Nash and Felix worked on a song at the table in my dining room. Peyton and I were sprawled on the floor, surrounded by notebooks, pencils, textbooks, and our school-issued iPads. Felix and Nash were quietly talking with an intensity that radiated off them, and my attention kept drifting from my homework to them—specifically Nash. My eyes wanted to drink him in like they had just stumbled across an oasis after being stranded in the desert for days.

I took in the straight lines of his jaw, the slope of his nose, the way his eyebrows curved. I knew the way his lips quirked when they were excited about something and the way his eyes sparkled when he was doing anything involved in music. I knew the exact spot the dimple dipped in his cheek when he was really happy or excited. I’d memorized the way his hands dragged through his hair when he was talking and was slightly frustrated that his mouth couldn’t move as fast as his thoughts. His fingers were long and smooth, other than the callouses that covered the tips from all the time spent plucking away at his guitar. His deep brown hair framed his face and made his green eyes pop, especially when filled with passion. I even knew the way he leaned against his locker when he was trying to get a girl’s attention—unfortunately, never mine. He’d lean with one arm slightly above his head, his weight resting on his forearm.

Needless to say, if Nash were a class at school, I’d ace with flying colors.

Peyton tapped my book with her pencil, drawing my attention away from Nash and back to my Algebra II homework. I shot Peyton an apologetic smile and buried my nose in my textbook. So far, Nash hadn’t noticed that I stared at him obsessively. At least, if he did, he was nice enough to spare me the shame of being caught.

Nash chuckled softly, the sound hitting me in the stomach even from across the room. I huffed out an exasperated sigh and rolled over onto my back, pressing the heel of my palms into my eyes. There was no hope of getting any actual work done while he was here.

“Bianca,” Peyton hissed at me. She raised an eyebrow, her eyes darting to where Nash and Felix sat. “You have homework.” Her voice stern. I hadn’t come right out and said I felt more for Nash, but Peyton could clearly tell.

Embarrassment filled me, and I rolled over to my stomach, looking down at my book, trying to center myself. “I know. I just need a minute.”

“You can have a minute later.” Her eyes shot to Nash again. I threw Peyton a pleading look. I wanted her to give me a break, to save me from myself, to distract me from Nash’s overwhelming presence.

Instead, I got Nash stretching his long body from his chair and sauntering over toward me, plopping on the floor next to me. He rested his head against my abdomen, looking up at me, his green eyes smiling. My heart tripped over itself and landed somewhere in my throat. “What’s wrong, Bee?” He reached up and twirled a piece of hair between his fingers, his eyes tracking the motion.

“I’m having trouble concentrating.” I hated how breathy my voice sounded. I hated that he brought it out of me and didn’t seem the least bit affected by me at all.

“What’s wrong?” His forehead creased as he looked up at me.

“I’m just distracted.”

“More like someone is distracting her,” Peyton quipped. I wanted to crawl into a hole. Why did she have to blurt that?

Nash shifted in my lap, his head pressing into my abdomen. I fought the urge to close my eyes. “Are we bothering you? I don’t want to do that; I just wanted to hang out with you. I feel like we haven’t seen much of each other lately and I miss you.” His fingers found my hair again, and he gave it a light tug.

We hadn’t seen much of each other lately. He and Felix were usually together, working on music. They’d taken to playing together. In fact, they were damn near inseparable. Sometimes it felt like Felix was taking my place as Nash’s best friend, which filled me with all kinds of jealousy. As usual, Nash wouldn’t let Peyton or me hear what they sounded like when they were together. A few times when I’d stopped over at his house early, I stood outside his garage and listened. They were good, though rough around the edges. Nash had picked up the guitar like an extension of himself, pouring himself into playing every chance he got.

“You’re fine,” I breathed. The way his eyes looked at me, so concerned, made me want to bridge the gap between us and touch him. He smelled like music and pencils, of gasoline from the garage he and Felix were so frequently playing in, of freshly cut grass from his lawn mowing jobs, of fabric softener and some cologne. When they were combined, they smelled like Nash and everything I ever wanted.

“We can leave if the drumming on the table or our bickering is obnoxious.”

“We do not bicker,” Felix said from the table. He stood and joined us, stretching out on the floor, his head coming up to the side of Peyton’s.

“We bicker,” Nash responded. He took his gaze away from me, and I felt cold without it. He smiled at Felix, clearly ready to egg him on. “We bicker like little old ladies trying to decide where they’re going to Bingo night.”

Felix rolled his eyes. “We don’t bicker; we debate.”

“You can keep denying it, but it doesn’t make it any less true.” Nash pushed his hair out of his face. It’d been a little longer than usual since he’d gotten a haircut. I liked the extra length. I liked when it brushed against his brows or hung in his eyes.

I needed to come to terms with the fact that I just liked him. God, did I like him. I wanted him to lay back down on my stomach, so I could feel the heat from his skin warming mine. I wanted to close my eyes and envision him looking down at me with something more than concern in his eyes.

Peyton tapped her pencil against Felix’s forehead. “Did you guys ever think of playing at a party or anything?” Her voice was fake nonchalance—clearly, she’d thought of it.

“We’re not ready,” Nash responded. He teased me for being a perfectionist when he was worse about music than I ever was.

“We’ll never be ready, according to you.” Felix nabbed Peyton’s pencil mid-tap.

“There’s a party at Ben’s this weekend. He was looking for a band or something.” Peyton shrugged. “I mentioned you guys.”

“No way,” Felix said. He popped up, grinning down at her.

“Yeah. You’ve been playing together for a while now. I thought it was time you made it official.” Peyton snagged her pencil back from Felix now that he was distracted.

“There’s no way we can play this weekend.” Nash shook his head.

“Come on, man. If not now, when? It’ll give us a chance to figure out the kinks. We can work on the stuff we need to polish after it’s over.” Felix was practically begging. I’d never seen him this desperate or pushy. He usually went with the flow, letting everyone around him call the shots.

Nash seemed to mull it over, his eyes clouding. “We’ve just been messing around, I didn’t think we were being serious.” He laid back down, the pressure of his head on my stomach made me feel like I was floating. Having him near me was everything I wanted.

“Tell me you don’t want to perform, and I’ll drop it.” Felix stared at Nash, daring him to contradict him.

“It’d be cool, but I don’t think we’re there yet.”

Felix continued looking at Nash, almost glaring. I fought the urge to shift, not wanting to disrupt Nash’s head against my stomach. There was an intensity pinging between Nash and Felix that made me slightly uncomfortable. I got the feeling that this wasn’t the first time this subject had been debated. Felix probably dropped it, figuring he could fight the battle later. This time, he clearly wasn’t going to let it drop so easily. “Let’s do it this once, and if it doesn’t work out, we don’t have to do it again.”

Nash’s eyes got a faraway look. His hand twirled my hair again, almost like it was helping him think. “We don’t even have a band name,” he said softly, almost to himself. His gaze moved to Felix. “Are we a band?”

Felix scoffed. “For real, dude? What the fuck do you think we’ve been doing? Baking cookies? I thought that’s what we were moving toward, being a band, playing gigs, sharing the music.”

“It feels so soon. I don’t think I’m ready.” Nash sat up and looked down at his legs. I ached to ease the insecurity off his face.

“Nash, you are one of the best musicians I’ve ever met in my life,” Peyton interjected. “You played the hell out of the piano, and I’m sure you slay it on guitar. Yes, you’re new to guitar still, but come on. At some point, you have to pull on your big boy panties and try.” She smiled. “And it doesn’t really matter. I told Ben you’d play, so you are. I don’t care if you call yourselves the Teletubbies, you’re playing.”

Felix burst into laughter and fist bumped Peyton. “I love your initiative. And the name suggestion.” He turned to Nash. “It sounds like it’s out of our hands. Let’s do this.”

“Okay. Let’s do this,” Nash agreed, begrudgingly.

I sat up and hugged Nash, so unbelievably excited. “I can’t wait to see you guys play,” I said.

“You’re gonna be there?” he asked.

I shoved his shoulder. “Of course, I’m going to be there. Do you really think you could keep me away?”

A grin spread across his lips, and he pulled me close. Saturday couldn’t come soon enough.

Ben’s parties always drew a big crowd and tonight wasn’t any different. We’d been here for an hour, milling around. Nash and Felix were setting their stuff up in the backyard. Luckily it was a mild late spring day. The air was warm without being oppressive, and it hadn’t rained in days, which was a feat for Pittsburgh. They’d debated forever on what songs to play. They’d been working on a few together, but Nash insisted they weren’t ready for the world, so they agreed on covers.

“Do you think they’re going to do okay?” I asked Peyton for the eightieth time as Nash tuned his guitar.

Peyton sipped her lukewarm drink. I wasn’t sure if she was drinking the crappy beer that was offered or something nonalcoholic. “I think they’re going to rock it.”

“He’s so nervous.” Nash kept pulling at his hair and adjusting the strap on his guitar.

“He’ll be fine. It’s stage fright. It’s their first time. Popping your cherry is always a little painful.”

I laughed. “I don’t know what I’d do without you, Peyt.”

“Shrivel up and die.” She smiled. “Are you ever going to tell Nash that you totally want to do him?”

My mouth dropped open in horror, and I looked around, hoping no one had heard what she’d said. “My God, Peyton. Seriously?”

“Come on, your eyes undress him every time he’s even in the vicinity.”

“Do not.” My protest was weak. I didn’t undress him, but I sure as hell envisioned what it’d be like to kiss him when I wanted to—to hold his hand.

“You can deny it to everyone but me. I know your game, girlfriend. You totally want him.” She raised her eyebrows, daring me to tell her she was wrong. Of course, I couldn’t. Thankfully, Nash tapped the microphone in front of him to save me from having to respond.

“Hey,” he said, shyly. His cheeks flamed red. “Let’s get this party started!” Without further words, they launched into a Twenty One Pilots song. They were one of Nash’s favorite bands and the guys kind of had the same setup as them. Felix on the drums, Nash singing, playing guitar, and piano.

My heart pounded against my ribs as they played, looking over the crowd to see what the reaction was. At first, no one paid much attention. The guys were good, but not great. It seemed Nash was a victim of his nerves as his voice wobbled. Felix was ferocious behind the drums, his arms moving so quickly they were almost invisible. As one song bled into the next, more people started paying attention, nodding along to the song. Some people even went and danced in front of their setup.

Nash’s eyes found mine as he sang, widening as if he couldn’t believe people were actually enjoying their performance. I smiled at him and threw my arms in the air, doing a little dance. The way his eyes stayed pinned to me made my blood heat. I moved my hips more to the music and watched him. Even with everyone around us, it felt like it was just the two of us. His eyes ran over my body slowly, then moved back up. Feeling his eyes on me was intoxicating. It made me bolder, my moves getting a little looser, a little more flirtatious. My grin widened as the corner of his lips tipped up as he continued playing. Even with the space and the bodies between us, it felt intimate.

“You’re doing it again,” Peyton whispered in my ear, pulling me from my dance with Nash. “You can pretend you don’t want him all you want, but the evidence is written all over you.” She leveled me with a glare, then turned back to the music. Instead of losing myself in the moment again, I stood there and sipped my root beer. I was suddenly insanely self-conscious, nervous everyone around us could tell how I felt about Nash.

When they finished playing, the guys came over and joined us. We told them how good they’d done and hung out with them some more, though I kept distance between Nash and me. My body was still on fire from our connection earlier. I didn’t want him to realize how he affected me.

That was the first of many gigs for Nash and Felix. Every weekend, it seemed they were somewhere else. Sometimes they played parties for our friends, sometimes they played in coffee shops. There were a few venues around the city that hosted local bands. Some of the options were limited since they were only fifteen, but there were still places for them to play. It was like Nash had gotten a taste and couldn’t satisfy his craving for performing. Felix was thrilled with his change of heart.

I finally had an outlet for my planning skills. I made calls and booked most of their gigs. I bought another planner just to keep track of all the stuff the guys had going on. All the years of being teased by my friends for being so highly organized finally paid off. They never uttered a word about it anymore, probably because they saw how good I was at keeping all of their schedules lined up and in order.

It was a lazy summer day, and we were all hanging out in my living room. We’d gone to the neighborhood pool earlier, and now we were all sun-drunk and tired. My head was in Nash’s lap and his fingers skated through my hair. My eyes were closed, and I swam in the sensations he caused. I fought the urge to nuzzle closer to him.

School started back up in a few days, and we were soaking up the last bit of freedom we had. We were going to be juniors, and it felt like adulthood was starting to breathe down our necks. Peyton and I were looking at college brochures and planning what we wanted to do after high school was over. As usual, Nash and Felix were avoiding it all.

“You know, it’s getting really annoying to call and book gigs for you guys and using your names. You need a band name,” I said, my voice lazy. I was close to falling asleep, though I didn’t want to. I wanted to feel every second of Nash touching me.

Nash made a noise in the back of his throat, and my eyes popped open. He was gazing down at me, something indiscernible in them. “Felix and I have talked about it a lot. We’re still trying to figure out it.”

“What he means to say is he’s a picky asshole who needs everything to be just right.” Felix did air quotes around the words and I chuckled.

“It’s a big deal. This is how we present ourselves, it defines our brand.” Nash’s hand stilled on my head.

“Blah, blah, blah. We don’t have a brand. We need a damn band name.” Felix’s voice had an edge to it.

Nash’s fingers went back to playing with my hair, and we were all silent. I was trying to think of ideas, but I couldn’t focus on more than his proximity to me. “What about HeartLess?” Nash offered after a long time.

“I like it.” Felix nodded. “So HeartLess.”

“Perfect.” Nash smiled down at me like I was the one who came up with the name on my own.

“Does that mean you guys are advertising your assholeness?” Peyton quipped.

Felix laughed. “Yeah. It’s better to let the ladies know that they won’t be getting anything from us.”

Nash rolled his eyes. “What do you think, Bee?” he said, his voice low, like it was meant just for me.

“I like it.”

“Yeah?” He ran a finger down the side of my face. Tingles raced over my skin. “We wrote a song recently with that title, and it’s been stuck in my head ever since.”

“I think it’s good.” I smiled. “I’ll book you guys a gig somewhere cool, just so I can say your awesome new name.”

He laughed, and the sound was more beautiful than any other song I’d ever heard.