Chapter Ten
Hordes of people crowded the tent-lined street as Kaleb made his way between groups. The march had ended thirty minutes ago, yet the throngs of people remained stuck to the tar as if they were glued. It didn't help that the Carolina sun made everything seem sticky and slow. He felt like he was about to pass out from the waves of heat rolling over the black tar.
“This is quite a turnout,” he stated.
Grace nodded enthusiastically. “It's even better than our pride parade.”
“Well, hopefully, this gets the ball rolling on your initiative.”
“As long as we can gain traction with city council folks, we'll be all right.”
“Have you seen any of them during the march?”
Grace craned her neck as she looked over the crowd of attendees, her eyes darting over each individual noggin. She shook her head. “Not yet. I mean, maybe they were here earlier, but no one seems to be here now.”
Eve barked. Kaleb glanced in the direction of her snoot and found a triad of men huddled together wearing red ribbons. One of them had long blond locks that reminded him of Glenn. He even moved like Glenn. For a moment, Kaleb thought it might have been the sweet painter that had swept him away until the man turned. Green eyes and tan skin came into view.
Kaleb frowned.
“Did you hear a word I said?”
Kaleb stared at Grace who had one hand on her hip and the other over her forehead to shield her eyes from the imposing sun. “Hi, where did you go?”
Kaleb shrugged and let Eve lead him on her leash. He followed her to the sidewalk and under an abandoned tent, away from the vengeful rays that threatened to make him pass out. He sighed as he sank into a plastic chair and patted Eve's head. Grace followed shortly and took a chair next to him. She set her camera—a fancy sort of digital single-lens reflex with a strap—on the table next to them and perched her elbows on her knees.
“Hey, champ,” she sighed. “What's up?”
He didn't respond. He didn't really want to. The morning had left him tired and weak, lacking the ability to cope with anything. His normal vigor with social situations had faded as soon as they arrived, and he had only gathered two of the five interviews he needed to make his deadline. If his work suffered, his paycheck would surely suffer as well.
He sighed, leaning against the armrest of the chair.
“Glenn,” was all he could manage to pipe up.
Grace huffed and rolled her eyes, pulling her long hair out of her face. Part of her forehead was caked with sweat and she wiped that with her shirt sleeve.
“Sounds like you've got a case of the butterflies,” she teased.
When Kaleb didn't respond, her brows furrowed together, and she reached out to touch his shoulder. Nothing seemed to be working for him, not her jokes or his attention-seeking pup who gave him the most mournful glance. She looked tired, too, like maybe she needed water and a nap.
He procured a water bottle from his backpack and a cup, pouring water into the cup before setting it on the ground. Eve lapped it up immediately. When she was done, he added more.
“Thanks for your support, but no thanks,” he grumbled.
“Hey, I just want to see you happy. And if this makes you unhappy, then maybe you should let it go,” she said.
“It's not that. I'm not even that unhappy with him it's just...” He trailed off as he brushed his chin. “I always do this, don't I?”
Grace rolled her eyes up to the ceiling of the tent, squinting at the white fabric. “I don't know what you mean.”
Kaleb gave her a knowing look. When she caught his gaze, she giggled and leaned back in her chair.
“Oh, come on,” she chuckled. “We both know you aren't the best communicator in the world.”
“That's why I'm asking you. The only person in this town who knows me better than myself is you.”
She shrugged and twirled a lock of hair between her fingers, sticking her tongue out as she shifted her tongue piercing. “I know, Kaleb, but you're the only one who knows what's right for you. I care about your well-being. You should know that.”
“I do know that. You remind me all the time.”
“Only in the form of affectionate texts and reminders that you're worth more than you think you are.”
Now he rolled his eyes. “Okay, you don't do that much for me.”
“A girl gets busy. Forgive me.” She stuck out her tongue playfully, her eyes closing and appearing more curvy than usual, making her face look much livelier. “So, what's in that noggin right now? I can tell this is beyond words, but I'll need you to try.”
He shrugged again. “I guess it just bothers me that it was so insensitive.”
“Then what happened?”
Kaleb stared blankly at the ground. Eve had gotten comfortable beneath his legs, her warmth radiating through his calves and up his body. It was more warmth than he needed, but he didn't have the heart to move her. He sighed as he slumped back in his chair. “I didn't say anything. I just left.”
“Classic Kaleb.”
“Hey, it was harsh, okay?”
She nodded while scratching her cheek. “And you haven't spoken to him since?”
“No, we've been sort of busy today.” He gestured to the collection of people passing by the tent, all of them wrapped up in their own little universes and accompanying conversations. “And he's probably busy painting.”
“The life of an artist is a hectic one.”
“Yeah, he mentioned he had commissions today. I don't want to interrupt that.”
“But clearly it matters enough to interrupt your mood.”
His eyes darted around the tent, searching for something on which to focus. Something, anything, had to be within visual distance for him to study. This conversation was making him nervous. He could feel the sweat pooling around the base of his neck, a combination of the day's work plus the pressure from his mistake.
Mistake? He hadn't made any mistakes. Glenn laughed at his recounting of Marty and he had left. It was simple.
But it really wasn't.
“It still stings,” he admitted.
“I imagine it would. That's a sensitive subject for you.”
“I still don't understand what happened. After he laughed, time felt like it sped up and suddenly I was just out the door.”
She adjusted her shirt, brushed a speck of lint off the hem, and then focused her attention on him. “Interesting.”
“What is?”
“Your concern. You just met him and yet you're worried about this incident that you could easily let go.”
He raised a curious brow and grimaced. “It's not that simple.”
“But it could be. You could just walk away from him – like you did already without saying anything – and keep on going for yourself. You could go out and meet someone else or choose from the pool of men you already know, but you haven't.”
He raised his arms in confusion, sort of shrugging. “And?”
“And that means you care.”
“Of course, I care! It was about Marty.”
Grace leaned forward in her chair. As she did, the plastic squeaked. She quickly stood up as a small group of folks entered the tent. They fanned themselves as they approached, each of them sporting their own red ribbons. Kaleb raised his hand as a salute.
She spoke to them for a moment as Kaleb focused elsewhere, taking with him his care for anything they might have exchanged. Of course, he cared, but he didn't have the spoons for it right now. All of his efforts had been put into deterring his thoughts of Glenn instead of focusing on the march, and much of that made him feel useless as a supporter.
This march was personal, so close to home that he could practically taste it, and it made him ill to think that he was letting down his precious Marty. He glanced up at the ceiling of the tent just as Grace had done, studying the way the wind blew the taut fabric. Beyond that was a gorgeous sky for it was a beautiful day, reminding him of when he had met Glenn.
Marty and Glenn. Two faces circling about in his head like a carousel just beckoning him to ride. He could already feel the disappointment in him growing for not being more present in the fight for this health clinic, for his friends who still suffered, and for others just like Marty who were struggling to pay their bills and dying because of the injustice that was being gay with a disease.
A sigh surfaced. He noticed the group of girls wandering away taking Grace with them. She glanced back at him with a warm gaze, one that assured him she'd be back. He waved. He was slightly annoyed but grateful for the temporary out. Her helpfulness was limited to her perspective and he felt she might have been judging him as much as she was being supportive.
But that wasn't right to think. She had pointed out his lack of communication, not told him he was wrong. If anything, she was acting favorably to his desired outcome which was to talk to Glenn.
His thoughts abruptly paused. Even though Glenn had done something unappealing, Kaleb still found himself desiring the intellectual stimulation of their talks. The playful banter that they enacted around each other was mutually satisfying, a testament to their attraction, and here he was mulling over the horror of one, tiny mistake.
Any outside perspective would tell him the same: just go talk to Glenn. His body wanted to go right now, to sprint through the masses outside and straight to Glenn's house, but he couldn't with Eve. No, that was a lie, too. His body held him to the plastic chair, unwilling to move. No matter his logic, he would still be too upset to broach the subject. Maybe he should wait.
“Sorry about that,” Grace chimed as she walked back into the tent. “They wanted to get some quotes for the news crew.”
“Local channel?”
“With the same routine questions.”
He rolled his eyes. “And yet you have a direct source to a newspaper right in front of you.”
“Wow, could you get any more cocky about being a writer?”
She elbowed him playfully and sat down, waving herself.
“Yeah, it's hot,” he commented.
“It could be worse. We could be in the desert with the wolves and the lack of rain. I just wish it was winter again.”
Kaleb glanced down at Eve who had relaxed all the way to the ground, her head resting on her paws. He smiled at her, wondering what was going on in her brain right now.
“So, any more thoughts about your little Glenn situation?” she probed.
“Well, he's not little.” His eyes widened. Had he really said that out loud? “I mean...”
She guffawed, throwing her head back and slapping her knee. “Wow, so you really can't get enough of him, can you?”
He flushed instantly, raising his hand to his face to cover his mouth. But no matter what, he couldn't help laughing about his verbal slip. It was hard to get Glenn off his brain, no matter the personal offense. “I guess not.”
“Well,” she said with a grin. “Sounds like you have something to do tonight other than writing your article.”
With a nervous chuckle, Kaleb shook his head. “I don't know, Grace.”
“You do know. You've already made up your mind. You just won't admit it to yourself.”
“I guess I have.”
“All right, so tell me something.” She leaned over the armrest of her chair and got close. “Is it worth spending your life wondering what could have happened if you didn't go over there and clarify a little bit?”
“I hate it when you pull your philosophical shit.”
“I have to use my degree somehow. Those student loans aren't going to pay for themselves, so I need to flex my creativity.”
He felt Eve shift and glanced down to check on her. She looked tired. It was time to go home whether he had made a decision or not.
“All right, you win this round,” he announced while standing. “I have to get this girl home and start laundry.”
“And your article.”
Grace stood with him and took his hand, squeezing it gently.
“Have I thanked you today?” he inquired as they walked out of the tent.
“Today? Let me think.” She paused for effect. “I suppose no.”
Smiling, he pecked her cheek. “Thanks, Grace.”
“Any time, Kaleb. Just make sure to work on those communication skills. You did all right talking to me. Put in that same effort with him and I'm sure it could be amazing.”
Kaleb let his eyes wander over the crowd, a dizzying sight difference from his peaceful break under the tent. The thought of walking back was nauseating, especially with how much the close-standing bodies retained heat. After taking a deep breath, he looked down at Eve feeling slightly hopeful.
“All right, girl. Let's get home.”