Chapter 26

Holly

“Son of a bitch,” I said, ending my thirteenth call to Jax that night. I had been trying to get a hold of him for hours, but he wasn’t answering, and fear was starting to make me feel sick.

Something was wrong. I could feel it in my bones.

I was sitting in my car, hands tight on the steering wheel, headlights illuminating the double doors of the shop Jax worked at with Axel. I had been sitting in the car, considering going and knocking to see if anyone was there.

I knew I was disobeying Jax, and I knew he would be furious if he knew this is where I had come. He wanted me away from everything related to the MC right now, but try as I might, I couldn’t stay at home waiting for him.

What if he never called? What if he needed help?

I turned off the ignition and got out of the car. I took quick strides to the door along the side of the shop and knocked before giving myself the time to second-guess my decision.

I was surprised when the door opened to reveal a pretty blond woman in denim coveralls. She seemed equally surprised to see me.

“Holly?” she asked, tilting her head to the side.

“Uh, yeah.”

She opened the door and invited me in. I stepped over the threshold and turned back to her as she plucked a rag from a workbench and wiped her hands clean. “I’m Ellie. I was with Axel that afternoon at The Roost. Remember?”

“Oh!” I exclaimed, embarrassed for having forgotten her. “Yes, I remember. I’m sorry. Lots on my mind right now.”

She gave me a knowing smile. “You looking for Jax?”

I wrung my hands together. “Yeah. You wouldn’t happen to know where he is, do you?”

She put her hand on her hip. “He never told you where he was going?”

I shook my head.

Ellie threw her hands in the air with a big sigh. “Men. Such idiots.” She reached out and took my hand and began pulling me through the shop toward a back door. It opened up into a comfortable office with sofas and a mini fridge. She grabbed me a bottle of water and handed it to me before taking a seat on one of the sofas. She patted the empty spot beside her. Once I was sitting down, she twisted herself to face me. “The boys went on a run tonight.”

“A run?” I asked.

She nodded. “Yes. They had some business with another club. They call themselves the Black Hearts. They’ve been causing a lot of trouble for Ryder and the guys, so they set up a meeting. I wouldn’t expect them to be back soon. A couple more hours, tops.”

I bit my bottom lip and stared at the water bottle in my hands. “I have a really bad feeling about this.”

Ellie gave me a sad smile. “Get used to it, honey. That never goes away. Peace of mind is something you sacrifice if you love one of the MC guys. Take it from me.”

“Who are the Black Hearts? I’ve never heard of them.”

“Really?” Ellie asked, eyes widening a bit. “They’ve been all over the news for the murders last month.”

“Murders?”

Ellie nodded. “Yeah. The seven guys who were diced up with machetes.”

“That’s where Jax is right now?” My stomach did a backflip.

Ellie blinked. “Um.”

“Oh, God.” I covered my mouth with one hand and clutched at my gut with the other. “I think I’m going to be sick.”

“Shit,” Ellie said, rushing to her feet and grabbing a garbage can from under the reception desk. She pulled out the bag and brought it to me. I held it between my legs, hunched over, and promptly vomited up bile. I hadn’t been able to eat since talking to Jax on the phone the day before.

“Sorry,” I said, dragging my hand across my mouth.

“Don’t be,” Ellie said, “That was insensitive of me. I shouldn’t have said anything.”

“No, it’s okay, really. I appreciate someone being honest with me. I hate being kept in the dark like this. It’s so much worse than knowing what he’s up to.”

Ellie sighed and leaned back on the sofa. “Jax is a good guy, but he’s a bit thick-headed at times. We’ve been good friends for ages, and I can tell you his biggest fault is his need to protect everyone. If he thinks keeping you in the dark is the right move, you won’t be able to change his mind. He’s an ass, but his intentions are good.”

I tucked my hair behind my ears. “I know. But it’s not just about what he thinks is best. I have a voice too. What I want matters. Doesn’t it?”

“Sure does. You just have to get him to see that.”

“How?”

Ellie laughed. “Girl, if you figure it out, you’ll have to tell me.”

“Does Axel pull the same shit with you?”

Ellie shrugged. “Not as much as he used to. He wouldn’t date me for years because he was so against me being part of the MC life. I know there are still days when it hangs over him like a dark cloud. The guilt. You know? But I do my best to assure him that by his side is where I want to be, no matter what. It helps him, I think. I hope.”

I swallowed as the urge to vomit coursed through me. “What did they say they were going to do when they met with this Black Hearts leader?”

Ellie’s eyes flicked back and forth between mine as she decided whether she should tell me. I wasn’t going to force her. I just hoped she would be honest on her own.

“They went to hopefully resolve the conflict. The Black Hearts have been playing a risky game. They tried to run Jax off the road when he was on his bike a week or two ago. They could have killed him.”

“What? He never told me that.”

“I wouldn’t expect him to. He thinks keeping you in the dark is the safest place for you, remember?”

“Jerk.”

Ellie smiled and rested her cheek in her hand. “Ryder was hoping they could settle things without violence. Three of them went up to talk. Usually, Ryder can get what he wants without shit blowing up.”

“Usually?”

Ellie nodded.

“For some reason, that doesn’t make me feel better at all. Did Axel go?”

Ellie shook her head. “Ryder wouldn’t let him.”

“Why?”

Ellie looked at her hands in her lap. “Because he has a little girl back home. Hanna already lost her mother. Ryder won’t be the reason she ever loses Axel.”

I hunched over the bucket between my knees and vomited more stomach acid.

Ellie shimmied closer beside me and put her hand on my back. “Why do I keep saying so many stupid things?”

I sobbed into the bucket and hated myself for it. Exhaustion gave way to grief, and before I could stop myself, I was crying harder than I had in ages.

Ellie rubbed my back. “Holly, oh my god, I’m so sorry. Please, don’t cry. They’ll be okay. They always are, I promise. They know how to handle themselves out there.”

I shook my head as I tried desperately to get a breath between the sobs and the dry heaving.

“There, there,” Ellie soothed. “What can I do? What do you need? There’s nothing in your stomach, girl. You should try to eat something.”

“Can’t,” I managed with a shaky breath.

“I know it’s hard.”

“I love him,” I whispered. “I’ve always loved him. And now that we’re finally together, and things are finally starting to feel right, I might lose him. God, I don’t know what I would do without him. I need him, Ellie. I need him more than anything.”

Ellie pulled me to her chest and wrapped her arms around me as I cried. “I know you do. This life isn’t easy, Holly, but if it’s love, it’s worth it. He’ll come back. He’ll come back, and you’ll have the chance to yell at him and set him straight. For now, your only job is to take care of yourself, okay? That’s all you can do.”

I shook my head as my tears stained the front of her coveralls. “I can’t just keep waiting. It’s killing me.”

“Shh. Yes, you can. You have to.”

I pulled away from her and was sick two more times. Ellie got up and went behind the reception desk. When she came back, she had a box of saltine crackers. She opened it up, grabbed an unopened package, and passed it to me. “I know you don’t have an appetite, but you need to eat something. And drink more water. You’ll feel better.”

I shook my head.

“I’m not really asking here, Holly. Eat.”

I stared at the package before grudgingly accepting it. I pulled out a cracker and began nibbling on it. Ellie watched before dropping back into the spot beside me.

“Thank you,” I whispered.

She nudged my calf with the toe of her boot. “Us girls have to stick together. It’s a rough life, but everything is better when we have each other’s backs. Jax cares for you, Holly. I think you might be around for the long haul. Which would be great. We need more estrogen in this place.”

I found myself smiling.

She nudged me with her shoulder. “We’re not going to talk about this anymore, but I’ll tell you one more thing. Jax is with Sabian and Ryder. The three of them together are hell on wheels. They’ll have each other’s backs no matter what kind of shit storm they’ve gotten themselves into. Somehow, they always come out the other side in one piece. This time won’t be any different.”

“I hope you’re right,” I muttered, grabbing my phone. My chest swelled with hope as I checked to see if Jax had called or messaged me.

He hadn’t.

I sighed and sipped on my water.

“So, Ellie. Distract me. Tell me something about Jax that I don’t know.”

Ellie pursed her lips and crossed her legs. “Something you don’t know, huh?” She tapped her chin with one finger.

I sat and listened as Ellie told me several funny stories from times of her and Jax working together. The distraction only sort of helped. I managed to eat some crackers and finish my water, which pleased Ellie and eased some of my nausea.

But I couldn’t shake the worry in my gut about Jax. I knew he was in trouble. I was certain of it. Otherwise, he would have returned my calls by now.

I checked my phone several times as Ellie recounted her stories, and she never once called me on it. She let me do what I had to, and I was incredibly grateful to her for it.

For all of it.