Days like this are the worst. They feel like they never end. I had been on my feet since nine o’clock this morning and haven’t quit. As the time nears six in the evening, I’m realizing my day needs to be done. I love my job but enough is enough.
In the past few years, I’ve been working as a community counselor for at-risk youth and absolutely love it. The teenagers don’t always appreciate my outgoing personality but they can’t constantly hide their smiles. To be considered a positive influence on these kids is extremely humbling and it brings invaluable purpose to my life.
Most of them don’t have adults at home to rely on so they come to the center for the support we can offer. To think I could actually have a lasting impact on their lives is still hard to believe. Most days I feel like they are helping me more than the other way around. Their wide range of life experiences keeps my professional life far more interesting than my personal one.
Not like I can really complain about matters outside of my career. After leaving small town living for the bigger city potential, I’ve never looked back. I grew up in Walstrom, Minnesota and thought I would spend my life among the rolling plains where I spent my childhood. No matter how much I loved that little town, I couldn’t escape the pain of him leaving and never returning. I had to be the one to go.
Even after all this time, thinking about him brings tears to my eyes. The broken promises, the love never reciprocated, the absolute abandonment. Xander Dixon was a huge part of my past and that is where he will always remain.
Once upon a time I thought we would get married, have a bunch of babies, and live in a cabin surrounded by the woods. We could grow old together, with nothing but one another to depend on. Our reality was much harsher than that fairytale my imagination dreamed up. I don’t even know if he’s still alive.
Enough about him. I need to stop this ridiculous obsession. Xander didn’t look back while boarding that plane and it’s time I walk away for good too.
Willow Shae Connor is a new woman. I don’t need memories of what-might-have-been to keep me happy. Ask all my friends around Minneapolis. Just don’t ask about my nonexistent love life. I’m not ready to address that.
On my way out, I swing by Lark’s office to say goodbye. Since we work closely together, we formed a breezy rapport that I greatly appreciate. Our jobs can be extremely draining and it’s vital to have trusted friends to process with.
I knock on her door before entering. Even after a long day, Lark is still hard at work behind her basic wood desk. She glances up as I approach and gives a slight grin. Her beautiful brown eyes give away her obvious exhaustion. This woman never quits.
“What are you still doing here? No hot date tonight?” I can’t help goading her a bit.
She chuckles while rubbing her pinched forehead. “Very funny. I have piles of paperwork to get through before I even consider leaving. My head hurts just thinking about how late I’ll be here.”
“Dude. No way. Let’s get a drink. I could really use one and clearly you need at least five. You work way too hard, Lark. If you keep pushing yourself like this, you’re bound to get burnt out.” I know how tough that is to hear but the truth hurts and all that.
I am all about this place but it can’t be all we live for. Lark needs a serious intervention and I won’t take no for an answer. She looks set to argue so I beat her to the punch.
“Seriously, let’s go. Right now. You’ve more than earned it and that stack of stuff can wait. I’ll buy the first round.” I tap my foot impatiently to get her moving.
She groans loudly but pushes out of her chair. “Fine, you’ve talked me into it. I get to choose the place and I am ordering the most expensive drink on the menu.” Her tone is full of sass but she already appears more energetic.
Score one for me. This night is definitely looking up.
A high-pitched ring wakens me from a deep slumber. I roll over and grasp for my phone.
“Hello?’ My voice is raspy from sleep.
“Oh dear, did I wake you?” My mother sounds concerned on the other end of the line.
“Hey mom. I’m up. No worries. What’s going on?” I have no idea why she felt the need to call me this early on a Saturday morning.
“I just got off the phone with Meredith Dixon and she had an interesting update on Xander that I thought you would like to know.”
The mention of his name is like a punch to the gut. My heart rate instantly spikes and nerves skitter through me as I prepare for the news I'm not ready to hear yet desperate to know.
“Okay. So, how is he?” I know my voice is filled with hesitation.
“Well honey, it doesn’t sound good. Meredith is very concerned. Xander has been back in the States for months but she’s just now finding out. Apparently, he’s gone into some sort of hiding.”
“Hiding? Like he doesn’t want to be found or is waiting for us to find him? I’m not sure how to take this news mom.” The thought of X in any sort of pain brings instant stabs to my heart. If he is hurting, I’m hurting.
“It seems Xander went through some . . . unfortunate crud overseas and needs time for himself. No one can reach him. Xander won’t talk to anyone, no matter what. Meredith isn’t sure what to do.”
I know my mother is stressed by the raise of her voice.
“Where is he, mom? Can we see him? I haven’t talked to him in so long but I want to know he’s all right.”
The hitch in my mother’s breath should have been my first warning. The long exhale, the next.
“When I heard Xander was back, I immediately thought of you meeting with him, but it seems he isn’t interested in any reconciliation. He’s isolating himself someplace up north. Meredith tried to visit but he turned her away without even opening the door.” The extreme worry in her tone is evident.
“I’m not sure why you’re telling me this. I haven’t spoken to Xander in almost three years.”
“Willow, you were the only one who could influence him when he was younger. He loved you unconditionally. The way you played together was magical. I’m not hoping for anything monumental but you could always reach that boy on a level no one else could understand.” My mother’s exasperated sigh told how she really felt about this situation. She wanted Xander and me to be married long ago. Unfortunately, fate had other plans.
“Mom, I’m not sure sending me out there is the right move. I’ve done my best to move on and I don’t want to throw away the progress I’ve made for nothing. Yes, we were close once but not anymore. I seriously doubt he would want to see me if he wouldn’t even allow his mother into the house.” I wanted to scream into my pillow in exasperation with this conversation, even though it had only been a few minutes. Bringing up the past always caused a piercing pang I didn’t prefer to feel.
“Would you try, Willow? For Meredith and me? If he sends you away, then at least we can say we tried. She sounds desperate for help.” My mom knows I can’t refuse her, especially when she is offering something I’m incredibly interested in.
“Fine, I will try to see Xander. Just let me know where he’s living. I hope you know I’m agreeing to this more for you than me.” The chuckle I hear through the line has me quirking an eyebrow.
“Honey, you love that boy more than a crisis patient and we both know how much you enjoy them. I appreciate you trying to contact him and I bet Meredith will be extremely grateful as well.”
“Great. Thanks, mom. Text me the details and I’ll let you know how it goes. Love you.”
We hung up after exchanging a few more pleasantries. My heart was pounding as apprehension floods my veins at the thought of potentially visiting the boy I still love.