My heart flutters in my chest as Mark leans against the locker next to mine with a grin on his face. I try to focus on putting my books into my locker and packing up my backpack to go home, but I can’t focus. I have a feeling I know what he’s here to ask me and an unsettling feeling pulls at my stomach every second that passes.

“I have a question I’d like to ask you,” Mark says.

I grin as I pile the rest of the books into my locker, not bothering to organize them at all. I turn to give him my full attention. “Ask away.” Please don’t let it be that he wants to invite me over to study for geometry again. I loved spending time with him the last time, but I want to be more than just his tutor.

He glances down as he rubs his neck.

I sigh. Mark is great. He plays soccer, he gets good grades, he’s good looking. He’s not exactly in the popular crowd, but he is definitely high on the social ladder. And every sign points to him being interested in me.

“How did your geometry test go?” I ask, breaking the awkward silence.

“Good, thanks to you.”

“Have any plans for this weekend?” I ask at the same time he asks, “Will you go to prom with me?”

I stop breathing and my cheeks flush. He asked me. He finally asked me.

He smiles at my reaction. “So will you?”

I open my mouth to say yes, when my brother, Logan, walks up between us and his jerk of a friend, Carter, throws his arm over my shoulder.

“You ready to go?” Logan asks, looking from me to Mark.

“Can you give us a minute?” I ask glaring at my brother to leave me alone for five minutes so that I can say yes without having to be teased about it the rest of the night.

“Can’t do that. We have to get home, have a busy afternoon planned,” Carter says, staring at Mark as he pulls me tighter into his chest. I don’t know why he’s acting like this. He loves to tease me and torture me, but he’s not interested in me. I can tell from the way that Mark is looking at him and then to me that he thinks we are together. We aren’t.

“I should go. I have practice. I’ll catch you later Victoria,” Mark says, turning around and jogging quickly in the opposite direction.

“Mark wait,” I shout as I run after him, but Logan steps in front of me blocking my path and Mark doesn’t turn around or hesitate for a second.

“What are you doing?” I ask, crossing my arms over my chest.

“Mark Wagner really? You want to date Mark Wagner? You do realize that guy has slept with half of the girls in this school and that all he wants to do is get in your pants,” Logan says.

I frown. “So? Maybe I want to sleep with him.”

“No, you don’t,” Carter says from behind me.

I turn and glare at him too. “You guys can’t tell me who I can and can’t date.”

Logan sighs. “Come on, Carter promised his mom he’d be home early today to babysit the new foster kids.”

I grab my backpack off the hook and then slam my locker shut. I’ll argue with Logan later once we drop off Carter. Once we are home and I’m alone I can call Mark to tell him yes.

“Here let me help you,” Carter says grabbing my backpack out of my hands.

He swings my backpack over his shoulder along with his own as all three of us start walking down the hallway toward the parking lot where Logan’s 1994 Buick LeSabre sits.

I raise an eyebrow at Carter not understanding at all why he’s offering to carry my backpack. That is something nice people do or boys do when they are dating someone. It’s not something that Carter does.

“I can carry my own bag, thanks,” I say reaching out to grab my backpack back but Carter grips it tighter.

I exhale deeply and give up. It’s not worth the fight anyway. I’m just glad that he’s going to be at home tonight instead of over at our house like usual. I could use a break from him.

We get to the Buick, Logan climbs into the driver’s seat while Carter opens the back door for me. I climb in giving him an what the hell has gotten into you stare. He hands me my backpack before closing the door and climbing in the front seat. Logan puts the key in the ignition and we all cross our fingers while we wait for the engine to purr to life. When it does, we all sigh in relief that we don’t have to spend the afternoon walking the five miles home.

Carter turns the radio on to some hip-hop station. Neither Logan nor I like hip hop but it helps Carter relax, which is what he’s going to need if he’s going to survive an entire night at home. We all sit in relative silence, the music the only thing keeping us company until Logan pulls up in front of Carter’s trailer and turns the car off. Carter stares at the front door, but doesn’t move to jump out.

Our home life isn’t great, but Carter’s is far, far worse. He became a foster child when he was six. His foster parents have basically treated him as free labor and a welfare check ever since. He rarely stays at home, usually sleeping on our couch or in Logan’s bedroom. Today is one of the rare occasions when he’s required to be home. He’s supposed to babysit his foster siblings.

Carter exchanges a glance with Logan and then opens the door and climbs out of the car. He doesn’t say anything and we don’t either. We don’t say good luck dodging his foster father’s beatings. We don’t say keep your cool while the people that are supposed to be your parents throw all their money away on the slots instead of providing food and clothes for you. We don’t say anything because despite not having to worry about getting beat, our life isn’t much better. So we just watch Carter walk up to the door and disappear inside.

Logan doesn’t start the car up again. Instead, we just sit outside and hope that Carter comes back. Even I, who hates Carter’s guts and wishes I had some time to myself without having to worry about what stupid pranks he and my brother are going to pull on me, would rather have him here than getting beat.

“Why did you and Carter try to get between me and Mark?” I ask as I climb into the front seat.

“You’re too young to date,” Logan says ignoring me and staring at the door. He seems more worried than usual about his friend.

“I’m fifteen! That’s plenty old enough. You started dating way before that.”

“Yea and I shouldn’t have. You don’t want to end up like Amber, do you?”

I frown. “I’m not stupid enough to get pregnant in high school like my sister did.”

He finally looks at me. “You’re not having sex or dating until you’re in college.”

“You can’t tell me what to do. You’re not my father. You’re only two years older than me.”

He sighs and runs his hand through his hair. We both realize that it’s time to go. That Carter is stuck inside for the night and there is nothing we can do to protect him. Not tonight anyway.

“I can’t tell you what to do. Date Mark if that’s what you want. Just be careful, you’re the only one of us that has a chance at breaking free of this shitty town.”

I smile a little as I twist my frizzy hair around my finger and put my feet up on the dashboard.

Logan starts the car and begins speeding off toward our house. He glances in the rearview mirror and suddenly steps on the breaks.

“What the hell?” I say as my body is thrust forward and then back abruptly.

Logan continues to stare in the rearview mirror as his face goes white. I turn around scared to glance behind me when I see Carter running toward our car. He throws the backdoor open and jumps in. Logan immediately steps on the gas as soon as Carter is safely inside. I see Carter’s face out of the corner of my eye. His eye and cheek is black and blue.

We don’t ask questions. We don’t have to. And Carter offers up no explanation of what happened. We just drive to our house and pretend that this isn’t our life. That we are normal kids that don’t have to worry about problems like this.

Logan parks the car in the driveway to our house. It isn’t much, just a little over a thousand square feet in total. We don’t have a garage and the lawn has never been taken care of so it is mostly weeds at this point. We walk up the sidewalk that has large cracks in it and throw open the front door that no one ever bothers to lock. It’s not like there is anything worth stealing inside anyway.

We all head to the kitchen. We’re starving and food is the only thing that will make Carter forget about what just happened. Logan throws open the fridge and finds it empty. He opens the freezer and finds one bag of peas which he hands to Carter. He puts it to his face.

“Mom! We are out of food,” I yell as I walk into the living room.

I fold my arms across my chest when I find our mother in her usual position, passed out on the couch from drinking. She works the night shift at a convenience store and then spends her days drinking or smoking. I don’t even know why we bother calling her Mom, it’s not like she is one. We are basically on our own, always have been, always will be.

I walk over to her because I can’t take her crap today. I shake her shoulder until she finally stirs enough that she opens her eyes.

“What?” she barks at me, her voice sharp with plenty of bite at being awoken from her drunken state.

“We are out of food. And I need money to buy a prom dress.” I know Logan and Carter are listening to me from the kitchen, but I don’t care. I know Logan is just trying to protect me, but he isn’t actually protecting me. I can take care of myself. And Carter is just being his usual self. If he isn’t happy, then no one should be happy.

Mom sighs and closes her eyes again. “Take the cash in my purse to buy some food for tonight. And you don’t need a prom dress. No one has asked you.”

“Mark Wagner asked me.”

She half chuckles and half chokes on her saliva. “I didn’t think any boy would ask out a girl as flat chested as you.”

My head falls back and my eyes close tight trying to block out the disgusting woman in front of me. Her words mean nothing to me.

“What are we going to do about a dress?” I ask. I don’t bother asking about getting my hair done or buying some half decent makeup for the occasion because I know the answer to that is a no.

She yawns. “Wear one of Amber’s old ones or get a job and pay for one yourself.”

My heart sinks. I only have a few days until prom. I won’t have time to find a job, let alone make enough to afford a dress. And Amber was much curvier in high school than I am. Her old dresses will never fit me, not without some serious help.

I’m not going to let it deter me though. Good things don’t happen to me very often. And I’m not going to let my brother, his best friend, or even my mother from preventing me from having a good time at prom like every other normal teenager.

I storm into the kitchen and find her purse lying on the kitchen counter. While Logan and Carter both stare at me, I reach into it hoping for a miracle that there is actually money in here.

I pull out the wallet, open it, and pull out the single bill that sits inside. A five dollar bill. It couldn’t even be a twenty. With a twenty we could buy enough real food for us to last for days. Instead, we will have to settle on ramen noodles for the week.

I start walking out of the cramped kitchen and thrust the five dollar bill into Logan’s hand as I walk by. He can go figure out what to do to prevent us from starving tonight. I can’t deal right now.

I storm upstairs to my bedroom that I used to share with Amber. I throw open the sliding closet door that is barely hanging on. I start digging through the closet to the very back where I know Amber kept her prom dress. I pull out the single dress. It is light pink with some silver sparkles at the bodice. It’s strapless and flows out at the waist. There is no way it will fit me. I have no boobs.

I walk over to the landline because we can’t even afford cell phones. I dial Amber’s number.

“Hey sis,” she says.

“Hey, I need your help. A boy asked me to prom and I don’t have anything to wear. Mom said I could wear your dress, but there is no way it will fit me.”

“I’m sorry Victoria, I wish I could help.” I hear the baby crying in the background and I know there is nothing she could do to help. She has much more important troubles.

“I shouldn’t bother you with my stupid problems. How is Sailor doing?”

“She’s fussy and misses her Aunt.”

I smile. “I miss her too. I’ll have to come visit soon.”

We hang up and I realize what I already knew, but had to try anyway, that my sister can’t even help me. If I want to go to prom with Mark, I’m going to have to figure it out myself.

I start removing my t-shirt and jeans. I might as well try on the dress and see what hope I have of making it fit by this weekend. When I’m down to my bra and underwear, I pull the dress up my body and zip up the back. I let go of the dress to walk to the bathroom and look at myself in the mirror but the dress instantly falls to the ground at my feet. I have no curves anywhere on my body to hold the dress up.

I sigh and reach down and pick up the dress holding it up to my body while I walk to the bathroom. I step inside, turning the light on as I see just how big the dress really is.

I grab all the tissue paper we have and start stuffing my bra, hoping that if I can stuff it enough and maybe pin it slightly in the back, I can get it to stay up.

I hear a chuckle and I freeze, realizing that I didn’t shut the door. I was too focused on the dress.

“I don’t think there is enough tissue paper in the world to make you have tits big enough to hold up that dress,” Carter says as he leans on the doorframe.

I glare at him. “No one asked you.”

He shrugs and steps inside the bathroom behind me. He grabs the back of the dress around my waist and pulls it tightly until the front is flush to my skin.

My breathing stops at his touch. His touch is not a feeling I’m used to. I feel an electricity tingling from my fingertips to my toes when he touches me.

“There, that’s better,” he says, his eyes devouring my body in the mirror.

I narrow my eyes and remind myself to breathe. He doesn’t like you, I remind myself. And I hate him.

“Know how to sew?” I ask.

“Nope,” he responds.

I exhale deeply.

“Put some clothes on and come to Logan’s room,” he says.

“Did you guys get dinner?”

He shrugs. “We got alcohol.”

I turn and walk out of the bathroom, but not before Carter’s hands crawl across my lower back, sending chills down my back. I shake my head as I walk to my bedroom. I don’t know what is wrong with me right now, but I need to remind my body that he’s the enemy. Even when he tries to be nice once or twice a year, it’s only to make the pain that much worse when he eventually hurts me again.

I shut my bedroom door and then find my baggiest sweatpants and sweatshirt. A shield of sorts to keep Carter from hitting on me.

I step into Logan’s tiny bedroom that barely fits his queen sized bed. I find Logan lying back on the bed, while Carter is sitting on the floor leaning against the opposite wall. Both hold a beer in their hands.

“Here,” Carter says, holding out a beer to me.

I walk to Carter while I look at Logan, waiting for him to say that I can’t have the beer. He doesn’t say anything though. I’ve had a few beers before, but I’ve never drank with Logan. He never lets me. I don’t know why today is any different, but if we aren’t going to get to eat then we might as well get drunk to pass the time.

I take the beer from Carter and watch as he pats the floor beside him. I take a seat next to him despite my better judgment.

Logan starts playing some music on his radio and we all just sit there listening to the music while thinking about our shitty lives. Logan finishes his beer and then gets up, leaving Carter and me alone. I don’t know where Logan is going, but neither of us ask or care.

Carter downs his beer while I continue to sip mine. “Want another?” he asks.

I finish mine and then nod, handing him my empty can. He takes it from me and tosses them both in the corner of the room before grabbing two more cans from the box sitting on the floor at the foot of Logan’s bed. He hands one to me as he takes a seat next to me again.

“So who are you taking to prom?” I ask. I’m sure he’s going. Logan’s going with Michelle, a girl he’s been seeing recently. And Carter wouldn’t miss an opportunity to get a girl in his bed, or more likely my bed, while I end up sleeping on the couch.

He shrugs. “Haven’t decided yet.”

I raise an eyebrow. “Every girl you asked so far has turned you down,” I joke even though I know it isn’t true. No girl in our high school would turn down Carter. He’s far too good looking. No one can resist his charming smile. When he wants someone, he gets them.

“Don’t say yes to Mark,” he says.

I frown. “Don’t start that again.”

He fingers trace across my forearm as tiny goosebumps raise up and down my arm.

I pull my arm away and try to change the subject.

“What are you going to tell your teachers tomorrow when you come in with a black eye?” I ask.

He shrugs. “I’ll come up with something.”

“I have some makeup you can use. It’s not the best but it might help.”

He looks at me as a slow smile creeps up his face. “Do your worst.”

I jump up and run to my bedroom to grab my small bag of makeup before walking back to Logan’s bedroom. I feel the strange flutters in my stomach again as I take a seat next to Carter again. Logan is back on the bed drinking another beer, and Carter sets his down next to him as he looks at me.

I pull out my concealer and foundation and begin applying it around his eyes over the red and purple bruise that has formed on his face. I try to focus on the bruise instead of on his eyes but it’s difficult when he’s staring at me so intently. I’ve never seen him look at me this way.

I swallow hard and put down the makeup brush. “There, much better.”

He doesn’t respond or ask to look at himself in the mirror. I’ll have to apply more in the morning, but I think it will work well enough that most people won’t notice.

He reaches forward and tucks a strand of hair behind my ear. My heart stops, along with my breathing, and every other cell in my body. I don’t know what that was. But it felt like something I never expected to feel from him. It felt like he cared. Like adoration. Maybe even more.

“You’re beautiful, Tori,” he says so quietly that I’m not sure I even heard him say it.

But his words are what I play over and over in my head as I fall asleep. They are what I think about when I decide to wait to call Mark and tell him I’ll go to prom with him. They are what make me think that Carter wants to go to prom with me.

* * *

My heart races in my chest as Logan drives the three of us to school the next morning. Butterflies flip in my stomach throughout the day, until they become giant piranhas eating up my insides with nerves as the day ends and I know that I will see Carter again.

He’s driven me crazy my whole life, but deep down I’ve always felt something for him. I’ve always wished that when he was with the other girls, it was me he was kissing instead. I just never thought he would feel the same way about me. I never thought he would call me beautiful. I never thought he’d choose me.

I’ve been avoiding Mark all day, but as the school day comes to a close there’s no way for me to avoid him. He walks up to my locker just like he did the day before. Except this time, he barely looks at me and doesn’t smile at me when I look at him.

I bite my lip trying to decide what I should do. Mark is great. He’s been nothing but nice to me, but Carter…Carter brings me alive like nothing I’ve ever felt before.

I glance past Mark, and see Carter walking down the hallway to me.

‘No’ he mouths to me while nodding toward Mark.

I know he wants me to tell Mark no. I’m just not sure why.

I look at Mark and say words I never thought I’d say to him, “I’m sorry Mark, someone else already asked me to prom.”

“Oh, okay Victoria. I’ll see you around then.” His eyes widen a little and then he walks away in shock.

I smile brightly at Carter who is walking toward me. This is it. He’s going to ask me now that I turned Mark down.

He keeps walking toward me when a blonde woman grabs onto his waist. He stops and smiles at her before he leans down and kisses her on the lips.

My mouth drops open at what I’m seeing. How could I be so stupid to think that Carter would ask me to prom?

I turn back to my locker to keep the tears from falling. I’ll cry later in my room. Alone. But not here.

“Hey Tori, you ready to go?” Carter asks.

I nod as I close my locker and place my backpack over my shoulder. He doesn’t offer to carry my backpack like he did yesterday. Instead, he holds onto her like he’s been waiting his whole life for her.

“I’m Lily,” the blonde says.

“Victoria, Logan’s sister,” I say.

She smiles. “That’s so cool that you’re gay. I’ve never met a gay woman before. Have you found a girl to go to prom with you?”

My eyes flutter at her words. “What?”

Carter takes over for her. “No, Victoria hasn’t found a girl to take her to prom. Maybe next year.”

He pulls her in and kisses her again right in front of me while my heart is breaking. Carter has done some messed up shit, but this might be the worst. I’ve suffered plenty of physical pain because of him. But never heartbreak like this.

And it’s not over. I’m never going to find a boyfriend, let alone a date, the rest of my high school career. Carter made sure of that with his stupid rumor that he started. Even though it isn’t true, the whole school will believe him over me.

I’ve felt plenty of pain in my life. But my brittle heart has never been so hurt by a man that I thought behind all the bullshit he actually cared about me. I was wrong. A man like Carter could never truly care about me, because he doesn’t have a heart.