I need someone to talk to right now. Daniel’s not home, and I don’t have many friends. There are some other neighbors, we smile. We ask each other about the weather. The day. Our kids and how big they’ve grown. The typical conversation that strangers would exchange with each other while trying to be polite to each other.

None of them were real friends, not like Carla. I was a very lonely housewife; I didn’t join any parenting groups when I had Daniel. I never socialized with anyone. All instructions that were given to me by my dead husband.

Tom never knew about my friendship with Carla. If he had, then he would have put a stop to it. Tom was always paranoid about me getting to know people, worried about gossip and that everyone would find out about his dirty secret.

I’ve had a heart-to-heart with her from time to time. She’s a nurse, and maybe that’s the reason I find it easy to talk to her. She has that calming nature about her. Something that makes me feel comfortable talking to her as if she’s not judging me when I do it. I didn’t tell her about Tom and his indiscretions. I’d kept that a secret, but I didn’t about the way that he’d died. She didn’t seem surprised when I told her. I remember her indifferent reaction when I’d told her that Tom was gay. It was the third time that I’d said it out loud.

The first was when I’d told my parents about how Tom died. They just stared at me, and Mom asked, “Jennifer, did you know?”

I lied and shook my head, I didn’t know officially that he was until that night that I’d been called to say that he died on top of a male prostitute. I remember the phone call as if it was only yesterday. He told me that they had a big banking conference in Vegas. I remember wanting to go with him. He’d used the excuse that Daniel would be alone if I went. And at the time, I nodded, even though I was thinking that it didn’t make sense. Daniel was at college; it wasn’t as if he was in the same house anymore and he didn’t need his mother to stay behind.

The second time that I told someone was his parents. They wanted to do the same thing that Tom had done; they wanted to keep it as a secret. His dirty secret. The one that I’d been living with for the last eighteen years.

The final time I told someone was when I told Carla. She just looked at me as she patiently waited for me ‘to let it all out,' she had instructed me was the best way to deal with grief. But I wasn’t dealing with grief. I was dealing with something completely different. Liberation. I left out the part that I’d wanted to leave him for years when I was explaining about Tom’s death,. I’d gone from leaving home to being stuck in a loveless marriage thinking that it was best for my son. It was only now that I realized I was living a lie. I’d been using Daniel as an excuse to stay, but fear had kept me in the marriage. The fear of not being able to make it on my own. But I didn’t even know what it entailed because I’d never tried it.

As I stand and wait for Carla, my mind darts back to here and now. I’m sure that she said that she’s working nights this week. So, she should be in at this time. It’s still early. I’m just about to give up calling again when the door opens, and it’s not Carla. It’s her son, Jason. I didn’t think that he was home. I thought that he had a week or so before college was out for the summer.

“Jason?” I ask, but I find myself speechless as my eyes are not focusing on his face, but on his body. Damn! When did he get so fit? Sure, I know that he plays ball and he trains, but he’s only been at college for one year.

“Hi, Jennifer. How are you?”

He’s holding onto the door. I wonder if he was training, because his body’s glistening with sweat. Maybe that’s why he never heard me ringing the bell. He was probably training with the music up loud. Daniel does that from time to time, but his body’s not like this at all.

My eyes slip further down, and I can see that not only does he have a perfectly formed set of abs, legs, and biceps, but he has a cock bigger than any I’ve ever experienced. I can see that from over here. I want to move closer to him and touch it. But Jason says nothing; it’s almost as if he enjoys me admiring his body.

I shake my head back to the reality that Jason’s young enough to be my son. He’s the same age as him.

“Is your mom home?”

Jason’s hand slowly slides down the door, as he says it in what feels in slow motion. “N-o.”

Is he flirting with me?

“Wait one minute.”

I stand at the door, unclear what I’m waiting for because Carla’s not at home. I came to see her, and I didn’t even know that Jason was at home. I know that Carla’s been working so many shifts lately, she said that bills are piling up like crazy. Maybe coming here and burdening her with my problems of having too much money and not knowing what to do with it isn’t a good idea. I’m exhausted after staying up all night and reading 12 Inches and then after I went on to read more books by Naughty Angel Publishing. They do know how to get a girl wet; I haven’t masturbated like that for years. It felt good. Relieving, to a certain degree. But today is really pushing me over the edge in a considerably less fun way. I’m back to feeling insecure, and I thought that maybe a chat with a friendly neighbor would take it away.

I can hear voices, and now I feel even more embarrassed about ogling Jason’s body. He has a girl over, and as the door is slightly ajar, I can see that he’s still with that girl Bethany. I thought that they broke up?

That’s what Daniel said; he was so happy. No one likes Bethany. Maybe she’s one of those girls that smiles to all the adults and just makes her peers lives a living hell. She’s always been pleasant to me, but I believe what Daniel has said. I’m surprised that I’m a little annoyed that she gets to fuck Jason when she’s such a bitchy girl.

“Bethany, hi,” I say nodding my head, understanding why Jason was sweating earlier on. He was having sex. God, I feel like one of those old women that don’t have a clue about anything anymore.

She nods. “Hi, Mrs. Marshall.”

I shake my head, the thought of being called that ever again makes me feel physically sick. Mrs. implies that I’m married, but before he died, we were never really married. Just two roommates in the same house and in separate beds. but he paid the bills, and we had one thing in common, and that was Daniel. Not even the signed piece of paper saying that we were married forced us to converse at times. Daniel did that when we had to go to parents’ meetings or watch him play ball. We sat. Smiled. Did the whole we are a happy couple charade. But behind closed doors, we were strangers.

“Jason wants me to leave…” She mumbles and looks toward Jason, handing him her panties she had wadded up in her hand. “Something for you to hold on to. If you change your mind.”

I don’t get what she meant by the sentence, but I can tell that Jason felt awkward and I wonder why I am staying behind the door. I should have left the moment he said that his mom wasn’t home.

Jason smiles and then ignores Bethany’s comment and the fact that she’s walking slowly, as if she’s hoping that he’ll call her back.

“Come in, Jennifer.”

I didn’t remember him ever calling me that before. He must have picked up on the way that I reacted when Bethany called me ‘Mrs. Marshall.’

I stopped being that on my honeymoon after I found out that my husband was gay. The strange part is that before, when Tom was alive, if I’d walked into this house and smelled sex I would have run a million miles.

Right now, smelling it, I close my eyes and as Jason doesn’t even attempt to put on any clothes, he asks me, “Would you like a drink?”

I nod my head saying, “Yes, please.”

I’ll like whatever he’s serving even if it’s in the kitchen or up in the bedroom where Bethany just left.