her, not mincing any words.

She looks at me, and our eyes meet and I can feel an electricity go back and forth between us.

"I wanted to see..." she trails off and looks out the window and I can tell she's kicking herself for how unsure she feels. "I wanted to see how you were. And how Ethan's doing. I haven't talked to him in a while. Ever since..."

I shake my head. No need for her to continue. "Yeah, I haven't talked to him in a while either. Ever since the loss to the stepbrothers and when we..."

Now it's me that doesn't continue.

But it's like it's lit a fire inside of her. She downs her drink and turns around and takes a step closer. All of a sudden I can smell her Givenchy fragrance go through my nostrils and I can almost feel her warmth.

God, she’s fucking beautiful. Massive and springy fucking titties and tight fucking ass. Nice long legs that go on forever. My cock is twitching like it's gone fucking insane.

"I saw what happened between the two of you," she says. "I think the world knows too much about our sex lives."

"Yeah, but I think they just couldn't get enough of me jerking Ethan," I say with a smirk. She smiles back and takes a step closer.

Hol-ee shit. I finish my glass and put it down. I didn't even notice but she's put her glass down as well.

"What were you thinking?" she asks and I can feel her body brushing slightly off me now. Just the barest hint. "When you had your hand wrapped around his cock?"

“I wanted him to fuck me,” I say out loud for the first time. To her. And to myself.

A wicked gleam goes through Julianna’s eyes and she reaches over and grabs at her shirt and pulls it off.

I’m staring at her beautiful fucking tits. They’re encased in a lace white bra and she looks so fucking sexy.

My hearts fucking beating a mile a minute.

I don't exactly know why I feel like that, but I need to be close to her. Yet, I simply stand there like a fucking chump, taking in the sight of her.

She’s beautiful, as beautiful as any woman had the right to be. Her bra is showcasing her tits gorgeously and her black yoga pants trace the contour of her legs in such a way that it almost makes my cock ache. I want nothing more than to reach for her and lay my hands on her body.

I take one step forward, suddenly feeling some sort of fucking anxiety washing over me. Why am I like this? I’ve been with her before. We had an amazing time. Fuck, I’ve been with too many other women to remember.

But why is it different this time?

I don’t know. And in the end, I don’t fucking care.

All that matters is that she’s close. So close I can feel her breath now. Her eyes are dancing this insane Morse code of sex.

“Do you think about him, when you think about me?” she asks.

I nod my head. She squirms.

She’s getting hot.

I gaze into her almond shaped eyes, and almost fucking lose myself in them.

But by the time I come back, I’m already leaning into her.

My lips are brushing up against hers as if that’s the most important thing I could ever do in this fucking life.

My hands are on her hips, and I pull her into me gently.

"I missed those lips,” Julianna whispers, pulling back just enough to say those words. She takes one hand to my cheek and lays her fingers there, her eyes locked on me.

"And I missed you, all of you," was all that I can say. I didn't even know why I say it, all I know is that I have to say it. She leans for the kiss and, closing my eyes, I let her mouth fit against me.

I savor her strawberry lips slow and delicately. She does too - as if she wants to imprint the memory of this kiss on her brain in such a way that she will never forget it. Considering how our lives our going, it’s probably smart. I reached with my tongue and, feeling hers, our kiss grows passionately, my hands pulling eagerly on her hips.

Her small fingers go to my jacket and pull it down my arms; I throw it off, quickly placing my hands on her hips again, as if it pains me to be away from her fucking tight body. She starts unbuttoning my shirt with slow movements, baring my chest inch by inch.

It is impossible to resist her body, and my fingers go around her hips and over the curve of her ass, cupping it and feeling how gorgeous she is, how everything about her just seem so fucking delicious.

She sighs in pleasure at my pull and, throwing my shirt away, lays her lips against my neck. I let my head tilt back, breathing in the scent of her hair as her hands explore my side and find their resting place over the clasp of my belt; with deft fingers she unfastens it, popping out my pants' top button.

I shudder as I feel her pulling down my zipper, warm blood hurrying down between my legs and making me feel as alive as I have ever felt. Like when I’m on the field. Only, so much fucking better. My cock strains against my boxer briefs, the bulging there brushing against her knuckles. In one swift motion, she opens her hand and pressed her palm against my monster fucking cock, and it pulses impatiently against her.

I’m fucking squeezing her ass, her perfect shape filling my hands, I take my mouth to her neck and nibble at the smooth flesh there, her perfume climbing up my nostrils and taking my brain by assault. I feel her exhale deeply against my ear, the sound of it the sweetest thing I have ever fucking heard.

She takes her arms to behind my back, her hands darting lower towards my pants and sending them down my legs. I kick off my shoes and pants in a flowing hurried motion and go back to her lips, kissing her ardently as our tongues dance in a circle around each other.

A shiver goes up my spine as the palm of her hand flexes against my crotch, my thickness resting there as it snuggles between her small and delicate fingers. She tugs on it, the soft and cautious movement of her hand enough to make me gasp. When she starts kissing down my neck, her smooth lips brush over my nipples and towards my stomach, I close my eyes in anticipation. This is going to be fucking intense.

Julianna goes down to her knees and, leaning forward, places her mouth over the straining shape that tents my boxer briefs. She sucks on it over the fabric, her lips tightly wrapping around my thickness. Biting down on my lower lip, I run my hands through her hair, feeling the silkiness of it kissing at my fingertips.

My cock pulses hard against her hand as I feel fingernails clawing at the hem of my boxer briefs, the fabric of it sliding down my ass. She pushes down with her two hands, my cock revealing itself to her as hard as it has ever been, its tip glistening in eagerness.

In a way, it surprises me how much I crave her touch. It’s fucking driving me batshit crazy - so much that when she wraps her hand around my cock, stroking it down ever so slowly, I have to tense my whole fucking body in order to not cum right there and then. I breathe out sharply as, looking down on her, I see her figure leaning in, the crevice between her parted lips looking heaven-sent.

Opening her mouth slightly she places it over my tip, her tongue brushes against it gently. I feel the urge to thrust forwards, to make my cock slide down her beautiful lips in one swift motion and feel her whole mouth around me. But I wait, patiently, as she keeps her own pace - her mouth widening slowly as she leans in, lips sliding over my length inch by slow inch, making my body suffer through a sweet slow boil.

I claw at her hair as she cups my balls, her mouth finally filling with my throbbing member, the warmness and wetness of her inside almost making me dizzy. She pulls out as slowly as she leans into me until only my glans is on her lips, and then goes down again, each coming and going motion of her head almost too much to endure. I can’t help it and I groan loudly when I see a thin trickle of spit lingering as she moves her mouth off my cock and looks up at me.

“Did you miss me?”

I nod my head and groan as her hand joins the pendulum motion of her mouth, stroking and sucking at a rhythm so perfect I wish for it to never fucking end. I look down at her, seeing my flesh going in and out of her mouth, and the sight of it makes my cock pulse hard against her tongue.

"I want you." I whisper towards her. She lifts her eyes up to me and, sliding back out and allowing my cock to pop out of her mouth slowly, she smiles at me, beautiful dimples forming around the edge of her mouth. I offer her my hand and, taking it, she rises and turns me, guiding me towards the bedroom. I let her lead and follow her, the sway of her hips making my mouth water at the sight of her moving ass.

Turning on her heels, she motions for me to lay down on the mattress. I remain still, though, my heart thrashing around inside my chest as my eyes wander over her perfect shape. God, I want - no, I need - to feel every single curve, every single inch of smooth skin on her body.

I take a step forwards and, taking my hands to her hips, push her down to the bed. She offers no resistance, laying down as I climb on top of her, my hungry hands sliding over her body and making a teasing climb towards her breasts. I let my fingers go over the cup of her bra and hook themselves under it, my fingertips tracing the curve of her breasts and finding the warm hardness of her swollen nipples.

She arches her back and gasps, surrendering to my touch. Hungry for her, a white pulsing heat inside my head, I sit her up on the bed and rest one hand of mine on her lower back, my fingers resting over the lovely depressions that are her dimples.

With a turn of my fingers, I unclasp her bra. As the straps fall down her shoulders, the bra cups gently fall down her breasts, letting me see her firm, round, perfect mounds.

I guide my mouth there, flicking my tongue at a tiny hard nipple and then, overwhelmed by the desire to taste her, lower my mouth and suck on it as I cup both breasts and squeeze, the taste of her flesh making me turn into an animal.

More. That’s the only thing I can think to myself. I need more.

My fingertips make the climb back down from her breasts, making the journey over her stomach and discover the hem of her yoga pants. I go over it and around her crotch, my touch settling on her inner thigh as she squirms anxiously. With one finger only I trace the tender lines of her groin before surrendering to impatience and pressing down the palm of my hand over her crotch, making her draw a purred moan out of her lips.

I pull down her pants, each inch I pull free making my heart kick and punch at my rib cage, the lace white fabric of her thong slowly revealing itself to him. With one hand under her lower back I push her ass up and slide her pants down her legs, my knuckles brushing against her smooth skin.

It almost hurts me to not be touching her for a single second - I take my hands to her ankles and slide them up her legs, my mouth feeling dry as I feel the dripping wet fabric of her thong on my fingertips. I lean into her, my lips gently kissing her knees, her inner thighs, her groin... I place my mouth over her thong and, breathing in, suck hard, her scent and flavor so sweet I feel lightheaded.

She pushes her hips upwards, pressing her pussy against my mouth, her eager wetness coating my hungry lips. Then, unable to wait one second more, I push her thong aside, just enough so that I can taste her labia with the tip of my tongue. I lap at her, flicking my tongue at her clit and circling it slowly; pressing my mouth where I suck, the desire to taste her taking hold of me.

I pull back for just one second, enough time for me to pull the thong down her legs. I take one more second to breathe in as I take in the sight of her, the beautiful small triangle of trimmed hair between her legs calling to me. I dive into her, burying my mouth in her pussy, devouring her carelessly as if I need to do it to survive, two careful and gentle fingers brushing against her clit as she keeps jerking her hips against my face.

There is no stopping - even when she claws at my hair, moans breaking free of her mouth through gritted teeth, I don’t fucking stop. I keep going until she surrenders to that sweet madness and starts forcing my head down and her hips up, making me eat her out in the most wild and delicious way there is. And I love it, I love everything about it: how she wants my mouth on her pussy, the taste of her, the aching moans she fills the room with...

Parting her labia with my tongue, I slide one finger inside her, making her hips sway wildly. I take my forearm and place it over her belly, holding her down as, with my mouth and fingers, I claim her. She thrusts her pussy against my face, fighting against the hold I have on her and, holding her position, she cums hard as I devour her.

She screams - it’s a high pitched scream and, yet, almost musical and sweet. I pull back and look at her, my mouth still coated by her wetness. Seeing her like that, closed eyes and breathing fast, her legs shaking as if they’re not hers to command... It makes me happy. It’s a strange thing to feel, at least for me - but it’s the fucking truth. Seeing how I pleased her, pleases me. Nothing more, nothing less.

Her lazy eyelids open and she looks at me. I smile and, before I even notice what’s happened, she throws her arms at me and makes me lay down.

"I need this... I really need this." She purrs against my ear as she climbs on top of me.

No... I'm the one who fucking needs it, I think, surrendering to Julianna as she grabs my cock and eases herself down. I groan as I feel the tip of my member pushing her labia aside - then she falls on me, my length piercing her in one single motion, the tightness of her almost too much for me.

I grab her ass, feeling her sway on top of me as she leans into me, her nipples inches away from me. I go the distance, taking a sweet hard tip in my mouth and sucking as her body rocks against mine.

Feeling my body on hers, her eager breathing and the desire that makes her skin glisten... this is just fucking perfect. It’s not just lust, or just desire... It’s all those things but it’s also something more. Closeness, comfort. And it feels good. It feels fucking good. But there’s something weird.

It doesn’t feel…complete.

I wasn’t always like this. Fuck, I was never like this. Far from it.

But It doesn’t seem right, or fucking complete…without Ethan.

Julianna is riding me perfectly, going up and down in a flowing motion, my cock defenseless against the tight embrace of her pussy. She comes up until only my tip was inside her and then back down once more; then she sways forward and backwards, my shaft burying itself deep inside her. And then she does it all over again. She goes at me like this and it’s getting unbearable - my muscles burn and my bones seem to rattle anxiously against each other.

I’m going to cum. Hard.

Grabbing her ass cheeks hard, my fingertips over the perfect curve of her crack, I thrust upwards and, as she screams her way to orgasm once more.

That’s it.

I erupt.

I shoot my cum deep inside her.

I cum in buckets. I’m going crazy.

My eyes roll up in my head and I nearly black out.

For a fraction of a second her scream of pleasure dances with the sound of my harsh breathing as I gush inside of her and, just for that one moment, I think of her. And then I think of Ethan Blake.

Ethan fucking Blake.

I pull her close, her head resting against my shoulder as she tries to catch her breath. Still inside of her, I turn my head to the side and lay a kiss on her flushed cheek. As far as I’m concerned, there is no place in the world I’d rather be than right here, holding Julianna in my arms.

She feels the same way as she looks at me.

We’re on the same wavelength as she traces a finger over my abs and looks me in the eyes.

“You missed him too, didn’t you?” she asks.

I sigh. Fuck.

“Yep,” I say. She smiles a sad smile, but there’s determination behind it.

“We’ll get him,” she says. “Don’t worry.”

“How do you know?” I ask. Not even I’m so confident as she is right now.

“Because,” she says with a dirty, nasty, wicked smile that makes my cock twitch harder and gets me hard again. “I’m Julianna fucking Heaton.”

Holy shit. This woman is amazing.