I walked into the floral shop to make sure I had everything set. The shades were drawn, NDAs signed, and minimal employees were present. I vetted places before I mentioned them to Nash and Vivienne. If they didn’t like the first choice, I’d move to the next on the list. This was the best florist in the city, in my opinion. They were a smaller shop, but they had the most creativity. The arrangements they made were nothing short of breathtaking. I hoped Nash wouldn’t be bored silly looking at flowers, but we had to get this done. For an event of their size, the vendors needed ample time to prepare, to make sure they knew what they were doing, to place big enough orders. Plus, vendors booked quickly and sometimes over a year out. We were lucky this florist was available on the date Nash and Vivienne had picked.

I waited for Nash to show up, my stomach rolling. After we’d checked out the ballroom, I hadn’t heard from him, not that I expected to. He’d been wrapping up the tour and doing some interviews in New York City. Vivienne had been in contact with me, making plans and setting appointments. She wasn’t going to be able to make it today. In a way, I was glad because I needed to talk to Nash. As conflicted as I was when it came to him, we needed to talk.

I couldn’t keep living this way, feeling gutted at the end of every day and crying myself to sleep. Every emotion I’d had under lock and key for so many years had surfaced with a vengeance. I missed Nash, and I missed what we had. But he wasn’t mine to miss or love anymore, so I needed to talk to him. I needed to put all of this to bed so I could really and truly move on with my life. Over the years, Peyton had said I needed closure to move past Nash. I hoped clearing the air would be the closure I so desperately needed.

The door of the flower shop opened, and two big, burly security guards walked in. Their eyes swept the place. I recognized one as Nash’s bodyguard. I didn’t recognize the other one. Maybe Nash had brought more with him. Usually, in the city, he only had one. I didn’t often think of him or notice him because he was amazing at blending in, being there without actually being there.

Nash was ushered in and my heart stuttered, and my lips fought a smile. Seeing him still made me slightly weak in the knees. Then Vivienne came in after Nash, taking her sunglasses off. The smile fell and my heart sank. I hated feeling this way. I had no right to.

Vivienne came over to me, kissed me on both cheeks. “I was able to get away for a day,” she said as she set her stuff on the table. “I was able to see Nash’s last concert, and I wanted to come and check out the flowers.” Nash sat at the small round table that was in the room, the one Vivienne had just set her stuff on. “As if Nash could be trusted to pick out flowers.” She giggled. “He’s hopeless.”

I wondered why she dragged Nash here anyway, but I kept my mouth shut. The owner of the shop came in, and the meeting was underway. We discussed arrangements, colors, blooms and their meanings, and how many they’d want. As the guest list was still being decided upon, we weren’t sure how many centerpieces we’d need to have, but we had a rough idea.

“As for bridesmaids, I’m thinking about six,” Vivienne said. She rattled off names of other Hollywood stars. “And I want my sister and Nash’s sister, Hazel. My sister’s going to be the maid of honor. Both she and Hazel already accepted.”

Hurt pierced my heart thinking of Hazel. “That’s great. Have you talked to any of the other women?” I asked, hoping my voice was even and professional.

“Most of them. I have lunch dates with the other two when I get back to California.” Vivienne smiled, and her face went from gorgeous to stunning. No wonder Nash had fallen for her. She seemed to be the complete package. She was gorgeous, intelligent, and sweet. Peyton was right, of course. It was impossible to hate Vivienne because she was so nice. It’d be so much easier if she was a social climber and catty, but I knew Nash would never want anyone like that.

“Excellent. Make sure they’re there when we go dress shopping. We can look at bridal and bridesmaids’ dresses at the same time.” I made a note in my binder.

Things continued, and plans were made. Nash and Vivienne signed the contract and paid the deposit. We wrapped things up, and the owner left us to continue talking.

“Nash is showing me the venue he booked for the reception after this,” Vivienne gushed, placing her hand on Nash’s arm. It was an automatic movement, clearly something she was used to doing. And it should be. He was hers to touch.

I forced a smile. “That’s excellent. I’m sure you’ll love the it. It’s a beautiful venue with an excellent view of the river. It’s one of the most sought-after reception venues in the city. You’re very lucky they had an opening that day.”

“It seems we’re going that way. First with Scarlet Inn and now with this florist.” Her hand slid higher on Nash’s arm, pale against the vibrant ink decorating his skin. The pain lanced through my stomach, making me slightly queasy.

I cleared my throat, hoping to ease the feelings swirling inside of me. “You’ve been very lucky. Absolutely. Have you discussed whether you want a DJ or a band?” I turned to the page in my planner designated for their wedding to the page about music, so I could jot notes down.

“I think a DJ after a while, but one of Nash’s friends offered to play for a bit. I think that’d be a great way to get it started, you know?” She wrapped her other arm around Nash’s, so she was embracing his arm. He smiled down at her, a secret smile filled with affection. He rested a hand on top of hers.

I blinked and looked away, my throat feeling tight. I fought to get words out. “What’s the band’s name? Just so I can write it in my notes.”

“Indecision,” Nash answered. My eyes flew to his as another wave of hurt hit me. I tried my hardest to shake it off, but I couldn’t. Not when memories were rising to the surface. I’d met the guys of Indecision, I’d hung out with them. They’d been there at the beginning of Nash and me, and now it was only fitting they’d be there at the end.

It was then that it fully hit me. There was no me and Nash—not anymore. There never would be. Obviously, I knew he’d been getting married, but some small part of me had held out hope. It was the part of me that held onto the love and anger, the hurt that he’d inflicted. I kept those emotions alive because I’d hoped, foolishly and on some deep level, that Nash and I had a future. Maybe I dreamt he’d wake up and realize he’d given the wrong person a ring or maybe I hoped he’d declare that it’d always been me, but that wasn’t reality.

The reality was that Nash James had moved on, completely and thoroughly. He was no longer mine. The only part of him I had any claim to were memories made almost a decade ago. He was my first love, my first everything, and that’s how it’d always be. We weren’t some great, epic love story. We were a tragedy. His love for me had clearly fizzled out a long time ago, and it was time I allowed my feelings to fade as well.

I swallowed down the emotion that threatened to overtake me. I looked down at the planner, fighting back the tears that blurred my vision. It hurt. It physically hurt to realize that we were over. My anger left, my hopes were doused by cold water, and I was overwhelmed by an all-consuming sadness. I wanted to rub my chest to ease the formidable ache there, but I couldn’t. I had to train my features and my body, keep it professional. When I got home, I’d drink some wine and hopefully cry for the very last time over Nash.

Nash and Vivienne talked quietly among themselves. They weren’t being secretive, but I couldn’t quite make out the words over the pounding of my heart in my ears. It was the death of my longest and dearest dream: to be loved by Nash James and to be allowed to love him back.

“Excuse me,” Vivienne said, standing up and planting a kiss on Nash’s cheek. “I need to find the ladies’ room.” She squeezed Nash’s shoulder as she left us alone.

I was still combatting the emotions inside me, and they were very close to bubbling over. If I allowed them to win, I’d make a fool out of myself, and I couldn’t bear that. I needed to keep my composure until I got out of here. In the car, that’d be where I’d cry. And at home. And maybe the shower too. How long did it take to cry yourself out of feelings when you’ve had them for so long?

“Bianca,” Nash whispered, though it was more of a hiss. He pulled me out of my downward spiral, and I looked at him. Again, the depths of his eyes were a sucker punch to my already weak body. “We’ll have to postpone our talk until Viv leaves.”

“I wasn’t aware that we’d actually decided on a conversation, Mr. James.” I was cool, calm, and professional. I wanted to pat myself on the back.

“Please, Bianca. I just want to make things okay between us.” His eyes moved to where Vivienne had left the room. “I want to make sure things are at least civil for Viv’s sake. I don’t want her to know more than she already does.”

I pursed my lips and glared at him. “What a way to start your life, Mr. James. Lying to your future wife about your past.”

“This benefits you, too. You get to keep your job as long as Viv is happy. Isn’t that what’s most important here? You keeping your job?” He raised an eyebrow in challenge.

The anger I thought had been extinguished rose to the surface. “Me keeping my job is a by-product of you two having a happily ever after. Stop trying to make it seem like this is some kind of hardship.”

A corner of his mouth tipped up, clearly loving getting a rise out of me. “It’s no hardship, I assure you.” I wanted to slap him so badly my palm actually itched. I clutched my hands together, keeping the urge at bay. When had he gotten so mean? “Let’s just talk.” His eyes darted over my shoulder, and he finished his thought quickly, and under his breath, almost so quietly I couldn’t hear it. “Thursday, eight o’clock, bar in my hotel.” His lips spread into a heart-stopping smile as he stood and wrapped his arm around Vivienne’s small waist. Another squeeze of pain constricted my chest, and I fought the urge to wince. “Viv. Ready to go? Our appointment is in a half hour.” Seeing them close like this caused the pain to come on so fast, so sharply, I winced. I couldn’t fill my lungs with enough air, and I was suffocating. It lasted for a split second, not long at all, but it felt like an eternity.

Again, she beamed up at him. “Do you need anything else, Bianca? Or are we good?”

“We’re good. Just don’t forget that next week is the cake testing.” I could hear the strain in my own voice as I fought for composure. Next to her, I felt like I wasn’t good enough. Maybe it was those old, lingering feelings left behind by my background. I wasn’t good enough for my parents, I’d probably never be good enough for anyone else. Especially not when someone like Vivienne Petit was in the picture.

“Perfect. See you then.” Vivienne waved as Nash led her out of the shop, still holding her around the waist.

He looked over his shoulder and mouthed the word Thursday? and he raised an eyebrow in question. I nodded tightly. He smiled at me, and my breath got stuck in my chest.

I would give anything to not feel this way about him.

As soon as they were out of the shop, I dropped my forehead to the table and groaned. I wish it were already December and this damned wedding was way behind me.

My phone rang, and I saw a familiar name on it. Ethan. I’d been seeing him for the last four months. And by seeing him, we met up for dinner or drinks about once a month. It was more like a distant friendship than anything else. I answered.

“Hey, Bianca,” he said cheerily. “I figured it’s been about a month, so it’s time for me to steal a little of your time. Are you open for drinks tonight?” I could hear the smile in his voice.

I liked Ethan. I wasn’t sure if there would ever be anything beyond friendship between us, but didn’t I owe it to myself to try? I couldn’t sabotage every chance to find someone any longer. Nash wasn’t mine. He hadn’t been mine for a long time, so it was time to truly move on. “How about dinner instead? Want to meet at six-thirty at Chateau?” We’d gone there one other time, and we’d both liked it.

“That sounds good. See you then.”

I sighed as I tucked my phone away. It was time to move on. I really needed to try to move forward with my life and stop living in the past. I needed to find new happiness. I didn’t need a man for that, but it couldn’t hurt to have a sexy man to focus my attention on. And Ethan fit that bill perfectly.