Chapter Nine
Ethan slumped over his desk with the mouse sitting idly in his right hand. He stared blankly at the screen while a clock ticked in the background, barely noticing the papers strewn about his desk that he had hardly had the strength to look through. More grading needed to be done, yet he couldn't motivate himself to shuffle through them, so they sat where he had placed them and hadn't moved since.
What have I done? he thought regretfully. I wasn't using him, was I?
His facial features hardly shifted as his eyes directed back to the screen.
I didn't think is what happened. I wasn't thinking.
While focusing on the screen, he willed his fingers to type. They clicked the keys mindlessly until the screen went out of focus after only a few sentences.
Why did death make me so horny?
Sighing, Ethan willed his eyes to focus again. They refused. Every bit of effort he put into making himself read the screen made him tired. He relaxed into his chair and listened to the familiar squeak of the hinges that came only when he sat back. He rocked himself gently, repeating the squeaking sound over the ticking of the clock.
I have to do something.
He lifted his cell phone and pressed the call button for Dalton's number, holding it to his ear as the line trilled. A mechanical voice responded after several seconds that the caller was unavailable. When a beep rang over the line, he hung up and set his phone on the desk. He stared pensively at the lit screen.
“Damn,” he whispered.
When he reached again for his phone, his computer dinged. An email notification had popped up in the corner of the screen. He mindlessly clicked on it and opened it up, noticing that it was from the registrar. As his eyes floated over the screen, his brows furrowed together.
“So, he dropped my course.”
He shook his head as he stood from his desk, the chair squeaking as it rolled back and hit the wall. He grabbed his phone and tucked it away into his pocket. Panic swelled in his chest as he headed for the door. Every molecule in his body vibrated with fear, pushing him forward with the amount of adrenaline that pumped through him from the sting.
“Not even a phone call and he drops my course.”
His shaking hand gripped the door knob just as the door sprung to life and nearly nailed him in the forehead.
“Damn it,” he growled as he jumped back.
A stunned Dalton stood in the doorway with an envelope in his hand. He stood there for a few seconds, staring hard. Those dark brown eyes, appearing black in the dull light of the office, could have been hardened from squinting against the sun or from their three-day-old argument. It was hard to tell. And it made the panic swell even wider.
“Got the news, I suppose.” Dalton stepped confidently into the office without an invitation and shut the door behind him. He stood firmly in between the door and his professor.
“I did.”
He nodded. “Then, I suppose I don't need to hand you this.”
The white envelope floated between them, hanging from his fingers as if soiled by rotten news. He raised an eyebrow. Ethan began to reach for it but let his hand drop.
“I suppose not.”
“Guess we've been doing a lot of supposing.”
Ethan huffed out of slight amusement and allowed his eyes to drop just like his hand. “We have.”
That familiar and uncomfortable silence floated between them again, interrupted only by the sound of the clock. It coaxed him in to a meditative state where he repetitively went over the motions of a few days ago, analyzing and filtering it like a scholarly paper on modern art.
“So let me be the first to apologize.”
His eyes shot up and met the black ones staring back at him. “What?”
“I'm saying I'm sorry.”
A smile crossed his lips as he continued to stare, watching how the sun sparkled around in those black orbs. He turned to shut the blinds and invited Dalton to sit down.
“I should really be the one to apologize,” he stated as he sat against his desk. “I didn't realize my actions could have been misinterpreted that way.”
“You were in the middle of grief. It was poor timing on my part, too.”
“No, Dalton, please.”
Their eyes met again and Ethan sighed, reaching out instinctively to cup Dalton's face. “It's really my fault for misleading you.”
“So, you didn't mean anything to come of this?”
The question silenced him as he withdrew his hand, using his free hand to steady the shaking. But they were both shaking and he was shaking. All he wanted to do was curl up with Dalton and forget about that dreadful back-and-forth they had in his bedroom.
“No, that's not it. I'm sorry because...” He trailed off as his eyes searched the room for something else to focus on. “Because I do like you. I admire you. Your work is incredible and you're a wonderful performer. There's a lot of things I really enjoy about you. More than your body.”
“I feel much the same.”
He smiled shyly. “So, is that why you dropped my class?”
Dalton smirked and stood from his chair. He extended a hand to cup Ethan's twitching cheek, calming the nerves underneath that desperately wanted to flee the office. Ethan relaxed into the gentle hand and sighed. His eyelids felt heavy and they seemed to be burning.
“I dropped your class because I'm serious about seeing you,” Dalton whispered. “And that was basically what the letter states.”
“You're what?” Ethan recoiled in shock. “I thought you thought I was using you.”
“I mean, I kinda thought that for a minute.”
“So, you don't think I'm using you?”
“Are you using me?”
Ethan excitedly shook his head. “I could never.”
“So, you're free this evening?”
“I thought you'd never ask.”
Their lips collided. Every molecule that had been vibrating from anxiety was now shivering with anticipation. Ethan drank every ounce of affection meeting his lips, whimpering as he pulled Dalton between his legs. Papers fell to the ground and other random objects shuffled about as he made room for them to kiss on top of the desk.
His phone fell from his pocket and vibrated across the desk, but he didn't mind it. He kept pulling Dalton closer and closer, as much as he possibly could until the sweet man withdrew with a chuckle.
“Where should we go?” Dalton asked.
“I don't care. It doesn't really matter to me.”
He chuckled as he leaned back in to kiss Ethan. “Should we go somewhere a little more private?”
“Do you think we need to?”
Dalton shook his head. His smirk widened as he leaned in for another kiss, taking those lips that shivered underneath his touch. When he pulled away, Ethan studied the shape of his face and the way his lips curled up into a smile.
“How about some coffee?” Dalton offered.
Ethan took the hand extended to him and smiled wide. “Perfect.”