It’s Saturday, and he’s trying to think of a thousand ways to avoid the get-together with his co-workers. He makes a list; I’m sick, I ate something bad for lunch, I’m really tired, Leo is my ex and he cheated on me in college. He knows he could just explain to Dean and get out of the deal, but he still doesn’t want to seem like he can’t handle it. It’s not as if Leo has done anything inappropriate. Austin knows this is his chance—a simple project, a quick team-up, and the added benefit of getting over his dumb feelings about a relationship long gone.

He watches the hours pass, stomach churning as it gets closer to nine o’clock. He decides at about four o’clock to go out for lunch—hell, maybe he’ll really get sick and have a legitimate reason to stay in.

He goes to his favorite late lunch spot, a healthy place  by the college. Traffic is okay since it’s early and he quickly finds a parking spot, ordering and settling into a spot in outdoor seating. The sun always feels good on his skin, and it makes him feel like things aren’t as bad as they are.

“Austin!”

He turns to find the person calling his name. He beams when he sees Alan, a friend from college who’d been in the same honor society.

“Hey. It’s been a while,” Austin says, accepting a hug. Alan grins, pulling out a chair across from Austin to sit. “How have you been?”

“Pretty good. Prepping for a show,” he says, leaning back in his seat. “I’ll send you an invitation. Here—add your number.”

Austin accepts the offered phone, typing as Alan continues to talk.

“I can’t believe you’re still here. I mean, me, yes. Not you. Didn’t you want to go to New York?”

“Too expensive,” Austin snorts, passing Alan’s phone back, “and anyway, I landed the animation job I always wanted.”

“So why don’t you sound happy about it?”

“You remember Leo Lockhart?”

“Of course,” Alan chuckles, waving away the waiter as he asks for an order. Austin sips his lemonade, trying to figure out what he wants to say. “Why? What about him?”

“He’s working as a voice actor. On the same project I was assigned to.”

Alan struggles to bite down his smile, a hand covering his mouth. He can’t stop his laughter, though. It’s not unkind—Alan doesn’t have a spiteful bone in his body. Still, it’s not helpful.

“I’m sorry. Just—what are the chances? God. I’m sorry you have to deal with that. Has he said anything to you?”

“You know—it’s weird. I just...he seems to be interested in my work, every now and then. He seems happy to see me. He wanted us to get drinks and then someone else butted in and made it a group outing, but he didn’t seem bothered. We’re supposed to all meet up tonight.”

“Hm. Think he just wants to smooth things over? I mean, it’s gotta be pretty awkward for him, too. Starting a new job, getting excited, then realizing he’s working with his ex.”

Austin pauses. It’s not like he hasn’t considered it. It’s just that he doesn’t quite believe it. Everything he knows about Leo is based on the man’s shitty relationships and their failed romance. Sure, Leo had been attentive and exciting...but what did Austin really know? It had been brief, and it had been during college. They’d both been so busy that they’d only spent passing moments together, either in bed or on short dates.

You were busy, he reminds himself coldly. That had really been the tipping point, if he’s being honest with himself. His own busy schedule and the fact that Leo couldn’t be in every class with him, or pull him away from activities often enough.

“Why would it matter? We were together—what, five years ago? Plus, it was barely a month.”

“Maybe he’s changed. That happens, you know, after college,” Alan smiles patiently.

“He cheated on me. After barely a month together,” Austin reminds him, biting a sweet potato fry with a little too much zeal. Alan struggles against a smile again.

“Sure. But...well...do you remember James?”

“Your best friend? Of course I remember him; he used to wait for you after meetings every Thursday. He may have even talked to Leo, now that I think about it.”

“Well. He’s getting ready to publish a book. I’m excited for it. We’re actually living together,” Alan adds, taking a sip of the water bottle he’s carrying. Austin almost chokes.

“Finally,” he says, which earns an exasperated look from Alan. It’s Austin’s turn to smirk. “Congratulations.”

“Anyway,” Alan says. “My point is that things change. People, especially. Before we graduated, I don’t think James would have ever considered it. I certainly wouldn’t have. I was so terrified of ruining our relationship. Of losing him completely. Some people move slow, Austin. Maybe Leo is one of them.”

“How is cheating after a month of being together ‘moving slow’?”

“I’m just saying, some people don’t mature or know what they want from a relationship in college. Maybe he knows what he wants now. Maybe he realizes he was a jerk to you.”

“I hate it when you’re right,” Austin says grudgingly, staring at his plate. It could definitely be true. After all, it’s been ages. They’re working together. Leo probably just wants to make sure the air between them is cleared, for professional purposes. It would be hell to have a coworker who was an ex from years ago, especially if it ended as badly as their relationship did.

“I’m right all the time,” Alan smiles fondly.

Austin sighs, poking at a fry. He’d like to think he’s impartial, or at least practical. Maybe in this case he isn’t, though. Maybe he’s being stubborn for no reason.

“So, I’m just being unfair?”

“No. Of course not. Your feelings are valid,” Alan says, “and it’s up to you whether you want to forgive him or not. All I’m saying is that maybe he’s not being nice just to do something shitty to you. Maybe he’s genuinely interested in being your friend. Or at least apologizing.”

“Why do you sound like more of an adult than I do?” Austin grumbles. Alan just laughs, swinging his keyring on one finger.

“Because I’ve been through this. The what if and the back-and-forth of trying to figure out what someone wants. You know, if you’re really confused, you could just ask.”

“I’m not going to ask. No. This is important—if I show any kind of weakness, who’s to say he won’t just try and take advantage?”

“Then you have your answer. One way or another, you’re going to have to do something.”

“And if I don’t?”

“Then you’ll never know. Especially if he’s trying to be nice.”

“I wish there was another way,” Austin sighs. “I hate having to confront someone about the past. Brings up bad blood.”

“Well, you have my number now. Text me. I’m interested to see where this goes,” the man says, wiggling his eyebrows.

“Of course you are.”

***

HE’S HYPING HIMSELF up, as always. He pulls on a pair of jeans and a black shirt, scrutinizing himself in the mirror. Do I look too sloppy? He’s not looking to impress Leo by any means, but he doesn’t want to ruin his chances with anyone else at the bar. If he needs to, he thinks he could always use the out of going home with someone else. Not that he thinks he’ll need to.

He’s not sure what his plan is. Part of him knows he should be upfront with Leo. Tell him exactly what you think. He rehearses lines in his head. “What exactly do you want?” It’s too direct, he thinks, so he tries to come up with something else. “I’m not sure I can trust you after what you did.” Better, he thinks, but still too much. He almost hopes that Leo brings it up just so he doesn’t have to worry about it.

His phone rings as he’s waiting for his ride, not wanting to take the chance on driving if he ends up drinking too much. He answers the call, forgetting to look at the ID before picking up.

“Hello?”

“Hey. It’s Leo. I—”

He reacts instinctively, jerking the phone away and hanging up. He stares at the screen, panicked, and thinks, Why the hell did I just do that? He throws his hands up in the empty apartment, looking around as if he’ll get support from some invisible friend. Nothing happens.

The phone rings again. He answers it, palms sweaty, walking down to his waiting ride.

“You okay?” Leo sounds half amused and half worried.

“Bad connection,” Austin says automatically, glad that it comes out sounding believable. “How do you have my number?”

“I’m using Katie’s phone. She’s driving. I—we just wanted to let you know that we’re on our way,” Leo fumbles.

Austin notices the slip. He’s not sure whether it’s because Leo is used to the context of being his boyfriend or if it’s betraying his intentions to make nice. He gets into the car waiting for him downstairs, nodding at the driver and buckling himself in.

“Yeah, me too. I might get there after you all.”

“Do you—I can—I mean, we can order something for you. If you want. So you don’t have to wait when you get there.”

“I’ll be fine,” Austin says, feeling his stomach flip a little. Leo seems more nervous than Austin’s ever really heard him. It’s...endearing, despite his reservations. “Thanks, though.”

“Okay. Um, see you soon.”

“Yup. Bye.”

He spends most of the ride thinking about the call. It was only a few seconds, he tells himself, you can’t really tell how he was feeling. It does nothing to stop him from replaying the few words they exchanged in his head, trying to pick them apart as if they’ll tell him something he doesn’t know. He knows it’s stupid—there’s no way he can tell what Leo is really thinking or what he wants. All he can do is wait and see.

Or you could ask him. Except he doesn’t want to. Part of him knows that if he even tries to be nice, it’ll only be a sign of weakness. A signal that he wasn’t hurt, or that maybe he’s ready to forget. He isn’t.

When he gets to the bar, he finds the table in quick order. Leo, Katie, Lina, and Rowan are already sitting together with a few drinks between them. The music in the bar is low, barely audible above the chatter of people. Austin tugs at his jacket, hoping he doesn’t get too sweaty in the crowded space.

“Hey!” Lina calls, excited.

“Hey, guys. Been here long?”

“Not at all,” Leo says quickly. “Do you want me to order something—”

“No, I’ll go,” Austin says, caught off guard, “it’s fine. The bar isn’t packed.”

“I’ll come,” Leo says, sliding out of the booth.

Rowan casts Austin an amused glance, tipping back a glass of something golden. Lina mouths good luck and Austin immediately knows he can’t trust her anymore. At least not with anything involving Leo. He makes his way to the bar, antsy and uncomfortable. They stand at the counter for a few minutes, waiting, and Austin can feel Leo glancing at him every five seconds.

“So—” Leo starts, sudden and loud, just as the bartender arrives.

“What can I get you?”

“Uh, Jack and Coke,” Austin says, the first thing that comes to mind spilling out of his mouth.

“Whatever craft is the house favorite,” Leo supplies, smiling. The silence returns, tense and hesitant.

This isn’t what I had planned, Austin thinks, staring at the row of bottles on the bar. He can’t bring himself to speak. Some part of him is still hoping that Leo will make the move, coming clean in a rush of words. He knows it’s unlikely, though, so he chews on his bottom lip and tries to come up with an opener.

“I didn’t expect you to come. You didn’t drink much in college.”

“Ah, nope,” Leo says, nervous. “I do like being around people, though. Friends. I may nurse the same drink the whole night, but at least I’m out and about.”

Austin nods, racking his brain for something else to say. How do I casually bring up our relationship? Our five-year-old, failed relationship? He’s still trying to come up with something when Leo ventures to speak up again.

“I’m sorry.”

“Really?” Austin asks, thoroughly unimpressed. He can feel his irritation mount. That’s all he has to say? After what he did? His desire to talk evaporates, replaced by a dry anger.

“That’s not—I mean, that’s not all I want to say, but yes. I am sorry,” Leo insists, turning to face him. “I know that’s not enough but I have to say it. I’m sorry that I messed up. Pretty spectacularly, actually. I’d never done that before.”

“You’d never cheated? And you think that makes me feel better?” Austin is incredulous. He can barely believe what he’s hearing. It’s like a record of all the worst answers he could possibly hear, played in his ears to the tune of a busy bar.

I guess this is the one thing I didn’t count on, he thinks. Leo being an asshole who doesn’t feel bad for what he did was not on his list. I guess it is now, he thinks, irritated. He looks back towards the bartender, fingers tapping against the counter. Suddenly all he wants is to go home.

“It doesn’t have to make you feel better. I just need you to know. I had a bad track record because people assumed I was a playboy. They came looking for something and when I realized that and didn’t deliver, I backed out. I couldn’t keep someone around just to waste their time.”

“You’re trying to blame everyone you’ve dated for your commitment issues,” Austin says, incredulous. Why did I give him a chance? Alan was so wrong. “How was it their fault that you said yes? Or played along?”

“No—no, I’m not blaming them. I didn’t know what I wanted in college, but I knew that none of the people I dated were right. Except—”

“Except for me? Spare me,” Austin growls, lowering his voice when the bartender sends him a scrutinizing look as he passes their drinks over. “Everything you’re saying has been said a thousand different ways by serial cheaters. People who are emotionally manipulative.”

“Then how do I prove to you I’m not one of them?”

He looks determined. Leo curls his hand around his glass, serious, watching Austin’s face. Suddenly, Austin isn’t so sure. The small doubts in the corners of his mind slink forward, reminding him of everything Alan had said. Everything he’s already wondered. Maybe he just wants to make it right. It’s a chance just like the one he took when he started dating Leo—except now, he’s more aware than ever of the potential for heartbreak. For getting hurt.

“What do you want?” he finally asks, the words leaving his mouth in a relieving rush.

Leo nods, a tiny spark of hope lighting in his eyes. “I want to make this...not right, I know I could never do that—but I want to start something new. I’d like you to get to know me, now that I know myself. I don’t want you to hate me for who I was before.”

Austin knows he has no obligation to agree. He has no reason to. In reality, he’d be justified to walk away and never look back again. He has half a mind to do just that.

But he still feels something. He’s never been able to stop—Leo was his first relationship as a young adult and he’d been so damn happy. Things had been good for four blissful weeks after months of build up. It had felt like the explosion of a firework after it trails through the sky, except it never ended. When it had, he’d been angry and tempted to forgive immediately, not wanting to lose the stability he’d gained through their relationship. He had given Leo up, though, breaking it off with the knowledge that he deserved better in a partner. So is he that better, now?

“Okay,” Austin finally says, watching a tiny flicker of hope enter Leo’s eyes. “I can accept you trying to prove you’re a better person. But I’m not considering you a friend yet. That’s going to take time—more than it took the last time.”

“I can do that,” Leo grins, his entire face lighting up with joy. The look alone is enough to make Austin hope that he really has changed.

They walk back to the table, drinks in hand, and Lina is smiling at them. Austin feels a little guilty for his judgment of her, even if he doesn’t appreciate her meddling. He tries to be a little nicer to her, telling himself she probably just wanted them to clear things up because she’s a good person.

“Can you believe Dean let the company pick up two projects?” Katie is asking, sipping from something mixed and red.

“Yes,” Rowan says drily. “He’s always wanted to. He has an eye for indie games that get big. I think he wants to establish the company as the indie producer.”

“That would defeat the purpose, right?” Leo asks, grinning over his beer.

“Well. That’s what he wants.”

“I’m sure he’ll get there. He seems determined.”

“Determined is one word for it,” Lina laughs. “But he’s a good boss. How have you been handling the workload, Austin?”

“It’s good so far. I’m not overwhelmed. It’s nice to have something stable in my life. A job with regular hours and such.”

“You’re a creature of habit, then?”

“I guess. I just like having something regular in my life. Everything else can change around it.”

“It probably speaks to your maturity,” Leo says, avoiding eye contact in an attempt to make it less personal. “People who can commit to something regularly are dependable.”

“Well, that’s why he was hired,” Rowan says.

Austin bites back a smile. He can feel his walls shifting, a small bit of relaxation entering his body. He leans back against the booth cushion, feeling more at home than he did before. Without Leo hanging over his shoulder, motivations unknown, he feels infinitely more in control. He’s set the tone for their relationship, and if Leo breaks their understanding, he won’t have any trouble turning away and never looking back.

It's amazing what a little bit of communication will do, he thinks, feeling a million times more comfortable. He doesn’t have to worry anymore. At least now, he has a place to start from.

“So, Leo, why voice acting?” Katie asks, interrupting his thoughts. “Other than the obvious.”

“I like acting. When I do voice acting, I can make faces and look like a total idiot without people judging me.”

“No one’s ever judged you in your entire life,” Rowan snorts. “You’re too attractive.”

“No, see—that’s exactly what I’m talking about!” Leo exclaims, suddenly energetic. “I’m not saying I don’t have obvious benefits from being conventionally handsome, I’m saying people make assumptions that aren’t really true.”

“Like what?”

“I’m dirt poor,” Leo says bluntly.

Austin leans in, abandoning his drink. What? If there’s one thing Leo had been adamant about in college, it was making sure he looked nice. That he paid for an equal amount of dinners, movies, and dates. He was always strict about having a job, even if it was part-time.

“How broke are you, really?” Austin asks, suspicious.

“I have less than rent in my bank account,” Leo says concentrating a little too hard on his beer as he brings the glass to his mouth. He’s nervous, Austin realizes. “This job was really a godsend. You know, people assume that I have money, and then they assume that I’m just being an ass when I’m stingy. Then they assume I’m a bad person and selfish for not helping people out when they think I actually could.”

“That’s shitty. Well, I’m glad the job worked out,” Katie says, glancing sideways at Lina, smiling nervously.

“Me, too. So, how long have you been working at the studio, Rowan?”

He shifts the conversation quickly, clearly aware of the shaky ground they’re on. Austin appreciates Leo’s attempts, considering him as he listens to Rowan talk about his experience in the company. Maybe he’s not such a bad guy anymore. He definitely seems more humble—at least a little. Not that he’d been stuck-up before. It just seems like now his concerns are more real. Relatable.

They spend their first hour talking, laughing about the broken water filter in the coffee lounge and how it had taken Rowan spitting out his mouthful of water to get it fixed. Leo seems at home, genuinely relaxed, and interested in everyone around him. Austin finds himself feeling more and more at ease. Suddenly, he’s no longer the new guy at work. Everyone is comfortable and welcoming, helping the conversation carry along as the three veterans try to incorporate the newcomers in their midst.

They’re getting more to drink when Austin sees him come in the bar. A familiar face, and a slap to the face. Some remote part of him wonders if karma has decided to throw his past in his face all at once. He doesn’t appreciate it. He can barely handle Leo’s appearance, much less what he sees before him.

He thinks it’s appropriate that Damian shows up right when Austin has decided to give Leo a chance. The man is just another reminder of why Austin had left Leo in the first place. A friend of Leo’s from a class, unassuming and previously unimportant. His sudden entrance into Austin’s life had been explosive and heartbreaking. I can’t believe it’s him, he thinks.

Somehow, of course, Damian slides up to the bar. He sits right next to Austin, who’s waiting for his drink. Please don’t notice me, Austin prays, keeping his body turned away as much as possible without turning his back on the other man. The last thing he needs is more drama brought up from his ghostly past.

“Austin? Key?”

He pretends not to hear Damian the first time. He thinks he can get away with it, between the music and the chatter in the bar. Hurry up with that drink, he thinks, thinking of moving further down the bar. Unfortunately, Damian is determined. He reaches out, carefully tapping Austin’s shoulder.

“Oh—hi,” Austin says, plastering a fake smile on his face.

“I knew it was you,” Damian grins. “It’s been years, hasn’t it? What was the last class we had together? Something about writing, I think.”

Yeah, Austin thinks. Scriptwriting, the semester after Leo cheated on me with you. He doesn’t say it, instead trying to plan his escape. He hopes his drink gets to him soon.

“Probably. Um, how have you been?”

“Great. Great, how have you been? On your way to becoming a famous video game...something?”

“Animator,” Austin says, not bothering to explain it’s more than just that. He finally gets his drink, sighing in relief. He’s prepared to bow out gracefully, lifting his glass as if in a salute. “I’m working with a good company.”

“That’s great,” Damian says. He hasn’t changed much, Austin notices. The same dark hair, tattoos, and beaten leather jacket. He has moody written all over him.

I can’t believe this is who Leo decided to cheat on me with.

“Do you want to order something?” Leo suddenly says, leaning close from Austin’s other side. Oh, great. He doesn’t seem to notice Damian, still smiling and focusing on Austin. He is, unfortunately, completely oblivious.

“Is that Leo,” Damian exclaims, eyebrows raised into his hairline. “At a bar? I can’t believe you two are still together after how many years—”

“We’re not—” Leo starts, glancing at Damian with something akin to panic. His expression is purely worried.

At least he’s denying it, Austin thinks, taking some small comfort in Leo’s attempt to clear up the misconception. It adds another drop to the scale in the man’s favor. Austin is grateful but doesn’t think it matters. Damian is plowing on anyway, just as talkative and chatty as Austin remembers.

“Wow. So, you both stayed, huh? I just got back myself. Thought it would be good to come home for a while. You all living by the school or in the city somewhere?”

“By the school,” Austin says, trying to finish the conversation as quickly as possible. He turns to Leo, trying to communicate his desperation with a hard stare. I can’t believe I’m looking to him for help. “Why don’t we ask the others what they want?”

“Of course,” Leo says quickly, picking up on the cue. “Why don’t we—”

“Oh, a group party?” Damian exclaims, eyes lighting. “Do you mind if I join you? My friend dipped out on me.”

It’s the worst possible scenario. The absolute worst. Austin struggles to find an answer quickly enough. He pauses, thinking. Why should I care? He isn’t interested in being with Leo, he tells himself, so being around Damian shouldn’t be a problem. Besides, he thinks, Damian wasn’t in a relationship when he had sex with Leo. He didn’t even know about Austin, if what Austin’s friends in college found out for him was true. Damian isn’t a problem. He feels a tiny bit guilty for immediately pushing blame onto him. He’s not the person to blame. Besides, it was years ago. You have to let it go. He recognizes, despite his reservations, that there’s no chance of moving forward if he doesn’t accept things have changed. That they’ve changed as people. I’m never going to be able to move on in life if I can’t either forgive them or forget them. He resolves to figure out which he’s going to do.

“I don’t think—” Leo starts, taking the initiative to speak for Austin. He appreciates the move, adding it to his list of positives before he speaks.

“Sure. They shouldn’t mind.”

Leo looks confused for a second before Austin shoots him a look, leading the way back to the table.  He isn’t sure this is the right choice to make but he tells himself it’s not a problem. We’re all adults here. Adults with the ability to drop grudges and judge people for who they are rather than who they’ve been. He counts himself as a good judge of character—at least a little—so he’s confident in figuring out whether or not Damian’s a good guy. Anyway, if he’s nice, maybe I can complain about Leo to him. He smiles, imagining some bizarre exes’ club. Leo’s exes.

They reach the table, which is already awash with chatter, and Leo slides in ahead of Austin.

“Who’s this?” Katie asks, cheeks flushed from laughing or alcohol.

“Damian. We...had a class together, in college,” Austin fumbles, suddenly very conscious of the fact that he’s at a table with his ex and the stereotypical ‘other woman.’ I’m going to need something stronger to drink. He’s one slip away from exposing the entire sordid story.

What a piece of gossip, he thinks. He can only imagine the office getting ahold of the information. He could never live it down.

“Was your school full of models?” Lina asks, disbelieving. Rowan snorts.

Austin isn’t sure how to respond. He settles for nervous laughter, aware that he’s packed into a booth between Damian and Leo. Lina, Katie, and Rowan are all sitting across the way. He’s pretty sure his chances of escaping at any given moment are slim. Stronger drinks, he repeats, and more of them. The temperature rises a notch and he takes a swig of his drink, hoping it’ll help cool him off. There’s no way he can handle being at the bar for much longer.

He’s not sure why he put himself in this situation. He tells himself it’s good; he’s been hanging onto the pain of his breakup for too long and this is the perfect way to get over it. Being friends with Leo will reaffirm just how much he doesn’t want to get back with the man. And Damian...well, maybe he’ll be a terrible person and then Austin will feel even more justified in his anger. Or maybe he’ll be nice and Austin can commiserate with him about what a shitty guy Leo is. Either way, he stands to win—closure or a good friend.

“So, did all three of you go to school together, then?” Rowan asks, raising his eyebrows as he drinks.

“Kind of,” Damian says, leaning back in his seat, one knee bending up as he puts his foot on the edge of the booth cushion. Austin wants to hate him for it, but he can’t bring himself to be that petty. “I transferred in my junior year.”

I didn’t know that. He frowns to himself. That would mean that he was new to campus when he had the fling with Leo. He probably didn’t know about me, then, he realizes. It gives him the tiniest bit of relief. He realizes part of him doesn’t want Damian to be a bad guy. If Leo left me for a jerk, I’d have a hard time forgiving him and loving myself. If Damian’s nice, though...well. It just speaks to Leo’s bad decision-making skills.

“What was your major?”

“Eh...it was business,” Damian frowns, “but I liked English more. I technically took enough courses to double major.”

“Why’d you do business, then?”

“It was practical,” Damian rolls his eyes, “and it made my father happy. Or, I thought it did. I was such a stupid kid. I made self-loathing into a subconscious hobby. It was not cute.”

Austin has the sudden, shocking realization that he can’t hate Damian. He’s not a bad person. He may seem chatty and oversharing but he’s not mean-spirited. In fact, Austin suspects his old leather jacket is more of a hand-me-down than a conscious decision. Even his long, black hair is genetics. Austin feels a little judgmental for immediately disliking him.

He decides to try and be nicer to the man. Maybe I’ll even connect with him later, he thinks. A traded phone number isn’t bad, he reasons, especially if it’s an old classmate. He’s always willing to connect.

“Do you write now?” Austin asks, trying to feel the man out more, genuinely curious.

“When I have time,” Damian says, shrugging, “but these days I’m just working. What about the rest of you? You’re all...”

“Work friends,” Lina says. “Rowan and I are animators. Katie’s the receptionist. Austin’s an animator, of course, and Leo does voice acting for our current project.”

“Wow. I’m in such cultured presence,” Damian jokes, laughing as he tips back his drink. It’s humorous without being snide. A relaxed, self-aware joke.

“I’m gonna grab a drink,” Austin says, taking his chance. He’s suddenly glad he drinks so slowly. “I’ll be right back.”

Damian slides out of the booth to let him go and then five steps into his walk, Austin realizes the man is following him. He looks back, confused, but Damian just smiles innocently at him. This could be interesting, Austin thinks, waiting.

“I just wanted to talk,” Damian says as they stand at the now-crowded bar. Austin has to lean in close to hear the man talk. “You and Leo...um. I don’t want to seem like I’m barging in, or stepping on toes. I just think I should let you know.”

He almost says, we’re not together. Almost. Except he’s curious what Damian wants to say. He considers his options, glancing over his shoulder casually, noticing Rowan taking up Leo’s attention.

“Let me know about what?” Austin asks, nervous. He doesn’t have to pretend to be interested.

“Did he...ever tell you? About me?” Damian glances away, discomfort clear.

“What about you?” He prods, giving as little as possible even as he hopes to get more back. Tell me.

“Your senior year. He told me you had an argument. After, I mean. Um—shit. I’m not telling this right...”

“You talked about me?”

“Look, I didn’t know, and I felt like shit later. When he mentioned your name and said you’d fought, I thought you were just roommates. I didn’t realize you were together until someone told me,” Damian explains, chewing on his bottom lip.

“What do you mean, you felt like shit later?”

“He...ran into me at the bar by campus. We just kind of went back to my dorm together. I didn’t realize he was cheating on you. Or anyone.”

“He picked you up at the bar?” Austin asks, feeling his anger flare again. He barely drinks. Or at least, that’s what he told me. He distinctly remembers Leo going on about his hate for the place by campus, complaining about their subpar food and dirty bathrooms.

It’s not an upscale place, Austin had laughed at the time. What do you expect? It’s right by the college. Leo had grumbled, going on about the evils of alcohol and getting drunk and making Austin promise to put him on speed dial just in case. Let me know when you go out with friends. I’ll pick you up if you ever need it.

He wonders now if it was just a ploy to control him. Was he just going out, picking people up at bars? He feels like he doesn’t know anything anymore. For all he knows, Leo was never going to club meetings or the gym or anything else. For all he knows, Leo spent half his time at bars picking up strangers.

“I mean, I don’t know if he was looking for me. Or anyone. I just know he was at the bar and he seemed...laid back. I didn’t even consider he might’ve been dating someone.”

“It wasn’t your fault,” Austin says, jaw clenching reflexively. He taps his empty glass with one finger, glancing over his shoulder.

Suddenly, all he can see is Leo as he was before. Confident, shining, always the center of attention. Sprawling over all the available space in a room as if he owned it. Maybe Leo is more conscious of his surroundings now; maybe he has changed. All Austin can think, though, is that old habits die hard. And some people will do anything to get one over on an ex that dumped them.

Once again, he feels himself drawing back. This is just another stone on the pile, weighing against his back like a boulder. He’s breaking under the load.

It would be so much easier to start something new. Find someone without complications. Without the history that Leo carries; without the emotional baggage and old scars. Someone who hasn’t inflicted pain in the raw way that Leo had.

“Thanks for telling me,” Austin says, nodding, feeling very sober. Too sober to be here anymore. “Um, I—I think I’ll probably slip out. Will you tell them I got a call from my roommate? They should understand.”

“...sure,” Damian says, looking slightly distressed and guilty. Poor guy thinks he’s ruined my night. “I’m sorry—”

“No, it’s fine,” Austin says quickly. “I just made a stupid decision, coming here in the first place. Thanks. Bye.”

He manages to get outside easily, walking to a convenience store down the street before getting a ride home. As he waits, he stares at the refrigerated cases of shitty beer and wine. He reflexively grabs something, feeling tired and defeated, and pays for it before going outside to meet his ride.

He spends the entire trip telling himself, I told you so.