Lust to Love

Blurb

It’s FORBIDDEN! They know it’s a risk. But, do they have a choice?

Child abuse from her dad brought Prudence Evans to the child help centre. But now she’s all grown up and it’s time for her to leave. But, deep inside her heart, she doesn’t want to say goodbye to the one and only man in the world she trusts.

Logan Bankers works for the child help centre and is seen as a playboy but he prefers to keep his work and personal life separate. His strenuous job hardly gives him time for anything more than a fling. That is only until Prudence walks under his care.

When this connection starts to develop deep feelings, they both know they would end up losing everything.

But, it might be just worth it as long as they can have each other!

Chapter One – Logan

I slug back the remainder of my drink, already needing another one. I’m going to need much more booze if I’m going to wash this week off me, and I really feel like I need to. It hasn’t exactly been a great one, I’ve had a lot of harrowing stuff to deal with. I suppose that’s what I get for working in a child help center, the work is as challenging as it is rewarding, but sometimes it really gets me down. I want to remain happy and upbeat, but that isn’t always possible.

“Hey, handsome,” a pretty red head comments while flicking her hair over her shoulder in a seductive manner. I like her immediately but she isn’t one for messing around. She’s making her intentions clear from the offset. “What’s a good-looking guy like you doing drinking alone?”

She leans forwards to give me a glimpse of her more than ample cleavage which is enough to bring a smile to my face. This is how I like to forget, by burying myself in drink and women. It’s the only release I get from my stressful existence. The fact that this woman wants me is utterly perfect, it saves me from having to go out on the chase myself. I’m too tired for that really.

“Oh, you know, I’m just waiting for someone suitably exciting to grab my attention.” I wave my hand up to grab the attention of the bartender. As soon as he sees me, he’s by my side in an instant, waiting for my order. “And it seems that you’re here, so what would you like to drink?”

“Oh, I don’t know.” She perches that sexy ass of hers on the bar stool next to me and flutters her eyelashes flirtily. “A cocktail sounds great please. Whatever you recommend.”

I don’t drink cocktails, I’m a whiskey man myself, so I don’t know what any of them taste like. However, I do know the names of the most popular ones, the ones with the most suggestive names so I go for one of them to amp up the sexual tension that’s already flowing nicely between us both. “Ooh, I don’t know, are you more of a Sex on the Beach girl, or a Slippery Nipple?”

She giggles and squirms which makes me mentally fist bump in the air. An elation that wasn’t there before fills my chest and my extremely challenging week dissolves into nothingness. I’m so glad I can forget, even for a minute. “I think I might fancy a Slippery Nipple right now. Thank you.”

“And I’ll have the same again.” I give the man my glass and turn to face the lady once more. Giving her a bright smile, I ask her my next question. “So, what’s your name then, beautiful?”

“Anita,” she chuckles and shrugs in a false coy manner. “What’s yours?”

“Liam,” I lie, just as I always do to women who I don’t intend to spend any real time with. Keeping the details vague is the safest way. “And what is it that you do for a living?”

“I’m a model, actually.” I can see that, she has the right figure for it. “And you?”

“A lawyer.” There’s no way I’m going to admit to her that I work with children who’ve suffered various levels of abuse. It’s too heavy for a first meeting and it always leads to questions that I simply cannot answer. I find lawyer a good answer because it’s impressive, but too boring to ask too much about. Also, it suggests that I have much more money than I actually do.

“Ah I see. That’s pretty awesome.” She nods slowly and purses her lips out. “That sounds really interesting. You must meet lots of fascinating people on your journey.”

“Oh, not that many as you do. Being a model must be awesome. Tell me about it.”

Anita drones on for a while, keenly telling me all about her escapades as a model so far – that admittedly seem to be mostly about bitchy girls competing with one another – while we drink our drinks. I nod and laugh in all the right places, showing a keen level of interest that isn’t really there. We both know what we really want to do but for a while now, we need to just talk. It’s the socially acceptable thing to do, we both know that. But soon, it’s coming. I know that…

Eventually after two more drinks I can tell that Anita feels happier with her decision to hang out with me tonight. I’m making her laugh, I’m listening to her, we seem to have a few things in common even if they aren’t exactly real, it’s all good. So, when she hops off her stool and she holds out her hand to me, I know that finally it’s about to pay off.

“Do you want to come… into the bathroom with me?” she whispers seductively into my ear, not fucking around. “I would invite you back to mine, but…” She leaves that sentence hanging in the air, and I don’t bother to push her on it. Maybe she has a boyfriend or a husband, or perhaps just a whole range of housemates, either way it doesn’t really matter. This is better for me anyway.

“Yeah sounds good,” I reply eagerly. “Do you want to go first and I follow, or…”

“No, let’s just go together.” Her cheeky grin makes me want to laugh. She’s just wonderful.

I let Anita drag me along into the toilets at the bar. There are a couple of women in there at first, but she doesn’t seem to care. She pounces on me and kisses me hard and fast as if we’re the only two people in the world. It feels weird doing so with people watching us, but they soon freak out more and scatter, which gives me the freedom to lift Anita up until her legs are wrapped around my waist. Then we slam into a cubicle and I lock the door rapidly behind us.

I’m rock hard now, ready for action. I don’t want to be interrupted.

“We better be quick,” Anita hisses at me. “They might get security in here in a moment.”

My trousers are down in a second, my boxers too. My impressive erection makes her eyes open wide with shock and appreciation, and she gasps with happiness. She peels up her skirt and slides her lacy underwear down. She picks it up and balls her panties in her fist before stuffing them into her bag. She truly is ready for me which is exactly what I freaking need.

“Turn around,” I growl while I grip hold of myself. “Press your hands up against the stall wall.”

She does as I ask and peers over her shoulder to watch me as I move closer to her. I barely keep my eyes fixed upon hers as I roll a condom down over me and I tease her entrance. She rolls her ass backwards, pressing herself into me, gasping and groaning as she does. She wants me bad and she isn’t afraid to show me. The fact that she’s so confident in her sexuality makes my heart slam violently against my rib cage. I lick my lips, trying to keep the salivation inside. I’m already so freaking close to the edge of desire, it’s insane. I need this more than this woman knows. This is the kind of exciting release that makes my week so much more worthwhile.

“You are so fucking hot,” I moan as I push into her, filling her up. She feels so good wrapped around me, all tight and wet and excitable for me. “Oh fuck, Annie.”

“Anita.” She rolls her head back and lets her hair spill down her back as pleasure grips her. She clenches which feels absolutely fucking incredible. “My name is Anita.”

I called her by the wrong name on purpose because I need her to know this isn’t ever going to become anything more than tonight, which is probably overkill with Anita. She doesn’t seem like the sort of person who’s going to become a bunny boiler, stalker type. I just have to be sure.

I grip onto her hair and slam into her harder, banging her hips into the bathroom stall as desire consumes me. Judging by the frantic, ragged breaths that fall out of Anita’s mouth, she really fucking likes this which only allows me to continue. I grunt and yell as the bliss gets the better of me and I explode hard and fast inside of her. It’s too fast, I know it. Anita isn’t nearly there yet, but that’s okay. I’m not going to just use her, I want her to enjoy this just as much as me.

Once I’m finished, I yank myself off of her and I peel the condom off. She spins around to face me with a slightly disappointed look on her face, but that falls away as soon as I drop to my knees in front of her and I toss her skirt over my head. Her glistening slit is waiting for me, and since she’s already so turned on from the fucking it doesn’t take much encouragement for her knees to fall apart.

“Oh fuck, Liam,” she gasps as my mouth finds her swollen clit. “Oh shit.”

She lifts up a leg and presses one foot against the wall which allows me even more access to her pulsating pussy. I use the opportunity to slide a couple of fingers into her too, massaging and exploring her insides as she writhes and bucks above me, the orgasm already building.

Eventually I hear footsteps, people are finally coming into the bathroom. These might be the people who just happen to be stumbling by or the security that me and Anita fear. Either way, we need to be so much quicker. I don’t care if I’m thrown out of here, I’ve been banned from places before, but I don’t want to get Anita in trouble just because she’s having some fun. Clearly, she needs to blow off some steam as well, she doesn’t deserve to be punished for that.

Luckily, just before I really begin to worry, Anita’s grip on my hair becomes so tight I know what’s happening. She stifles a moan, struggling to keep all her pleasure inside as she shudders violently into my mouth. It hurts, but not in a bad way, and to be honest I’m glad. We’ve both had our fun now. Now we can both leave this bar fully sated.

As I pull my mouth off of her, Anita gives me a cheeky wink. “I’ll leave first,” she whispers. “You come out when it’s silent. I’ll be waiting for you at the bar.”

I know this move, I’ve used it a hundred times. She won’t be at the bar waiting for me, she’ll have moved on already, but that’s alright by me. I might head to another bar anyway, or maybe I’ll even go back to my apartment to sleep this hangover off before it becomes unbearable. I used to be able to recover from a Friday night of drinking right away the following morning, but now it takes me a couple of days. I suppose that’s just a sign of getting older. Something I can’t do anything about. I’ll have to rest all Saturday, get my chores done Sunday, then back to routine from Monday.

“Yep, okay. See you in a bit,” I reply, not giving up the rouse. “And just for the record, that was absolutely awesome.”

Anita squeezes my hand for just a moment and give me a happy nod. “Yes, it was. See you soon.”

With that, the flash of red hair is gone from my life just as quickly as it came in. As she goes I feel a little bit hollow and I don’t know why. I love my life, this is what I do, I don’t know why I’d suddenly feel all strange about that.

Urgh, I need to go home. This is just madness.

Chapter Two – Prudence

I hop from foot to foot feeling uncomfortable as I wait outside Mr. Banker’s office for yet another Monday morning therapist appointment. I know I should be more comfortable in this building now, it’s been my home for almost five years, but I don’t think I’ll ever feel fully at home here. It’ll never really be my family, I guess that’s something I’ll never have, and I’m always aware of that. I’m simply Prudence Evans, the girl that no one will ever want.

I was brought into this strange new world of the child help center on my thirteenth birthday after my father lost his temper so badly that I ended up in the hospital. Of course, being here is better than that, I wouldn’t ever want to put myself in the firing line of danger again, but it still isn’t home.

I haven’t had a home since my mother died when I was eight years old. She got Cancer, which of course I didn’t fully understand at the time. I just knew that she wasn’t well and she was in the hospital a lot, but it didn’t register that she was going to be gone forever. I don’t think I even really got it when my dad told me that she was going to Heaven and I wouldn’t see her again. That’s too much for any young child to drink in… but at the time I was glad that I had him. My mother might have been gone, but I wasn’t alone because I had my dad in my life. I felt like I was lucky.

Before he started drinking, he was the best dad in the world, but I suppose the grief got too much for him. He couldn’t handle it so he turned to booze. The alcohol changed him completely, he became a shell of his former self. He could no longer parent me, or even be a human. He couldn’t keep his temper in check, and what started off as yelling quickly became physical abuse.

I knew it was wrong, right away I could tell that him hitting me wasn’t great. That’s why I spent so much time hiding it from the odd friend I had at school, the teachers, any other adults that I came into contact with. I probably should’ve told someone sooner, to protect myself, but I was so scared of being alone. Since Dad was all I had, I didn’t know there was another way to live.

Until four days before my thirteenth birthday when he punched me so hard my nose broke and he had no choice but to take me to the hospital. The pain was agonizing, I haven’t ever felt anything like it. I honestly thought that I was going to die. I thought my own dad had killed me…

And then, to make it a million times worse, the life that I’d always known was ripped away from me and I was brought here. To the child help center, where I have a warm bed, food in my stomach at every single meal, safe adults to talk to all the time. It’s so much better, but I’m still not comfortable. I’m still hyper aware that I’m still very much on my own.

These therapy sessions are useful in a way, they’ve helped me to get over some of my issues and now I understand myself and my life so much better, but I still don’t really like them. I guess I’ve spent a long old time fearing men after the way that my father treated me, and being alone in a one on one session with Mr. Banker is hard. He’s a very nice man and always incredibly gentle in his treatment towards me, he’s probably the person that I get on best within this whole place and I include the other children in that, but still I get nervous before I see him.

My heart thumps painfully in my chest, I’m a little shaky in my seat, my brain flies at a million miles an hour. I do wish I had some friends here to talk to but I’ve always kept myself isolated from everyone else. I guess some of the other kids tried to make friends with me in the beginning, but I was so freaked out about the uprooting of my life that I didn’t want to speak with anyone. I never had many friends anyway, only one or two in school, so it didn’t feel like that much of an issue.

Actually, the only time I’m really worried about it is now, and that’s because my eighteenth birthday is looming. Officially I’ll be an adult then, I’ll be allowed to go out into the world on my own. Sometimes I really want that, I cannot wait to escape this madness, but other times the idea of leaving my safety blanket and going out into something new and scary terrifies the living crap out of me. I know that I’ve been sheltered from a lot of real life and I don’t know how I’ll take it when I’m completely flooded by it all. Maybe it’ll be exciting, but maybe it’ll be horrifying. I don’t know.

Finally, after what feels like forever, the door to Mr. Banker’s office swings open, which drags me kicking and screaming from my internal panicked thoughts, and reminds me why I’m here.

“Hey there, Pru.” I love the way he always calls me by my little nickname that he created for me when I first arrived here. He doesn’t do that with any of the other kids as far as I’m aware which makes me feel special. “How are you today? Are you ready to come in and talk to me?”

No, my brain screams. I don’t want to go anywhere with you! I want to be safe.

But I don’t vocalize any of those thoughts because I know that’s just silly, irrational fears. Mr. Banker is a good man. He won’t ever hurt me. He hasn’t hurt me in five years so he won’t now.

“Yes.” I stand up and brush my skirt down. “I’m ready to come in.”

Mr. Banker rubs a hand through his dark hair and he gives me a crinkly eyed smile. I do enjoy his green, warm eyes, they’re so inviting and it makes talking so much easier. As he extends an arm into his room his muscles bulge under his suit jacket. I never noticed it when I was only young, but the older I get the more I can see that he’s a very handsome man. He must have women throwing themselves at him all the damn time. I wish I could ask him, to learn more about him, but this isn’t a two-way street. Our chats are always all about me, it’s my safe space to talk about my emotions.

I take my usual seat, tucking my knee length, pleated skirt underneath my butt as I sit. My high neck vest covers me right up and I have a small shrug on that covers the parts of my arms that would have been on show. I see a lot of fashion magazines with models dressed in skimpy, revealing clothes, but I don’t know how that would ever suit me. I don’t know what my body is really like, I haven’t experienced enough of the real world to know. Maybe when I’m out of here, I’ll learn.

“So, Pru, how have things been? I know it’s only been a few days since I last saw you, but it feels like forever, doesn’t it?” He smiles at me, warming my heart, but at the moment the nerves are still circling through me. “What’s been going on? Did anything happen over the weekend?”

“N… no,” I stammer as a heat fills my cheeks. I know I’ll get into the swing of talking eventually, but it takes me a little while. “Nothing happened, it was boring. I just read.”

“Did you read anything nice? Are you still reading Little Women?”

This is how it always is with Mr. Banker. He’s so interested in everything I say. It’s nice to have someone who likes to listen and remembers everything I say, but sometimes it reminds me of how boring I really am. I don’t do anything, I just keep myself to myself.

“No, I finished that one.” I’m okay when I’m talking about stuff that I like, it brings out a slightly more confident version of myself. I think that’s why we always start with discussing literature. It eases me in. “I started reading Wuthering Heights again though on Saturday.”

He smiles to himself and I know what he’s thinking. He’s probably wondering why I’m so obsessed with novels with a lot of romance in them when it’s something I don’t have any experience in, but for me that’s the reason. I want to know everything about it, I want some knowledge. I even found an erotic romance once that I started to read to give me some more information on that area, but I found it too scary. I had to stop. I still have the book, but I don’t know when I’ll get to it.

“I see, well that’s wonderful news. I know how much you love that one. Are you enjoying it again?” He peers intensely at me, waiting for my response. “Or are you bored now?”

“No, no, I like it.” I nod slowly. “It’s always amazing. That’s why I always read it.”

Mr. Banker pauses for a moment and he taps the pen on the edge of his clipboard while he thinks. I don’t think he ever bothers to write notes about me anymore, I’m pretty sure he hasn’t done in a very long time. I think it’s all for show now. He just wants to remain the professional at all times.

“You can talk about the real stuff if you want to,” I tell him while kicking my feet idly along the floor. I can’t look at Mr. Banker as I say these words because it makes me so uncomfortable, but we can’t just do the small talk thing. It’s a waste of time if we do. “I don’t mind.”

“What do you want to talk about?” he asks me curiously. “Is there anything specific that’s troubling you? Do you want to talk about the past again, or are you more concerned with the future right now? I’m here for you so I’m happy to talk about whatever you want.”

I snap my eyes up at him in shock, usually he’s very controlling of the direction he wants the talk to go in which is fine by me. I think I need that. I need someone to push me when it gets really hard or I’ll just go quiet. I wonder why he’s doing this for me now?

Maybe it’s because I’m leaving soon and he’s giving me a little bit of a chance to blossom. It’s terrifying to be in the driver’s seat, I don’t know what to do with the control. Do I want to hash over things with my father and his violence again before I’m set free and I can’t talk about it again? Do I want to talk about how scared I am that he’ll be out of prison eventually and I might have to face him, or do I want to talk about what’s coming next?

“I… I don’t know,” I confess as I wring my fingers together. “I don’t know what I want to talk about really, there’s just so much.” Mr. Banker doesn’t pressure me, he sits silently while he waits for me to work things out myself. I sift through my brain, trying to work out what’s troubling me right now. There are so many things, so many worries, so much trouble, but there is one thing that’s worse. “I guess I’d like to discuss the future and how I’m going to deal with that.”

Chapter Three – Logan

Seeing Pru is always a little strange, but today more than ever and I’m not totally sure why. I guess because her time at the center is coming to an end and it’s making me feel nostalgic. The girl who she was when she first came here nearly five years ago is nothing compared to who she is now. She was shy, quiet, afraid, nothing more than a little girl. Now, she’s slowly blossoming into a beautiful young woman. As her curves and womanlier figure have come in, so has some confidence. I’m sure she doesn’t see it that way herself but I see real progress.

She flicks a strand of her very pale blonde over her shoulder and she lets it dangle down her back. Until very recently her hair was incredibly long, but more recently she had it chopped into a bob style and it makes her look so much older. It brings out her bright, sparkling blue eyes and her high cheekbones. I part my lips to tell her that but I stop myself at the last moment. That’s probably not the best thing to say. I don’t ever have to reel myself in with anyone but Pru.

“It’s going to be strange when you’ve gone,” I say instead. “It’ll be quieter.”

“Quieter?” She giggles and leans forward, flashing her teeth at me. It always takes her a little while to relax but once she doesn’t take long to relax and when she does she’s a whole lot of fun. “But I’m the quietest person here. It’ll be quieter when Leah leaves. She’s so loud.”

“Urgh, tell me about it.” I roll my eyes dramatically. “It’ll be dead silent when she’s gone, but I still think I’m going to miss you so much more. Losing you will lose a presence, you know?”

She blushes brightly but doesn’t reply. I suppose she doesn’t know what to say to that, which is fair enough. It wasn’t the most sensible thing to say. It could easily be misconstrued.

“I don’t know about that. I think I’m going to miss this place more than it misses me.”

I pause thoughtfully and watch her expression change. I know this is going to be hard for her, I’m more aware than most how challenging the big wide world will be, but it’s something she’s going to have to face eventually. I don’t think putting her off and making her wait will help. She doesn’t have to leave the center until she’s eighteen, she could probably stay until she was twenty-one years old if she wants to, but I don’t think it’ll be helpful. The sooner Pru gets out of this bubble and she experiences the big wide world, the better. She needs to get adjusted.

Actually, I do think she’s ready too. I think she can do it, she just needs confidence.

“We will all miss you,” I insist. “But you can always come back and visit. The doors will always be open for you. You don’t have to leave and never come back, you know?”

“Yeah, I know,” she sighs sadly. “I do know that, but at the same time it’s a bit scary.”

“Oh of course it is.” Her hand dangles over the edge of the chair and I want to take it to comfort her, but I don’t. “You haven’t been out of this place much in the last five years, during which time you’ve grown and changed dramatically. Of course, it’s going to be scary, but exciting too, right?”

She shrugs and purses out her lips. “I don’t know, I suppose so.”

I’m so used to spending time with the girl now, I think during our time shared in this room I’ve built up a bigger connection with her than I have done with any of the others because she needed so much work, and also because she’s been one of the most willing to try out things I’ve asked her to do so. Because of all that I’m not really ready for her to leave, but since this isn’t about me at all, I need to do what I can to help her. I wish I could do something to make this transition easier.

“What are you most afraid of?” I ask her curiously. “Is there something specific troubling you?”

Her shoulders ball up around her ears which is a sign that she’s uncomfortable. I hate making her feel that way when she’s so shy as it is, but sometimes I don’t have a choice. I need to push her out of her shell to get something real from her. Her emotions are hard to penetrate.

“I don’t know, all of it.” She peers up at me under her eyelashes. “Getting an apartment, living alone, having a job and paying for stuff, doing normal things, then people too.”

Ah, I can sense that we’re getting into the root of the problem here! Of course it’s people, she doesn’t do too well with others. She’s so closed off that it might put people off of her. They might not see her as someone worth their time and effort to get to know.

“Friends?” I ask while pretending to write something down. “Is that what you mean?”

“Friends, coworkers, people on the street, people who work in shops, you know… other things.”

I’m sure here she means boyfriends and connections with men but I cannot start that conversation without her instigating it fully. Not when I already feel like I can’t totally trust my own words. I’m so afraid of overstepping that mark that I chose to say nothing at all.

“This is stuff that everyone has to navigate when they get into the real world, however they get there. Even the most street wise of people struggle to adjust to living alone, paying bills, and work. That’s a very natural fear, and it’s also something that’s very easily overcome by doing it.”

“But most people have been to a normal school,” she replies quietly. “They’ve been around various different people having these experiences all this time. I haven’t exactly had a normal teenage life. Or life before that, if I’m totally honest with you. That scares me.”

The fact that she’s admitted that aloud is huge. Her words make my heart race in my chest because it’s something of a break through. “I know you haven’t,” I answer her in the calmest tone of voice that I can manage. “But most people don’t have a totally normal childhood. I think that you assume everyone else has had a smooth life, but they haven’t. Yes, you’ve been educated here where you can be protected, but that doesn’t mean you’ve missed out.”

As I say those words I think about my own childhood and I know that I’m lying. I had a very rambunctious fun time at school, hooking up, partying, having lots of fun. Yes, I learned lots too, but most of my learning came from my social life. I can see better why Pru is so worried when I think of it like that. My heart goes out to her as I realize there isn’t much I can do to bring the past few years back for her. Her asshole father who beat her up and put her in the hospital took that all away from her and there isn’t any getting it back. It’s horrible to think of how she is stuck now.

“I guess I just don’t know if I’m ready,” Pru sighs. As she fiddles with her fingers I wish I could read her mind to see what she’s panicking about. “I want to be ready because I don’t want to end up stuck here in a rut because of fear, but I don’t know if I am. How do you think I can tell that I am?”

“I suppose you could so some research. I don’t often like to tell people to start researching online because it can be a real nightmare, but I think maybe you should. If you look up jobs and apartments in the area and ways to plan out your budget, you might feel much more prepared. I know that it won’t give you advice on everything, but it’s a start. If you get more versed in the practical side of things then maybe the rest of it won’t be so daunting. You can focus on it more.”

Pru chews down on her bottom lip as she considers my words and she nods. “Yeah, okay. Maybe you’re right. I don’t ever spend much time online because it’s hard to get the tablets off the other kids but I’ll do what I can. Maybe if they realize I’m going, it’ll be easier.”

I don’t know if she’s right. Some of the kids have reacted to their personal trauma by becoming louder and obnoxious. I don’t blame them, that’s probably the way that I’d be if I went through some of the things that they have, but the children like Pru get swallowed up in all of that.

“That’s a good idea and I might even put out a request that you get the tablet for research reasons. If I make the demand then maybe it’ll be listened to.” I let out a little chuckle and shake my head. “Although I don’t think Leah will listen much to me either.”

“Thank you.” I hope the flush in Pru’s cheeks now is more because of happiness and a sense of confidence than embarrassment. “That’s great, it means a lot to me.”

I hold her gaze for a moment, swimming in the blueness of her eyes. I’m struck, like I often am by her beauty. She holds a prettiness that I haven’t seen in other women before. I’ve found them attractive and obviously sexy, but Pru is different. There’s an aura around her that’s unique.

“Right, well I suppose I better get on. I know you’re a busy man.” Pru pushes herself into a standing position and straightens her skirt down her long legs. “But thank you as always, and I’ll see you next week? Same time on Monday? Is that right, I haven’t checked the schedule yet?”

“Actually, I think I’d like to see you again this week.” If she’s going soon I want to spend as much time with her as possible. “I have a free space on Friday if that’s okay with you?”

“What time?” I don’t know if I imagine it, but her eyes seem to light up.

“Four PM? Just before I leave for the weekend?” She nods eagerly, her hair bouncing up and down as she does. I love seeing her lovely happy face, it makes me smile. “Great. See you then.”

“Bye, Pru. You take care of yourself, okay?”

“I will,” she almost whispers. “And you.”

When she swishes out my office and she shuts the door behind her, I lean back in my chair and think for a few moments. There has to be some way I can help her, something I can do. I feel like it’s my duty to do this for Pru. I’ve seen her journey this far, and I don’t want to leave her all alone now.

Maybe I shouldn’t be thinking this way, maybe I’ve done what I need to do and I have to let her go, but I don’t think I can do this. Is this something I can ask any of my work colleagues about or will they think it’s me getting too close? I don’t want to be seen as someone weird…

Urgh, this is idiotic. I shake my head. What am I worrying for? Pru will be fine.

I imagine her tackling the world well, becoming a strong and confident career woman with a husband and children, and I know that she can have that if she wants it. It’ll be weird to think of her surviving in the world without my help, but I suppose that’ll happen eventually.

I’ll just have to keep working here and helping out other kids. It’ll be fine.

Chapter Four – Prudence

I wander through the hallway in a bit of a daze all the way back to my bedroom. Well, not my room, the shared dorm room, but all the way to my bed at least. Kids and noise fill the whole place but I don’t really hear any of it because my head is all over the place. How can I think about what others are playing and doing when I have so much else on my mind? Mr. Banker has given me a whole lot to think about, and my mind is soaking it all the way in.

He believes in me, he thinks I can have a good life, he has confidence in me when I don’t have any in myself. His words make me think that he sees me having a great job, at least a few friends, and maybe even a relationship. We didn’t discuss anything to do with romance and love, but I feel like the undertones were there. I wanted to talk about it, but I couldn’t quite get the words out so I hope that Mr. Banker understood where I was getting at. How can I even think about having a boyfriend when I haven’t even had my first kiss? At almost eighteen years old I know it’s a bit tragic, but how can I have any experience in here? It’s a bit like a prison in a way.

Once my body is resting on the sheets below me, I allow my eyes to slide close and I try to envision how I want my perfect life to look. I’ve been doing this a lot recently as I try to get myself used to moving on. I guess that I hope visualization will help me to achieve all my goals.

At first I see myself wandering around in a wonderful apartment that looks over the New York City skyline, the sort of sleek place that I see a lot on TV and in movies. I know that’s unaffordable, I haven’t been left any money to get me started when I leave here like some of the other children, but I’d rather plan for the best because otherwise I’ll freak myself out. I see myself with nice furniture, art hanging on the walls, awesome stuff filling my apartment, things I don’t really need, I just have for the sake of it.

Then I see myself going to work in some standard office where I do some generic job. Maybe I should have better ambitions than that, but I’m not concerned with what I do with my future career. I just want to live well, comfortably, I just want a job that keeps me happy. I do okay in schooling, but not well enough to aim too high. I missed out on too much when I was younger to catch up now. I see myself working with nice girls who want to be my friends, who gossip with me, who actually like me for who I am. I bask in their friendships, enjoying the way they make me feel.

The girls who are my fantasy friends take me out dancing in night clubs. Of course, I don’t really know what any of these really look like, so again that’s only something I can judge from what I’ve seen in the media. There are glamorous, exciting places filled with beautiful men and women who are drinking and having fun. In this part of my day dream, I’m dressed in a skimpy red dress that actually looks amazing on me. It gives me a cleavage that I don’t have in real life, and long legs that don’t have any trouble walking in high heels. I look like a fashion model which is awesome…

I would love that to be my life. I would love to walk out of here and wander into this fantastic life where I have the great job, the awesome friends, the nice home, but I suppose it’s unrealistic. This is why Mr. Banker is right, I need to take his advice and do some serious research into the practical reality of what it’ll be like. If I can arrange some job interviews and apartment viewings then it’ll be a great start. If I can work out where I’m going to need money for bills so I can see how much I’ll have to earn to make it work, then that’s a start. A real move in the right direction.

“Yo, Prudence,” Leah’s course voice calls across the room. “You been with Banker?”

We never talk, not really, she only involves me in her chat if it’s something that she wants to inadvertently discuss with the whole room. I don’t much like her and her brash way of life, but at the same time I’m really jealous of her. She has confidence rolling off her in waves, she’s the sort of person who won’t have any trouble out there in the real world. She’s only fourteen years of age at the moment, so she’s got a while before she can go, but I guess she would do better than me.

“Yeah,” I sigh quietly as I reply. “I’ve just got out from my appointment now.”

“He’s fit, isn’t he?” Of course, I knew there had to be something she wants to bellow out across the room. “Like, smoking hot. There are so many things that I would love to do to him.”

I squeeze my eyes shut and I try to block out her words. I really don’t need reminding of how insecure and inexperienced I am in that area. Leah is one of those who spends her whole life on the tablets and she’s always telling us how she’s broken through the firewalls and found sexual things. She shows pornography to the others, but I never ever want to see it. That’s something I’m just going to have to find out on my own, in my own time, if that moment ever arrives.

“What would you do?” someone yells back, I don’t want to see who. “Go on, Leah.”

“Oh, I would do all sorts of things to his cock, he wouldn’t even know what’s coming…”

I can’t stand it, I don’t want to hear any of it so I turn on my side to attempt to block it out a bit. Why does she have to be so crude when it comes to Mr. Banker? She couldn’t do any of those things anyway, she’s much too young. He probably has real women who want him anyway.

“His name is Logan, anyway,” Leah continues, popping some chewing gum as she speaks. “The fact that I asked him his real name and he told me shows that he wants me.”

Logan… I never thought to ask him what his real name is before. It just didn’t occur to me. Logan Banker. Somehow knowing that sends a powerful shiver up and down my spine.

Once upon a time, Logan Banker was nothing more than an adult who I had to talk to about stuff, but the older I am and the more hormones that kick in, the more I feel a pull towards him. When I’m waiting to see him, I get that familiar anxiety I get around any man, but once I’ve been speaking to him for a while and I can relax a bit, I get butterflies in the pit of my stomach and a strange thrill between my legs. I like him, and I think I like him more than I should do.

I don’t think it’s like Leah’s discussing either, I don’t think my feelings are a deep, sexual thing. I can’t imagine him putting things anywhere like that, I just like him. I want him to wrap his arms around me, I want him to hug me, to kiss me… my feelings are more romantic. I want him to be like my boyfriend, like the men in the romance novels I love so much.

All of a sudden, my fantasy life stretches out in my mind and I start to include Logan Banker in it. He becomes my husband, we both have matching wedding rings on, and he kisses me tenderly. My entire body buzzes with electricity as I think about it, I almost wish that I was alone so I could enjoy this thought in peace. I don’t know what I’d do with it, but I don’t like Leah’s brash tones in the background. She’s interrupting what should be a really nice thought.

Urgh, if only I could be with Mr. Banker, how much easier would that be? I know him well, he’s nice to me, I actually feel comfortable around him, and I’m attracted to him too. It’d be perfect. If only he wasn’t my therapist and I met him in a different way. Maybe I’m a bit too young for him, but I’m sure I could make him fall for me anyway… or not, since I’m a girl who no one wants.

“So, what about you?” Leah calls so loudly, I’m sure it has to be at me. “You’ve got the best shot with Logey boy, after me of course, so what would you do to him, Prudence?”

I huff before I turn back. I’ve tried ignoring Leah before and it never turns out well. She seems to take silence as a challenge that she has to break in whatever way she can. She’s relentless, I’m sure her behavior isn’t normal, but then again, I suppose none of us act in the right way. We just don’t know how. I don’t know what happened in Leah’s life, but if it’s anything like mine then I get it.

“What do you mean, Leah?” I ask her, playing dumb. “The best chance at what?”

“Well, Mr. Banker likes you, doesn’t he?” She offers me a one shouldered shrug as if her words are obvious. “If he was going to pick any of us for you know what, it’d be me or you, right?”

Urgh, she’s exhausting. I almost want to roll my eyes dramatically at her but I know that’ll just spark more questions than answers. “Mr. Banker isn’t going to pick me or you. Don’t be ridiculous.”

Leah laughs nastily at me. “Oh, my God, perfect Prudence. How can you be so dull? Maybe he wouldn’t, but it’s fun to think about that, right? Unless you’re too much of a prude.”

This time everyone laughs at me because of Leah’s stupid joke. Yes. Prudence the prude, so very funny. It’s way worse because it’s probably the truth. Maybe I am a prude because I’m so closed off.

“I don’t think about it with him because it’s stupid.” I swing my legs off the bed ready to make my escape. This is why privacy will be amazing. I haven’t had it for such a long time. “It’s never going to happen so what’s the point of thinking about it?”

“I don’t know, because it’s fun?” Leah sneers as her eyes run up and down my body looking unimpressed. “God, you suck. How the fuck are you going to cope when you’re out there in the real world? How will you survive when some guy wants to have sex with you… if that ever happens?”

I don’t bother to answer Leah, instead I race from the room into the bathroom where I can at least lock myself away for a while. Tears sting my eyes, I can feel them about to fall down my cheeks, but I hold them back until I’m fully by myself,

I’m going to have to get stronger some way or another if I’m going to survive out there. Emotionally, physically, in every way possible. The world could be full of bitches like Leah, I need to work out how I’m going to deal with all of it.

This is going to take so much more than looking up things online, and I only have a few more weeks to do this. Where the hell am I going to start?

Chapter Five – Logan

“Oh, my goodness, Mr. Banker, you really are incredible,” Pru whispers as she shimmies closer to me. Her pleated skirt that doesn’t really fit her sways sexily around her hips making my mouth salivate. “Your words of wisdom always make me feel so much better about myself.”

Her hand falls on my shoulder and she stares intently into my eyes. There’s something very different about her today, she doesn’t look like the shy girl who struggles with life anymore, she’s like a confident woman who knows exactly what she wants… and right now, what she wants is me.

What am I doing? I think desperately to myself as my tongue swells lustfully. I can’t do this… not in my office at work. But where else do I see her? How am I supposed to resist?

“Thank you, Pru,” I say in a hollow tone of voice. I need to at least attempt to remain professional or I’ll end up completely falling apart. “I’m glad I can help.”

“There’s something else you can help me with,” she whispers so her breath tickles and wets my ear. “There’s one thing I don’t know how to do yet and I’m going to need it to survive.”

My brain spins, I start to see all kinds of terribly wonderful things in my mind. I know I can’t act upon them but that doesn’t mean the ideas aren’t there. I think they’ve been forming for a while, I’ve just been too scared to acknowledge them. I like Pru a lot. Her beauty astounds me. Maybe too much.

“What’s that?” I ask with my eyes closed. I already feel like I know where this is headed, but hearing it will be a million times worse. I’m way out of control here, it’s not a place I like to be. I think I prefer the quieter version of Pru because I know how to handle her. Right now, she’s handling me and I don’t think she’s being very delicate with me at all! She’s treating me like a fantasy.

“I need you to show me how to please a man. I want to know everything.”

She steps back and slides her skirt down while licking her lips at the same time. The black lacy underwear that barely covers her has my pulse racing like crazy. It’s hammering against my rib cage, threatening to burst free at any moment. That only gets worse as she slides down her cardigan and she gently peels her vest top over her head. I can see her rock-hard nipples bursting through her bra, begging me to take them in my mouth and hot damn I want to so bad.

This is wrong, I remind myself desperately. So, so wrong. This simply cannot happen.

My fingers itch to reach out and touch the soft skin of her hips. All I want to do is brush my hands against her, but I can’t. I slide them under my legs just to fix them in place. Pru’s hands reach up and she runs them through her hair with a blissful expression across her face. I melt inside, she’s the most innocent, stunning woman I’ve ever seen, and all I want to do is corrupt her. I must be an asshole.

“Please, Mr. Banker,” Pru begs while sliding one hand over her breast. She lingers there for a moment, clutching onto herself as desire grips her. Her other hand goes all the way down into the waistband of her underwear. “Show me what to do. I don’t know what to do. I need to be taught.”

Fuck, if I don’t do this, then some other asshole will. A boy who doesn’t know what he’s really doing and will only treat her like shit. I suppose this way I can at least ensure that she knows what to do and she knows how to get her own pleasure. That’ll make her life a whole lot easier.

“Pru, I really shouldn’t,” I warn, but I can already feel my resolve weakening. “You know that.”

“But doesn’t that make it that much more exciting?”

I don’t know what happens, I completely lose my shit. The next thing I know we’re making out like there’s no tomorrow. Her arms are around my waist and mine are gripping onto the back of her bra as I attempt to pull her breasts free. I’m only fucking human, a red-blooded male who has certain needs. If someone so gorgeous comes after me like this I cannot resist.

“Oh, Pru.” The material of her bra flutters to the ground, which makes my cock stiffen harder than it’s ever done before. “You have no fucking idea what you’re doing to me.”

She falls to her knees with her breasts swinging free and she stares up at me, giving me the sexiest, most innocent look I’ve ever seen in my entire life. I almost cum right there and then all over her face which would be terrible. If I’m in this, then I need to be all in. I can’t just explode all over her in the most demeaning way possible. What sort of lesson would I be teaching her then?

“Please, Mr. Banker. Tell me what to do. I want to know how to please you with my mouth.”

My eyes fall shut as a groan falls past my lips. What the hell is she doing to me? Driving me to utter distraction, that’s what. She fiddles with my zipper, brushing against my cock too many times for me to get my head on straight and put an end to this. I want this too much to stop now.

“Oh wow.” As my erection bursts free, she gushes in happy shock. “Mr. Banker, you’re so big.”

“You don’t know that,” I tease playfully, unable to resist flirting with her even if I completely disagree with my own behavior. “If this is the first one you’ve seen.”

But she ignores my teasing and rubs her hand up and down my length slowly instead. Her fascinated eyes are fixed upon me as she does. She looks impressed, which only turns me on even more. “Does this feel good?” she asks. “Do you like that?”

Her soft, delicate hands feel incredible, I feel like I might die from the bliss at any given moment. “Yes, fuck,” I moan. “That feels so fucking good. You have no idea.”

Usually I like it a whole lot faster, but with Pru it only matters that she’s touching me. Her hand on my cock, it’s too much. I’m already shuddering so violently that I might explode. Then she leans closer, breathing all over me making me even harder. Her lips are so tantalizingly close…

“What do I do now?” she gasps breathlessly. “Do I just open my mouth and put you in?”

Oh God, it’s too much, I can’t handle it. I can’t talk so I just nod instead, hoping that’s enough. She does as I command, surrounding my bulging erection with her hot, wet mouth, which is the most phenomenal sensation in the world. If this feels so incredible I wonder what it’ll be like to fuck her.

Although with Pru, I don’t know how much of it will be fucking or if it’ll be more like making love. She’s different, I know that, but still I’m not sure. Maybe it’ll be somewhere in between.

Pru bobs her head up and down, and she takes me inside in a way that feels far too expert for someone who supposedly doesn’t know what she’s doing. Her tongue flickers everywhere, like she wants to lick me all over because she likes the taste of me too much and it drives my wild. I fist my hands up into her hair, I toss my head back, I become a slave to Pru’s amazing mouth.

I need to give her the same pleasure too, I want her to know how good it can feel to be with a man who knows what he’s doing but right now I can’t take Pru off me. She feels so good and I’m fine with being selfish. I haven’t ever had a blow job from someone quite so keen.

“You… you need to stop,” I stammer through a thick lump in my throat. I can barely breathe; these words are damn near impossible. “I’m going to cum in your mouth if you don’t.”

“Did that feel bad?” Pru asks as she takes her mouth off of me. “Did I do it wrong?”

“Oh God no.” My eyes are filled with a thick heavy desire as I yank Pru onto my lap. “I just want to feel you, that’s all. You’ve driven me so wild that I need to be inside you.”

This is her first time, I’m certain of it, but I don’t hang around to see how she feels about it. I’m too fucking wound up for that. Instead I drive my way into her, surrounding my soaking cock with her very excitable slit. As she fits around me like a glove, I butt my face into her hair to inhale her wonderful citrusy scent. And I take this very wrong, taboo thing as far as it can go and I actually have sex with Pru. That thought circles me the entire time, I can’t totally let go and just enjoy having sex because there’s a big part of me that knows I’m wrong. This isn’t how we should behave.

Sweat trickles down her body, bringing my attention back to her breasts. I want to lean forward, to take one of those shiny nipples into my mouth but I can’t. There’s something distracting me, grabbing onto my focus. I want to give every scrap of myself over to Pru, but I can’t and I’m pretty sure it’s because I feel bad. It’s like an itch on my ear drum, a fly buzzing around me that I can’t see to swat. It’s very irritating and soon it manifests itself in another way entirely.

“What’s that?” I ask Pru as a loud ringing sound flies into my brain. It’d obnoxiously loud, distracting me for absolutely everything, including Pru’s beauty. “That bleeping?”

“I don’t hear anything.” She barely pays any attention to me as she rides me in a way that feels incredible. I never want this amazing feeling to end. “I can’t hear any bleeping at all.”

But I can, and it’s troubling me, almost to the point where I’m forced to stop. I need to work out the source, to see if it’s something that I’ve caused by being like this. Maybe it’s my conscience…

“Huh? What?”

I bolt upright in bed, my heart hammering against my chest. My forehead is thick with sweat and I feel trembling and achy all over. I know that I’ve done something wrong, but it’s taking me a moment of brain wracking to work out what exactly.

I wasn’t alone… I was with Pru… oh my God, we were having sex.

Luckily, as I grab onto my rock-hard cock I remember that none of what happened then was real. I just had a dream about having sex with Pru, that’s all. That’s okay, just my subconscious playing up that’s all. Nothing to worry about, that’s for sure. It doesn’t even mean anything, it’s just my brain being dumb. It’s probably just because she’s leaving the center soon and going out into the real world. I have a connection with her, I’m worried about her, that’s all. I certainly don’t need to start worrying and dissecting my dream.

Despite all of that I know I can’t sleep again, so I push myself off the bed and I wander into the kitchen to grab myself a drink of ice cold water. Maybe if I have a moment, I can forget all about that crazy hot, ridiculous dream, and I can go back to normal. I can forget that ever happened, because real or not, it’s had an effect on me…

Chapter Six – Prudence

My heart skips about ten beats the moment I sit down for breakfast to notice that there’s an extra presence in the room this morning. All the kids in the center always eat together, and there’s always staff around too, but Logan Banker isn’t very often one of them. The fact that he is today has me unnerved. I feel all crazed and out of place as I stare at him like a mad person. I can’t even reel myself in to act normally. The fact that I’ve been awake thinking of him all night long and now he’s here is almost too much to bear. I reach down to pinch my arm, just to check I’m not dreaming.

Nope, there’s pain. I’m definitely awake. What the hell does this mean?

“Ooh, looks like lover boy is here,” Leah hisses in a not too subtle manner. “For you, I bet.”

I blush brightly, I can feel my entire body heat up. The only good thing about Leah’s comment is that it drags my eyes off of Mr. Banker for a moment. I can’t even begin to look at him with the idea that he might be here for me racing through my brain. Realistically I know that he isn’t why he’s here but due to lack of sleep and the confusing feelings I have for this man, it’s hard to be normal.

With a deep breath, I move to take my seat, feeling glad that I’m actually dressed. Very occasionally I’ll come to eat in my pajamas like the rest of the children, just because it makes it easier when I’m tired but since I didn’t sleep at all, I got up early and I dressed myself quickly.

I grab a bowl of cereal and I pull it in front of myself. Then I take a couple of bites from the bowl, looking at the slightly mushy food the entire time just so I don’t look up, but I can’t eat too much because nerves have it tasting like cardboard. Inside I’m a complete and utter mess.

What is he doing here? I ask myself desperately. What the hell is going on?

I thought that I’d be okay because I had until Friday before I’d have to see him again but clearly that was just a fantasy. For sure, I’m in a complete and utter mess here. My hands are even shaking. I’m a trembling ball of nerves who doesn’t know how to behave like a normal damn person.

Nosie breaks out around me, people chat and laugh loudly like they do every morning. I guess it’s lucky that I never usually join in because no one’s suspicious about my silence now. Everyone’s taking it as me behaving the same as always. No one even bothers to look my way, which I suppose is just fine. I don’t want anyone to pick up on how jumpy and weird I am.

But the only down side to the lack of communication is the fact that I’m acutely aware of the gravitational pull that’s coming from the other side of the table, which I know is where Mr. Banker is sitting. It’s as if I’m so much in tune with his body that I know all of his movements before he even makes them. Ant that is crazy, because I barely know him at all. He’s never really shared anything with me. How can I feel like I understand him when I had to hear his first name through Leah?

“Mr. Banker?” someone saying his name sharply grabs my attention and lifts my eyes from my bowl. “What is wrong with you today? You’re all jumpy like a bunny in headlights this morning.”

Almost as if he senses the magnet between us too, his eyes scan around to meet mine. When a slight pink tinges his cheeks, I feel an affinity with him. Is it possible that he’s feeling the same connection as I am. Is he jumpy because I’m here just like I am because of him?

No, of course that can’t be the case. He chose to be here… but why is he looking at me like that? It doesn’t make any real sense. I have to assume that something’s going on or it just means I’m going insane. It makes me want to get him alone, on my terms so I’m not afraid, and to just ask him.

“Oh sorry, I think I’m just a little bit tired,” he says with a shaky voice. “I don’t know what’s wrong really. I didn’t sleep well.” He holds up his coffee mug. “I guess I need more of these.”

Everyone laughs except me, because I can barely stand the tension in the room. It’s crushing my wind pipe, squeezing my lungs, making it very difficult for me to get any air into my body at all. Without really thinking about it, I scrape my chair back noisily causing everyone to spin around to look at me, and I race from the room quickly, avoiding looking at everyone, especially him. I need an escape, I need a break. Seeing Mr. Banker like that was a shock that I need to recover from.

I gasp desperately as soon as I reach the communal area and I collapse onto the couch there while I try and get my head in order. I have too much to worry about now. This isn’t it.

Stop thinking about Mr. Banker, I warn myself. Like, at all. He’ll be left behind soon when I start the next chapter of my life in just a couple of weeks. Just like all of this will.

It’s hard to keep remembering that I’ll be eighteen very soon. It’s hard to keep my eyes on the end goal. Maybe there’s a part of me that’s so afraid I keep shutting down. That’s why I’m developing dumb ass feelings for someone that I’ll never be able to have, just as a distraction.

Screw it. I grab one of the tablets while they’re sitting around with no one on them and I start my search into the real world. There’s no time like the present after all. It’s something I need to do so why not now. That’ll prove to Mr. Banker that I’m ready to finally get out there…

Only, after looking at three apartments, I feel a bit overwhelmed, and after searching through four pages of job listings, I start to get despondent. It all sounds a bit scary, like the life that someone else should have, not me. I mean, the idea of being a waitress is one thing, but can I actually do a public facing job where I’ll be expected to be confident and chatty every single day? And what is an admin assistant? I don’t know if that’s something I’ll be able to handle with ease, or something that will crush me under the uneducated weight of my brain. I want to know it all, but I don’t.

As for the thought of setting myself out a budget… well, that’s beyond my comprehension right now. The rent prices I examined looked extortionate, so much more than the admin assistant job pays, and the last thing I want is to figure out that I’m in a hopeless situation that I won’t be able to hack.

No, instead, my itchy fingers search for something else. Something that I used to look up all the time in the beginning, but that I’ve given up on during the last couple of years because it never led to anything new. But now that I’m about to head out there in the world, maybe it’s time to find out if there is an update again. I don’t want to know, but at the same time I really have to. It’s the smart and sensible thing to do, it’s the adult choice to look. Even if I feel sick doing so.

The web page loads at an agonizingly slow pace, making my heart race in my throat by the time the image reveals itself. I get myself so worked up that by the time I see it, it takes a while to sink in.

“Oh, my God,” I gasp, clapping my hand loudly across my mouth. “Holy fucking shit.”

The words swim, they don’t make any sense, but at the same time I know exactly what they’re trying to say. Instantly I feel lost, like I have no anchor anymore, like I’m floating horribly.

“Oh, I am sorry, Pru.” Mr. Banker’s voice cuts through the silence, striking me in the heart. “I didn’t want you to find out from the Internet. That’s why I came in early today, to tell you myself.”

“My dad.” I look up at him through tear stained eyes. “He’s dead? He died in prison?”

I know he’s done bad things, I understand that what he did to me was awful and it left me hospitalized as a child. I know if he hadn’t done that I would be in a much better place now. I also understand that I felt very scared of seeing him again and that fearing him has led me to fear all men, but the idea that he got sick and he died in a damp disgusting cell is a horrifying thought. He only turned bad because we lost my mom and he didn’t know how to grieve. He has a heart of gold and there’s a part of me that remembers a lot of the good times that came before.

Plus, he’s the only family I had left. Now that he’s gone I have nothing.

“He did. We got the call today. Pneumonia, I think, they’re still working out the details.”

Mr. Banker remains over the other side of the room, creating a chasm of distance between us. As tears fall hard and fast down my face I expect him to near me to assist me in my grief, but he doesn’t. I knew that something had changed between us, I could sense it the very first moment that I laid eyes on him this morning, but now I can really feel it. He can’t bear to be close to me. Maybe that’s because he feels weird around me, or maybe it’s because he wants me gone. I don’t know and to be quite frank I don’t really care anymore. This has taken precedence in my mind.

“What am I going to do?” I weep pathetically. “Now I don’t have anyone.”

Mr. Banker doesn’t give me his usual spiel about how I have a family at the center who will always be there for me, which suggests to me that for some reason I don’t anymore. I feel incredibly unwelcome. I need to get the hell away from here before he becomes a casualty of my grief and I end up saying something that I’ll definitely regret later on. That’s the last thing I need.

I stand, dropping the tablet on the couch, and I move to the door way to leave. Before I can fully make it out of the room, Mr. Banker grabs onto my arm as if it’s a last-minute decision and he holds me there. I freeze, staring up at him, desperately begging him for answers, silently of course.

“Sorry, Pru,” he says quietly to me, leaning in so there’s no chance of eavesdroppers overhearing his words. “I know this is hard for you. We’ll talk about it whenever you’re ready.”

There’s something deep in his eyes that I don’t quite know how to decipher, but it’s definitely a look that’s only for me to see. As I nod, I wonder if me and him have a secret, an in joke that we won’t share with anyone else. I kinda hope we do but there’s part of me that thinks I’m just desperately searching for something now. I need a connection more than ever because I’m completely alone, but that doesn’t mean there is one…

Chapter Seven – Logan

As soon as I crash through the door into my apartment, I let out a deep sigh of relief. Thank God, that day is over. The moment I got an Internet alert about Pru’s father dying in jail I knew it was going to be awful, but I didn’t realize quite how bad. I didn’t know how deeply my dream was going to affect me all day long, making it a challenge to even be near her. How the hell am I going to work with her if I can’t even be in the same room without freaking out?

I need a nice cool shower, I think that’s just about the only thing that’s going to keep me in check today. I drop my bag on the floor and make a beeline for the bathroom, ignoring any distractions along the way. I need to wash off the discomfort I felt all day long by simply being in the same building as Pru, I need to get rid of all these churned up confusing feelings, I just need to be clean. Right now, I feel like the dirtiest son of a bitch around.

I don’t wait, as soon as the water is running I strip down and leap into the shower, trying my hardest to relax as the jets pound off my muscles. I rest my palms flat up against the tiles on the wall and I slide my eyes closed. In an attempt to clear my mind, I think of nothing but darkness. I don’t let anything from the day seep in, but somehow it isn’t enough. Somehow her beautiful face still remains firmly there, taunting me, making me feel like a mad man, obsessed. What is it about this young beauty that drives me so wild? Is it just that she’s unattainable? Am I that into the taboo or scared of commitment that I can only really fixate on someone that can never be mine?

In some ways, it wouldn’t be impossible for me and her to have something of a normal relationship. She’s only eight years younger than me, which might be a big gap now, but will be nothing when we’re older. If I met her in another situation then maybe, but I didn’t, so I can’t.

I just need to get her out of my system, that’s all.

My hand slides down my body and I grab onto my cock which of course is hard as steel as I’m trying to imagine what life could be like with Pru. I know I’m an animal, it’s all totally fucked up of me, but as long as it only remains in my mind, that isn’t a problem, is it?

This time, as I tug myself off, I picture Pru sitting on the dining room table in my home with her legs spread wide for me and I’ve already removed her panties so all I need to do is dip my head down, inhale her sweet, untouched scent, and flick my tongue all over her. I want to give her pleasure, I want to make her feel as incredible as she did me… in my dream… while I fantasize about her. Urgh, what a mess. Still, right now as I harmlessly play with myself in the shower, it feels right.

“Oh, Mr. Banker,” she whispers as I cause her pussy to pulse and shudder. “That feels so good. You’re corrupting me, turning me into a sexual deviant. I might have to just stay with you.”

I suck her clit, playing with it between my teeth, trying not to think of the words my brain concocted. This is all just a sexual fantasy thing, there’s no point in complicating it by adding a silly amount of romance into the mix. Even imaginary Pru and me can’t be together.

A pressure builds in my chest as I picture Pru writhing and rolling her hips so my tongue slides into her. My cock trembles in my hands. I fist myself hard and fast, knowing this release is exactly what I need. Once I’ve got this moment of madness out of my mind, I can continue on as normal…

“Fucking hell,” I grunt as I cum everywhere, making a mess of the shower. “Fuck, Pru.”

Once I’m done, and my cock is limp in my hand, I pant hard and fast while I wait for my heart rate to calm down. Pru should be gone from my mind now, I can start making plans for the evening. I can order a take out and binge, watch some box set, or I can go out to eat in a bar where I might see someone else exciting enough to grab my eye for a while. Or maybe I can just have a drink and go over some paper work, get ahead of myself so I’m in a better position tomorrow. I have been distracted today after all, that would be the smart thing to do. Usually, that’s the path I’d take because even when I’m out screwing around and blowing off some steam, I do so once my work is complete. My job always, one hundred percent of the time, comes first.

But today, I can’t seem to get myself into the work mode, or into the idea of going out and having a good time actually, despite the fact that I’ve just… sorted myself out, I’m hard again.

“Fucking hell, Pru,” I mutter angrily to myself as I step out of the shower. That didn’t work so there’s no point in remaining. “What the hell are you doing to me?”

I’ve never been like this before, I feel like there’s a beast of passion inside of me that won’t be tamed however much I need it to be. I need something else to sate this madness, and I don’t think having some more me, myself, and my time will cut it.

I grab my cell phone, already hating myself for what I’m about to do, but knowing that if I don’t I’ll end up pacing up and down like a crazy person with insomnia. I don’t think I can go through another night of barely any sleep, and I also don’t know if I can succumb to more dreams like I experienced before either. I can’t keep thinking of Pru like that, it’s sending me deeper and deeper into madness. I need someone else to take my mind off her and I don’t have time to find a stranger.

Ring, ring… Ring, ring… Ring, ring…

I press the cell phone up to my ear and bite down on my bottom lip while I wait. Roxy lives three floors down and we occasionally call one another for a hook up. I don’t like to do so because she lives so close to me, I know it might get awkward, and I’m also afraid of too much sex leading to her wanting a relationship, but right now I don’t have much of a choice. Plus, I did hear a rumor that she might be moving home soon anyway, so that will solve everything.

“Hey there, Logan,” Roxy purrs as she answers. “I haven’t heard from you in a while.”

“You up?” I ask in a teasing tone, trying to mask my neediness. “You fancy a night cap?”

“Oh, you know me. I’m always up for a drink. Be right there.”

I grin with relief once I hang the phone up, glad that she’s being so compliant. I don’t bother to get dressed because I’ll be naked again in a moment, so I wander into the kitchen with the towel wrapped around my waist to pour Roxy a drink. Luckily, she drinks the same brand of whiskey as me when she’s here which keeps things very simple. I enjoy how easy she makes hooking up, if only it wasn’t so risky. This is something we could do all the time otherwise.

The erection underneath the towel might be for a different girl completely, but since she’ll never get to experience it, I can have some fun with someone else. If I simply focus on Roxy and her overt sexiness, then it’ll be easy to forget about Pru for the night, I’m sure of it.

Knock, knock.

“Oh, thank God,” I mutter as Roxy alerts me to her arrival. “Come in.”

I hear the clip clop of high heels which make their way through my apartment to join me in the kitchen. Once there, Roxy grabs her tumbler of drink from me and she knocks it back in one.

“I’m moving next week you know,” she tells me while slinging off her top. “So, this might well be our last hurrah unless we bump into one another in a bar somewhere.” She slides down her trousers with a cheeky smile. “Which is highly unlikely because we don’t ever drink in the same places, so I suppose we better make this a good one, shouldn’t we? This might very well be it.”

She grabs me and kisses me hard, trying to guide me towards the living room but that isn’t what I want today. I know what my heart desires and while it might be wrong, I also know that I need it.

“No, on the table,” I grunt to Roxy. “Sit up on the dining room table.”

Roxy’s body is a very different shape to Pru’s and she also has a different shade of blonde hair, but this is the closest thing I’ll get to making my shower fantasy come true. It’s wild and crazy, but I’m sure people think of all sorts of stuff and people while screwing. I can’t be the first, or the worst.

“Oh sure.” Roxy peels off her panties, slides off her bra and perches on the edge so I can access her easily. Her glistening slit is luring me in, begging me to live out my day dream inside of her. “Like this? Is this how you want me?” Then she slides off and bends over the table. “Or this?”

Oh fuck. “The second one,” I murmur while grabbing onto a condom that I keep in the drawer. “That’s much fucking better.” I don’t tell her why, but it’s better because I can easily imagine her as someone else this way. I can drive myself into her from behind, pretending that it’s Pru.

Not that Pru would ever behave this way I’m sure, she’s much too sweet and innocent.

I rest the flat palm of my hand on Roxy’s back while I drive into her. I bang her hard against the table, causing all sorts of excitable groans to fly out of her mouth. Once I’ve settled into a comfortable rhythm I reach around the front of her and I flick my finger over her clit, so Roxy can enjoy this as much as I am. She feels good around me, this is fine…

If I’m totally honest with myself, I don’t think this is as good as I thought it would be. I assumed that I’d forget and it would all be lots of fun, but if anything, having sex with Roxy is leaving me cold and a bit hollow. It’s enjoyable as the sex goes, but picturing her as Pru just makes me sad and now I’ve made it impossible to see her as anything else.

We both cum together and I feel deflated once it’s done. This little issue of mine isn’t going to be solved as easily as simply getting it out my system. I know she’ll be gone soon, but I’m beginning to doubt that even that will be enough. I hope I don’t end up as a sad lonely man who can’t get one person out my mind. That’ll just be awful.

“Well, amazing as always,” Roxy announces proudly. “It’s a shame I’m moving but I can’t stay for you.”

I smile thinly, agreeing with her sentiment but hating the way it reminds me again that I’m completely by myself. Fucking hell, what a mess.

Chapter Eight – Prudence

This is the right thing to do, I think anxiously to myself as I pace up and down in front of Mr. Banker’s door at five to four, impatiently waiting to go inside. This is the way to make it right.

I have honestly been trying my best, genuinely trying to work things out on my own but it isn’t enough. The more I figure out my practical plan, the more I realize that I need to just get out there. I’ve set up some appointments, now I just hope that he’ll agree to my plan. I don’t know if he will, I know that I’m taking a huge risk just by asking him – especially when I think about how weird things are between us – but I have to at least try. There isn’t anyone else I can come to with this.

A creak rings out, the door swings open, and my heart stops dead. Mr. Banker gives me a look that shows he doesn’t quite know how to act around me, before he indicates for me to come inside. I wonder if he’s being weird because my dad just died or because there’s a strange atmosphere hanging in the air between us. I could get sucked in and worried about this, but I’m not going to. This is far too important for me to get blind-sided by my own doubts. This is my future.

“So, Pru,” he says quietly as he takes he seat. “How have things been going?”

“I’ve been doing my homework.” I figure that starting with a positive note is the best way to go. “I’ve been doing a lot of research online and working stuff out. Budgets, apartments, jobs, all of that stuff, like you told me to do. And you were right, I do feel a little more prepared now, but…”

Just as I’m about to launch into the speech that I’ve been practicing all morning, Mr. Banker interrupts me. “Actually, first I wanted to check in to see how you’re doing with your father. I know that must be really hard for you, and I’m sure you’re in a place where you can’t talk about it.”

I hang my head low, blinking back the tears that threaten to come. That’s always there in my mind, circling through me and reminding me that I’m lonely, but I’ve made the conscious decision not to allow it to change things. My father and his choices and actions have controlled my life since I was eight years old when my mother died. Now, I’m the one in charge and I want to focus on that.

“I’m sad.” I half shrug and keep my eyes fixed downwards. “But I’m still going to continue on with my mission. I’m sure it’s what he would have wanted… I don’t know what else I can do.”

Mr. Banker lets out a sympathetic groan and he sighs. “Look, I know it might seem easier right now to push it to one side and forget about it while you’re about to go on this big life journey, but shoving your feelings down isn’t healthy. They’ll come back up eventually.”

I know that he’s right but still I don’t want to get into it. I came here with a mission and it’s one I need to complete. I think after all this time of being introspective has helped me to deal with things on my own. Yes, I’ve had someone to discuss things with from time to time, but most of it I’ve done alone. I’ll be fine, I know it. I nod slowly and smile the brightest one I can manage.

“Honestly, Mr. Banker, I’m okay. I know it’s weird to feel this way, but I suppose he’s been nothing more than a mythical creature somewhere off in the distance for the past five years. Yes, I feel a bit sad without him, but in a way, it’s freeing. This way, I can put my past behind me completely. A big part of me was always worried how things would be when he got out of prison anyway, and now that’s something I’ll never have to face. I won’t have to keep looking over my shoulder and wondering what it’ll be like when we meet. He’s gone, so it’s never going to happen.”

A hollow sensation fills my chest but I cough to cover it up. It’ll be fine, there’s a lot of truth to my words anyway. I won’t have to keep looking around me all the time.

“Right, yeah, okay. I suppose you’re right about that.” Mr. Banker nods. “Well, just know that I’m always going to be here for you if you want to talk. Even if you’re not here anymore. My door will always be open for you. If these feelings do resurface, just come and speak with me.”

“Thank you… that means a lot to me.” I well up again, but this time it’s because I’m so pleased to have met such an awesome person while being in here. It wouldn’t have been half as nice an experience if Mr. Banker wasn’t here. I would still be the shy girl who doesn’t even make eye contact with anyone. I suppose I have come far, even if it doesn’t always feel like it. “I will do.”

“Okay, great. So, would you rather talk about your plans you’ve been making?”

I breathe deeply, trying to regain the confidence I built up outside these office doors. “I would actually, and I think I have a plan about it. One that will help me more than the Internet.”

“Yeah?” Mr. Banker narrows his eyes at me. “Well that sounds positive. What’s that?”

“Well, as I was looking at apartments and jobs I felt a bit overwhelmed by it all, but that’s because I feel like maybe I need to see them in real life.” A cringe fills my chest, I don’t know how he’s going to react. “And I know I’m supposed to wait until after my birthday, but I really want to get out of here the moment I can – even more so now my father’s gone.” I feel a bit shit using that as an excuse, but I need to use all the tools I can at my disposal. “So, I set up some for… tomorrow.”

“Tomorrow?” Mr. Banker gushes in shock. “What do you mean, tomorrow? They aren’t going to let you out on your own while you aren’t yet eighteen to do stuff like that. I know you’re keen.”

“I am keen.” Shit he isn’t getting it. I’m going to have to spell it right out. I wanted to avoid this, but it seems I can’t. “Which is why I was thinking you could maybe come with me.”

“You want me.?” He gives me an incredulous look, which isn’t what want. “On a weekend?”

Ah, maybe I didn’t think this through after all. Maybe he has weekend plans, maybe he’s going to be with his girlfriend. This might be terribly inappropriate of me. All of a sudden I feel small and childish as I feel my big plan crumble all around me. I’m just so scared of being forced to get a job while still living in the center while I figure things out. I want to be gone, I’m so done now.

“Oh, I’m sorry, I suppose I didn’t think this through. I just got so carried away.” I shake my head as embarrassment curdles in my stomach. “I’ll call the apartment viewings and job interviews now.”

“You organized all of that since Tuesday?” Mr. Banker asks me, clearly very shocked. “I have to say, Pru, that’s very impressive. Especially for someone like you. I haven’t forgotten how scared and shy you were when you first came here. This is… well, it’s a very big step.”

I nod, but since I no longer trust myself to speak I don’t say anything. What started off as a very important meeting to me has become a pit of shame. I want to get out quick before I make things worse than they already are. I can’t have any sympathy from Mr. Banker, it’ll kill me.

“You know what?” he says while tapping his finger against his chin. “I’ll come with you. It might be hard to swing with the bosses of this place, but I’m sure that if I explain the entire story of you and your past they’ll come around. The fact that you’re doing something so positive for your future will look really good. I’m sure they’ll let me go with you.”

I stare into his eyes for a few moments, trying to work out exactly what’s going behind his gaze. “I don’t want to push you,” I tell him seriously, while pursing out my lips. “I don’t want to take away your weekend. I got so carried away with my plans that I didn’t think about how it would affect you. I’m sure you have plans anyway and I don’t want to get in the way of that.”

“No, I don’t have any plans.” I don’t know if I believe him, but Mr. Banker seems willing to give up whatever he’s planning for me, which is nice. “I want to do this for you.”

My heart soars in my chest. Not only am I getting out of here, I’m spending time with Mr. Banker too… my favorite person in the world. With him, I feel like I can take on anything. I feel like I can get my home and my job, I feel like I can get sorted. I just know it.

“I really appreciate it, Mr. Banker,” I tell him with a nod. “That’s so kind of you.”

“You know, if we’re going in the city together then I think you might have to call me Logan.” The way he grins at me makes my heart race at a million miles an hour. My tummy twists and churns with butterflies flapping all over. “Maybe not even just in the city. You are an adult now after all.”

An adult… I’m an adult. I like how that feels. It gives me a strong sense of control over myself, which is something I haven’t had in a very long time. I think I’m going to love being an adult.

“Okay then, Logan.” It feels really strange to say that. “Thank you, Logan.”

He pushes out his chair to stand up so I do the same. I know it’s time for me to leave but I don’t right away. I stare at him, feeling something monumental shift between us. Now this isn’t just a day out of the center with one of the adults while I figure my life out, this is me and Logan. I’m one of the adults too which makes me feel absolutely incredible.

“Okay, so I will come and pick you up in the morning then. How does eight AM sound?”

“Absolutely perfect,” I say breathily as my emotions run away with me. “That sounds wonderful. My first appointment is at half nine so that gives us time to find out where I need to go.”

He grabs onto a piece of paper and scribbles out some words. “Here is my email address. Why don’t you send me the list tonight so I can figure out a contingency plan? Also, with an hour and a half I’m sure we can go out for breakfast first, get something to eat out of here.”

Oh God, that sounds too romantic for words. All of a sudden, the plan that I had in my mind takes on a brand-new spin and my heart hammers with excitement. Of course, I wish I didn’t feel this way because I’m going to get my heart hurt in the long run, but I can’t stop it.

It won’t be for long anyway. Soon enough, I’ll be moving on and becoming a brand-new version of me. God, I cannot wait.

Chapter Nine – Logan

With Pru sitting on the other side of the car to me, I feel very strange. When discussing this trip with the bosses, I managed to pass it off as a very professional journey, just to help one of the more problematic children move on with what she wants to do, but now it doesn’t feel that way at all. There’s an odd atmosphere between us that I cannot quite put my finger on.

Pru looks different, I think that’s a part of it. She has a dress on today, a simple white slip dress that hangs just above her knees. It’s a very conservative dress, just like the rest of her clothes, but out of the center she looks much more grown up in it. With her pale blonde hair hanging lose, skimming her shoulders, and a wisp of make-up covering her face, she looks good. I want to tell her as much to give her a boost but still I don’t. Still I need to be careful with my words.

“So, there’s a café not far from the first apartment you’ve got a viewing to look at, so I think we should go there for something to eat,” I tell her instead. “Does that sound good to you?”

“Sounds perfect.” She turns and gives me a wide smile. “I can’t wait for some real food.”

“Are you suggesting that the food in the center isn’t top notch?” I tease her playfully.

“No, not at all… but yeah. I suppose you’re right. It can be pretty terrible.”

“I erm…” Pru bites down on her bottom lip. “I don’t have any money with me though.”

“Oh no, I know that. I didn’t think you would. I’m paying, so don’t worry about it.”

I know she’s one of the kids who hasn’t got any money to start with. I did wonder if that would change with the passing of her father, but these things can take time and the center hasn’t heard of anything quite yet. I hope if there is anything it’ll come for her soon to help her out. I don’t think she knows quite how much she’s going to need it. It’s very expensive to live alone.

Eventually, I pull up the car in the nearest car park to the café and I stop the car. Me and Pru get out of the car and walk towards the café. I can’t help looking around to see if people are staring at us, wondering what we’re doing together. I suppose it must look strange… but no one is even bothering to glance my way. It’s just my own guilt making me act like a crazy person, that’s all.

There’s nothing to worry about, I do my best to convince myself. This isn’t weird.

Of course, it is in my head, but that’s only because of all the crazed sexual fantasies I’ve been having. No one knows about that, so there really isn’t anything to worry about. It’s worse right now because we’re out of the center, but I can hold it together… I’m sure of it.

I take Pru into the café, smiling to myself as her eyes light up. This is such a simple thing, the sort of thing that people do all the time, but because of the way Pru’s life has been this is all new and exciting. Her mother passed away when she was young, her father never did anything with her, then she’s been stuck in the center. This is like a vacation for her.

“What do you want to eat?” I ask as we take our seats. “You can have whatever you want off the menu. I don’t know how much choice there is, but I’m sure it’s more than at the center.”

“Ooh. Can I have bacon pancakes?” she gushes. “That sounds amazing.”

“Yes, of course you can! Like I said you can have whatever you want. More, if you like?”

She shakes her head, happy with what she’s decided on, so call the waitress over to order the same for myself too. The waitress gives me a little bit of a curious look as we order our food, but I don’t react to it. There’s a part of me that wants to scream this isn’t a date, but I don’t. That would make me look like the craziest bastard in the whole damn world. But being too defensive, will only make me look even guiltier. I don’t want Pru to think I’m a freak either.

I suppose, if I’m ready to really acknowledge it, there is a chemistry between me and Pru. It’s a deep connection, one that could be interpreted in many different ways. I know she can feel it, probably even more than me, but we cannot talk about it. Ever.

The food arrives and we both eat in near silence. As Pru really enjoys her meal, like it’s the best thing she’s ever eaten in her whole damn life, I ponder over how the day is going to go. I think this might be good for me, it’ll make me really face reality that she’s leaving. Hopefully that will pull all the inappropriate thoughts from my mind. Something has to!

“Right.” Once we’re done, I stand up and indicate for her to follow. “We better get going, your viewing is soon. I’m excited to see this place, it’s a nice area.”

I have a very strong feeling that the apartment here is going to be way out of Pru’s price range, but I’m not going to sully her excitement by pointing that out. This is only a day of looking anyway, she’s not going to settle on anything I’m sure. At least not until she’s been to her job interviews and she’s worked out how she’s going to be paid. It all needs to work together to flow.

“Yes, it does.” I can hear the hesitancy in her voice. Maybe she understands the expense more than I’ve given her credit for. “It’s just the first one of many, but I had to start somewhere.”

As we walk across the road next to one another, I’m acutely aware of every inch of her body. I know that I could easily reach across to hold her hand, to go the whole hog and act like I’m her boyfriend, which is a weird thought. I never ever want to hold anyone’s hand!

Thankfully when we get into the building, the realtor is there waiting in the lobby, which saves us an agonizing journey up to the fifth floor in the elevator. I don’t know if I’d be able to survive that sexual tension without someone here to break it. The realtor is chatty, so it’s completely distracting.

“Have you looked at many places?” she asks me and Pru as if we’re together. I look away, refusing to meet her eyes to allow Pru to answer instead. Hopefully she’ll make it clear.

“No, this is the first place I’ve seen,” Pru says with a coy excitement. “So, I’m really looking forward to it. I might not be able to make any decisions right away until I’ve seen a few…”

“Oh no, I completely understand,” the realtor reassures her. “Don’t worry about it. I know what it’s like. You have to check out a few places before you can decide. Just know that I do have a few people interested, so if this is the home you want you might have to move quickly.”

Pru looks worried, but I roll my eyes. I know this is a trick, realtors always say things like that to make people feel panicked into making a decision. When we get a moment alone, I’ll make sure Pru knows not to be bullied into anything that she isn’t one hundred percent sure of. The last thing I want is for her to start her new life wrong. I don’t want her to take on a home that she cannot afford.

I’ll help her not to make that mistake, that’s why I’m here after all.

Inside the apartment, I’m quite impressed. It’s a fairly nice place with a bit of space, but I don’t want to like it too much because I know it won’t work out for Pru. She’s going to have to set her sights unfortunately much lower. The realtor gives her the spiel about the place, but I barely listen. I wander over to the window and take a look out at the city as I do. It’s a big wide world out there, a scary place for anyone. I don’t think I’ve ever considered how much more frightening it is for some of our kids. They don’t have the life experience to survive. Someone keeps tabs on them, but I haven’t ever really bothered before. I know I will with Pru, I’ll have to know how she is.

Eventually, Pru grips onto my arm and she gives me a look. I can tell that she’s done here but she doesn’t know how to say it, which leaves it up to me. Luckily, I don’t mind shooting people down. I can be Pru’s voice until she finds her own.

“Thank you very much, but actually we do need to get going,” I say in a firm, but friendly tone of voice. “We will be in touch though, if this is what Pru decides in the end.”

As we say our thank you’s and goodbye’s I can feel Pru’s gratitude rolling off her in waves. It gives me a strong sense of pride, I’m happy with what I’ve done to help her. She needs it after all. And it works too. I can tell as we leave the first apartment and we get into the car to drive to the next, she’s a bit more settled and confident. I hope that’s given her a clue about what she really wants.

***

I tap my fingers against the steering wheel and I glance over to the restaurant where Pru is inside having her very first job interview. She was shaking before she went inside, she was so damn anxious it made me want to weep for her. But we went through some of the self-confidence techniques we’ve discussed before, and eventually she went inside.

She’s been in there so long now, what can they possibly be talking about? Admittedly I’ve never worked serving people before, but surely there are only so many questions they can ask. I’m starting to get worried. Any moment I’m going to burst in there and demand that they set her free.

Before I can make that insane, over protective move, the doors to the restaurant swing open and Pru comes out with a giant, flushed smile on her face. She looks pleased, which I have to assume is a good thing. The interview must have gone really well.

She slides into the passenger’s seat and turns to look at me with shining eyes. “I got the job,” she declares happily. “I mean, I don’t think I’m going to take it because I don’t think I’ll like it, but they loved me and I got it!”

“Of course, you did!” I get caught up in her elation and I offer her a high five, which she takes happily. “Of course, they love you, and the good thing is, now you know more about what you want. Shall we go onto the next job?”

There’s a dangerous pause where our eyes connect and I can feel that tension building. The sexual chemistry that sizzles and burns brightly between us wildly. There’s definitely something between us and now I’m certain that we both know it… but that doesn’t change anything. Even if she stirs me up and makes me feel things that I don’t know what to do with. We have to keep away.

“Yes,” she finally says, breaking the moment for the both of us. “Let’s go. I still have a lot of people to see today and it feels like I’m on a roll.”

Chapter Ten – Prudence

I feel over the moon in every single way, this was absolutely the perfect idea to give me some confidence. Now I know for certain that I can do this. Looking things up online was okay, but it was too virtual to be real. Now I’m out in the actual world, experiencing it all. I’ve seen homes that I can actually see myself living in – although the ones I really like are much too expensive for me to live in, but that’s okay. I’ll work up to that in the end – and I’ve been offered multiple jobs.

“So, which position are you most inclined to go for?” Logan asks me excitedly.

“Ooh, I don’t know.” I shrug my shoulders a couple of times because I’m all much too elated. “I quite like the office, but the people seemed a bit bitchy. The clothes shop seemed pretty cool. The girls were really nice to me there, which makes me inclined to go there. Is that bad?”

“No way.” Logan shakes his head rapidly. “You spend so much of your time at work so you have to like the people you’re working with. Especially for someone like you, you need a good support system of friends. If you like these girls then you should go for it.”

I nod happily, glad to hear Logan say that. It’s the answer I wanted but was too afraid to ask for. I thought it might be immature to want to go for friends, but Logan’s made a good point. I will need people, having girls around me is part of the fantasy life that I want for myself. Since I can’t get all the elements I want for the fantasy part of my life, I’ll have to settle with what I can.

I glance at Logan out the corner of my eye as we get back into the car. Spending the time with him today, both of us as adults, has only made me like him even more. Every time our skin has brushed together I’ve got a buzz of excitement, every word he’s spoken to me has warmed my chest, my connection to him has increased and intensified. I wish there was some way I could carry that on.

Admittedly, in every apartment I was in I imagined Logan living there with me. I kept picturing myself standing in the kitchen with his arms around my waist from behind. I saw us collapsed together on the couch after a long day of work, watching TV and snuggling in, I imagined me and him lying together in bed, just happily being in love. Since I can never have that, I might as well be happy with what I can have, and friends are a big part of that. Those girls were really nice.

“Oh God, I’m definitely going to like it here,” I gasp while flopping my head back against the head rest of the seat. “Out in the world, it’s so much better than in the center.”

“You haven’t had any good times?” Logan asks me curiously. “Not at all.”

Instantly, all the good memories I’ve had at the center flood my mind, and each and every one of them involve Logan. No one else has made me feel as comfortable as him. “Yeah, I suppose I have had some good times,” I say coyly. “But not enough to keep me there.”

I don’t know if it’s in my imagination but as I say that, Logan’s face seems to drop. I don’t want to disappoint him, and I also don’t want our friendship to end, but at the same time I can’t stay for him. We both know that, we cannot remain close because nothing can happen. This is the only way.

“At least I don’t have to give everything up,” I say teasingly to him. “I still have your email so I can be in touch.” When he doesn’t say anything, I feel compelled to continue. “If you want…”

“Oh of course I do!” he gushes. “I don’t want to lose touch with you, I’d like to keep up to date with you. And then if you ever need help I can be there for you like I promised.”

I smile to myself feeling very happy at the idea that I don’t have to completely sever ties. Just keeping that door open one tiny bit is enough to give me confidence. I’ll be alone, but not completely and utterly by myself without any options. If I’m ever really struggling, I have someone I know.

“You probably won’t want me though, by the time you get settled,” Logan continues in a slightly morose tone of voice. “You’ll be so busy living it up and enjoying the high life that you’ll forget all about me. You won’t even remember my name.”

“I don’t know about that, Mr. Banker… or Logan. You’ve made quite a big impact on me.” I won’t admit to him how big an impact he has had because I don’t think that’s necessary. It’ll just make things weird when they don’t need to be. I might not want just friendship, but I’m happy to have that over nothing. “I’m sure I’ll always remember you.”

We drive in silence for a while with Logan taking me back to the center. I’m not ready to return yet, there are so many other things that I want to experience. I’m too impatient to wait.

“Can we go to a bar?” I ask on impulse. “Go and get a drink somewhere?”

“What?” Logan gasps in shock. “What do you mean, go to a bar? I can’t take you for a drink.”

“Why not?” I turn in my seat and give him a flutter of puppy dog eyes. I haven’t ever acted this way before but this moment calls for it. “Why can’t you take me? Please let’s go.”

“Because…” He laughs awkwardly, almost to himself. “Because you’re too young, that’s why.”

“I don’t want to drink alcohol.” Without even thinking about it, I reach across and touch his hand on the gear stick. “I just want to see what it’s like inside a bar. I want to know what that part of my life will be like, because I’m sure there will be times when I go out and do stuff like that. The drinking, the dancing, the… I don’t know. Whatever it is you do in bars.”

“What do you think you do?” Logan asks me, sounding bewildered. But I notice that he doesn’t yank his hand away from me like he could. “Bars aren’t magical, exciting places.”

“I’m not really concerned with drinking,” I admit, knowing deep in my heart that I’m speaking the full truth. “After seeing what it’s done to my father it isn’t something that seems fun. But I don’t want to shut out areas of my life that might bring people in. You know how quiet I am, it’ll be hard enough for me to make friends and socialize. I just… I guess I want to experience every single side of life and I want someone to support me with that. Someone I trust. Someone like you…”

He breaths hard and fast, and I start to fear that I might be irritating him. I suppose I’ve already pushed him far enough, taken up enough of his weekend, I don’t want to do more.

“I’m sorry I said anything,” I tell him quietly. “I don’t know why I’m trying to push, I guess I’m just excited. I’ve been so nervous to do all of this and today has filled me with confidence.”

“I’m glad that you’re confident and happy,” Logan insists. “But I can’t do anything inappropriate. If the bosses at the center find out that I’ve taken you to a bar then I’ll lose my job.”

“And you love your job?” For what feels like the first time, I ask him a personal question.

“I do.” He nods slowly. “It’s something that I’ve always wanted to do, to help other people. It’s what all my education and training was about. I like the center, I think it runs well.”

I like hearing these things about him, it feels even better than going to a bar. I suppose that’s something I can do any time, this is a once in a life time thing. “I see. And how old are you now?”

My heart thumps as I wait for an answer. This is something that I have absolutely no idea about and I’m pretty terrified of the answer. Whatever it is, he’s too old for me. Probably.

“Twenty-four,” he says without looking in my direction. “Just. Last month actually.”

“Last month? You never said anything.” I don’t know why I’m surprised. In the five years, I’ve been at the center we’ve never really celebrated or talked about anyone’s birthday. I suppose that’s good really because my birthday is the anniversary of my life changing forever. “Happy birthday.”

Logan laughs, a sound that’s full of mirth. “Thank you, a bit late but thanks.”

“Did you do anything exciting?” I imagine him at a glamorous dinner party, surrounded by all his closest friends and family. He’s such a nice man he must have lots of people in his life.

He shifts a bit uncomfortably in his seat. “I actually just went to a bar. It was very dull.”

It wasn’t. I can tell, but I don’t push him on it. There must be a reason why he doesn’t want to talk about it, and it’s probably because he doesn’t want me to ask about going out again. Not that I even want to now, I want to remain here, talking to Logan, dissecting him.

“Did your wife not take you out?” Oh God, I don’t know why I even asked that! I didn’t think before I spoke and now Logan’s eyes are almost bugging out of his head.

“I’m not married, I’m too young to be married. I don’t even have a girlfriend.”

I don’t know which part to focus on most, the idea that he thinks he’s too young to be married, which puts him in a similar category to me, or the idea that he’s definitely single now. He doesn’t have anyone to love him, which is a tragedy. What the hell is wrong with all the women his age?

“Oh well I don’t have a boyfriend either,” I say with a smirk, trying to lighten up the atmosphere. “And that’s something I don’t think will change any time soon.”

“You say that now, but I bet it does,” Logan replies quietly. “A beautiful girl like you will have men lining up to be with you. You just have to be careful not to pick the bad ones.”

He thinks I’m beautiful? My hands curl around my chest as I swim in those delicious words. Logan Banker, the most handsome man on the planet, thinks I’m beautiful.

He’s someone who must know what real beauty is as well, so the fact that he’d even say that to me is massive. It makes me feel really damn good about myself. There’s a tiny part of me that actually feels beautiful for just a second, and it’s a wonderful sensation.

“Right, well we’re here now.” Logan turns to look at me with a depth to his gaze. “Back to normal, I suppose.”

“Will you be around tomorrow?” I know that he won’t but I have to ask. I don’t know if I can go a whole day without seeing him now. I feel addicted to him. “Or Monday?”

“Monday,” he replied decisively. “Yeah, I won’t be back until Monday now, but I’ll see you then for our usual appointment okay?”

It isn’t enough, I know I’ll go crazy before then but I don’t have a choice. I have to agree because right now things need to be on the terms of the adults. It doesn’t matter though, I’ll official be an adult too and everything will be just fine.

“Okay.”

Chapter Eleven – Logan

Shit, shit, shit. I hit the gas pedal fast and burn along the road rapidly because I need to get away from the center. That was the hardest day of my whole life and I don’t know what to do with myself. Being around Pru in a more natural environment was torture. Out in the real world she’s like just another adult. Especially when she starts talking about crazy things such as going to a bar.

Oh, and that sentence, the killer sentence: I guess I want to experience every single side of life and I want someone to support me with that. Someone I trust. Someone like you…

Her words circle through my mind, feeling like they’re about sex. I don’t know if that’s how she intended her statement to be taken, but that’s how it made me feel inside. It must be because of that dream I had where she was begging me to teach her how to please a man, that’s all. She’s too sweet, too innocent, the ‘never been kissed’ type. There’s no way she really meant that.

“Fucking hell!” I mutter as I slam my hands against the steering wheel. “Fuck!”

I need a distraction, I need my usual weekend of blowing off steam, but this time it’s for a completely different reason. It isn’t because I’ve had a harrowing, stressful week, it’s because I think I might explode. I’m so fucking hard it’s killing me. I can’t give my erection to the person who it’s for, so someone else will have to get it. I need to find someone random and willing, any girl in a bar.

I pull up the car at my apartment building but I don’t bother to go inside. There’s nothing for me there, not even Roxy lives in there anymore. I slam the door shut and head to the bar just around the corner. I don’t normally go there because it’s too close to home, but tonight I’m too impatient to wait. I need to be there now, I need to block everything out with booze.

“Whiskey, please,” I demand to the bartender while slamming a note down on the bar.

“Bad day?” she asks while running her tongue along her lips. I don’t know if this is a purposeful act or not, but because of the mood I’m in it sends electricity right down to my cock.

“Urgh, you could say that.” I shake my head and run my hand through my hair, tugging on the ends. “Work has been kicking my ass today, I really need a fucking break.”

“Good job you’re here then.” She gives me a wide, toothy smile. Her red lipstick is hot as fuck, it makes her look like a fantasy girl from a porn movie. “At least I can help you out?”

Okay that was definitely flirty, I don’t think it’s just me anymore. I lean across the bar and inhale her beer like scent which has obviously come from working in here all day. As she sees me responding to her, she tosses her dark hair over her shoulder and pushes out her voluptuous breasts.

“Is that a tattoo?” I ask while reaching out to brush the top of her cleavage.

“It’s a snake,” she practically moans, enjoying the sensation of me touching her. She pushes herself further into my hand, making her feelings clear. “You should see the bottom of it.”

“Where is the bottom of it?” Much as I’m intrigued by this woman, and her snake tattoo, she isn’t enough to get rid of thoughts of Pru. Her sweet innocent, excitable smile is still at the forefront of my mind, combining with the idea of her from my dreams. The much dirtier version.

“It goes right down my body.” Her finger trails down herself, presumably following the line of the tattoo across her torso and towards her vagina. “And all the way into my panties.”

“I would er, love to see it sometime.” I need to see it, to bury my face in it to forget.

“Well, there aren’t any other customers here,” she comments idly while scanning her eyes everywhere, causing me to do the same. “And there haven’t been for the past two hours. I can’t imagine anyone’s coming in any time soon, so why don’t I show you now?”

Yes! I almost fist bump the air because she’s giving me everything that I so desperately need. Thank fuck! I’m so glad, I didn’t think it would be this easy to get my release.

“Oh well I don’t see why not.” My heart thumps happily. “I do love reptiles after all.”

She reaches across and grabs my hand before pulling me around the back of the bar and into the store room around the back. Once we’re safely out of sight if anyone does come into the bar, the girl unbuttons her shirt slowly, showing me the black inked outline of a cobra. It’s cute, but not why I’m here. I don’t really want to see the tattoo, I just want to grab this girl and do…

Before I can do anything, she drops to her knees in front of me sensing my impatience. As her fingers fiddle with the zipper to my trousers I toss my head back and let her get to work. This must have been a really boring shift for her if she’s this keen to have fun. I made a damn good choice!

Eventually she pulls me free and she wraps her lips around me, taking me down to the back of her throat with ease. She bobs her head up and down me, while tracing her fingers over my balls, tickling them in a weirdly incredible way. It sends vibrations running all over me. This girl is a bit of a freak and I like it! It’s fun and gives me some real satisfaction as she goes, but it isn’t enough to take my mind off Pru. Even though this girl looks nothing like her at all, she becomes her. Her black hair turns pale blonde, her red lips become nude, she transforms into the innocent young lady asking me to teach her how to please a man. It’s a glorious dream and a terrible nightmare at the same time. I wish I was in the back of my car with her, but at the same time I’m so glad that I’m not. If I did that I would risk absolutely everything. My job, my livelihood, all for one girl. One amazing girl.

“Oh fuck,” I groan and moan as the bliss gets too much for me. “Fucking hell.”

She sees how much I’m enjoying this and she picks up the pace, driving me to damn near distraction. The wet heat feels fucking good, and even if it’s combined with the sick fantasy that I’m trying to avoid, I’m still about to explode. This bartender knows what she’s doing.

Finally, I can’t hold it in anymore and I fill her mouth up with my cum. I watch as she pulls away and some of it dribbles down her chin, but she swallows the rest of it down like a pro. I wonder if this is the sort of thing that she does a lot to make the day pass by quicker, she hooks up with random patrons just for fun… but then I realize that it hardly matters. I certainly won’t be coming back here again, it isn’t safe enough. I got lucky with Roxy, that won’t happen a second time.

“That was amazing,” I gasp as I pull my trousers back up. “Honestly, fucking incredible.”

I move in towards her, to make my move on her because although in my head this is all about me, I want to give her pleasure too, but she pushes me away and shakes her head.

“I don’t think we have time for that,” she says breathily with a shining happy look in her eyes like that was enough for her. “Someone could come in at any moment. Maybe next time, yeah?”

“Oh right.” I already know there isn’t going to be a next time. “Yeah, sure.”

The girl practically shoves me out from behind the bar to where my drink is still sitting on the side. I slug in back in one go, thinking of only Pru the entire time. That’s the sort of thing that can happen in bars, admittedly it doesn’t always, but it’s possible, and one day she’ll be mixed up in it all. After being so retrained for such a long time, maybe she’ll be the girl giving blow jobs to random men just for something to do. It can work that way, the girls locked away from the world turn into the biggest freaks, which is an utterly horrifying thought. I can’t stand it.

“I have to go,” I tell the bartender regretfully. “Sorry to leave you alone but I have to…”

“No, no, I understand.” I think she’s glad actually because it’s a little strained between us now. “I’ll see you soon, maybe?” She shrugs, seemingly unbothered. “Or whatever.”

I leave the bar and walk slowly back to my home. I could go out some more, maybe even have some more fun with someone else but I’m not longer in the mood. It won’t work anyway, I’m never getting this girl out of my mind. She’s the only one who’s ever captured my attention and that scares me. What if there isn’t another one, what if Pru is the only one for me and she’s the girl I can’t ever have? That would just be damn typical. I end up alone, with nothing and no one. Lonely.

Once inside my apartment I let out a yell of frustration. I feel like I’m stuck in a terrible mess, that I’m drowning and there’s no way to save myself. I keep kicking my legs, screaming and yelling, but there’s no life raft, no life boat, no way to get air into my lungs. I’m desperately trying to suck it back, but I can’t, and that’s all because of Pru. She’s holding my head underwater.

I stare at my cell phone, wishing I could have someone to speak to about this, but there’s no one. My parents moved to England six years ago and the time difference is so weird that I hardly ever get the chance to speak to them, I don’t have hardly any of a relationship with my brother for no other reason except for the fact that we haven’t ever been close like that. He’s ten years older than me, so we never had anything in common. I used to have a lot of friends to make up for that, but not now.

What the fuck happened? I don’t know when I lost everyone really. I guess moving away to the city when I finished college was the first step to distancing myself from the people I used to be close to. I still talk to them, but about more superficial stuff now. I couldn’t go to anyone with this. Then I got so involved with my work that I never bothered to make new friends. I’ve good acquaintances with the others at the center but I don’t ever socialize with them outside of the office. I’m too busy boozing and hooking up, ‘blowing off steam’ all by myself.

I don’t have a best friend, someone I can confide in about my feelings, and that’s sad. Maybe I’m the one who needs therapy now! I’ve come full circle and I need someone to talk to me about my problems. I don’t know how it’s come to this, but it’s something I need to rectify. If I had a friend, they could talk to me out of this, they could confirm how crazy I am, then I might be able to put this behind me for good.

Right now, it’s just me and my thoughts, and that’s a dangerous place to be!

Chapter Twelve – Prudence

I can feel Logan, creeping through my veins, consuming me entirely. He’s everything, everywhere, my drug that I can’t get enough hits of. I know that I’m obsessed, he’s all that I can think about, but I simply cannot stop. What I felt for him before was simply a deep connection, a special friendship that I couldn’t live without. Now, I have to assume that it’s love. I care about him more than anything or anyone else, and that only gets stronger with each passing second.

I know it’s unwise, but I keep thinking that when I’m legally an adult, when I’m out of this place for good and I’m living alone, then maybe we can finally be together. I have his contact information, he’s keen for me to keep in touch… it has to be so. I’ll invite him out for a drink with me one night in a bar and then see what happens. Or maybe I’ll ask him to dinner, or even breakfast. Once I’m all settled and I’m in a good place, he’ll have to start taking me seriously.

The thing is, I’m very sure that he loves me too, I can see it in his eyes. He knows it, but right now he can’t act on it because I’m at the center, but that won’t be the case for very much longer.

“You’ve had a productive weekend,” he says thinly as his eyes run over the ideas I have had. “You’ve set out a basic budget based on the wages you’ll get from that job, and you’ve emailed about the apartment too. I’m very proud of you, this is all very good work. You must be proud.”

“Well, the apartment does want a deposit, so I’m trying to figure out how much because I might need to get a loan to get me started, but yes aside from that it all looks good. The shop was glad I called them because they really want me working there… so that’s pretty awesome…”

“I’ll always loan you the money,” Logan interrupts rapidly. “I mean, if you’re struggling to get hold of it. I know that you want to get out of here quickly, so anything that I can do to help with that I will. It shouldn’t be too much, it wasn’t the biggest apartment so I imagine it’ll be a couple hundred dollars or so. I don’t think it should be too much more than that.”

I can’t help but smile at his generous offer. This only confirms to me that he wants me too. He wants to get me out of the center as quickly as I do because we cannot kick things off between each other until I’m gone. If he didn’t want me to leave, he would simply tell me to stay while I worked enough hours to save up the deposit money. That’s the sensible thing to do, and others have been forced to… no, Logan wants me out of here for a reason, and I know exactly what it is.

“Thank you so much, that is so kind of you, Logan.” It still feels strange to call him that inside this office, but I’m going to keep doing it to remind him that I’m an adult. “I really appreciate it.”

We share a moment of intense eye contact, and I’m overcome with a feeling of safety. There isn’t anyone who will ever make me feel like he does, I wouldn’t ever be able to trust anyone with my life like I do Logan. I’m pretty sure that makes him the one for me. He’s my love and I cannot wait until we get the chance to explore that properly in every single way. I’m craving him desperately. My body is crying out for him, as is my heart.

“Well you’ve done so much good stuff here, I don’t want money to be the factor that holds you back. Then we can set up a fair payment plan so you can return the money to me as you can afford it, without any of the crazy interest that you would get anywhere else.”

Ooh, a payment plan, that means I’ll have to see him weekly to give him cash. That sounds amazing. Anything to keep us connected is perfect by me. I’ll have to ensure it lasts forever.

“Yep, sounds great. Thank you.” I stand up, ready to leave only because my appointment time is up and it’s about to be someone else’s turn. I don’t want to go, I want to spend every minute of every day with Logan, but I can do it because I’m sure soon enough I’ll have him all to myself, all the time. “So, I suppose I’ll see you next week then? Unless you want to see me before Monday?”

He pauses, I can see him racking his brain for any reason why it would be appropriate for him to see me but nothing comes to mind quick enough. That doesn’t matter, it’s a shame but the fact that he thought about it is enough for me. He wants to see me, even if he can’t.

“Nope, I think Monday will be fine. If you want to see me before then that’s okay. Just send me an email and let me know. I’ll see if I can fit you in.”

***

I lie on my bed, staring at the tablet screen with trembling fingers. I’ve managed to nab some time on it because Logan told the other staff members that I need it to get my life in order. Thankfully, no one has questioned me on exactly what I’m doing which is perfect because I’ve spent the last half an hour trying to craft the perfect email to Logan. He did tell me to message him if I want him, and I do. I’m just trying to figure out what for.

I know I’ll be able to message him as much as I want the moment I get out of here, but I’m impatient. I want to start now. I want to get the ball rolling because I’m so excited.

“What you doing?” Leah hisses from her bed. “Turn that tablet off, it’s late. We aren’t supposed to use it this late. Don’t you know the rules by now, Perfect Prudence?”

I roll my eyes at her prissy tone. Leah spends half her life breaking the rules, so this isn’t anything to do with that. This is her being annoyed because I have special privileges at the moment. Still, I don’t want to wind her up at the moment, I can’t be doing with any added drama.

“Sorry,” I mutter, while throwing the duvet up over my head to cover up the light.

That actually makes my time alone with the tablet feel a little more private, which helps me to craft my very innocent email, that feels like it’s the naughtiest thing in the whole entire world.

‘Hi Logan, it’s Pru. I’m not emailing you for an extra appointment or anything, I just want to say thank you for all your help. You’ve been very kind to me and I appreciate it very much.’

It isn’t anything that I haven’t said to his face, so maybe it’s a bit pointless but I have to start the communication somehow and I don’t want to dive right in with anything that might be considered risky. That’s just a simple, normal message that expresses nothing but thanks.

Seconds later, the tablet flashes up with a reply which makes my heart pound. It can only be Logan emailing me back which is thrilling and horrifying all at once. I don’t know if I expected him to message me back really, and certainly not this quickly. I wonder if he’s lying in bed, feeling as excited and nervy as I do. I wonder if now he’s clutching his screen, waiting eagerly for my reply.

‘Hi Pru, thank you very much for your email, that was a very nice surprise. You know that you are always welcome, you are a very special lady who deserves to have someone looking out for her. I am in all week, so if you change your mind and you do wish to see me, please do.’

I could leave it there if I wanted to, but I don’t. My entire body buzzes with excitement as I rapidly hit the reply button. I was tired before, but now I’m wide awake than I’ve ever been in my entire life. I feel like I’ve been eating sugar all day long and now I’m high as a kite. I could stay up all night long shooting messages back and forth with Logan, I just know it.

This time, because of the late hour and the privacy of my own duvet prison, on top of the crazy high that I’m currently riding, I decide to go just a tad more risqué, just to see what I can get from it.

‘I’m glad that when I leave I’ll be living in the city so I won’t be too far from you,’

As soon as I hit the send button, a sick feeling of shame and regret floods me. That’s something I definitely shouldn’t have done, I can see that now. Every single time I refresh the page and I don’t have anything back, it makes my head spin and spiral down into a deep dark place. It’s like being on a roller coaster, the massive high has given way to a giant dip and I don’t like it one bit. Until…

‘Yes, me too. I’ll be glad that I can still keep an eye on you… if you need me to.’

Oh, thank God, he’s messaged me back! And with a bit of a possessive, protective message too which feels nice. I like the idea of him hiding in every corner, watching me, protecting me from a distance, ready to leap out and hold me at any given moment. It makes me feel loved and excited.

‘I will always need you to.’

At that moment, the battery light flashes up which means I really need to turn the tablet off and charge the battery if I don’t want to go through hell tomorrow. I make sure that I log out of everything possible so there isn’t any way of anyone reading my emails by mistake (or on purpose, if it’s Leah), then I step quietly out of the bed to find the wall plug. Logan knows what the routines in this place are like anyway, he’ll know that I’m not ignoring him.

I also hope that my simple message is an effective one and he gets how I feel!

Once I get back into bed and I snuggle down with my eyes closed, my brain concocts a wonderful dream about me and Logan. Only this time, it isn’t all sweetness and light, romance and flowers. It’s steamier, sweatier, and a whole lot sexier. I even think about what his naked body might look like, and in my mind, it’s a wonderful sight to behold! As I imagine him slowly stripping me down and making sweet, passionate love to me, I feel more grown up than ever before.

I’m starting to see myself as an adult, just as everyone else is too.

Dream Logan makes me feel beautiful and sexy, which is something I wouldn’t be able to achieve without him. He looks at me in a way that suggests he genuinely does see me as pretty. The funny thing is he knows all the ugly sides to me, he’s seen me at my worst, and he still feels something for me. If that isn’t true love then I don’t know what is. How could anyone want anything more than a man who thinks they are beautiful even when they aren’t? I know that I don’t. My life will be perfect if I can have him in it, it’ll be the full picture of happiness that I’ve been searching my whole life for.

Chapter Thirteen – Logan

Why can’t I stop responding to Pru every time she does something that I know for sure is wrong? Every cheeky smile, every subtle but sexy stare, every email… I keep telling myself to take a step back from her but I can’t. It must be obvious to everyone else in the center, they must be able to feel the very obvious chemistry between us, but no one has commented as of yet. No one’s remarked on the fact that I keep turning up for breakfast when I rarely did before, no one says anything about Pru and me having more and more meetings together, and it seems that no one’s picked up on the online communication yet, which is good because that’s the riskiest thing of them all. The emails leave a paper trail, written evidence and although we don’t say anything inappropriate, I’m sure some of it is crossing a line. I hope it never gets found out and we manage to escape it.

Actually, after this afternoon, I’ll finally be able to relax and breathe properly again because the issue will be resolved. Pru’s birthday is today so we’re having a mini celebration for her. Usually, we don’t do much about birthdays because they can be extremely traumatic for some of the kids we get brought in, but since this is a goodbye party as well, we’re going all out.

Later tonight, Pru will move in to her new apartment, hopefully to never return, and all will go back to normal. I can stop being a freak, coming in to the center all the time, and I can work on rebuilding the areas of my life that I’ve come to see need some help. Things that I’ve neglected.

I harbor no illusion that Pru will continue to keep in touch with me once she starts crafting her own life, I will become some distant crush that she had a long time ago, so I need to keep myself distracted while I get over her. I may have to see her now and again to get my deposit money back, but I’m not that bothered to be honest. If she drifts away from me I’m more than happy to let her have it to get her started. For now, I think I need to focus on me for a while, to get my own very messy life in order once more. I need to turn acquaintances into friends and reconnect with people from my past that I’ve let go. If something good can come out of this, it’s that.

“Okay, so I think that’s everything,” Hank, one of the kitchen staff, comments. “We’ve been told not to make too big a deal out of things because otherwise everyone will start crying and it might trigger some of the kids, so we’ve got a cake, some sandwiches, and some odd snack bits.”

“Yep. I’m sure that’ll be fine,” I reply stiffly, not sure how to behave really. “And what time is this going on until? Is the car coming to pick the girl up right afterwards?”

“Why? You got big plans tonight?” Hank smirks knowingly at me. “You got a hot date?”

I almost snap back at him that it’s none of his business but I stop myself at the last moment. I’m trying to actually be genuinely friendly with some of these people. I just need to give Hank a chance, he might turn out to be one of the people that I really can’t live without… maybe.

“Yeah, something like that,” I lie, because I can’t tell him that I’ll be drowning my sorrows. “Just want to know what time I can get out of here for the day, you know how it is.”

“The car is coming for her at six so you can definitely go then.”

Six o’ clock and it’ll all be over. There’s a part of my heart that tears into shreds but another part that’s simply relieved. The last few weeks have been the most torturous of my entire life. I’ve never lusted after someone that I can’t have so hard before and it’s the worst feeling in the world.

“Great, I’ll be hitting a bar at quarter past then,” I attempt to joke, but I don’t think the mirth comes off too well. “Or maybe not, since it’s a Thursday night and I have work tomorrow.”

Work here, without Pru Evans in the building. How weird is that going to be? She’s been a constant presence for five years, even when I haven’t felt like this. Urgh, I’m so conflicted and confused at the moment, I’m driving myself insane. I need a damn good shake!

Hank gives me a funny look, proving that any chances of friendship with him might be well out the window, before he leaves me alone in the communal room while I wait for this little party thing to start. I finished my appointments a while back in preparation and now I’m keen to get this done. Especially the first bit when I see Pru. I haven’t seen her yet today. I’m nervous about it.

“Hey.” Oh my God, as if I’ve summoned her up by magic, I hear her soft voice behind me.

I spin around to give her a curious look. “Hi, Pru, is everything okay?”

She nods a little unsurely. “Yes, I think so. It’s a big day today and I’m a bit anxious.”

Her skinny jeans and tee shirt look really nice on her, they cling tightly to her frame, showing off her lovely womanly figure. She rocks her body side to side, showing that she isn’t totally comfortable in her skin yet, but that’ll come. She’s still millions better than she once was.

“Of course, you are.” I roll a box around in my pocket containing her birthday present. I wanted to find the right time to give it to her but now I think I might have left it too late. I can’t do it now in case someone walks in and thinks it’s weird. Instead, I’ll have to just be the asshole that got her nothing. “Moving day, birthday, happy birthday by the way, saying goodbye to here. Crazy!”

Tears fill her eyes but to her credit she remains strong enough to keep them in. “Yeah, I know, I’ve been waiting for this for ages but now that it’s here it feels all mental and odd.”

My body language softens which makes me realize just how tense my shoulders have been up until this point. She needs some advice from me, I need to be the man I’m supposed to be. “I know it does, but you do know that you’ll be fine, don’t you? You do know that you have what it takes.”

I step closer to her with my arms outstretched as if I’m going to embrace her or something, but I think better of it at the last moment and I drop them awkwardly back by my sides again.

“Maybe afterwards,” she says with a sorrowful smile. “It isn’t the right time.”

Luckily, I didn’t hug her because at that moment, other people fill the room. Kids, staff members, even some of the teachers who are only here a few hours a week. They’ve all come to say farewell to Pru without really knowing who she is. Sure, they’ve seen her a lot during the last five years but they haven’t spoken to her and gotten deep into her psyche. Not like me. I know her better than the lot of them. I don’t know if that’s a good or a bad thing, it doesn’t make me feel good right now.

Noise fills the room, there’s so much chatter and laughter that my brain aches. It’s all like bees buzzing noisily around me, driving me to distraction, when all I want to do is look at her. I just want to watch Pru, to enjoy these last few minutes with her before she’s stripped from my life completely.

The festivities begin, although admittedly they’re a little meagre. We half-heartedly sing happy birthday, most of us too afraid to upset the ones who had bad stuff happen to them on their birthdays – which to be honest is most of them – then we all say nice things about Pru to see her off. Most people’s comments are a bit inane and don’t really mean anything, but some of the things are really nice. I hope she takes the comments on board and uses them to give her confidence.

“Mr. Banker?” Leah says with a wicked, knowing smile. “What about you?”

“Hmm?” I glare back, annoyed at being disturbed. “What do you mean what about me?”

“What do you have to say to Prudence? You know, as a goodbye message.”

Shit, I got so involved in watching this like a performance I almost forgot that I’m here myself. I can feel my body heating up shamefully, making Leah laugh out loud as if she knows something.

“Oh well, Pru…dence.” I don’t know why, but it feels weird to call her the nickname I give her in front of everyone else. No one else shortens her name I’ve noticed. “It’s going to be a different place without you here. But I, as I’m sure everyone else here does, wish you well in the future. Get out there and kick some ass.” I make a lame, embarrassing fist bump which is awful.

There’s a silence for a few moments while everyone looks at me like I’m a bit mad, but luckily before it can get really awkward, Hank brings out a slice of cake for everyone giving everyone else something else to talk and think about. I take the moment of distraction to race into the bathroom to catch my breath again. I need a moment away from all the madness to collect myself together.

You’re an idiot, I tell myself as I stare at my slightly blurry reflection in the mirror. A fool! Why are you getting so worked up and insane? I have reasoned with myself enough times that this madness I’m going through is all going to end today, I don’t have much longer to hold it together, so why the hell can’t I just do it? Just… be cool. I check my watch. Not long now.

By the time I go back into the room, Pru is already gathering up her things to leave, so no one bothers to even look my way. There’s a stinging sensation in my nose, I feel quite emotional, but for the moment I push that to one side. I can fall apart later if that’s what I need to do.

“Bye, Prudence!” everyone says to her at the door as she starts to walk out towards the car. She looks small and scared, but I’m sure that’ll go once she gets away from here. “See you soon!”

I wish everyone else would vanish so I could share this moment alone with Pru. I want to wrap my arms around her, to freeze the moment so I’ll have something to keep me going, but of course I can’t. I have to hang around at the back of the crowd and just wait very impatiently. This is killing me, since I can’t do what I want to, I need it all just to be over.

As she walks out the door, I take a step right back from everyone and I type out a bit of a desperate email on my phone, giving Pru my cell phone number if she needs it. It’s probably the dumbest thing that I’ve ever done, but it’s gone now. It’s been sent out into cyberspace for her to do with what she wants. Maybe she won’t even see it, who knows…

Right, time to let go completely, I think half-heartedly as I drop my phone back into my pocket. Time to get my life back on track.

Chapter Fourteen – Prudence

This isn’t how I thought it was going to be, I think sadly as I curl my knees up around my chest., trying to make myself as small as possible. I should have come earlier I don’t know why I waited.

I liked the idea of spending my last day surrounded by the people I’ve grown up with through the last five years, I guess I got a little nostalgic towards the end. I also didn’t want to spend my birthday alone. I thought it’d be better to just get to my new life started by getting to sleep and starting fresh in the morning… but that’s before I got here and realized how terrifying it is to be by myself in this apartment at night time. In the day, with Logan and the realtor by my side, it didn’t seem so bad, but now it’s horrible. It’s freaky, there are sirens running by the place all the time, I can hear the couple in the apartment next door arguing really loudly, and bangs all the time.

It’s terrifying, I’m definitely not ready for this. I want to leave so damn badly it hurts.

I keep rubbing my thumb over my hand where I’ve written Logan’s cell phone number. I spent a little bit of time in an Internet café earlier and I got his email, but I haven’t done anything about it yet. Right now, I’m doing everything that I can to stop myself from calling him because I want to be an adult. I don’t want to be a scared little child who cannot cope alone. But I want him. I hate this and I want to have him by my side. I’m never going to be able to get any sleep.

Stop it, I scold myself while pushing myself up into a standing position and pacing up and down the room. This is madness. I can do this, of course it’s scary on the first night but that doesn’t mean that I should just give up. This is my chance to be brave and strong, to prove myself.

I wander over to the tiny window I have which looks down onto someone’s bins below. It isn’t the sweeping view of the city sky line that you see in movies, but it’s mine. I can appreciate what I have. At least now I have my own bedroom and my own view, I’m not stuck in a room with Leah being utterly obnoxious, and the other kids snoring loudly. It’s not silence, but it’s quieter.

I move back over to the sofa bed and attempt to lie back down again. I’m not giving myself much hope of drifting off because I’m in my clothes. I don’t think I’m ready to change it my pajamas until I’m one hundred percent that I won’t have to get up and run at a moment’s notice.

I squeeze my eyes shut tight, trying to block out the whole world. I try to think of the nicest things to clear my brain of all the negativity, but it quickly becomes clear that it’s pointless. The noises in the center were always safe sounds. Annoying maybe, but never dangerous. The sounds here are absolutely terrifying. They remind me of things that I would much rather forget.

“Stop!” comes a hideous shriek from the apartment next door. “No, please stop.”

I bolt upright in bed and dart my eyes side to side. My heart races, pumping boiling hot blood all round my body. I recognize those screams well, they’re sheer terror which means anything could be going on there. My mind skips back many years ago and I remember myself, when I was the one who was screaming and begging my father to stop. He would whip me and smack me about for the silliest of things, making me hate and blame myself along the way. It could be for making a mess, or even because he thought someone was talking badly about him in the pub… I got so used to walking on egg shells my entire life and even that wasn’t enough. He was still angry all the time.

As I recall being the girl weeping in the corner of the room while blow after blow rained down on me. I remember feeling helpless and terrified, but also knowing that I couldn’t ever tell anyone what was happening to me. As the smacks ran over my body I was always planning how to cover them up to make sure that no one noticed. I was only concerned with protecting him, even though my father didn’t seem to have much concern with protecting me. He hurt me, the opposite.

I guess that’s something I’ll never get any answers to now. Now he’s gone I’ll never get to find out why Dad couldn’t stand me, what made him flip like he did, and whether or not he feels bad about it. I can draw some conclusions on my own, but that will never be definitive answers from his mouth. I’ll never fully get closure and while I can keep moving forwards, I’ll never be able to move on. Not totally. There will always be a part of me that’s stuck.

Now, listening to this argument getting worse and worse by the second, I can barely stand it.

I squeeze my hands over my ears, trying to block out the sound and as I do the tears begin to fall. They stream down my face, wetting my cheeks, making me feel awful. The memories of my father, the sounds all around me, the acute, horrific loneliness, it’s all too much for me…

I jump out of bed and race across the apartment until I get to the front door. There’s an intense panic in my chest now, a fear that if I don’t escape my heart might explode, killing me dead. It doesn’t matter how hard I pant I can’t get anywhere near enough air sucked back into my lungs. I’m in a real state now and there’s only one thing that I know for sure will calm me down. No longer am I worried about looking like a child, I just need help. I just need him, and the safe feeling he gives.

I saw a pay phone at the end of the street when I first moved in earlier today and I took note of it because I don’t have a cell phone, and now I’m glad. Although as I run down the road in the middle of a panic attack it feels much too far away. As soon as I have any spare money, I’m going to get my own phone. I won’t even need a good one, just one that I can make calls from to save this.

Once I’m inside the booth, I grab the change from my pocket with trembling hands. Fear has my eyes so blurry that I can barely see anything, but I just about manage to shove some coins in. As I dial, I hope I’m getting the number right because I know I’m in a mess. All I can think about is Logan and his warm face, his loving eyes, the protection that his stature gives me…

Ring, ring… Ring, ring,... Ring, ring…

I hop up and down while I wait for him to answer. I feel impatient, needy, stressed. I know that Logan gave me his number ‘for emergencies’ but I wonder if he expected me to use it. I’m sure not this soon, but what else can I do? I don’t have anyone else in the world.

“Hello?” he sounds a little gruff, maybe tired. I hope I haven’t woken him up.

“H… hi,” I stammer, a thick ball of emotion balling up in my throat making it hard to talk. I’m more worked up than ever now. “Sorry, L… Logan, it’s Pru, I… I don’t know…”

“Pru?” He sounds very confused but more alert now. I still feel really bad for waking him up but I’m just so relieved to have a friendly voice. “What’s the matter? Has something happened?”

“The couple next door, they were arguing, and I think it got violent I don’t know. Maybe I should be calling the cops not you, I don’t know I’m a mess. Then there are all the sirens and the banging. I keep thinking it might be gun shots…” I’m blabbing, but I can’t stop.

“Pru, Pru, stop,” Logan’s words are the only thing to prevent me from freaking out. “What’s going on? I can’t understand you. Is everything alright? Is it the apartment?”

“Yes.” That’s the simplest answer. “I don’t like it at all. I’m scared, Logan, please…”

He doesn’t say anything for a few moments, which leaves me drowning in self-doubt. This is the worst night of my life, but if Logan rejects me then it’ll crush me to the ground. I don’t know if that’s something that I’ll ever be able to recover from. I’ll never be able to adult again.

“Okay, Pru, just get back inside for now and lock the doors. I’ll be there very soon.”

The idea of going back into my home where I might be able to hear the couple arguing and God knows what else isn’t exactly appealing, but at the same time the knowledge that Logan is coming for me makes it all a little easier to handle. “Yeah okay, sure I’ll wait there. Thank you, Logan.”

Eventually I hang up the phone and I breathe a little easier. He’s coming, I’m no longer by myself. That makes me feel so much more relaxed. I think that was the main issue, the idea of spending all those hours completely alone. I wasn’t quite as ready for it as I thought I would be.

It’s going to be fine, I tell myself as I step rhythmically as I walk back home. It won’t take him long. Logan knows how scared I am, he’ll floor it to get here on time.

My pulse rate slows and my breaths return to a more than normal speed. I don’t get a surge of confidence or anything that I really need, but I’m not in a full state of panic anymore.

Still, I walk up the stairs slowly, not wanting to spend any time than necessary in that place. It’s lucky that all my stuff is still packed up because I won’t have to worry about sorting some clothes out. I can just grab a backpack and know that it has most of my stuff in.

I slide the key into the lock slowly and carefully, taking my time as I do. Then I push the door open and I pop my head inside. I listen intently, checking out for noise…

Nothing. Absolutely nothing. A deep ringing silence that’s almost even scarier.

Okay, so it looks like the arguing has stopped, which is a good thing. I step inside with a deep breath and I circle around and around, just waiting. My heart and stomach can’t relax though, I’m still not totally convinced that the yelling is done. In my experience it never is…

What the hell is that? My ears prick up, I hear sounds at last. Is that them?

All of a sudden, I hear something from that side of the apartment. Banging and groaning. It sounds bad now, even worse than before. I race to the wall and press my ear up against it to hear deeper. This time if I hear anything that scares me I’ll race out and call the cops, no doubt about it. No one ever called the police for me, so I want to extend that courtesy for someone else.

It doesn’t get any louder, so I don’t know what to do. I need something conclusive before I can make that call. Making a call to the cops unnecessarily will only cause me drama with the neighbors that I don’t need. The last thing I need is enemies.

Bang, bang, bang!

Chapter Fifteen – Logan

It takes Pru far too long to get to the door, I start to get a little worried. I hammer on it until she swings it open with a very pale, terrified looking face. Sweat pours down her forehead, her eyes wide and shocked, she looks like she’s really been through the ringer. It worried me even more.

“Come in,” she gushes and grabs onto my arm to yank me in. “I need you to hear this.”

She races over to one of the walls and pushes her ear up against it. “This is the apartment where they were arguing before and it sounded like things might have been getting violent. Now, I don’t know what is going on in there. It sounds all weird and I’m scared. I’m frightened for her.”

I don’t know what I’ve walked into, but I walk towards the wall to listen too. After everything that Pru has been through it makes sense that any angry words would freak her out. It’s just unfortunate that she lives in this awful neighborhood where things like that are far too common.

“Oh… Pru.” I have to stifle a smile as I recognize those sounds well. Bless her, she’s utterly adorable. “I don’t think you have anything to worry about. They aren’t arguing anymore.”

“What are they doing then?” She gives me an incredulous look. “It sounds… weird.”

“They’re having sex.” It feels weird to say the ‘s’ word in front of Pru, especially when it makes her face flame like crazy. She’s so innocent, it’s absolutely killer. “So, you don’t have to worry.”

She folds her arms across her chest as if she’s trying to hold herself together and my heart goes out to her. This new world is clearly too much for her, it’s terrifying her and I feel bad. I thought I was helping her, but clearly, I’ve pushed her into something she isn’t ready for.

I’m not comfortable with it, but I might have to suggest that she goes back into the center. I’ve just gotten my clean break from her, things are supposed to be going back to normal but Pru’s welfare is so much more important. “So what’s scaring you? Is it everything?”

“I don’t know.” She looks about ready to burst into tears. “Yeah, I suppose so, I don’t like this apartment in the night time, the city is a scary place to be all by myself.”

I bite down on my bottom lip, cursing myself before I speak. Why do I need to say this? “Do you want me to take you back to the centre? I know they still have your bed and as far as I’m aware they don’t have any plans to fill it soon. I can put in a call right now, if that’s what you want?”

“No, please don’t.” She shakes her head vehemently. “I don’t want to go back there.”

“But you don’t want to stay here either?” She shakes her head again, leaving me with very little option. “And I suppose a hotel is out the question, because you’ll still be by yourself.” I sigh, knowing that there’s really only one more choice. “Do you want to come to mine?”

Her whole face lights up, she loves the idea, but I can tell from the way that she holds herself this wasn’t her plan all along. She’s just scared, she doesn’t want to be by herself, and I suppose I can’t blame her. I didn’t like living alone at first either and I was much more savvy than Pru.

“You would do that for me?” she gushes. “Are you serious? That sounds absolutely amazing.”

“Of course, I would.” I grab my car keys out of my pocket and I wave them at her in a bit of a teasing manner, trying to keep it a bit light. “But let’s go quick because I don’t like where I’ve parked my car. It isn’t the nicest neighborhood here, is it? Do you need to pack up your stuff?”

She grabs her bag from the floor and flings it over her shoulder. “All packed. Let’s go.”

With that, we leave the, admittedly very grotty apartment, behind and we make our way down the stairs. As we go, I notice the constant blaring of the sirens and the banging. It is particularly loud here, no wonder Pru is freaked out. The center is far away from all of this, to keep it quiet for the kids who have been through a lot, so no wonder it’s hard hitting.

“We’ll take a look for a better apartment tomorrow,” I tell her as we go. “I don’t think you should come back here. I’ll ring up the realtor, kick off at her for lying and get my deposit back, then I’ll do what I can to find you a better place. Somewhere you can afford in a much nicer place.”

“Thank you, Logan, and I’m sorry I’ve been such a mess,” she replies morosely. “I really did want to be stronger. I guess I just didn’t think about the reality of it all.”

I grab onto her shoulders and spin her around to face me. “Pru, it’s honestly fine. I gave you my cell phone number for a reason. I wanted to be there whenever you need me, and that still includes night one. I know this is huge for you, so trust me when I say that it’s okay.”

She stares intently at me and nods. “Thank you, Logan. Now please, get me out of here.”

With more determination, we get down the stairs and to my car, which has thankfully remained completely untouched. I’m so glad I have a spare room now, because it means I can have Pru at mine comfortably. There won’t be any awkwardness about sleeping arrangements, it’ll just be easy. Until tomorrow when I get her a really nice home to live in. Even if I need to help her out a bit at first, anything to help Pru out… God, I would give that girl anything. Absolutely anything.

***

Pru bounds into my living room in her sweet little pajamas with a much more relaxed look on her face. With her hair scraped back and her face all washed clean, all sadness and stress has gone which makes her look beautiful and angelic all over again. I can’t help but smile at her.

“All better?” I ask happily. “Ready to actually get some sleep now? You must be shattered.”

“I am. Thank you so much. I have to say I feel a whole lot calmer here. Your apartment is lovely and the neighborhood is nice.” She glances around, drinking all of it in. “It’s a shame I can’t live in this building. That way I could always feel safe because I know you’re nearby.”

My heart skips about ten beats as I think about that idea. The thought of her coming in and out of the same building as me every single day is so wonderful. I could keep an eye on her, still keep that connection with her. I wouldn’t have to have any sort of clean break at all.

But maybe that would be a problem. Maybe if we cling to each other for support we’ll never be able to move past this. We’ll be stuck in this rut forever, getting deeper every single day.

“Yeah that would be…” I let out a mirthless chuckle. “That would be something.”

We pause and our eyes connect once more. It reminds me of all the times in the center when we had our taboo, naughty little looks that were so damn wrong it killed me. This is like that, but different too. There is no center, no people in our way, no rules that are there to shit all over us, Pru is no longer a child, she’s an adult. But still, it isn’t right. Still we cannot do this.

“So, erm, here is the spare room.” I walk towards the bedroom and open the door to her. There is the double bed that’s never been slept in. “I hope it’s okay for you…”

“Oh yeah that’s awesome.” As she races into the room, she brushes against me a little bit and it sets me alight. My whole body burst into flames and I find it extremely difficult to reel myself in. This is much too casual, much too informal, I can feel myself just about ready to explode. “I' love it, thank you so much, Logan. This is much too kind, you’ve been far too good to me.”

“No, that’s okay. This spare room is meant to be slept in. It feels good to have visitors anyway.”

“I don’t think I’m tired yet now, after all that,” she says with a giggle. “Could I have a drink?”

“You can have one that isn’t alcoholic,” I warn her. “I’m not going to let you do that…”

“I don’t want an alcoholic one you fool! I want something cool and refreshing.”