I went home happy that night. I probably shouldn’t have been, nothing had really changed, and I didn’t really expect it to.

But it didn’t matter. For the first time in a long time, I had a chance. A chance I’d never thought I’d have again.

The chance that Ben would call me. That I could explain everything that had happened, and why he’d never heard from me again.

And maybe he wouldn’t call. That’s what I should expect, anyway. That he isn’t going to want to get into contact with me…

But, for some reason, in my gut, I just knew he would. I don’t know if this this something I really believe or just something I want to believe, but I don’t know… that’s how I feel.

I mean, he can’t hate me that much, right? He did come to one of my games. I know he came with a date, but… still. He knew he’d see me. He knew he might run into me. That had to count for something.

Then again, maybe it doesn’t. For all he knows, I’ve got a fucking child with another woman. I know that would probably keep me from reaching out to him if I were in his shoes.

But I didn’t have a child. And it was so weird, thinking about how he thinks my life is now. Thinking of how little he knows about me… when he used to know everything.

And that’s partially my fault, of course, but partially his, too. It takes two.

To think, my entire life changed just days after he moved out and on with his life… from the time he moved out, I was no longer going to be a father, and I was no longer planning a life with a woman I didn’t care about. And he didn’t even know that all this time, I’ve been pining for him. He just doesn’t know…

But maybe he would. Maybe things will change. This year without him has been hell for me… I can only hope it’s been the same for him.

Okay, no, that’s not what I hope! That sounds all wrong. Of course I don’t hope he’s been miserable this time, but… I don't know. I do hope that he never found happiness with anyone else, especially not this latest guy he was with.

That’s selfish, and I know it is. I’ll admit it, I’m somewhat selfish. I want that boy all to myself, and I’ll do anything to have him back. And if that means I wish he isn’t happy with anyone but me, fine.

Because I can make him happy. Happier than he’s ever been, happier than he ever will be. I can be the one to be his whole world. After all, he already was mine…

I had a feeling he wasn’t that close to the guy he was dating, though. I mean, how could he be? He clearly hadn’t told him about me.

You don’t agree to go to the baseball game of your boyfriend’s ex, you just don’t. And I know most men would feel very intimidated if they found out their boyfriend had a famous, sports star ex. They wouldn’t relish the fact.

And that guy, the way he looked at me, he was definitely excited to see me. Which means he didn’t know. And if he didn’t know, good, that means he wasn’t as close as Ben and I had been.

Because Ben and I had been able to tell each other damn near anything. Seriously, there is nothing I would keep secret from that boy. It’s something I never felt before him or after him. It’s a testament to just how strong our relationship had been…

How strong it could be again.

I couldn’t get ahead of myself, though. I just had to wait. I had to wait and see if Ben would call, if he’d forgive me, if he’d even listen to me or try to understand…

You’d think, over the next few days, I’d have a very difficult time. You’d think it would be torture waiting for Ben to contact me again, waiting to see how things would turn out with us…

But it oddly didn’t feel bad at all. On the contrary, I was walking on air the next few days.

I was constantly fantasizing about Ben. What it would be like to hear his voice, to be with him again, to live our lives together the way we were always supposed to…

Eventually, the fantasy wouldn’t be enough. Eventually, I’d need the real thing to feel this good. But, for now, it was enough. Because I’d been living my life thinking I was never going to see him again, so just knowing that wasn’t true was enough satisfaction for me.

Thankfully, I didn’t have to wait until the satisfaction wore off to hear from him.

One day, I was just sitting down on my couch, trying to pick a movie to watch when I got a call.

At first, I thought nothing of it. I didn’t even think back to Ben. I got a lot of random calls, and I figured this was just another one.

“Hello?” I answered.

“What the hell are you doing?!” I heard Ben snap.

And my heart soared. Seriously, I was in heaven just to hear his voice.

Even though he was angry, even though he was fuming with me… he had called. And that’s all I cared about right now.

He had actually called.