Chapter 24

Holly

I just needed to see him for fifteen minutes. I needed to tell him what had happened. We had both fucked up, and now, we were going to have to atone for our mistakes.

Something I thought would be a blessing was quickly turning into a burden.

I stared down at the plastic stick in my hands. The screen with two red lines practically screamed the results in my head.

Pregnant. I was fucking pregnant.

I sighed and tossed the pregnancy test in the garbage can before leaning forward with my elbows on my knees.

How could I have been so reckless? We should have been more careful. I should have seen this coming.

I took a shaky breath and looked at the door.

Kim and Luke were in the living room. Kim had knocked on the bathroom door several times to check in on me, and I had lied and said I wasn’t feeling well. She wouldn’t give me much time before she forced herself in and demanded I tell her what was going on. That was a conversation I was definitely not ready for.

I had to find the energy to stand up and slap on a happy face. I had to act normal. For now.

I found myself wondering if things would feel different if everything with the guys at The Roost hadn’t happened yesterday. Would I be excited? Would Jax be?

There was a big part of me that was certain he would be. But right now he was tied up in MC business, which made my heart clench with fear. I wasn’t stupid. He would be going after the men who had come to see me at work. He and Ryder and whoever else they could gather would be preparing for a confrontation while I sat holed up in my sister’s apartment like someone in witness protection.

I dragged my hands down my face and counted to three in my head. Then, I stood up and stared at my reflection in the mirror.

My eyes were pink and glassy from crying. My cheeks were flushed, my hair was a mess, and my lips were dry. I splashed some cold water on my face and applied some Chapstick. Feeling a little more human but still just as tired and weak and sad, I emerged from the bathroom and made my way into the living room to find Kim and Luke curled up on the sofa watching cartoons.

I could do this. I had to do this.

I took a seat on the sofa and ignored the way Kim’s eyes fell on me. She was worried. She had to be. I was acting out of sorts, and she knew me better than anyone. Almost anyone.

She didn’t wait long before she reached over and tapped my hand that was draped over the back of the sofa. “You okay?” she mouthed silently, her eyes flicking to Luke.

I shook my head.

Kim got up and adjusted her sweater before nodding to the kitchen. “Luke, your mom and I are going to make popcorn. Want some?”

“Sure,” Luke said, his eyes never leaving the television screen.

Kim pulled me into the kitchen, and as soon as I was out of view of my son, I buried my face in my hands and started crying.

Kim grabbed my wrists and tried to pull my hands away from my face. “Holly? Holly, what’s the matter? Please talk to me. You’re scaring me.”

I shook my head and worked to get a hold of myself.

“Is this about Jax?”

“No—kind of.”

Kim rubbed my shoulders. “You can tell me. Get it out. You’ll feel better. I can help you.”

I rubbed my eyes and blew out an exasperated breath. “I messed up, Kim.”

“What did you do?”

“I’m pregnant.”

Kim froze. I was afraid to look up into her face. I didn’t want to see the thoughts etched on her face. Judgment. Confusion. Disappointment.

“Holly, this isn’t something to be so upset about. Isn’t this a good thing?”

“How is this a good thing?” I said, forcing myself not to scream. I didn’t want Luke to hear. He couldn’t see me breaking down like this. He needed me to be strong.

“You and Jax having a baby? I don’t know, but it’s not as bad as it feels right now. I know you’re scared, and you’re worried about him, but you have to remember he does this kind of thing all the time. He knows what he’s doing. You have to trust him.”

“I do trust him,” I said. “I just don’t trust the men he’s up against.”

“You can’t control that, Holly. No one can.”

“I know,” I said, my words sharp as I tried to hold in a sob. “I know I can’t, but this,” I gestured around the kitchen, “Just sitting here waiting for him is killing me. How long do I wait? How long does he expect me to wait?”

Kim shook my shoulders. “Holly. I know you don’t want to hear this right now but you have to get a hold of yourself. Jax is out there doing his job. Now you need to do yours here. You need to keep it together. This won’t help anyone, and I hate to say it, but you should try to stay calm for, you know,” she glanced down at my stomach.

I groaned and looked up at the ceiling. “How could I have been so reckless?”

“You’re in love,” Kim shrugged. “Shit happens.”

“I—” I stared at her.

“What?” she asked. “Was I wrong? Do you not love him?”

“No. I do. I do love him.”

“Exactly,” Kim said. “Listen to me. This is a good thing. This could help Jax in the long run. Calm him down. Tether him to reality and maybe get him to take half a step back from the MC so he doesn’t get himself into such crazy situations.”

“You think?” I could hear the desperation in my voice.

Kim nodded. “Maybe. It’s worth considering.”

I swallowed and took several deep breaths to calm the anxious fluttering in my stomach. “You’re right. I need to get a handle on this and relax.”

“Okay,” Kim said, turning and opening one of the cupboards to her right. She pulled down a large blue bowl and a bag of popcorn. “Popcorn and a movie should do the trick. A good distraction is all you need right now, and then before you know it, Jax will call you and everything will be back to normal. Well, sort of normal. You’ll still be pregnant.”

“Yeah. Fuck.”

“I, for one, am excited,” Kim shrugged as she laid the popcorn bag flat in the microwave. She closed the door and pressed the button on the side labeled for popcorn. “A new niece or nephew to terrorize and train.”

“Train?”

“Yeah. You know. I have Luke trained to put all the remotes back in the caddy after he watches TV. Don’t tell me that’s not impressive.”

“I don’t think training is the right word,” I said with a small smile.

She shrugged. “Whatever. You know what I mean.”

“I think you were looking for the word ‘teach’.”

The popcorn started popping in the bag as Kim waved me away. “Meh.”

“Thanks for this,” I said.

“For what?”

“For calming me down and talking some sense into me. I just need to hear his voice and know he’s okay, and I can deal with everything else as it comes. I think.”

Kim smiled and peeked into the microwave as the bag expanded. “You’re a badass, Holly. You dealt with Kent and his shit for years. You can deal with this. Besides, there won’t even be anything to ‘deal’ with. Jax is a stand-up guy, and I think he’s in love with you too. You wait and see. This will be a good thing for you both. I’m sure of it.”

The microwave went off, and she pulled the bag out and ripped it open. The kitchen was filled with the salty smell of butter. She popped a piece in her mouth before pouring it into the blue bowl.

“I hope you’re right,” I muttered.

“Let’s be real. I’m always right.” She held out the bowl to me, and I took a few pieces before following her back out into the living room.

Kim dropped down in the middle of the couch beside Luke, and I sat on her other side. She held the bowl out for Luke, and he took as many as his tiny hand could hold before promptly cramming them into his mouth.

“Eat slowly,” I said, “Or you’ll choke.”

He doubled down and started eating two pieces at a time, shooting me dirty looks as he did so.

“No one’s trying to steal your food, Luke,” I said, “No need to be greedy.”

“Yeah, Luke, don’t be so greedy,” Kim said. Then she threw a piece of popcorn at him.

His mouth fell open in shock, and he leaned forward to look at me. He didn’t know what to do, so I helped him out by grabbing a piece of popcorn and throwing it at the back of Kim’s head.

She let out a delighted squeal before grabbing a handful of popcorn and leaping up off the couch. She hurried around the coffee table and placed the bowl in the middle. Then, like a child on a sugar rush, she began throwing the popcorn at me and Luke, who were clearly way too slow on the uptake.

Luke leaped off the couch, grabbed more popcorn, and began throwing it at his aunt.

The sounds of their laughter filling the living room helped alleviate the stress in my chest and pulled my thoughts somewhat away from Jax. I was able to focus on my son’s smile and his giggles as he chased his aunt in circles around the room.

This was the kind of joy he had rarely known when we lived in Philadelphia. His father would never have played so freely with him. Not even on Christmas day.

Luke deserved better than that. He always had. He deserved this relationship with his aunt, and he deserved the type of father figure I knew Jax could be. I wondered if I was dreaming.

Would Jax be willing to change his whole life for me? Would he be willing to raise another man’s son? Only a small part of me doubted him, and that part was my inner cynic. He loved me, I was sure of it, and in loving me, he would love Luke too. Because Luke was mine. He was of me.

A piece of popcorn bounced off my forehead, and Luke let out a terrified shriek before racing away from me.

I grabbed a fistful of popcorn and tore off after him, chasing him around the dining room table until I grabbed hold of his shirt. He laughed and squealed as I grabbed his chin and forced him to open his mouth. I crammed the piece of popcorn into his mouth, hearing myself laughing like a psycho, and forced him to eat it.

“That’s what you get, troublemaker!” I yelled victoriously.

Luke wiped butter from his lips and paused to catch his breath.

Kim dropped down on the sofa. “Okay. You two make another bag of popcorn, and we’ll actually eat it this time. I’m going to catch my breath.”

Luke took my hand, and we made our way into the kitchen, where we made another bag of popcorn and helped ourselves to a special treat, the soda at the back of Kim’s fridge.

When we sat back down on the couch, I told myself everything would be okay. It would all work out in the end. It always did.

Right?