“But… that’s not possible,” Isabel muttered. “I took a test. I mean, I took a lot of tests. Test after test and… they all were positive.”

The doctor nodded. “Well, yes, that would be because you have a giant ovarian cyst.”

“Ovarian cyst?” I asked, still trying to process what was happening.

“Yes. Sometimes a large ovarian cyst can mimic the hormones of pregnancy, and, therefore, if you take a pregnancy test, it will come up positive. But there is no baby there, Isabel. I’m sorry.”

She looked completely dejected. And I’m sure I didn’t look too happy myself.

As nerve-wracking as this all had been, and, as much as it had changed my life drastically, I had been really excited to be a father. I’d truly believed I’d be one, and, now… it felt like a rug had been pulled from under me.

On the other hand, I couldn’t help but feel relieved. Because, obviously, my life had become a lot less complicated.

And, most importantly, I didn’t have to keep up this charade with Isabel anymore. I could go back to Ben. I didn’t have to worry about the future of my child. I could just go back to life as I’d used to know it.

“I see…” Isabel said softly. “Well, uh, that’s good… that’s good because I was really unprepared to have this baby.”

She was saying good, but she didn’t look well. She looked like she was welling up with tears.

“Isabel…” I whispered softly.

She wiped tears out of her eyes. “Uh, Grady, would you mind stepping outside while I ask the doctor some questions about this cyst?”

“Yeah, sure, absolutely,” I nodded, as I let myself outside.

I walked out of the examination room, out of the waiting room, and straight into the fresh air where I took a deep, long breath and tried to analyze what I’d just discovered.

She wasn’t pregnant. I wasn’t having a baby. I wasn’t going to be a father. And while that was on one hand sad, it was also… freeing.

I could have another life. A completely different life than what I’d previously imagined.

I could be with Ben. I could find my happiness with him. We could have a nice, slow, long-term relationship where we’d eventually grow toward marriage and children. He can be the father of my future children. He can be the man that I love, the person who I am with to show my children what a happy, healthy relationship is like.

And I won’t have to fake it for a second.

I couldn’t wait to tell him this. Honestly, I’d had a feeling that regardless of how things had ended up, I was going to walk out of this doctor’s office deciding to be with Ben. But this made everything so much easier. I didn’t even have a reason not to be.

I wanted to call him immediately and tell him the news, tell him that I wanted to be his and his alone. That I wanted to be his forever.

But I couldn’t call him now. Not when Isabel was still in there, so sad about the fact that she was not pregnant.

Oh, god, I hadn’t even considered what kind of conversation I was going to have to have with her when she got out of there. I don’t think she’s going to be happy about me ending things. But I’m sure she’s going to expect it.

Still, that’s going to be a crushing conversation. Ending the possibility of our relationship right after she finds out she’s not pregnant but has a giant cyst instead.

So, the least I could do was wait to speak with Ben. I’d feel like too much of a scumbag doing that, anyway.

I sat on a bench outside of the doctor’s office and felt the cool breeze as I waited for Isabel to come out. I did my best to keep my expression neutral, even as I waited. The last thing I wanted to do was give her the impression that I was happy about this, though a part of me was.

She came out about fifteen minutes later and sat down on the bench next to me.

“Hey…” I said softly.

“Hey,” she sighed.

“So, uh, what did the doctor say about the cyst? Are you going to be okay?”

“Yeah… yeah, I’ll be fine. There is a chance it might burst, which would be painful, but not dangerous. And, other than that, I just need to come in and have it looked at in a few months. There could be concerns if it continues to grow, but, if not,,. I’ll be fine.”

“Good… good,” I said softly. “Look, Isabel, I’m really sorry.”

“What are you sorry for?” she asked. “It’s not like we planned this. It’s not as if we were a couple trying to get pregnant or anything. That was never the plan. This was an accident, and now… now it’s not.”

She was trying to play it off like it didn’t matter to her, but I could still see it did.

“I know, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t hard. We’d thought there’d be a baby, our mindsets had changed, we’d had plans, and now they’re gone. I understand completely that you’d be upset. I’m a little sad, myself,” I said.

She raised her eyebrows. “You are?”

“Yeah,” I answered. Just a little bit, though. There was happiness thrown in there, but I didn’t tell her that.

She nodded slowly. “So, there’s no chance you’d want to…”

I looked at her as she let her sentence trail off. “Want to what?”

“Want to continue this dating thing with me?” she asked hopefully.

Ugh, this is exactly what I’d been dreading.

“Isabel… you’re a great girl, but…”

“Right,” She cut me off, “yeah, right, I should have known. I mean, I did know, but then when you said you were sad, I thought maybe you might feel like I do…”

“I’m really sorry,” I told her. “I mean it, you’re a great girl. And a part of me was excited to be a father, but as far as a relationship…”

“It’s not gonna work,” she finished for me.

“Look, it has nothing to do with you. Maybe in a different time and place, I could have started a relationship with you, but you came into my world just as I met someone I fell very deeply in love with, so…”

“I get it. You love someone else. I already knew that. I’m not sure it would have worked, even if I had been pregnant. I just liked having someone to lean on. I’ll get past it, though.”

I looked away, glancing at the ground. This was awkward. I had no idea what to say, and I’d clearly hurt her feelings, and that really sucked.

“How about you just take me home?” she asked suddenly.

“Sure,” I agreed.

And that was just about the most awkward car ride of my life. We didn’t talk the entire way. She just looked sadly out the window, and I desperately wanted to comfort her.

But I knew it wasn’t the right thing to do. Comforting her would be a mistake. It would intensify her feelings for me.

I couldn’t be her source of comfort right now, not when she had feelings for me. She had to go to someone else for that, and I hoped she would.

As I pulled up to her house, she turned to me and gave me a quick hug.

“Thanks for everything, Grady. You’re a good guy.”

I wasn’t so sure about that.

I gave a halfhearted smile. “I’m really sorry you’re hurting.”

She nodded. “Thanks,” was all she said, as she exited my car and went toward her apartment.

When she left, it was like a weight was lifted off my chest. As I pulled away, I immediately pulled out my phone and used the voice command to call Ben. I couldn’t fucking wait to tell him. Even more, I couldn’t wait to see him. But I thought dropping in without another word again would be ill-advised.

When I called, though, it did not ring. Instead I was met with a, “this number is out of order” message.

Okay… that’s weird. I dialed again and again, I got the same response.

All right, then, I guess I’ll have to drop by his house. He probably won’t be happy about that, but if it’s the only way I can get to him, it’s the only way.

I drove as quickly as I could to his place, excitement rising inside me as I thought about how our reunion was going to feel.

I was going to get to wrap my arms around him and know that I’d hold him in my arms for the rest of my days. I was going to feel the kind of happiness that I hadn’t felt since we’d broken up. Things were going to be good.

When I reached his apartment, I quickly parked and then jutted upstairs to find him. When I reached his door, I pounded on it.

“Ben, it’s me, Grady! Open up!”

But announcing that was probably a bad idea. I probably should have knocked and not said who I was. Because, of course, after I said, that nobody came to the door.

And why would he? He probably thinks I’m just coming here to be a selfish ass again.

But I’m not, not at all, I want to commit to him, just like he’d said. And if he just came out here, he’d know that, and we could start our happy lives together.

I knocked again. “Ben, I’m sorry, I know I fucked up last time. But I have something I really need to tell you. You just need to let me in and talk to me. I tried calling before I came, if that makes it better.”

But it evidently didn’t make it better. Apparently, nothing I said was going to. It was radio silence on his part.

I was getting desperate. I knew it was wrong, but I reached for the doorknob to see if maybe, just maybe, he’d left it unlocked. Really uncool to just walk in, I know, but what else could I do?

Besides, as soon as I was in front of him explaining the reason why I was back, I’m sure he’ll be just as excited as I am that things are done with Isabel.

To my relief, the doorknob was unlocked! Which was a shocker, because Ben was usually a stickler about that kind of thing.

I turned the knob and pushed it open. “Ben, baby, I’m sorry, but—”

I stopped talking when I actually got inside, though. The reason Ben wasn’t answering me was immediately evident.

He wasn’t here.

And not the kind of ‘not here’ as in ‘out to the grocery store.’ No, he was ‘not here’ as in ‘looks like he’ll never be here again.’

His apartment was totally, completely empty. There was nothing there. He was gone.

For a second, I stepped outside again and checked the apartment number, sure that I must have gotten it wrong. Because, just a few days ago, all of his stuff had been here. No way he could have disappeared that fast in just a few days… right?

But, no, the apartment number was correct. I was definitely in the right place…

So, what the hell was going on?

My head started spinning. I felt sick. I actually had to sit down on what used to be Ben’s carpet.

What happened? Has he moved? Did he really leave?

I know he’d told me that his lease was running out, but he had said he just planned to renew it. And now he’s gone?

Why? Did something go wrong with renewing it? Or did… or did he do this to get away from me?

No, I couldn’t even think of it like that. It hurt too much. Regardless of the reason, it hurt that he was even gone and I hadn’t known about it. He had made this huge life decision and hadn’t told me, because, of course, he’d never had to tell me. He owed me nothing. But, all the same, it sucked knowing we weren’t even close enough anymore for him to tell me he was moving.

I was going to rectify the situation, though. I was going to fix this. We’d be close again, we had to be. He was the only one I wanted.

I took out my phone and then called him again, and, once again, I got an out of order message.

And then it hit me…. he’s not the kind of guy who does things like not pay his phone bill on time. He’s meticulous about making payments right away. He’s an organized person. So, if his phone is no longer in service, that means… he must have changed the number.

And there’s only one reason he would do that.

So, I’m right. This is all for me. He moved without telling me, he changed his number, all to not have to deal with me anymore.

I immediately felt sick to my stomach, like I might throw up. I seriously almost ran to the bathroom.

Okay, Grady, it’s going to be fine. You can fix this, I told myself.

But no, what if I couldn’t? What if there was no way for me to get a hold of him? No way for me to tell him that everything had changed, and I desperately wanted to be his again?

How could I do it? He’d moved, I didn’t have his number, and he’d probably blocked me on all social media.

Still, that’s what I had to try next. I had to see if I could still get a hold of him online.

I logged into every account I had, and, sure enough, he had me blocked on every single one. Well, I shouldn’t have expected anything less from Ben. He was very organized and thorough.

Oh, but wait! Even if he blocked me, I can still message him! I’ll just have to do it from another account. I’ll just make a fake account specifically with the intent of sending him a message to let him know about everything that happened. That’s gotta change his mind, right?

But, I wasn’t so sure. I wasn’t so sure it mattered to him anymore. I had fucked up big time. And he was doing everything in his power to end contact with me. You don’t do that if you’re not serious about ending things with someone. He clearly has no interest in me anymore…

But, he doesn’t know the score, not really. So, I had to tell him. I had to do anything I could to tell him.

So, right there on his floor, I used my phone to sign up for a new account to get a hold of him.

I know, it was desperate. Beyond desperate, really. It bordered on creepy. I was sitting in his old, empty apartment, making new social media accounts to talk to him, when he’s clearly tried to end things with me at all costs.

I was pretty much a stalker.

I didn’t care, though. Not if it got me back with him. That was the only thing I cared about at this point.

I got excited when I had finished with the long sign-up process and quickly searched for Ben’s profile.

But, to my dismay, it wasn’t there. There was nothing. It was gone completely.

He hadn’t just blocked me… he had deleted his account entirely. I imagine he’d deleted all of his accounts…

Just to get away from me?

Still, I had to try every account. Just on the unlikely off chance that there was something he didn’t delete, some way to contact him.

But there wasn’t. After every annoying sign-up process I went through, I discovered the same thing. Ben was not there. He was nowhere. He basically didn’t have an internet presence, as far as I knew.

I was feeling sicker than ever. I was actually on the verge of a total and complete panic attack. This just… it wasn’t what I’d thought was going to happen.

I thought I’d come over, and it’d be a joyous occasion. We’d celebrate us getting back together, we’d kiss, maybe even make love. It would be the first day of the rest of our lives. It would be totally and absolutely beautiful.

But this wasn’t beautiful, this was tragic. I was going to lose him… I couldn’t think of any way to get a hold of him, and if I couldn’t, I’d lose him.

I tried to think of other ways to get a hold of him. I didn’t know his email, we had never emailed, why would we? In this day and age, most personal communication comes from text or social media. You only email someone if you have something specific to send them, a document or something. And nothing like that had ever come up.

I tried to think if I had any of his friends on my social media, but I knew I didn’t. I’d only met them once at the party, and none of them had ever tried to add me. The only way I’d be able to find them was through Ben’s accounts.

I hardly remembered their names anyway. Maybe I got a first name here and there, but never a last name, and I was bad at remembering names anyway.

Besides, what can I do with a first name? A first name won’t make anyone pop up. Not if we don’t have friends in common, which now we don’t, since Ben is no longer my friend.

Fuck, I was screwed, I was so freaking screwed.

I stayed at Ben’s apartment for hours that night. I don’t know why, I don’t know what I was hoping for. That he’d waltz back in? That he’d just show up and find me, and we’d be able to talk?

No, it wasn’t going to happen. Of course it wouldn’t happen. It was over between us, that much had been made very obvious to me.

Still, for weeks after that, I held out hope. I did Google searches to find his new apartment. I asked his old landlord where he’d moved, though of course he wouldn’t tell me. I tried to search the first names of the few friends of his I could remember.

But it was all for naught, of course it was. I was becoming a creepy stalker for no reason.

And, it probably didn’t even matter. Even if he knew the truth, I didn’t think it would change anything. I didn’t think anything I’d say at this point would change anything. I didn’t think I’d ever met someone so determined to never speak to me again.

So, eventually, I lost that hope.

But months later, I never stopped thinking about him. It wasn’t in a hopeful way anymore, but, still, he was always on my mind. Always in my heart. Forever the boy who could have been my soul mate, forever the boy I’d never be able to have again. And it ached me on a regular basis.

I never met anyone else, either. Or, rather, I did meet people. I met a lot of people. It’s impossible not to, in my line of business.

But none of them ever meant anything to me. I never went on dates anymore. Nobody made a decent impression on me. I only ever wanted Ben. He was the only one for me, my soul mate, my everything.

I knew eventually I’d have to get past it, though. I was never going to see him again. No matter how badly I wanted to, there was no way to get to see him again.

At least… that’s what I’d thought.

Until the day I finally did.