My head pounded ferociously. My mouth was full of cotton balls coated in sand. My eyelids were weighted with bricks. I groaned, and that sent lightning bolts of pain through my head. I tried to sit up, but the room spun, and my stomach roiled, threatening to empty itself everywhere. Sunlight peeked around the edges of the drapes, threatening to take the pain of my skull and turn it into a throb. Fuck, I rarely drank like this, but I really outdid myself last night. It was supposed to be me clearing the air with Bianca and making things less awkward, but I thoroughly fucked that up.

I somehow got out of bed, though my knees were weak, and my stomach was beyond queasy. In the bathroom, I bent down and turned on the faucet guzzled the water. It was cool and soothing against my parched throat. After I was waterlogged, I finished my business in the bathroom and went back to bed. I wasn’t going anywhere today. I felt like death. No hangover cure was going to touch this.

My phone rang, buzzing against the wood table next to my bed. I’d turned the ringer off last night at some point because it kept going off. A hazy memory tugged at me, but I disregarded it. Instead, I reached for my phone and squinted at the bright display. It was Viv.

“Hey, Viv,” I answered.

“Are you okay? I’ve been calling you for hours!” Her screeching voice made me pull the phone away from my ear, cringing as it reverberated through my skull.

“I’ve been sleeping. I drank too much last night.”

She sighed heavily. “Why’d you drink?”

Bianca’s face floated through my mind along with all the secrets I’d kept from her, all the things she should probably know, but I was never going to tell her. “I’m not sure. It just…happened.” And it had. One glass blended into another until I wasn’t thinking clearly, and my mind had grown black. I frowned, trying to remember what had happened. I vaguely remembered her helping me into an elevator, but things got even hazier after that.

“You really shouldn’t do that, Nash,” she said, talking to me the way my mother would if I’d let her down.

“Trust me, I’m suffering the consequences today.”

“I guess you are.” She paused a beat before launching into a million wedding things. As she droned on, I laid down and closed my eyes. I didn’t even pretend to listen to her as she talked. At this point, I was pretty sure she just wanted to hear herself talk. I must have dozed off because, the next thing I knew, Viv was screaming my name into the phone. “Why aren’t you listening to me?” she whined.

“I’m just tired. Head hurts.” I couldn’t pry my eyes open, could barely muster the energy to respond to her.

“Fine. Call me when you sober up.”

I grunted and hung up the phone. I immediately fell back asleep.

When I woke up, the room was pitch black. No light showed around the drapes. I felt better, though still hung over. This morning, I’d still been drunk. At least I was pretty sure. I remembered the conversation with Viv, but not very clearly. I rolled over and tried hard to convince myself to get out of bed that I had to pee and get more water. My mouth was still parched. Water was the only thing that’d help my sorry ass.

Eventually, I peeled myself out of bed and took care of all of my needs, then went right back to it. It was too much work to do anything but lay in the dark. I grabbed my phone and dimmed the screen so I could stop squinting as hard. There were over twenty missed calls from Viv and more than three dozen texts asking me to call her. I cleared all of those notifications. I’d talked to her. She could wait until I wasn’t miserable.

Alcohol tended to exhaust me, and it was surely working its magic now. My eyes drifted closed again, and scenes flashed behind my eyelids. Bianca on her knees in front of me, the brown of her eyes so deep and enticing. Her lip tucked between her teeth as she gazed up at me, so sexy and vulnerable at the same time. I touched her, running my fingers over her features and relishing how soft her skin was. Then I was on the floor in front of her, kissing her face before hovering my lips over hers. God, her breath had been so sweet from the wine. It was almost like it really happened like she’d been there. Every point of my body that had come into contact with her tingled with awareness. She’d closed her eyes, silently begging me to close the distance and kiss her.

My eyes flew open, and I bolted up in the bed. That wasn’t a vivid dream—those were memories. I searched my brain for what had happened next, but nothing came. I could recall her scent, the way her lips felt as mine brushed hers, the smell of her breath, but that was it. There were big empty spots as I tried desperately to remember what I’d said, what had happened. My bed was empty, so she hadn’t stayed here. If she’d been here, there was no way I’d let her leave.

Unless I was too drunk to remember.

No, I still had my jeans on from last night. I scrubbed my hand over my face. I’d messed up even more than I thought I had. I tried calling her, but there wasn’t an answer. I texted, asking her to call me.

I was met with silence. I spent the rest of Friday in my hotel room, continuing to recover. Over the weekend, I went out and grabbed some coffee before holing up in my hotel room some more. I didn’t want to deal with the outside world. I wanted to clear my head and wait for Bianca to contact me. I needed her to contact me.

She didn’t call or text. There was nothing but radio silence. On Monday, I hoped she’d be there. It was the day we were taste testing cakes, and I needed to see her. I wondered what she’d do. What if she blew me off? There was no way she’d do that, right?

On Monday, I strolled into the cake shop. No Bianca in sight. In fact, there was no one. I went to the front counter and rapped my knuckles against the counter as I looked for any signs of life. A few minutes later, Bianca walked out from the back, followed by a short, pudgy woman with wild curly hair.

“Mr. James,” Bianca said, her eyes falling on my chin. “Chrissy prepared some cakes for you to test. Vivienne instructed certain ones that she’s interested in you trying, so we’ll pay special attention to those.” She went over to a table and took a seat, setting her ever-present binder in front of her. She hadn’t given me a chance to say anything, not that I could with Chrissy right there.

Then the torture began. Pieces of cakes were shoved in front of me, and I was told all about them, details that went in one ear and out the other. The cakes were delicious, but I wasn’t interested in them. I wanted to talk to Bianca. I wanted her to give me some hint that my drunken memories were true. Instead, I got steely silence. Chrissy led the meeting, making it so Bianca didn’t have to say a damned word.

“Is there one in particular you like, Mr. James?” Bianca asked, flipping through her planner.

“I like the traditional one.” I pointed at it with my fork.

Bianca consulted her notes. “Vivienne was interested in the chocolate with raspberry filling. What did you think of that one?”

“It was good, but it was too rich.”

She jotted something down. “So, you like traditional. Almond flavoring with the butter cream?” The way she avoided looking at me at all caused anger to roll through me.

“Yes.”

“That’s our most popular cake,” Chrissy interjected. “It’s light and not too decadent after having a heavy meal. I think it’s an excellent choice.” She smiled at me.

I tapped my fork against my plate and regarded Bianca. Her back was ramrod straight, and her shoulders were squared. “What did you think, Bianca?” I asked her, knowing she hadn’t tried a single bite of any cake.

“I’m sure they’re all great.”

“But which do you think would be better? Chocolate or the traditional?” I’d prod her into a response if I had to.

She sighed and finally looked at me. All the vulnerability that my memory told me was in her eyes had vanished. Instead, the impenetrable wall was back. “Whichever you would prefer to have as your wedding cake. I’m sure any of them would be wonderful.”

I got a bit of the chocolate cake onto my fork and held it up to her mouth, daring her to refuse me. She pressed her lips into a flat line, clearly unhappy. If she refused this, Chrissy would be offended and that wouldn’t be a good professional move for Bianca. If she took this bite, she’d be giving into me. She was stuck in a lose-lose situation. Her full lips parted, and she took the offered cake. She chewed slowly, keeping her gaze glued to mine. “That’s really good.”

I thought that’d be the end of it, but she opened her mouth and quirked an eyebrow, daring me to stop this before her. I hurriedly got the traditional cake on my fork and gave it to her. She chewed again, her throat muscles working with a swallow. I wanted to press my lips against them and feel them move under her skin. “You’re right, Mr. James. I think the traditional cake is a much better option.”

It felt like a victory, though I wasn’t sure what I’d won. The air was heavy and charged around us. We were locked in our own stare down, unspeakable words passing between us. I knew, at that moment, she’d been ready to kiss me on Thursday night. I cursed my drunken self for ruining that perfect opportunity. I licked my lips, wanting to feel hers against mine.

After some more questions, the meeting wrapped up. “I’d like a moment with my client, Chrissy. Is it okay if we stay in the shop for a bit before we head out? I don’t want to cause you any issues.”

“You’re fine,” Chrissy said. “We don’t open for business for another forty-five minutes. Take your time.” She turned to me. “It was lovely to meet you, Mr. James. I’m a huge fan, and it is an honor that you’d trust us to make your wedding cake.”

Guilt washed through me. I’d openly flirted with Bianca while tasting cake for my wedding to someone else. I hadn’t even thought of Viv unless someone else mentioned her. “Thank you so much. I appreciate meeting a fan, always.” I signed a piece of paper for her and she went into the back, leaving me alone with Bianca.

“About Thursday,” I said. I needed to get this out there. The tension between us was palpable.

She held up her hands. “Let me apologize. I was unprofessional. You are getting married, and I shouldn’t have taken advantage of you in such a vulnerable state.”

A slow grin spread across my face. “You took advantage of me. Do tell. As many details as possible.” I leaned forward, resting my elbow on the table, my chin in my hand.

She groaned. “The fact that you don’t remember makes this so much worse.”

I slid my chair closer to her until our knees were pressed together. That small contact shot heat straight up my leg until it turned into arousal. “I remember enough. Touching you. Kissing your face. You with your palm against my chest.”

Her eyes flew to mine, widening. She blinked rapidly. “I didn’t think you’d remember all that.”

“It’s all I can think about. I play it over and over in my mind.”

She bit her plump bottom lip. “It was wrong.”

I rested my palm against her thigh, and her entire body jolted. “It was the rightest thing I’ve done in years.”

Her eyes came to mine, regarding me silently. Viv hung in the air around us, the unspoken entity. My gut knew I needed to make a decision and that I was tearing everyone apart, myself included. It was hard to decide to hurt someone, though it was clear to me who I’d pick. There’d only ever really been one option.

“Can I ask you a question?” she asked, her voice quiet, dropping all discussion about Viv.

“Yes.”

“Why’d you keep the guitar pick?” Her eyes blazed into mine. I knew whatever answer I’d give her was important. I could answer this very right or very wrong, depending on what I wanted the outcome to be.

I rested my free hand against my chest, where I knew the necklace was. “Because you gave it to me. I wanted to keep you near me, even when you weren’t around.”

She nodded slowly, her eyes getting a faraway look like she was thinking about something. “We still can’t do this. You’re engaged. I’m planning the wedding. It’s not right.”

“I want—”

“I can’t be the other woman, Mr. James. I can’t. It wouldn’t be fair to Vivienne, or me,” she said, cutting me off.

I hated that she was right, but of course, she was. I wanted to say something, anything, to get her to stay with me. “What if she was out of the picture?”

She shook her head. “But she isn’t out of the picture, is she?” She stood, gathering her stuff. “Goodbye, Mr. James.”

She left. It seemed she was always leaving. I sat there for a long time, thinking. I was honest enough with myself that I knew this wedding was a mistake. I loved Viv, but my feelings for her paled in comparison to what I felt for Bianca. Maybe it was time to take a chance. Would Bianca want me if I wasn’t with Viv? Or was she rejecting me because she really didn’t want me? The look in her eyes the other night was one that was clearly desire. She wanted me just as badly as I wanted her.

If I was honest with myself, I was scared. I was scared that she wouldn’t want me. There was no way she’d see me alone, so I needed to figure out how to get a chance to talk to her. A clear decision was made, forming in my mind. A sense of peacefulness settled over me. A heart would be broken, but it needed to be done. I couldn’t live this half lie anymore.

Felix was coming back into town today after spending time in California. Checking the time, I realized he was probably at the airport, so I called him.

“‘Sup?” Felix answered.

“Would you be willing to help me out?” I asked. We didn’t need all the bullshit filler. We got right down to business.

“Anything. What do you need?” He was serious now, listening intently.

“I need you to contact Peyton and organize a dinner for all of us to get together. But I don’t want Bianca to know that I’m going to be there.” After I’d given Bianca his number, he and Peyton had talked. They worked out their issues and seemed to be getting along great. Maybe things weren’t as good as they once were. But they were better.

“That’s some shady shit, Nash. I don’t know if I’m down with that.”

“Please, just help me out. I need to talk to her, and she won’t listen.”

He chuckled. “You really think cornering her will make her listen?”

“I have to try.”

Maybe the desperation in my voice conveyed how much I needed this. I didn’t care because I did need this. “Okay. I’ll see what I can do. But, Nash?”

“Yeah?”

“If you break her again, I’ll break you. You’re my best friend in the entire world, but it’s clear you destroyed her last time. If you push her all this way only to hurt her, we won’t be cool.”

I smiled. I loved that Felix was still protective of Bianca all these years later. “I’m not going to break her.”

“Got it. I’m about to board. Talk to you when I land.”

“Thanks, man.”

“I got you.”

We hung up, and for the first time in years, I had hope.