I slid into the booth, Bianca next to me with Peyton and Felix across from us. It was amazing that we were all together again after so long of being separate. The gang was back together, repaired and happy. When we’d walked into lunch and sat down at the same table, Peyton damn near fell backwards off the bench, and Felix had cheered. Everyone had looked at us, which caused the most adorable flush to spread over Bianca’s cheeks. I’d wanted to kiss her, but I was afraid she’d shove me away. I still worried a little bit that there was some lingering damage between us, but we seemed totally back to normal. Other than the occasional lost look in her eye. I knew the bombshell about her birth parents affected her. She tried to play it off, but some new insecurities seemed to take root.

I was leaving in three days. Three. Days. There wasn’t enough time for me to soak in everything with Bianca that I wanted to do. I wanted to store every second I could before we left, but I knew it was impossible. Because nothing was ever going to be enough when it came to her. I took every scrap and morsel I could, hoping it’d tide me over on the road. We’d been glued together, all of us, but especially Bianca and me. If we weren’t together, we were texting.

Since we were leaving so soon, we’d been taking Felix on a Tour de Pittsburgh. There was so much of the city he hadn’t experienced yet, so we figured it was time before we left. Plus, it was a really good excuse for us all to be together. Seeing the city this way was almost like I was experiencing it for the first time and it was bittersweet. I felt like I was saying goodbye to my childhood home.

“I can’t believe you’ve never been here,” Peyton said for the hundredth time. I rolled my eyes and Bianca opened her menu.

“I wasn’t aware that it was a Pittsburgh necessity,” Felix responded.

“Duh. Football, hockey, and Primanti’s. In that order.” Peyton ticked off each item on her fingers. “You’ve watched the Steelers. You’ve cheered on the Penguins. Now it’s time to have your first Primanti’s sandwich. It’s a damn shame that you haven’t been here yet, especially since you’ve been here for, what? Three years?”

Felix shook his head. “I don’t know why you’re making such a big deal out of it if you haven’t dragged me here before now. If it’s such a Pittsburgh rite of passage, then you failed initiating me, sweetheart.”

Peyton crinkled her nose. “I’m not your sweetheart.”

“You’ll always be my sweetheart.” Felix batted his eyelashes at her. Peyton burst out laughing. Felix opened his menu and scoffed. “Coleslaw? On a sandwich?”

“Don’t knock it until you try it,” I retorted, closing my menu. “It’s seriously so good.”

“And French fries.” Felix’s voice was flat as he looked around at each of us.

“French fries, coleslaw, whatever meat you want, cheese, and delicious bread. It’s heaven, Felix. You have to try one,” Bianca said, pointing her finger at him.

“How do you even choose?” His wide eyes roved over the menu.

“Easy. What kind of sandwiches do you like?” Peyton asked.

“Steak, usually.”

“Then get the steak sandwich. You won’t regret it.” Peyton glared at him, almost daring him to argue with her. Instead, Felix shrugged. Our server came over and took our order.

“I still don’t get the coleslaw on the sandwich.” It almost looked like Felix was sulking, which was utterly ridiculous. It was a sandwich, not the end of the world.

“It’s not a mayo-based coleslaw, dude. It’s this sort of tart coleslaw that ties everything together,” I explained.

“And the fries are fresh cut and so, so good,” Peyton added.

Bianca leaned forward. “The bread is damn near melt-in-your-mouth good.”

Felix threw his head back and laughed. “You guys sound like you could write the advertising for them.”

Our food was delivered, and Felix’s eyes widened at the overfilled sandwich. We all laughed at his shocked expression.

“Dive in,” I said, taking a huge bite of my own sandwich.

Felix picked his up and took a tentative bite, slowly chewing as if he was debating the different flavors. “Woah,” he said after he swallowed. “It doesn’t sound like it should be good, but it is. Really fucking good!” He dove back in, devouring it quickly. A few fries had fallen out of Peyton’s sandwich, which he snagged.

“Hey! Get your own!” she exclaimed, moving to smack his hand away, except he was too fast for her. He popped the fry in his mouth and grinned at her. “For someone who wasn’t keen on this idea, you sure are into it now.”

“Sometimes you don’t know how good something is until you try it.”

“Told you,” I said.

Bianca was quiet, and it made me nervous. I wondered if she was thinking about everything. I wanted to pull her out of her thoughts. “Hey,” I said, leaning over to whisper in her ear. “Can I come over after lunch? I wanted to hang out for a while, just us.”

Her eyes brightened, and she smiled. “I’d love to hang out, yeah.”

I returned her smile and continued eating as the conversation flowed around us. She still wasn’t overly talkative, but she threw in a few things here and there. I hated that something had made her sad. I wanted to scrub the doubts from her mind. If only it was that easy.

After we finished our sandwiches, we left Primanti’s. I made excuses as to why we couldn’t hang out any longer and we left. I pulled in front of Bianca’s and she sat there, staring out the window for a moment.

“You okay?” I asked, tugging softly on a piece of her hair.

“Yeah. Sometimes I feel so alien here, like I don’t know where I belong.” She sighed. “I love my parents, it’s not that at all, but I feel…different. Sometimes it feels like they’re walking on eggshells around me and I hate it.” She turned her face toward me, her lips turned down in a frown. “I haven’t changed, I don’t think. I also can’t change the fact that things have, indeed, changed. I can’t erase the knowledge that my parents are dead.”

“I don’t think anyone is asking you to. I think they’re afraid. They’ve lived with this secret for so long and now that it’s out in the open, they don’t know how to handle it, how you’ll handle it.”

“I guess.” She opened her door and hopped out. I followed her. I hadn’t been back to her house after we’d made up. It’d only been a week, but it still felt strange. I knew her parents were home and I wondered how they’d receive me.

“Mom, Dad, I’m home!” Bianca called out as soon as she walked in the door. She slid her shoes off and peaked into the living room. “Nash is here. We’re going to hang out for little bit, okay?”

I poked my head in and waved at her parents. Her mom assessed me, eyes raking over my body like she was looking for something. Her dad didn’t look up from his laptop. “It’s nice to see you, Nash. It’s been a while.”

I fought back a cringe. “Yeah. It has.” I wanted to be respectful. I had no doubt Mrs. Fair would gut me like a fish if I stepped over the line.

“We’re going up to my room, okay?” she asked. I wondered if her spending the night at my place, in my bed, last weekend would change things, if her parents wouldn’t allow me up in her room.

“Sure. Leave the door open,” Mrs. Fair said with a smile. Bianca turned and shot me a look of disbelief and we went upstairs. It felt like I was coming home. After so many years of friendship, her house was just as much mine as my own.

As soon as we got inside, Bianca sat on her bed, twisting her fingers together as though she was nervous. I stretched out on the floor, relishing how good it felt to have all that shit behind us.

“There’s a chair, you know.” She said, raising her eyebrow and pointing at the chair next to the desk. Her tone said annoyed; the smile on her lips said she found me humorous.

I smirked, knowing it annoyed her. I liked getting Bianca riled up when her cheeks got pink, and her voice became high pitched. “Yeah, but then I couldn’t stretch out.” I laid on my back, stretching my arms over my head. Her eyes danced over my body and landed around my waist, where my shirt had lifted up slightly.

“Shut up.” She tossed a pillow at me, but I quickly caught it, then laid my head on it.

“Oh, no. You know what this means? Something is out of place in your room.” Knowing how fanatically organized her desk was, I got an idea, wanting to tease her. I loved that the easiness was back between us, that we could joke around together again. Hell, that we could talk again was a monumental feat. I stood up from the floor and strolled to her desk. “So, it wouldn’t bug you if I did this?” I casually walked my fingers across the desk, watching her. Her eye actually twitched as she watched me. I nudged the pencil cup a little to the side, totally messing up the angle. No reaction beyond another twitch of her eye. I moved on from the desk and went over to the hamper in the corner of the room. “What about this?” I asked. I picked up the jeans in the top of the hamper, let it dangle from my fingers, then tossed it over the chair at her desk. Her eyes narrowed. I grabbed the next piece of clothing out of the hamper, flinging that so it landed sideways on the chair, almost falling to the ground. Heat rose in her cheeks, back straightening as she watched every movement I made.

“Stop it!” She shot off the bed, running at me. Then she jumped to try and get the clothes out of my hand. She was short compared to my six feet. She wasn’t able to reach my hand, but her brunette hair whipped around my arm as she jumped and twisted, trying to pull the clothing out of my hand. I kept tossing things, laughing as I held it out of her reach. Her brown eyes were on fire, shooting daggers. “Nash, seriously, stop it!” Her body pressed against mine and I liked the feel of the heat coming off her and the way her hands trailed over me, even if it was in anger and desperation.

“I thought it didn’t bug you that everything was a mess?” I teased. I knocked the hamper over, spilling the rest of the clothes.

“You made your point!” She scrambled to pick stuff up, but I wrapped my arms around her waist and picked her up off the floor. I twirled her around, holding her tightly. Her body was small, except her chest and hips. She was one of the curviest girls in our school. I heard guys talking about her boobs frequently, though I usually quieted them with a glare or scowl. If they didn’t talk about her boobs, it was her hips and ass. I held her to me, feeling her breasts press against me as she struggled and fought to get away. Her floral body spray washed over me, and I fought the urge to bury my face in her hair and get drunk on her scent.

“Chaos can be good for your soul,” I whispered the words into her hair. Her body stiffened, and I felt a slight shiver course through her body. Somehow satisfied with that reaction, I stopped twirling her, and she turned around to look at me. Her eyes were so brown they reminded me of dark chocolate. They were warm and inviting. I found myself looking into them more and more frequently. Something about her eyes held me captive. I held her close to me, my thumb teasing the small amount of skin showing between her shirt and jeans. I loved the softness of her skin, the way it felt against my calloused fingers. Rough and smooth, like we complimented each other.  “It’s a mess, and you’re still alive.” My voice was gruff, and I cleared my throat. She looked up at me, her eyes hazy.

“Whatever.” Her voice was breathy as she clung to me.

“Don’t be mad at me, Bee.” My fingers moved a little more north, dragging her shirt up higher and touching her ribs. A muscle twitched under my palm, and I fought the urge to slide even higher.

“I’m not.”

“You’re a terrible liar.” I moved closer to her, my nose brushing against hers. Her eyelids fluttered.

“You’re making fun of me. Again.” Her breath, sweet from her root beer at lunch, blew over my lips. My eyes dropped to hers just as her tongue poked out and ran along her bottom lip. I slid one of my hands higher, my thumb trailing over the wetness left behind by her tongue.

“I’m not making fun of you,” I said so quietly I wasn’t sure if she could even hear me. I couldn’t take my eyes off her lips. I wondered if they’d taste and feel the same way as they had at the dance. “I’m making sure you know you’re delightfully boring and deliriously neurotic.” I nudged my nose along hers, my hand on her stomach sliding a little higher until I touched the underwire of her bra. She gasped and pressed even closer to me. “Okay, maybe I’m teasing you a bit.” I didn’t know what I was saying anymore. I swept my lips against hers, just barely. I wanted to see if she’d push me away.

She didn’t. Instead, she closed the distance between us and pressed her lips to mine. My hands cupped her face, holding her close to me. Her hands fisted in the back of my shirt. It was heaven and hell, paradise and torture. It was everything I’d ever wanted, and if her lips stopped moving against mine, I’d die.

Her tongue snuck out, lightly flicking across my bottom lip as if she was taking a small taste. I groaned and opened my mouth, taking the kiss deeper. I wanted to devour her, to brand her as mine and never let this moment end. She sighed into my mouth, and I needed more. I needed more contact, more skin, her body against mine. Without disconnecting our frenzied lips, I walked us backward until my knee connected with her bed. I laid her back softly, praying that her bed wouldn’t creak and alert her parents to all the rules I was currently breaking with their daughter. She scrambled up the bed, and I laid on top of her. Her leg hooked around my waist, drawing me even closer.

We fused together, my lips finding their perfect match, my hands traveling along the lines of her body. My hand slid under her shirt, feeling her skin and the way she panted and how fucking smooth she was. She whimpered, and it added fuel to my already blazing body. Her other leg curled around my back, and she moved her hips against mine. I hissed out a breath.

My hands were everywhere at once, her hips grinding into me, her hands in my hair and under my shirt. We were frenzied as we devoured each other, tasting and nipping and caressing. I could have stayed like this all day, our lips and tongues tangling, our hands touching everywhere they could. This was everything I’d wanted for so long, too long. I couldn’t go back to friends after this, I needed to be able to kiss her whenever I wanted.

“Bianca!” her mom called up the stairs. I jumped off of her quickly, smoothing my clothes and adjusting myself inside my pants. I knew my messy hair and glazed eyes would give me away, but I hoped if she walked in, she wouldn’t be too perceptive. “I’m starting dinner in a bit, is Nash staying?”

I cleared my throat. “I’ll check with my mom.”

“Okay, just let me know.”

I stood there, staring at Bee spread out on her bed, her hair fanned out, her cheeks flushed, her eyes hooded. I’d never seen anything as gorgeous or as tempting in my entire life. “That was a close one.” I ran my hand through my hair.

“Yeah.” She sounded distant, and she didn’t look at me, just continued staring at the ceiling.

I crawled into the bed next to her, holding her. I needed to touch her. I kissed her temple, my lips lingering there for long moments. She turned her face toward me and kissed me again, rolling on her side, flinging her leg over my hip. I got lost in her lips again. We kissed until my lips were sore.

“Nash,” she sighed against me.

“Yeah?”

“Is this really happening? I’m not dreaming?” Her eyes were closed tight.

“It’s real, Bee.” I kissed her nose.

“I’m afraid if I open my eyes, it’ll be just another dream.”

I grinned. “Oh, so you dream about me?”

She shoved my shoulder. “Of course, I dream about you.”

I couldn’t let that go without another kiss. “What if I said I dream about you too?”

Finally, finally those beautiful eyes opened up and gazed into mine. “You dream about me?” Her voice was small, insecure.

“For years.” I nodded. “I’ve wanted you to be mine for years.”

She pressed her lips together like she was concealing a smile. “Why did it take you so long? To kiss me?”

I exhaled. “I was scared. You mean everything to me and if I fucked us up, I didn’t want to lose you. I couldn’t lose you.” I cupped her face. “These months without you… I need you in my life, Bee. I don’t know how to be me without you.”

Her chin wobbled. “That’s the sweetest thing anyone has ever said to me.”

“That’s a damn shame because you deserve every sweet thing.”

“Now you’re being kind of ridiculous.” She nibbled her lip.

“I mean it. I need you, Bee. So much. If I asked you out and something happened, I couldn’t face the thought of us not being friends, so I played it safe. It’s easier to deny myself what I really want as long as you’re still in my life.”

This time, she cupped my face in her hands, making sure I was looking at her. “I’m not going anywhere, Nash.”

My eyes flicked between hers and I saw the sincerity there, my heart swelling. “So…” I swallowed, trying to man up and ask what I really wanted to ask. “Will you be mine, Bee? My girlfriend?”

She leaned forward and kissed me again. This kiss wasn’t as deep or as desperate, but it was just as amazing. “Of course,” she said between kisses. It felt like such a monumental moment, like everything had led up to this. Every scraped knee and bike race, every fight, and every giggle. This is where we were meant to be, together. “Peyton is going to be so excited.”

“Peyton?”

“She’s been bugging me since Homecoming to tell you how I feel. She thought I was being ridiculous.”

“I think both of us were being a little ridiculous.”

“Or maybe a lot.”

“Definitely a lot.” I smiled, trailing my fingers down her face. I loved that I could touch her whenever I wanted now.

She grew quiet, almost sullen, and I wondered what was going through her mind now. I didn’t have to wait long for an answer. “You’re leaving in three days.”

My stomach dropped, and my heart twisted. “I am.” I was tempted to pick up my phone and tell Felix I couldn’t go anymore, that we had to cancel. The sadness on her face right now killed me and I knew it’d be even worse when it came time for me to go. “We’ll make the most of it. And we’ll have all the time in the world when I got back.”

She nodded, still not looking at me, her gaze far away. “I knew it was coming. I just feel like we wasted so much time. I wasted so much time.”

I held her close, not knowing what to say because I was thinking the same thing. Every moment that we’d spent not being together was a wasted one. “We can only enjoy what we have going forward.”

“I don’t want you to leave.”

I didn’t know what she meant by that. Today? In three days? Because, honestly, I didn’t want to go either. Now or then. I heard her sniffle and my heart constricted, my arms twitched. I had a feeling she was crying, but I didn’t want to say anything because she was trying to be quiet about it. The tension that filled the air around us felt overpowering and fragile. The wrong movement would burst it and we’d suffocate. “I don’t know what to say.” I stroked my fingers against her arm. “All we can do is try. Try with me, Bee?”

“Of course,” she said, looking up at me finally. “Kiss me.”

So, I did. I kissed her with everything in me until we were breathless, with swollen lips, and racing hearts. A moment that had started so happy had dissolved into one filled with sadness and desperation. Would everything with us always be full of disappointment? Would we always have such shitty timing? It felt like we were destined to be nothing but bittersweet.