When I heard the door swing closed, I came back into the room. Felix glared at me. “What did you do?”

“I talked to her like I said I was going to.”

“She was pale as a ghost when she came back.” He stood, nostrils flaring. “You did something, you dumb motherfucker. What did you do?”

I ran a hand through my hair, then scrubbed it down my face. “I can’t do this anymore, man. I need her.”

He shoved my shoulder, though I knew he wanted to do a lot more than that. “You. Are. Engaged. Do we all keep needing to remind you that? What do you want her to do? Jump into something with you when you’re actively planning a wedding with someone else? Is that how you want it to be with her? If you want Bianca, pick her. It’s not that fucking hard. End it with Viv; it’s way past due.”

I hated that I continued to hurt Bianca. It felt like that’s all I did. I’d played it safe for so long, keeping everyone else at arm’s length. It was time to end it. End all of it. My engagement with Viv, my hiding how I truly felt about Bianca, lying to myself and everyone around me. I wanted Bianca. I needed her. The only person who stood in my way was me. I’d lay myself bare and pray that was good enough for Bianca. I’d rather live the rest of my life convincing her that she was it for me than continue this charade. “You’re right.”

“Of course, I’m right, you dumbass. I’ve been telling you this for how long?”

“Viv and I are going to New York tomorrow. When she called, I told her I needed to talk to her before we did the interview.”

A slow, satisfied grin spread across Felix’s face. “So, the decision was already made?”

“I can’t do it, Felix. I can’t marry her.” I sighed. “I need to fight for Bianca, really fight for her. Show her that she’s it for me.” I couldn’t meet his eyes, too embarrassed by laying my insecurities in front of him. “It was always Bianca; I was just too stupid to end it sooner.”

He clapped me on the shoulder. “You have to take a leap of faith.”

I nodded. “I know. I’m ending it.” My resolve hardened. I was taking control and not living my life safe anymore. Viv was definitely the safe choice. I’d kept her at arm’s length for the past two years. She knew me, but she didn’t really know me. She didn’t own my heart. I was fine without her.

“Thank fuck. Then we can all move on with our lives.”

I got to the hotel and made arrangements for my own room. Viv had booked us a room to share, but I knew I needed my own. I had no doubt she’d throw my ass out in the cold as soon as I opened my mouth. I arranged for the staff to take my stuff to my room, discreetly. New York City was always a treasure trove of paparazzi. It wasn’t quite as bad as it was in Cali, but it was still hard. I’d been stopped multiple times at the airport and fans were outside the hotel. Whether they were here because they knew Viv was here or what, I hadn’t a clue; they requested photos and autographs either way.

After the month and a half of being in Pittsburgh, it was strange to think of this life. No one had discovered where I was yet, so I felt anonymous again. Being thrust into the spotlight was disorientating. I did play it more low-key in Pittsburgh, but I didn’t advertise my presence with my usual entourage. I needed more security in California or New York, or other big cities. I usually had an assistant hanging around or someone from the label who needed something. Back home, it was just me and Jeremy, my main security guard. I’d missed the ease of travel, not needing to have exit strategies.

I rode the elevator to her floor, steeling myself for the fight. I made sure we weren’t on the same floor. Come to think of it, I should have gone to a completely different hotel. Or flown back to Pittsburgh today instead of waiting. Unfortunately, I’d also scheduled a couple meetings with some record label guys. They wanted to talk to me after some of the stuff Felix said. Our record label had an office in California and New York, so no matter what coast you were on, they’d be up your ass. They wanted to make sure I was still going to honor our contract for another album. I wanted to, but I needed the inspiration for songs. Nothing was coming. Felix had sent me snippets of stuff he’d written, but I couldn’t focus on them.

I knocked on Viv’s door. She opened it and smiled, pulling me into a hug. “Didn’t the front desk give you a key?” She pulled me into the room.

“I forgot to ask for one,” I lied. My palms dampened, and I rubbed them together like somehow that would dry them.

“We’ll call down in a bit and have one sent up. Come in the bedroom with me. Help me pick out an outfit for tomorrow.”

Tomorrow we were going on one of the morning shows and announcing our engagement. At least that was the plan before I’d decided to end it. Viv probably wouldn’t realize it was a good thing I was ending it now versus waiting. The engagement wasn’t public, so the humiliation wouldn’t really be a factor. We could pretend we went our separate ways, a quiet parting that happened so often in the entertainment industry. “About that. Viv, I need to talk to you.” I followed her as she went to the bedroom. This was a nice hotel, so it had a living room area and then a bedroom, plus a kitchenette.

“Talk while you look at my dresses.” She laid out different dresses on the bed. Red, purple, deep blue, and black.

The sight of the dresses was a shock. It made the urgency of everything more apparent. I couldn’t wait, I had to say something now, or it’d be much harder to untangle us from this trap. “I can’t do this anymore, Viv.”

She giggled. “It’s just a dress choice, Nash. My stylist picked the purple one. She said the black was better for a sad announcement, not for an engagement.”

“You’re not listening to me.” I cleared my throat, my hand resting on the back of my neck. “I want to end the engagement. I don’t…” How could I tell her I didn’t want to be with her without crushing her?

Slowly, she turned toward me, her face pale and eyes wide. “You want to break up? Not get married?” She stumbled backward a bit until she sat on the bed, clutching the damn purple dress to her chest. “I don’t understand.”

“I think we need to end this before we make an even bigger mistake.” I was rooted to the spot, studying her face for some indication of what reaction she’d have.

Her eyelashes fluttered. “We’re engaged. We’re planning a wedding. You think being with me is a mistake?” She sounded confused, like the words weren’t quite registering with her.

“I don’t think being with you is a mistake.” Fuck, I kept walking myself into a corner, and I didn’t know how to fix it. “I think if we continue moving forward together, it’ll be a mistake.”

“Stop talking around the issue and just tell me what you want to tell me, Nash.”

“I am. I’m breaking it off. No engagement, no interview tomorrow, no more wedding planning.”

She continued blinking rapidly as if this was a dream she could force herself awake from. Her chest deflated, my words sucking the oxygen from her lungs. “You’re breaking up with me?”

“Yes.” A weight settled on my chest, and I tangled my fingers together in an effort to stop myself from going to her, touching her, trying to comfort her. This had to be a clean break. I couldn’t give her the impression that my mind could be changed.

“Are you kidding me?” she yelled, flying off the bed and throwing the dress to the floor. She stormed up to me, poking me in the chest. “We’re planning a wedding! We’re supposed to get married in five months! We’re announcing it tomorrow!” Her face was red, and her eyes shimmered with tears.

I stood there as her fingernail dug through my shirt, stinging. I deserved everything she had to say. “I’m sorry.” Why did it feel like I was always apologizing to the women in my life?

“Sorry? Sorry?” she bellowed. She turned her back on me, her shoulders shaking. The tears had finally broken free. “I love you, Nash. Doesn’t that mean anything?”

“Of course, it does, Viv. It’s not a decision I came to easily.”

Her head dropped forward, her shoulders still trembling. My heart hurt. Hurting Viv wasn’t something I wanted to do, but it’d hurt her more in the long run. I was in love with Bianca. Even now, I knew my decision was the right one, I was only kicking myself for letting it take this long. “I should have known,” she said on a sniffle. “I should have known after that concert, the way you guys were around each other.”

“Viv.” I moved closer, my hands resting on her shoulders.

“I’m an idiot. I chose to ignore all the signs, you know? The concert, the way you two were with each other, the way you were at that dinner when she was on a date.” She spun around, her red-rimmed eyes pinning me to the spot. “I should have known she had your heart all along.”

I closed my eyes and scrubbed a hand down my face. “I’m sorry. I really didn’t mean to hurt you.”

“You did hurt me. I was planning forever with you, and you were busy thinking about someone else, someone you wanted more.” Her voice caught on a sob. I tried to pull her to me, to offer her what little comfort I could. She wrenched herself out of my hold. “Stop,” she said, holding her hand out. “Don’t touch me.”

I tucked my hands into my pockets, trying to think of what to say to her. “It wasn’t meant to be this way.”

“We’re supposed to be planning our future together, not ending it.” She laughed bitterly. “I’m so stupid.”

“You’re not stupid. I should have been honest from the beginning.”

She wiped at a tear. “You guys weren’t just friends before, were you? It was something more.” I nodded, and she laughed, bitterness and anger making it sound flat.

“It was a long time ago though. It was almost a nine years now. I hadn’t seen her in so long. Not until she walked into our first meeting.”

“You should have said something!” she yelled, her face reddening again. “You should have told me that we needed to find a new wedding planner, that you had feelings for the one we had.”

“It wouldn’t have mattered, Viv,” I said softly, not wanting to hurt her more.

“Did you ever love me?” she asked, her voice wobbling with emotion.

“Yes. I did. I do. I love you, but not enough. Not the right way.”

She nodded, wiping at her cheeks. Right in front of me, she pulled herself together. “I guess it’s better I find out now, rather than later.”

“I think so.” I waited for her, emotions playing out across her face. Tears fell freely, and I hated myself. I hated that I hurt her. I should have ended it a long time ago before that meeting with Bianca had ever taken place. I knew I wasn’t in love with her the right way, the way I was with Bianca. It was safe, easier to stay with her and drown out the noise in my head, my heart.

“I don’t know what to do now. I don’t know what to think.”

“I’m sorry.” The words were useless and felt wrong. There needed to be stronger words for breaking someone’s heart.

“Stop apologizing to me,” she bit out. “Did anything happen between you two? Did you cheat on me?”

The memories of all the boundaries I’d pushed with Bianca floated through my mind, but it would only hurt Viv more. It served as a testament to how much of an asshole I was. “Nothing has happened. I didn’t cheat.”

Her eyes glistened, and she deflated. “We’ll have to cancel with the vendors. I’m not sure what we’ll do about the interview tomorrow morning.”

“Do the interview. Use it to talk about your movie.” She nodded. “I wish things could be different.”

“You can’t help who you love, right?” She picked up her dresses and discarded them onto a chair.

“I’m sorry, Viv. I really, really am.”

“I know.”

I stood there, unsure what to do next.

“I’ll have my assistant box up the things at my place and mail them to you. I’m assuming you’re staying in Pittsburgh for a while.”

“I hope to, yes.”

“You should go,” she said, turning away from me again. “I need some time to come up with a plan for tomorrow morning.”

I stood, staring at her back, wishing my words were enough, wishing I were a better man. “I’m sorry, Viv. I really am. I would never want you to be caught in the crossfire between Bianca and me. You deserve someone better than me.”

She nodded, and I left the room. A weight was lifted from my shoulders. It sucked hurting Viv and seeing her so sad, but it was the right thing to do.