I step out of the bathroom after a long night of sex with Carter. Sex in the kitchen. Sex in the living room. Sex in the bedroom. Followed by sleeping hard in his arms. It was a night I would love to repeat over and over again till the end of time.

I can’t though. Today, it has to stop.

I walk into the kitchen to make coffee and a piece of toast, but I quickly change my plans when I see Carter standing in the kitchen with a large grin on his face. I just need to get out of here as fast as possible and grab breakfast on the way.

I walk around the island to grab my briefcase before heading out, but Carter blocks my way.

“Really? This is your genius plan—block my path out of here so that I have to talk to you?”

He smirks and pulls out the barstool at the counter. “My plan is to feed you a real breakfast while I convince you that this can work.”

I glance over at the plate. The smells hit my nostrils all at once. Pancakes, bacon, and eggs. I’ve never eaten so much food for breakfast at one time. But he went all out.

I sigh as I take a seat and begin to dig into the food that Carter prepared for me.

“How is it?”

“Delicious,” I say, annoyed that he can cook so well. It’s just pancakes, I remind myself. But they are the best pancakes I’ve ever had.

“Good.”

I shovel another bite into my mouth. “So, your plan is to cook delicious food for me so that I’ll forget about everything else and do everything you want?”

He shrugs.

“It’s working,” I say with a sigh.

He grins as he takes his fork and tries to get a bite off my plate. I stab his hand with my fork.

“Ow.”

“This is mine.”

He laughs and leans back. “Fine. But you’re mine.”

I almost choke on the food in my mouth. I swallow quickly and take a drink of coffee to wash down the rest.

“I’m not your anything, Carter. I’m your coworker; that’s it.”

“A coworker who has had sex with me how many times now?” he says with his grin that makes me want to do anything for him.

“We can’t keep doing this.”

“Why not?” He folds his arms across his chest.

“Because of Lily.”

“You do realize that what Lily and I have is fake. It’s not real. We are just acting to save her career, which was your idea.”

“I know. But we can’t because, if we got caught together, it would ruin Lily’s career.”

“We won’t get caught. Trust me.”

I don’t answer. I just keep eating my pancakes.

“What are your other problems with us?”

I push the pancake around with my fork, trying to avoid talking about this.

“I know you like me. The sex is amazing. We could be incredible together. Just give us a shot.”

“As I told you before, I don’t trust you not to hurt me. We haven’t even gone on a real date. All we’ve done is have sex or fight. You can’t build a relationship on that.”

He grins, leaning on the counter over my food. “Go out with me tonight.”

I shake my head. “We can’t. If we got caught—”

“If anyone saw us together, we would just play it off as two consultants on Lily’s team, discussing our plan over dinner, nothing more.”

I search his eyes, trying to find the asshole that I know is in there somewhere.

“Give me one chance. Go out with me on one date. If you still think us being together is a bad idea, then I’ll leave you alone. But, if you enjoy yourself, then we can talk about a plan for us to continue dating. Do we have a deal?”

I try to think about what the cons are to agreeing to such a deal. But I can’t, not when he’s smiling at me with such hope. I want to go out with him. I want to go out on a date with this fun man. I want to go out with the man who could change my whole world.

“Okay. Just one date.”

* * *

“You shouldn’t walk in with me,” I hiss to Carter as we walk into the building where Lily’s office is.

“Why not?” Carter says, grabbing my hand.

I pull my hand out of his. “Because we can’t look like a couple.”

He laughs. “You think anyone is paying attention to us? They are all wrapped up in their own lives; they won’t notice two people they don’t even know.”

A young woman comes up to Carter. “Oh my God! Are you Carter Woods? I saw you with Lily on TV last night. I had no idea the two of you were a couple. And that story you told about how you fell in love? It was beautiful.”

“I’m glad you enjoyed our story,” Carter says, darting his worried gaze toward me.

“I’m Jillian, I’m one of the paralegals for Lily,” the woman says, holding out her hand to Carter.

Carter shakes her hand. “It’s nice to meet you, Jillian.”

“Lily is already in her office, but if you are looking for a place to be alone, there is a restroom on the top floor that nobody ever uses.” She winks at him.

Carter smiles. “Thanks for the tip.”

I start walking to Lily’s office, and Carter jogs after me seconds later.

“Hold up, Victoria.”

I slow because I know he will make a bigger scene if I don’t walk with him.

“We can’t do this. A random stranger from Lily’s office noticed you, and we are barely even inside the building. We will get caught if we go on a date.”

Carter stops in front of me. “You promised. One date. I will take you to the most hidden restaurant I can find. No one will know. Okay?”

I nod, hoping that something will happen between now and then that will not let me go on that date. Because I know, if I go, he’s going to be charming and wonderful and perfect. He’s going to buy me flowers and hold my hand. He’s going to tell me all the lovely reasons he likes me. He’s going to give me his jacket when I get cold and then turn into an animal who kisses me and then fucks me in the cab on the way home. And, after a date like that, I’m going to fall. Completely and fully in love with him because I’ve wanted him since we were kids. I’ve wanted nothing more than to make him fall desperately in love with me, but he was always with someone else.

I can’t let myself fall in love with him. Because, as much as I want to think that he has changed, I know he hasn’t. One day, he will flip the switch again and turn back into the monster I know he has hidden deep inside.

We walk upstairs to Lily’s office. I knock before entering. I walk in with Carter close behind.

Then, Lily attacks Carter.

Lily’s arms wrap around his neck as she launches at him. And then she presses her lips against his and kisses him. Not a chaste kiss. Not a thank you so much for saving my butt yesterday kiss. A real I want you right here, and I don’t care who is watching kiss.

My mouth falls open at the sight, but I quickly recover. I twirl my hair around my finger, trying to distract myself. I try to force my eyes away from the two of them kissing. But, even if I could manage to somehow tear my eyes away, I could never stop seeing the two of them together over and over in my head.

I knew that sleeping with Carter was going to result in agony. And I was right. I can tell by the look on Carter’s face that he is just as shocked as I am about the kiss, that this isn’t what he wants. But it doesn’t matter. This is our life now. He has to pretend to date Lily. That’s the job. And it’s going to be the worst pain I’ve ever felt, watching him with another woman. It doesn’t matter that it’s pretend to Carter. It’s clearly not pretend to Lily.

Carter slowly pushes her back from his lips, and he stares at her with wide eyes. He wipes his lips. “Um…it’s good to see you, too,” Carter says, backing up toward the door like he wants to run.

I want him to run, too. Forget about this stupid job and just run. I’ll chase after him. It can be just like when we were kids, and he chased me all over the playground. Except, this time, when I catch him, he won’t push me down. He’ll fuck me.

Lily’s face lights up. “It’s a very, very good day, Carter. The best day in fact.”

Carter rubs the back of his neck. “And why is it the best day?”

“Because I have the most amazing boyfriend ever.”

“I’m not your—”

A knock on the door stops Carter from speaking.

“Yes?” Lily asks.

“I have a DVD from last night for you,” says a small, petite woman when she pokes her head inside.

“Thank you,” Lily says, holding her hand out to take the DVD.

Before she begins to walk out of the room, the woman eyes Carter like he’s the most delicious man she’s ever seen. Lily walks over and takes his arm. She takes the arm of my man. I tightly grip my hands together to keep from attacking Lily and claiming Carter as my own. But it’s clear that Lily is just as jealous, except she’s jealous of a woman who wasn’t doing anything other than looking.

When the woman leaves, Lily walks over to the door and closes it. She glares at Carter, still ignoring that I’m even in the room.

“You can’t talk like that! There are plenty of people in this office who would head straight to the first reporter if given the chance. If we are going to do this, we have to make it believable. I get in trouble when I don’t.” She drapes her arm around Carter again. “Plus, I think, after you see this”—she holds up the DVD—“you are going to remember just how good we are together, and we won’t have to pretend anymore.”

My eyes widen. I glance over at Carter, giving him a this bitch is crazy look, as Lily fumbles with the DVD player.

I’ll handle it, Carter mouths to me.

I roll my eyes. There is no way he is going to figure a way out of this. Whatever I missed last night made Lily completely smitten with Carter. He was either too good of an actor or…I can’t think of the alternative. As much as I thought I could stop this before I had any true feelings for Carter, it’s impossible. I’ve had feelings since we were kids. Kissing Carter, letting him touch me, fuck me made my feelings that much stronger.

“There,” Lily says, proud of herself, as the video begins playing. She quickly fast-forwards through the part of the interview where she fell apart.

I should have let the bitch burn out there, I think as I keep my distance. I don’t want to see her pretend to be dating my boyfriend.

Boyfriend.

He’s not my boyfriend. Not even close. But, right now, I want nothing more than to walk across this room, grab his neck, and show Lily what a real kiss looks like between two people who actually care about each other.

She presses play as she holds out her hand to Carter. I watch his hand. I watch him hesitate for the tiniest of milliseconds, considering holding her hand. It’s unfair of me to judge him so closely. I probably even made it up. I’m just torturing myself.

Carter takes a seat at the table near the TV that one of Lily’s assistants must have brought in, but he doesn’t take her hand. Lily drops her hand with a hint of disappointment on her pursed lips as she leans against the table, ensuring that she can be as close to Carter as humanly possible. I stay standing near the door. I might as well not even be here.

I try to pretend like I don’t care. That whatever happens on the TV won’t affect me. I know who Carter really wants. Me. Nothing else matters.

But, as they begin speaking, telling stories from high school that I know to be true, it feels less like pretend and more like a real thing between them.

“Give her a kiss,” the host says.

My heart sinks. It’s just a kiss, but it’s a kiss before millions of people on national TV. Something that I can never have. At least, not anytime soon.

I find my legs bringing me forward to watch what is happening on the screen as the crowd eggs them on, wanting them to show their affection in front of them. I walk until I’m standing only a foot from the TV.

I watch as the host asks again for them to kiss, knowing that she’s given the crowd enough time to get excited about the two of them. I watch as Carter leans over to Lily and kisses her. I watch his eyes close. I watch his tongue push into her mouth. I watch his hands tangle in her hair. I watch him kiss her like I don’t exist.

I don’t. It was a lie. I just thought Lily and the world were the ones being lied to, not me.

“That was a genuine kiss, wasn’t it, Victoria?” Lily asks.

I nod because my throat is far too dry to speak.

“See? Victoria agrees. We should be together, Carter. Look at us on the screen. We look great together. If I remember correctly, the sex was amazing,” Lily says, inching her way toward Carter.

I can’t listen to this anymore, or I’m going to vomit or scream or wring both of their necks for letting me get involved in this mess between the two of them.

“I’m going to give you two a minute to figure out whatever is going on between you. I’ll be back in a half hour or so to figure out what the plan is,” I say, walking toward the door.

Carter pops up, running until he beats me to the door. “Stay.”

I shake my head. “You two have plenty that you need to work out.”

“Victoria,” he says my name.

One word, but I can tell everything he is feeling. Pain, scared, need, lust, sorry. All the feelings I need him to feel.

I scoot past him, walking out the door, telling him how I feel without a word. Betrayed.

I keep walking until I exit the building, until fresh air hits my face. I take a deep breath as I stand outside, able to really think for the first time all day. I’ll take a walk. Just circle the block a couple of times. Give Carter a chance to talk to Lily.

And then, when I come back, he can talk to me.

I walk briskly, trying to get as much of my frustration and pain out as possible. But walking quickly doesn’t help.

I try to reason with myself. I convince myself that their kiss meant nothing. It was just Carter acting, that he wants me, not Lily.

I try distracting myself. I think about Sailor, Amber, my mom. I have hardly talked to any of them since coming here.

I pull out my phone and dial Amber’s cell. Sailor isn’t out of school yet, but I can call and just check on my sister. I’ll call Sailor later in the day.

“Hi,” Sailor’s meek voice answers the phone.

“Sailor, what are you doing home from school? Are you sick or playing hooky?” I tease, happy. Whatever reason my niece is home, it means I get to talk to her for a few minutes, lighting up my day.

“Amber didn’t drive me to school.”

My heart sinks. “What do you mean? Sailor, can you put Amber on the phone? I’ll talk to you again in a second, I promise. I have a funny story to tell you about an old high school friend of mine.”

“I can’t. She’s asleep.”

My heart stops. All my worst fears start flying through my head. That something happened to Amber. She committed suicide. She overdosed. She finally gave up.

“Okay, Sailor. I need to hang up a minute to call Grandma, and then I’ll call you right back, okay?”

“Okay.”

I reluctantly end the call and dial my mom’s number. I give her all the details, and she promises to call 911 and get over there ASAP. But I have to sit here, hopeless. Because I can fix everyone’s problems but my own family’s.

I shake my head. I can fix my family’s problems. I just can’t fix my own problems.

I pull up an airline website on my phone and book the next one home. I start walking back to my rental car when Carter ducks out of the building, grabbing on to me.

“I have to talk to you,” Carter says.

“I need to talk to you, too,” I say even though I don’t have time for this conversation. “But it needs to wait.”

Carter puts his finger to my lips. “No, it can’t wait. I need you to know how incredibly sorry I am. Both of those kisses back there meant nothing. I feel nothing for Lily. Not even the tiniest of sparks compared to what I feel with you.”

I smile weakly, trying to pretend I care about his words right now when all I can think about is Sailor and Amber.

“Are you listening to me? I want you, not Lily. I want you, Victoria. I’m sorry about all this mess, but I’m not really dating Lily. It’s all a lie. It’s all pretend. Lily understands that now. That all we will ever do is hold hands and pretend to be in love and occasionally kiss, although I will try to prevent that at all costs. That woman kisses like I imagine a lizard would.”

I zone him out. I can’t hear his words. Only focusing on the fact that my family needs me.

“Victoria?”

I don’t answer. I just think about if I have time to stop by Logan’s to pack or if I should go straight to the airport.

“Victoria?”

I probably should just go straight to the airport.

Carter grabs my neck and waist as he kisses me. I’m caught off guard, but he’s desperate to give me everything with this kiss, and slowly, I let him into my world of pain. I let him know how scared I am. As our tongues dance together, I tell him that I like him, too.

He slowly breaks away. “What’s wrong?” he asks.

I shake my head and stay in his arms for a second longer. If I tell him what’s going on, I’ll start crying, and then he’ll insist on coming with me. But he can’t. He needs to stay here, and I have to go.

“I just have to go. Tell Lily that I quit. That a family thing came up.”

And then I walk away from what I know is a man I could love with every fiber of my being. I just don’t know if he will still be waiting for me when I get back from fixing my family.