I hold the envelope in my hand as I walk out onto the balcony.

I lean over the edge of the railing and take a deep breath as I stare at the envelope addressed from Carter in my hand. I turn it over and over again deciding if this will be the one that I finally just toss into the pool instead of opening and reading. Every time I receive one, which is at least once a week, sometimes more, I do this. I tell myself I’d be better off just tossing them out and forgetting about Carter, but I can never actually do it.

As much as I want to be over him, I’m not. I bought the house that he proposed to me. I will never stop thinking about him. Never stop loving him. But I need to get over him.

I look down at Amber and Sailor playing in the pool together. They are happy. Happier than I’ve ever seen them.

If I’m thankful for one thing about Carter it was his idea to buy a house that we can all live in. That’s what I was trying to do in San Fransisco, but it was too close to our mother. Too close to our pasts that we needed to escape. And it didn’t include Logan.

Now all of us live together. I started a PR company and have been teaching Amber and Logan how to work with me.

And our mother is out of our lives for good after what she did to Amber.

I take a seat in the lawn chair, still holding onto the envelope. I lift it to my nose and take a deep breath, smelling the hints of his cologne that always seem to rub off onto the envelope reminding me of everything I’m giving up, by giving up Carter.

* * *

I feel his lips on mine and my body immediately wakes up. I open my eyes and stretch, loving waking up to him in San Fransisco.

“I could get used to this,” I say wrapping my arms around his neck and pulling him into another kiss.

“I brought you breakfast,” he says.

I bite my lip. “What if I want you for breakfast?”

He grins and pushes my arms above my head. “I figured you would say that.”

“What are you going to do about it?” I tease.

He reaches to the nightstand where I see he’s made eggs, toast, and bacon. Suddenly, my stomach growls at the sight of food.

Carter grabs something next to the plate that I don’t realize is a tie until he ties my arms above my head and then to the headboard.

“Carter, I don’t think I can handle being tied up,” I say, my voice nervous.

He grins. “I know. You like control too much. But sometimes, this is what you need.”

He grabs the hem of my tank top and lifts it up, but not all the way over my head. Instead, he lifts it just high enough until it is covering my head.

“Carter, I can’t see.”

His lips come down on mine and he kisses me gently.

“I know,” he says again.

His lips trail down my chest sending chills all over my body. He’s kissed me like this before, but I’ve never felt such intensity. My arms squirm over my head and my breathing picks up. I love it and hate it at the same time. I don’t want him to stop, but I really want him to untie me and uncover my eyes.

“Just focus on your breathing Victoria. You can do this.”

I take a deep breath in and out and then I feel his lips back on me again. And I forget about breathing. I forget about anything but him.

He pushes my legs apart as his cock rests between my legs. His lips and tongue continue to kiss me and I can’t breathe. I need air. He needs to remember that I need to breathe.

My arms pull hard at the tie, but I can’t get my arms free. My body squirms beneath his, trying to remind him to let me breathe.

His lips finally leave mine, and I take in a gasp.

“Do you trust me Victoria?” he asks in my ear, his breath hot against my skin. “Because if you trust me, then you can relax. You can know that I will take care of you and I’m not going to do anything to cause you pain. You can relax and let me fuck you.”

He kisses my neck. “Do you trust me?”

“Yes,” I breathe, even though I’m not sure I do. But I want to. Desperately. And maybe this is what I need in order to trust him.

One word and he owns my body. He kisses every inch of my body, making me squirm and feel electricity I’ve never felt before, even though he’s kissed my entire body before. Somehow the blindfold and being unable to move my arms makes it that much more intense.

He pushes his cock hard at my entrance, begging me to let him in while he kisses my lips. It feels like he’s asking me to open my heart as well. I’m not sure if I’m ready. Not after everything we’ve been through.

But as his cock pushes inside me, I know that I’ve let him far into my heart. I love him. I want him. I trust him.

Three things I’ve never thought I’d feel about Carter.

* * *

A tear rolls down my cheek thinking back to that morning. The sex was amazing, but he was equally as amazing afterward. He fed me breakfast bite by bite. He took care of me. And for once it felt good to be the one taken care of, instead of the one that has to take care of everyone else.

But it was all a lie. He didn’t really care about me. He just wanted me to sleep with him. And he sure as hell didn’t love me. He isn’t capable of love.

I stare down at the envelope that I’m sure contains another napkin with another apology. His apologies are good. Seemingly heartfelt even. But they aren’t enough. Not now after everything that has happened.

My life has changed, but I’m still the same person. I live my life taking care of my family. And even if I can find a way to forgive him, I won’t forgive him for getting me fired and hurting my family. My family comes first. I can’t forgive him for hurting them.

My heart wants to know that he’s been thinking of me, but instead of opening the envelope, I don’t.

I stand up and walk to the edge of the railing. I drop the envelope over the edge and let it fall slowly down to the pool beneath. It hits the water and I know there is no going back. It’s soaking wet, even if I tried to recover it, there is no guarantee that I’d be able to read his words.

It feels right. It feels like after all these months, almost eight to be exact, that I’m finally over him. But the pain still remains.

He’s ruined my life in so many ways. There is no way I will trust a man, not after him.

But I’m not done ruining his.

I pull my cell phone out of my pocket and I dial Lily’s number like I often do every few weeks. I can check in on Carter and earn the paychecks that Lily still sends me by tweaking things to ensure that she stays on top of her game.

But this time, it’s not just to benefit her, although it will. It’s to benefit me as well. Because I need to see him truly pay for what he’s done to me and my family. He’s never going to stop paying for what he did.